Chapter 4

Yuri hadn’t felt this nervous since high school. And yet, here she was, feeling that same way again, because of the same girl. As she walked into the lobby of the familiar apartment building, she retraced last night’s events. She wondered if the same things were wandering in Jessica’s head.

Same door, several hours later. She brought a hand up and glanced at the watch on her wrist.

6:45pm.

Too early. Might come off desperate. She decided to wait a while more.

Unfortunately, the wait only served to make the girl more nervous. Within five minutes, her palms were starting to sweat. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, she needed to go.

Oh of all times!!!

She tried bending forward, squatting, walking up and down the hallway, but it was all futile. Feeling like she had no choice, she rang the doorbell.

It was a short wait before the scent of strawberries filled her nose.

“Yuri! You’re early!”

“Hi Sica!” she waved slightly. “Uhhh…” she fidgeted a little.

“What’s wrong?”

It’s getting worse!!

Yuri bent forward and propped her hand against the wall. It was getting unbearable.

“Are you okay?” Jessica stepped forward and held onto the girl.

“May… May I use your bathroom please?”

You are so embarrassing Kwon Yuri! She wanted to slap herself so hard.

“Oh! Hahahahaha!” Jessica chuckled before pulling her into her apartment.

The girl ran straight for the bathroom. She knew exactly where it was. When she was done, she stayed in the bathroom for a while, too embarrassed to leave. Taking a few breaths, she looked into the mirror and reminded herself to go according to plan.

Go to dinner, broach the subject. Simple.

“Yuri fighting!” she whispered before opening the door.

“You’re out! Feel better?” asked Jessica, half-smiling, half-giggling.

Thanks to the embarrassing situation moments ago, Yuri hadn’t notice how beautiful the girl looked till now. Even in a casual top and shorts, the girl was mesmerizing. She didn’t respond, she just stood in front of the blonde, gushing like an idiot.

“You alright?”

“Uhh yea! Hungry?” she nervously rubbed the back of her neck.

Jessica nodded before clinging onto Yuri. “Let’s go.” It felt like high school all over again.

-----

(flashback)

“Today’s THE day?”

“Yup!”

“Are you sure about this? I mean, how sure are you that she feels the same way?”

“I don’t care anymore. It’s the last day of school, and I’ve been hesitating for way too long. Even if she doesn’t, at least I wouldn’t have to face her every day thereafter. And,” Yuri said as she put her arms on her two closest friends. “I have the both of you to pick up the pieces anyway.”

“Wish me luck!”

Yuri had been in love with Jessica Jung since... forever. She was the first and only person that made the usually confident Yuri become a total nervous wreck whenever she was around her. Yuri didn’t know how it started, but the attraction definitely started the first time she met the girl. Jessica was the belle in school; she had a pretty face when everyone else was going through the awkward teenager phase. So it was without doubt that Yuri wasn’t the only one who had a crush on her.

The girl’s personality however, could be summed up in a nickname: The Ice Princess. She wasn’t unfriendly, she was mostly introverted, and contrary to rumors, she was definitely not arrogant, Yuri knew this for a fact. Beneath the cold exterior was a girl who was soft-hearted, fragile, shy and extremely warm, though it was only limited to the privileged few whom Jessica was comfortable with.

Yuri was fortunate to have been one of them.

Yuri walked down the hallways, searching for the girl. She couldn’t sleep the night before. It took a long time to muster up enough courage for this. It had to be today.

But where was she?

“Yurree-ah! I need to talk to you!” came a voice behind.

“Later Fany!”

“Wait!!”

Yuri ignored the girl and continued her search. She did a thorough scan around the huge school compound, to find no sign of Jessica. She wasn’t in her classroom; she wasn’t in the library, where could she be?

“…Yu… Ree…ah…” Yuri was startled by a hand on her shoulder.

“Stop… running…” Tiffany panted.

“You chased all the way here? Sorry but I gotta find Sica, it’s urgent. Have you seen her?”

Taking a few more seconds to catch her breath, Tiffany replied, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about! She’s at the airport now; she’s leaving for the States!”

“What? She didn’t mention anything to me!”

“Not to me either. I just found out from Miss Lee.”

“So when’s she coming back?”

“She’s moving there, Yuri.”

“WHAT??!?”

“Anyway, that’s not important. We have to get to the airport now!”

“Okay, get Taeyeon! I’ll get the other 2! We’ll meet at the school gate. Hurry!”

Throughout the journey, Yuri was uncharacteristically quiet. Her big confession plan didn’t seem as important now that Jessica was leaving. She was more worried that she wouldn’t be in time to see her before she left.

Why is she leaving? Why didn’t she say anything? Not even to me?

Yoona placed her hand over Yuri’s. “Don’t worry, we’ll make it.” she assured.

Yuri nodded. “I really hope so.”

When the taxi arrived at the airport, the 5 girls swiftly alighted and ran towards the departure gates.

Please, just a while more.

Yuri, being the most athletic out of the lot, reached first. Just in time to see the auburn haired girl heading in.

“SICA!!” she shouted at the top of her lungs, earning the attention of everyone in the area. She didn’t care; the girl didn’t seem to hear and was walking further in. “SICA!!!” she shouted again as she leaned against the glass panel that separated her and Jessica. She knocked frantically against the glass.

Turn back turn back please please please turn back!

It was as if Jessica heard her innermost thoughts, because she did. The girl walked towards Yuri.

Yuri felt a sting in her chest when she saw her face. Her eyes were red. She had been crying.

The both of them stood in front of each other, separated by a panel of glass. Jessica was tearing. Yuri wanted so much to hug her, to comfort her.

I can’t get to her…

It was breaking her heart to see Jessica in this state.

I have to do something.

Yuri bit on her tongue and fought hard against her tears. Flashing her dorkiest smile ever, she then pushed her face up against the glass; effectively distorting it.

The ‘glass face’ worked.

Jessica shot an incredulous look and burst out in laughter. Yuri could barely hear her but she did see Jessica clutching her stomach and mouthing her name a few times. She felt an instant relief upon seeing her smile again. It made her feel better too.

“Yuri!!” soon after, the 4 other girls caught up with Yuri. They ran towards the glass panel to find Jessica in tears and in a laughing fit at the same time, and they all shrugged in bewilderment. As advised by Yuri, the 4 girls used hand signs and lip reading as a means of communication with the girl behind the glass, but it was cut short by her parents who signaled to them that they had a plane to catch.

The inevitable was here. Jessica had to go and Yuri couldn’t stop it. Jessica forced a little smile, and took a good look at everyone’s faces before she turned around. Yuri was helpless. She looked on as the auburn haired girl walked ahead, her figure becoming smaller and smaller.

I haven’t said those 3 words yet…

However, right before disappearing into the corner, Jessica turned back for the last time and looked at Yuri.

This was her chance.

“I LOVE YOU!” Yuri screamed with her eyes shut.

When she opened them, Jessica wasn’t there anymore.

While Yuri was having an internal debate on whether Jessica witnessed it, she realized the 4 girls definitely did.

One stared at her in disbelief.

One went “Awww, how sweet!”

One burst out in laughter.

And one facepalmed herself.

Maybe it was a better idea to mouth the words without actually saying them.

(end of flashback)

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Chapter 5

They walked to a nearby café and settled down after making their orders. During the journey here, Yuri had refrained from broaching the subject; she didn’t want to risk ruining the great atmosphere that they had built up. They had held hands the whole time, which was a normalcy in high school, but to Yuri it carried a totally different meaning now. She enjoyed the light-hearted conversations she shared with Jessica, and the catching up on what happened in the 3 years they were apart. It was as if they were making up for lost time.

Jessica explained that she had left Korea with her family due to her father’s job requirement, and it had been so impromptu, that she didn’t know till that day. She fought to stay behind, but her parents had decided that she was too young to be living on her own then, despite her protests.

Yuri fiddled with the straw in her glass, pouting. “So… Why didn’t you contact me?”

“I did, I wrote you letters.”

“But… I didn’t receive anything.”

Jessica frowned. Taking out her address book, she flipped through the pages and then pointed Yuri the address. “I sent them to your parents’ house ‘cos I didn’t know your new address. Did I get it wrong?”

“Ahhh. You’ve been sending letters to my neighbor!” Yuri exclaimed.

Jessica gasped.

“It’s okay. I’ll go back one day and ask her for it. You’re here now and that’s what matters right?” Yuri’s comment brought a smile to the girl’s face.

“So how many letters did you send to my neighbor?”

“Uhh… Just a few.”

Yuri chuckled. “She must have been really happy to get them. She’s a scary old lady who kept to herself a lot.”

“I see.”

“So uhh…” Yuri fiddled with her straw again as she mentally prepped herself to ask the next question. “Any… boyfriends?” she asked, while keeping her eyes on her drink. The question had been at the back of her head the whole evening. After all, Jessica had been Miss Popular since high school.

“Hmmm… So what if I have?”

Yuri averted her gaze. “W-Well… Then, good for you.”

Yuri sounded almost too sour, and it caused Jessica to giggle. “Silly. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Why does it matter?”

“Because it does! I care!” Yuri responded without thinking.

Crap... She felt her face turn hot as the blood rushed up her neck. She went back to staring at her drink and fiddling with the straw.

Jessica giggled again. “I see…” she stared at Yuri’s drink and used a finger to wipe off the condensed water droplets on her glass. “Well there weren’t any tall, dark and handsome candidates that weren’t frightened off by me…”

Yuri broke into a smile instantly.

-----

The amicable conversation continued on throughout dinner, and by the time Yuri found herself at Jessica’s doorstep again at the end of the night, she still hadn’t broached the topic. She mentally slapped herself.

“I had a really great time tonight.”

“So did I…” Yuri said while looking down at the ground. She was hesitating again, even though she knew this was her last chance to talk about it.

There was a short silence before Jessica spoke up. “Thank you for a great date, Kwon Seobang.”

Did she just say ‘date’?

A mental checklist suddenly appeared in her head.

Hand holding? Check.

Romantic strolling? Check.

Awesome dinner? Check.

Great conversation? Check.

All signs indicated that it was a date. When Yuri finally came to terms with it, the name “Kwon Seobang” brought an even bigger smile to her face. She remembered how she had come up with that nickname in high school and forced Jessica into calling her that, much to the refusal of the stubborn ice princess. “You’re not tall, dark and handsome! You don’t deserve to be my Seobang!” to quote. To hear her addressing her that way now...

I’m tall, dark and handsome?

Jessica chuckled at the sight of the spaced out dork in front of her, before continuing to say, “And also… I wanted to apologize for last night. I might have come off too strong.”

Yuri looked up, as if an alarm had gone off. The topic! The freaking topic! OMGAWD!

“But I just want you to know,” Jessica reached out for the girl’s hands, and gazed into her eyes. “that I meant what I said.”

Yuri went weak in the knees, and she was speechless again. Moreover, she found it extremely hard to wipe the smile off her face.

Say something, Yuri! SAY SOMETHING!!

Grinning from ear to ear, she could only nod as a response. She looked downright silly.

Jessica giggled, obviously amused. She leaned forward and kissed the dork on her cheek. “Good night seobang.” she said, and then hurriedly disappeared into the apartment.

Good night kiss? Check.

-----

The girl of her dreams was now within reach. It was all too surreal. She was delighted, but she tried to keep herself from getting carried away. Just hours ago, she had a girlfriend, now it felt like she had two.

But she knew this couldn’t happen. Yuri never was and never will be the two-timing type.

She decided to take a long stroll to sort out her thoughts. The night’s events had been too much; Yuri needed some time to figure out her next step.

She walked to a nearby park, settled on a bench and inhaled the crisp night air.

The biggest mistake of the night was how Yuri had failed to mention to Jessica about the fact that she had a girlfriend. It wasn’t exactly deliberate; it was just that she forgot. Yes, she forgot, plus, Jessica didn’t ask. It was as if Hyomin didn’t exist for the past few hours, and she couldn’t understand why. All that intensity she’d felt earlier was gradually being replaced by guilt. She couldn’t shake off the fact that she was cheating on Hyomin, and at the same time keeping Jessica in the dark about her. It was killing her.

She knew she had to choose someone, and she had to do it tonight.

She felt a sudden vibration in her pocket. She sighed inwardly as she remembered that she was supposed to update her 2 advisors. There were 9 messages and a few missed calls.

From: Sooyoung, 19:09

Remember to ‘broach the topic’! Good luck!

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From: Sooyoung, 19:10

Oh and also, remember that you’re supposed to update us along the way.

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From: Sooyoung, 20:43

Why aren’t you replying nor picking up our calls? OMGAWD did Sica seduce you again?

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From: Yoong, 21:37

Dinner should be over by now. Did you ‘broach the topic’?

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From: Sooyoung, 21:42

YA Kwon Yul, reply!

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From: Yoong, 22:02

Sooyoung and I visited the café and you guys weren’t there. Where are you now?

-----

“Those little spies!” Yuri exclaimed.

‘I’m fine! Will drop by tomorrow. Go home if you haven’t already.’ Yuri hurriedly replied. She didn’t want to face the wrath of the duo tomorrow.

3 more messages to go.

She noticed that one of them was from Hyomin, one from Sooyoung and one from Jessica.

Yuri paused for a moment; holding an internal debate on which message to open first.

Seriously, even this is causing a headache. Whatever, I’ll just read them in chronological order.

From: Minnie, 22:13

I dropped by the house and you weren’t home. I couldn’t reach you, so I called Sooyoung and she told me that you dozed off at her place? Btw I’ll be home really late. Look forward to dinner tomorrow night!

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From: Sooyoung, 22:13

Hyomin just called asking for your whereabouts! I told her that you’re sleeping here. Having two girlfriends is scary, Yuri!!!

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Guilt, guilt, and more guilt, but she tried to take some relief in knowing that she didn’t have to face Hyomin tonight.

From: Sica, 22:21

Have a safe journey home, Kwon Seobang.

-----

With that, her mind was filled with rainbows, unicorns and fairies. Yuri was gushing again, over a text message of 7 words. Seriously, am I enjoying this too much?

However, the few seconds of happiness was cut short by another guilt wave.

“Arghhhh…” Yuri groaned. “This… is…. killing… me!!!” she brought both hands to her head and leaned back against the hard bench. A fallen flower on the bench caught her eye. An idea sprung in her head.

Maybe I should try this…

Picking up the flower, she proceeded to pluck off the first petal, but stopped. Which name first?

In the end, it was a failed attempt. She knew for a fact that the name she called first would be her bias.

“What now!!!!” she yelled in despair, her voice echoing throughout the quiet park.