-ORION-

I never thought I would feel physically uncomfortable being away from someone. Is that what the feeling was? Like a tether being pulled taut, too tight for my comfort, leaving me feeling exposed, not fully complete. It was strange, oddly vulnerable. That is what being far away from Alina had done to me. Made me unsettled in my own skin.

I gazed over the earth, knowing now that it was the most precious and beautiful place in the universe. It held my heart, and after forcing myself to leave both it and Alina behind, I had found myself staring at that view for far longer than necessary. What did I expect? That by staring, it would make things better? 

I placed my hand on the window, tracing the continent where Alina lived with the tip of my finger.

Her fire-colored hair splashed across her light pastel pillows, eyebrows furrowed, ember lashes kissing her rosy cheeks, lips set into a pout as I left her early this morning. It had taken ten minutes to pull myself from her arms and leave before she could wake up.

Our first kiss had flashed through my mind as I kissed her goodbye, sending fire through my veins, her forest green eyes closing, lashes brushing against my cheek.

Something about that kiss felt final. Something more than just saying goodbye. I hadn't been able to shake the feeling that something had changed since that moment, leaving a deep ache in my chest.

That was five hours ago. Five hours of ache. Five hours of working on auto pilot.

Turning, I walked back to my seat and finally pulled out the letter Alina had given me the night before, heart pounding at the sight of her handwriting.

Dear Orion,

You once asked me if love was worth it. Is it worth all the sacrifice and pain? At the time I didn't know. I was afraid of it, afraid of the cost, of the pain, of what it would do to me, of what it would take from me. I didn't realize what it would give me...

But when I look at you, when I am with you, I feel brave. I feel strong and I suddenly understand what it means to love with everything and feel like I have gained the world without the fear of losing myself. Because love does cost you, but what you gain in return is a life full of community, passion, understanding, loyalty along with all the hardships. You have someone who walks with you, who looks at you and sees the world you see in them. You are the world I see. The universe I see. You are part of what makes me brave.

I love you, Orion. And love is an act. A sacrifice. So I hope you will understand that I have done what I have done because I love you. To save you from dooming yourself to a life as a heartbroken lover, outcast from his family and home. The home you are trying so hard to save. You can't go home with that mark over your heart Orion. It could get you killed.

The bracelet I gave you held a speck inside the bullseye made of the material you found. The material that can help you wipe memories. I took a small piece, knowing you would think of all our moments in our last kiss together, and in doing so, erase my memories of you.

Sometimes love means you have to let someone go, and hope that someday, they will find their way back to you without guarantee. Know that even though I will forget you, that doesn't mean I gave up on love, or on you. I have to let you go so that you can live. You need to live to save the lives of so many who are counting on you.

I couldn't allow myself to be selfish. I want to be someone who loves right. I don't want to live in fear and doubt, wondering if you would survive when the universe is against you. So I had to give you a fighting chance, to free you of your marked heart, to protect you the way you so often protected me. I saved us both. The monsters won't come for either of us now.

And if someday, far across the universe, the laws change and you are allowed back into my life, I know that I will fall in love with you all over again. Trust in that. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love. And I am so sorry for the pain it has caused you to love me.

Forever your Ranch Girl,

-Alina

My hands shook as I stared down at her words. 

No. No. No. She didn't. 

I waved my hand across my chest and waited for my mark, for the glow of love to cross my chest. My rebellious gift. My terrifying, exhilarating proof that I was loved.

But the glow was gone. Erased.

Alina had saved my life by erasing me from hers. She had forgotten me. I was no longer loved, no longer marked. Now safe, but forever broken.

...

FIVE MONTHS LATER...

A glow touched my face, waking me up as the sun came through my window, caressing my skin. Ranch Brookes had grown warm, reminding me of something I couldn't quite place. A memory of warmth, a glow, something untouchable that I had forgotten. It filled me with a strange ache, making me miss something I didn't understand. 

A glow? I've lost my mind.

But something was wrong. I just didn't know what it was. It wasn't the first time I felt like something in my life was gone. But I couldn't seem to pinpoint the source. 

I rolled over and turned off my alarm before it could blare to life and ruin my attempt to burrow through my memories like I did every morning, looking for the thing I had lost. A detective missing half of her senses. 

Last semester was fuzzy when I tried to picture the details. Almost like it had an out of focus filter put on it. I rubbed my eyes as I pulled myself to a sitting position, pushing away my desire for answers. I couldn't focus on that. Not with school ending, leaving me a whole summer to think about. Between working on the ranch, playing regularly at a coffee shop, and writing my own music, I was going to be busy. Busy enough to try and ignore whatever was wrong with me.

I looked over at my desk, running my fingers through my hair. There were a few pieces I didn't remember writing that sat there, and every time I played them, I felt my heart break in a way I didn't understand.

There were nights I woke up, crying, and didn't know who I was missing. So with the school year nearly finished, I was relieved to have a summer filled with lots of work to throw myself into. 

Crawling out from under my quilted comforter, I pulled myself out of the tangled sheets at the foot of my bed, lost my balance, and hit the wooden floorboards with a thud. "I really need to buy a rug," I muttered as I stood up from my fall, like I did every morning. I quickly pulled on my work clothes, pulled my hair up into a messy bun, and raced down the stairs.

Yanking on my work boots, I threw the front door open ready to bury myself in work when I suddenly stopped. A girl stood on the porch, holding up her arm as if to knock. She smiled brightly at me with an eager familiarity. 

She had black eyes and bright blue hair, wore a skintight black bodysuit, that made her look like she had just gotten done with a secret government assignment and looked too beautiful for this world. A sense of déjà vu washed over me as I looked at her. She felt familiar somehow.

"Are you Alina?" she asked, her face hopeful.

I nodded. "Do I know you?" I asked.

"Not yet. But I hope to remedy that right now." She smiled, her eyes sparkling. "My name is Leto. We don't know each other. And I am told you don't remember much. But my brother has gone missing and I need your help to get him back."

END OF BOOK ONE

TO BE CONTINUED... 

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