Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang ginawa ko. Was I too forward? Pero naisip ko lang naman na baka hindi na ulit ako magkaroon ng chance para makita siya ulit.

I'm not sure if he's serious about our one-month agreement. I mean, I'm not even sure kung makakatupad ba ako sa usapan namin dahil sa ultimatum nila Ama. Kung sila ang masusunod, that would be exactly my wedding day.

A week of mulling over it didn't make the idea any appealing. Kinikilabutan ako kapag naalala ko ang first meeting namin ni Brian. He gave me a creepy smile as if measuring me pagkatapos ay inentertain ang mga bisita at sila Ama na para bang wala lang ako. It's not like gusto kong magpapansin sa kaniya, pero the mere fact na first meeting namin, hindi ba dapat ay magkaroon kami ng chance na magkausap. Para lang akong tanga sa buong dinner na iyon. All I wanted was to get away.

Araw-araw iniisip ko kung kaya ko bang makaurong sa kasal. Paggising ko sa umaga una kong nakikita yung calendar at alarm clock ko at nare-realize ko na paubos na ang natitirang oras ko for freedom. Ano mang pilit ko na tumingin sa bright side at isipin ang kapakanan ng aming pamilya, ramdam ko na isa itong malaking pagkakamali.

I don't want this.

Mula pagkabata ay pinangarap ko na ang magkaroon ng isang masayang pamilya. My parents loved each other very much kahit na arranged din ang kanilang pagkakakilala because my dad is a loving person at lahat ginawa niya para maging masaya ang pamilya. Siya ang ideal ko para sa pinapangarap kong magiging kasama ko sa buhay at magiging ama ng aking mga anak. I am the same with my ate in this aspect, pero hindi kagaya niya wala pa akong nakitang lalaking maaaring magmahal sa akin.

I guess I'm too afraid to take risks.

That is until Alistair. Unang kita ko pa lang sa kaniya kahit na hindi pa kami magkakilala stirred my feelings. I've never taken a risk before pero nagawa niya akong palabasin sa comfort zone ko in an effortless way.

Seeing Alistair again woke up feelings that I thought were just my imagination. His presence makes me feel bold somewhat, na kaya kong mag-take ng risk.

Nararamdaman ko pa rin ang mabilis na tibok ng puso ko kahit nakalabas na ako sa Fully Booked. I dare not look back. Sobrang nag-iinit yung pisngi ko.

Will he contact me?

Hay naku Maria, stop overthinking! Kung tatawag siya then fine... kung hindi naman then siguro hindi meant to be. Pero nalulungkot ang puso ko na isiping ako lang ang nakakaramdam ng ganito. Does he think about me the way I think about him?

Ano ba talaga ang gusto ko? Do I really want him to contact me gayong may fiancé na ako? I'm playing with fire. Isa pa didn't he step away when he saw me? Is that a sign that he didn't want to have anything to do with me?

I gazed at the screen of my I-phone. Am I expecting him to just suddenly text or call?

Akala ko kanina ay namamalik-mata lang talaga ako pero nang makita ko muli siyang nakatitig sa akin mula sa second floor... Perhaps he is hesitating too, kaya hindi ko na siya tinawag or pinuntahan. If he likes me back then he'll understand the message. Sana lang huwag ibang tao ang makakita niyon kung sakaling hindi niya kinuha ang book na iniwan ko.

Nakakahiya kasi, baka mamaya magka-prank caller pa ako or textmate na jejemon.

***

I reached Chelsea where Andi already reserved a table for us. Kaunti lang ang tao sa Serendra and the resto has only one other table occupied by a couple having dinner.

I felt a pang of envy watching how attentive the guy is to his girlfriend. How he looked at her with adoring eyes as they shared a single plate. I can hear their soft laughter from where I am as he whispered to her ears.

Will I have a similar experience? Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng inggit.

I was broken out of my musings when Andi arrived with Brian. Na-estatwa ako sa kinauupuan ko sa sobrang gulat.

"Ama said we will go ahead na. You have late dinner with Brian." Andi winked at me. "Thanks for the treat!" She shook the numerous shopping bags on her hands bago naglakad palabas ng restaurant. Hindi pa rin ako nakakilos sa kinauupuan ko. Brian had an amused smile on his face before he leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"Hi babe," he whispered and a shiver went down my spine. Not the kind of good shiver when Ali kissed me, but more of a disgust at the feel of his stubbled jaw brushing mine. Bigla ako napaurong. He chuckled and took the seat across me, eksaktong pag-angat ng mata ko ay nakita ko ang lalaking nakatayo sa pinto ng Chelsea at nakaigting ang panga habang nakamasid sa akin.

He saw that.

I thought I saw anger in his eyes pero agad itong napalitan ng blankong mukha ng kausapin siya ng maître d'. She led him to a table directly behind mine. Hindi ako makakilos habang pinagmamasdan siya out of the corner of my eye. Hindi ko magawang lumingon dahil nagsasalita si Brian pero hindi ko naman naiintindihan ang sinasabi niya sa sobrang bilis ng tahip ng dibdib ko. Naramdaman ko ang mahinang pagbangga ng upuan niya sa upuan ko.

What is he doing here? Sinundan ba niya ako?

"Maria!" I almost jumped when I heard Brian's sharp tone. "Are you listening to me?" Napakagat ako ng labi.

"S-sorry," I apologized.

"I said are you okay with the orders?" Nababagot niyang sabi habang nakita kong naghihintay pala ang isang waitress sa tabi niya.

"Yes, I'm okay with whatever you're having," Halos manliit ako sa kinauupuan ko. Nakakahiya, nahuli niya akong hindi nakikinig! I could feel some shaking from the shoulders of the guy right behind me. Pinagtatawanan ba niya ako?

I was startled when Brian took my hand that was resting on the table. His grip is strong but not uncomfortable. Naniningkit ang kaniyang mga chinitong mata sa akin.

"Um, ah..." Pilit kong inialis ang kamay ko pero hindi niya ito binitiwan. Nako-conscious ako habang pinagmamasdan niya.

"I did not get the chance to talk to you last time," he said. I tried to be more attentive this time. Brian's thumb traced lazy circles on the skin of my hand. It took everything in me not to pull away from him.

"Mama and your Ama said that you seem not interested in the wedding preparations." I was surprised he knows that. I didn't know he cared about the details of the wedding.

"Um, I was with them at the atelier earlier." I resisted the urge to cringe. Lahat ng nagustuhan kong designs kanina ay kinontra ng mama ni Brian. I'm actually afraid of her kaya hinayaan ko na lang na sila ang pumili ng magiging gown ko.

"I thought women are excited over those things," he muttered.

Yeah, they are. Kung siguro gusto nilang magpakasal.

"Anyway, the renovations are done for our house in Forbes. Pinapaayos ko na sa interior decorator ang furnitures." I tried to smile kahit na pakiramdam ko ay namawis ang kamay ko bigla sa sinabi niya. Yet another reminder that things will be very, very different soon. "Your rooms will be adjacent to mine."

Wait, what?

"W-we wont share the room?" Namula ako sa sarili kong tanong. Napahalakhak si Brian na animo'y naaaliw sa tanong ko.

"Don't worry, we will. The elders are expecting grandchildren soon." His eyes roamed on my body as a smirk formed on his lips. Biglang nag-init ang pisngi ko na feeling ko sasabog na ito. Shocks, baka iniisip niya na excited akong mag-share ng intimacies with him!

"C-can we wait until I... graduate?" Nakita ko ang pagpalis ng ngiti sa kaniyang labi. His brow drew into a scowl. Bumilis ang takbo ng puso ko sa tingin niyang 'yon.

"No. You will need to—"

He was interrupted when our order arrived. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag habang busy ang staff sa paglalagay ng pagkain sa mesa. I finally was able to withdraw my hand from his grip. I put my hands on my lap to keep him from taking it again.

I was startled when I felt something fall on my lap. Nakita kong nakatayo sa gilid ko si Ali.

"Do you have a restroom?" Tanong niya sa waitress. Agad naman siyang itinuro nito. Binuksan ko ang note na pasimple niyang hinulog sa aking kandungan.

'Do not let your destiny be chosen by someone else.'

I raised my head to see him disappear to the restrooms. "Excuse me," I told Brian. I was not surprised when I saw Ali leaning on the wall beside the door of the restroom as if he was waiting for me.

"So that's him," matabang niyang komento. Tahimik lamang ako dahil wala akong maisip na sabihin. For some reason I feel really embarrassed na makita niya ako with Brian. Parang pakiramdam ko ang sama sama ko kasi nagbigay pa ako ng contact number sa kaniya gayong ikakasal na ako. Ugh, para tuloy ang landi ko and it wasn't my intention at all.

"Congratulations. So you finally made a decision."

"It's not that easy Ali..." The look in his eyes made me feel like I disappointed him in some way.

"Of course it's not easy. Nothing in life is. The only way something becomes of value is through the struggle. That's why humans are obsessed with dreams and achievements, because perfection is boring." He leaned down on me. "What is easy is going around blaming circumstances, other people, and even fate for what happens to us. Your life is your own to live." He is so close I can smell the scent of his aftershave and cologne. His eyes held me captive for a moment before he withdrew. I was left there standing; watching his retreating back, and wondering why he cared so much.

***

I went to the restroom and checked my face. The image staring back at me looked so lost even in my eyes. Medyo malalim na ang eyebags ko beneath the concealer. I haven't really had a decent night's sleep, pero instead na kagaya ng ibang blushing brides na napapagod sa excitement with the preparation, my mind is wracked with worries.

I got my compact and applied some on my cheeks. Hindi naman din ako mahilig sa make-up unlike my other girl cousins so sapat na sa akin ang BB cream, lip gloss and eyeliner. I washed my hands and returned to our table. Nagsimula na si Brian na kumain. I looked over to Alistair to see him order a glass of white wine but I cannot see his expression because his back is still on me.

Nakita kong halos puro seafood ang inorder ni Brian at medyo nadismaya ako. Allergic kasi ako sa crabs at shrimp. Sana pala ay nakinig ako sa sinasabi niya kanina para nakapag-order kami ng iba. Thankfully may chicken doon kaya iyon na lang ang kinain ko.

"Don't you like the food?" He gestured to the plates nang makita niyang kaunti lang ang nasa pinggan ko.

"It's okay, I'm on a diet," I lied. My phone vibrated from inside my purse. Pasimple kong sinilip kung sino ang nag-message.

0906*******: I'll give you an option right now.

Pinakiramdaman ko ang nasa likod ko at nakumpirma kong tinawag na niya ang waitress to get his bill.

What does he mean?

"Maria, are you sure you're okay?" Narinig ko ang inis ng lalaki sa harapan ko. It seems may sinasabi siya at hindi ko na naman narinig.

"I'm sorry what is it?" From the corner of my eye, I watched as the waitress bit her lip while blushing as Ali gave her the payment.

"I said we would be going around Europe for our honeymoon. What country do you want to visit first babe?" Nilambingan niya ang huling salita pero walang epekto sa akin. Para akong nakalutang sa kinauupuan ko.

"Um, ikaw na lang ang bahala." Nakita ko ang dismaya sa mata niya. I know he's trying really hard. Hindi biro ang oras ni Brian and he chose to spend dinner with me tonight. "I mean, how long would we be away?"

Napabalik ang ngiti sa labi niya. "Three weeks, babe. I've cleared my schedule for this."

"Three weeks? But my classes..."

"Didn't Ama ang my mother talk to you about this already? You can go back to your schooling after you have a baby."

"B-but I can still study—"

"No. And you need to take up a business course, not this literature shit. I need a woman who can run the business with me." Hinimas niya ang aking kamay. "You understand, right? We need to protect the family."

Hirap na hirap akong lumunok. Napatungo ako sa kinakain ko. I heard the door of the restaurant open and close and realized that Ali left already.

"I'm sorry. This is just too much right now." Hindi ko na inisip kung ano mang mangyayari. Ang alam ko lang ay sobrang nasasakal na ako. I need to go out. I need to get out of here.

"Maria!" I stood up and ran. Ilang tao ang nakabangga ko sa daan at mabuti na lang naka-flats ako dahil muntik na akong madapa sa cobblestoned na daan. A black car whizzed out of the underground parking at tumigil sa harap ko. The window opened and there he is...

"Get in."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I just know that he is offering me a ticket to freedom.

***

We didn't go that far. In fact paikot-ikot lamang kami sa BGC. Walang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa pero strangely, kalmado naman ako. I refused to look at him so I opted to look around in his car. Napakalinis at well-maintained and I can smell his cologne. The whole dashboard had this complicated set of buttons and an LED screen mounted in it na nagpapakita ng GPS.

Idiniretso niya sa parking ng isang building ang kotse at tahimik kaming bumaba sa elevator. When we got out of the elevator, he took off his jacket and put it around my shoulders. Napangiti ako sa gesture niya. I was even more surprised when he tugged my hand and pulled me to walk beside him on the street.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll eat dinner," he replied.

"P-pero kanina—"

"Hindi ka naman nakakain. Let's get some food in you." He gave me a sidelong glance. "You look like you've had too much dieting since we last saw each other."

Kung alam lang niya na wala lang talaga akong ganang kumain dahil sa stress. He led us to Mercato where an array of food assaulted us. Bigla akong naglaway sa dami ng pagpipilian at halos hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto ko. Nakaka-entice lahat, mula sa mga steaks, pasta, burgers, may nagbebenta pa ng mga cakes, at snacks na pica-pica.

"What do you want, darling?" Hindi ko napigilang kiligin sa tanong niya kahit na straight face naman siya ng sinabi iyon. Hindi ko alam tuloy kung may ibang meaning sa kaniya o sadyang ganoon lang siya.

Iginala ko ang tingin ko. Nakita ko yung stall na nagbebenta ng pasta at natakam ako.

"Puwede yung lasagna?" I asked at iginiya niya ako papunta doon. He paid for the meal bago kami naglakad patungo doon sa nagbebenta ng mochi ice cream. He got himself a matcha green tea mochi samantalang sa akin naman iyong red bean. He found us a seat kahit na sobrang busy ng lugar. Ni hindi ko pa malalaman na sobrang gutom ako until I was halfway to finishing my food.

"Um, gusto mo?" I asked him. He looked amused as he took my fork and got a bite of lasagna.

"Natutunaw na yung mochi mo," he said and I yelped when I felt the ice cream drip from my hand. He chuckled and the sound was comforting. Pinunasan niya ng tissues ang kamay ko. "Didn't know you're a messy eater."

"Thank you."

"Finish your food. We'll go somewhere."

"Saan?" He looked thoughtfully at me.

"Somewhere," he replied cryptically and I felt a shiver of excitement. Tinulungan niya akong ubusin ang lasagne ko and I didn't even mind that we shared the fork. Napapansin kong may grupo ng girls na pasimpleng napapatingin sa kaniya. He has this effortless charm na sa unang tingin mo ay suplado.

We walked back to his car. Sobrang busog ako at napa-burp pa ako nang malakas. I looked at him in embarrassment pero he just shrugged and pulled me to the elevators with him. If it was some guy from school, he might never let me hear the end of it but Ali acted really cool about it.

Well, what did you expect Maria? He's twenty-three na!

In no time we were leaving the bright lights of the buildings of BGC, lampas ng Eastwood, Katipunan... ngayon lang ako talaga nakapag-roadtrip na hindi ko kasama mga guards or mga family members ko at surprisingly, hindi ako kinakabahan kahit na mag-11PM na. I texted Andi na sa condo sa Trion ako matutulog ngayong gabi kaya hindi na nila ako binother kahit na may ilang tawag noong una from my titas. Siguro ay nalaman na nila kay Brian yung bigla kong pag-walk-out sa dinner namin kanina.

There would be hell to pay tomorrow but tonight I wanna be free.

I watched as Ali navigated the roads with ease. His silence is very comforting. Hindi siya kagaya ng ibang boys sa school na pumoporma sa akin na puro yabang tungkol sa mga kotse nila, or sa pag-aari ng pamilya nila. This guy exudes confidence in his every move.

"We're here," he announced. I looked around and saw the bright lights of Quezon City, Marikina, and Pasig winking back at me. Hindi ko napansing umakyat na pala kaming Antipolo.

He went and got a towel from the back compartment of his car. Inilatag niya ito sa hood ng kaniyang kotse and he invited me to sit. The heat of the engine seeped through the towel but I don't mind. It felt good actually.

"So what happened to our one month agreement?" I broke the silence between us.

"I guess fate had a different idea." He shrugged. "If we went through with the one-month agreement, I think you'll have a very different answer from tonight."

Tama siya. Kung sa isang buwan pa ulit kami magkita, malamang kasal na ako at hindi matutupad iyon. I felt him touch my hand and I welcomed it. I lifted my hand and I felt a cold metal clasp around my wrist. I looked and saw him fastening an elegant silver chain around my wrist. I raised it up to inspect it. Halatang may minodify at binawasan ng links. On the small plate were the initials A.D.Z. and what looked like zirconium winked back at me.

"When you need someone to push you forward I'm here," he said.

"Why do you want to help me?" I can't help but ask.

"I don't know." He looked uncomfortable admitting that. "Just that you looked like you needed it," he added.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked out of the blue. "I mean, ano—" I immediately regretted asking. He shrugged and turned to the sky.

"Romantically, no." He was avoiding looking at me.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked." I looked down at my lap. I was surprised when his arm went around my shoulders.

"I haven't known all the types of love. Storge and phileo, yes strongly... agape— not really. Certainly not eros."

Saglit akong nablanko sa sagot niya. It took me a while to process his words. Just like always, he speaks so differently from the boys I know. Friendship and family; halata naman sa pagiging close ng pamilya niya but Agape?

My eyes widened. "Hindi ka pa na-inlove?"

"You look so surprised," he commented with an indulgent look. "I haven't felt an emotion strong enough to how they describe love. I don't think I believe in it."

"So wala ka pang seryosong girlfriend?" Somehow the idea was unbelievable. A guy like him na sobrang appealing. Halos lahat ng girls na nakita ko ngayong gabi ay napapa-double take sa kaniya.

Pero sabi nga niya first kiss niya ako noong nasa Sagada kami so it could be true.

"I don't have time for that kind of thing." But you took the time for me. Gusto kong mapangiti pero baka isipin niyang feelingera ako. Kung puwede lang gusto kong tumalon at tumili pero baka mahulog ako sa bangin at isipin ni Ali na nababaliw na ako.

"I know that look." Pinitik niya ang noo ko. "Stop with those thoughts." He looked embarrassed. Wait, is he blushing? He turned away but I thought he muttered something like, 'hopeless romantic...'

"Thank you Ali." He turned to me and I thought his eyes looked darker and deeper.

"I wonder if it's time," he murmured cryptically before I felt him close the distance between our faces with a kiss.

A/N:

There's a restaurant in Serendra named Chelsea Grand Cafe. XD 

There are four types of love according to the Greeks: Storge (familial), Phileo (platonic), Agape (unconditional), and Eros (emotional or sexual).