This is not a modern fairytale, no happy ending....
Selena Gomez, song The Heart Want What It Wants

"Stella!" My best friend runs to me and crashes herself on my still weak body while her hair cascades and falls straight in my mouth. I don't hug her back, because half of me is still stuck in that dream. She pulls away, with a big smile on her beautiful natural features, but quickly she frowns.

But, is she still my best friend? What is she doesn't want to be that anymore, now when she saw how I took drugs. Maybe she thinks that I'm a bad influence on her. Or Elen thinks that. But, Myles' words pop in my head, saying the opposite.

Oh, no, she was very worried for you.

"What's wrong with you? Are you okay?" She tilts her head, examining my face. I am. Am I? "Why are you shaking?" Then I look at the other person who slowly walks into the room. Elen.

"Honey?" She reaches for my other hand, while Chloe is holding the right one. Both of them tremble, of course.

I just shrug not being able to talk.

"Should we call a nurse! Nurse!", Elen yells, and I try to squeeze her hand, trying to gain her attention and stop her from calling the nurse, who has just left.

I shake my head, wincing. "No-no, I...
Bad dream..."

"Oh", Elen whispers and looks at Chloe. Then she wraps her arms around my neck and gently fondles my hair. "It's okay, honey. We are here, now. Whatever you dreamt of it's over now, isn't it?" She pulls away, and I wince again, because for a moment I felt so safe, and warm while I was burying my head in her neck, that held some nice scent.

She just squeezes my hand, smiling at me kindly. I nod weakly, trying to force a smile.

"Yeah, we are here! Sorry we couldn't come earlier", Chloe chimes in, smiling as well, and her thumb draws circles on my palm. "You would never guess who we brought!"

"W-who?"

"Guess!" The blonde girl shakes her head in excitement, not wanting to discover me who is the mysterious person who got her so happy.

"M-Michael?" My face enlightens, and I smile feeling my body calming down, my hands stopping to shake, and my eyes filling with hope. "Is he here? Where is he?"

I try to move and get up, but both of the women catch my hands, stopping me from making any more moves. I snap my eyes at them, to see Chloe who looked at Elen and the woman's face holding pity, as she turns back to me.

"No, honey. We didn't bring Michael." At that moment I haven't realized that Elen must have known about Michael, because for sure Chloe probably had told her.

I was too excited and since that night, finally, a glimpse of happiness appeared in my broken heart. Its pieces started to move closer to each other, as if the magnet pulled them all to come back, and become one piece again. A hope that he realized that he loved me and that we could work things out. I really had hope for this. In a tiny, so fucking short second, but in that same fucking moment I lost it, just as how I got it. I would embrace him immediately without any second thoughts, and we could be happy together forever. But this is not a fairytale. This is a motherfucking real life.

"We didn't bring him, we brought..."

"Hey, guys!" A man whom I don't know enters the room, waving while his face is holding a joyful expression.

"This is Jason, and you had such a wish to meet him when you were at our house the other day, so I thought..."

As Elen rambled, I quickly came back to my (over) protective self, leaving the confused mask that was on my face, and replacing it with the tough, tougher one.

"Oh, yeah, I did." I nod in his direction, trying to absorb his features.

He has a look of a man in his thirties or mid-thirties, with darker skin, not so dark, but not so light either, and big brown eyes and short black hair, while his beard is perfectly styled, so it isn't either short, nor long, but something at the middle. The golden middle.

"Pleasure to meet you, Stella." He stretches his hand and I hesitate to shake it. I must look pathetic sitting at the hospital bed, dressed in the poor hospital gown, too. I hate that I'm meeting him like this. "I'm sorry that I came now, but I barely found a place to park the car."

I shake his hand and notice that he didn't squeeze it hard, probably because of the cannula that is engraved in it. I stare at his big brown eyes that are somehow giving me a joyful and hopeful look. His whole face is smiling, and I struggle to remember if I have ever met with a happy pair of eyes, like his ones. He smiles showing his white teeth, and one dimple on his right cheek dances, reminding me of the man whom I first thought came.

"Likewise", I murmur. "Um, just to get something straight. I'll murder you if you touch her in some pervent way", I warn him, sternly, huffing and crossing my arms.

"Don't worry, miss", he says before Chloe has a chance to speak, and I knew that she was gonna say something like oh, no, Stella, please shut up or don't be so overprotective.

"I promise you can trust me. I won't hurt this beautiful princess." His hand strokes my friend's hair, and I quickly focus my eyes on her to see if she is going to flinch. But she doesn't, she just smiles kindly, stretching her neck to look at him, and I can't help but wonder if she is masking how uncomfortable she must be feeling whenever a man touches her. A man, not a boy.

"I trust nobody, but I put her dad in jail, and I won't hesitate to do the same with you."

"Noted."

"Stella, you don't have to be that stern", she groans. There she is. I was waiting for this.

"I like to clear things at the very beginning so people can be prepared and take me for granted." I beam at her, and she just rolls her bright blue eyes that are the only light thing in the room, except her hair, of course.

"I like this girl!", Jason exclaims, laughing. "Chloe, this is the friend you should never leave and always keep on your side."

"Oh, I will, as long as she cuts this bullshit!" She pouts, and it almost makes me smile the way she pouts her lips, and frows, huffing so cute. I missed her. It's only been what two days, but I still missed her. I just hope that she won't stop being friends with me.

I wonder if Elen knows that I consumed drugs at that party. Wouldn't she forbid Chloe to be friends with me if she knew it?

"Don't swear, honey." Elen casually warns her with a smile.

"Fine, sorry", she mutters, bowing her head, but quickly lifting it, and smiling at both of us.

"Did they detoxify you?"

Since she asked this so easily, with both of her foster parents in the room, I get an answer to my question did they know about me taking drugs. They did.

"Um, I guess. I woke up with IV and..."

"We'll go to speak with the doctor, then", Elen announces, and Jason places his hand on her back when she gets up.

"But why?" I confuse, frowning. "He was here in the morning, and told me that I could go in two days."

"Don't worry. We just wanna be sure."

"Are you... angry with me?", I ask her, bowing my head slightly, but keeping my eyes on her.

"No, honey, why would I be?" She quickly sits back on the edge of my bed, again, her warm and soft hand finding its way to mine. And when she does she gives it a gentle squeeze. "I'm not angry with you, sweety."

"You must think that I'm a bad influence on Chloe." I look at her, then at Jason, seeing how his joy disappeared from his eyes, and they soften, as he tilted his head, sadly.

"We don't think that. Right, Jason?" His wife turns to him, and he puts his palms on her shoulders. It's the small gesture, just how the one beforehand when he placed his hand on her back, yet it pains me, knowing that Michael never touched me like this. But, it's my fault. I didn't even let him kiss me in the public.

"Of course not. I just said how happy I am that ou... Chloe has such a great and protective friend." Finally, someone who appreciates my (over) protection.

"Yeah, but I took those drug..."

"It's okay. People make mistakes. That's understandable. You didn't make Chloe take drugs or something. You act like you killed her or something else", Elen jokes, chuckling, and I join her, smiling weakly.

Oh, what a difference between her and Scott's reaction.

"I know, but...."

"No, but!" She warns, as I glance at my blonde friend, who immediately smiles when she senses my eyes on her. She was looking at her foster mom, probably scared as well that she is going to forbid our friendship. I don't know what I'd do then. Without her, I'd be.. lost. Though I already am.

"Now, we'll go to the doctor, and check if everything is okay. Do you need something?" I just shake my head, and giving a final squeeze to my hand, she lets it go, and I find myself again whimpering because the warmth of her hand left me.

"Yeah, since that son of a bitch doesn't care", Jason hisses, squeezing his fist slightly.

"Jason, vocabulary", his wife nudges him. "C'mon." I watch them leave through the door frame, hand in hand, and before my chest has a chance to hurts at the sight, I feel something next to me moving. Chloe is climbing on the bed and lays next to me.

If only Jason and Elen knew how Scott acted this morning and how now... he must be beating Myles. It's all my fault. I...

"I missed you so much", Chloe says, leaning in me, and laying on my chest. "I tried to write a speech and lecture you and tore it up five times, but there is no point in doing that. I..." She tilts her head, her curly locks bouncing, as she stretches her neck to look at my eyes which are barely staying open from the drugs and medications.

"I care about you, okay? You are not just my best friend, but my sister. My saver. I owe you my life, yet you were so close to losing your own. You... You have no idea how much I panicked and how scared I got when I realized you weren't breathing. I-I couldn't go in a pool, because I can't swim, and all of the kids were just standing there and I was screaming for someone to jump in and save you since I couldn't do it myself, and...

I was so fucking scared, Stella! I don't know what I would do if I lost you. Just thinking about that makes me nauseous, and it gives me shivers." She shakes her head and flinches as if she was indeed trying to get rid of goosebumps.

"Please, you gotta be careful, okay? I can't leave without you. I'd be lost without my saver." Her eyes blink away tears, when she finishes her speech, panting slightly, and I wonder if she indeed had written this, as I tilt my head trying to hold back mine. I cannot live without her either, but instead, I choose to tease her.

"Wait, you don't know how to swim?"

"You fool!" She nudges me. "That is the only thing you memorized from everything I said?" She raises her brows, and opens her mouth in shock. I bite my lip not to chuckle.

"Well, it must be the drug messing with my brain... Ouch, did you punch me? Ugh, it hurts. Uf..." I pretend to be in pain, as I frown, and whine, holding my arm, and rock back any forth.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?" Her expression immediately changes into a worried one. Gotcha. "Should I call the nurse?"

"Yeah, I think you could..." I wince, still pretending to suffer in pain. But really, I do, though in mental one.

"Wait, wait!" She gets up and quickly jumps on her small feet. "Stay there..
Hold on..."

I burst into a laugh, not being able to keep pretending anymore. I start to giggle, and she turns on her heel, frowning and cocking her grey eyebrow.

"You... You should have seen yourself", I cry, laughing and holding my stomach.

"You little... You're going to see!" She runs and falls on me, while my laugh turns into a scream because her weight is too much for my still weak body.

"You little piece of shit! Bitch!" She tickles me, and I try not to laugh, but that is so impossible.

"No, you are a bitch!"

"No! You're!"

"No! You're!"

"Ugh, stop it! I hate.... I h-hate tickling!"

It reminds me of someone. Of him. Everything and everyone reminds me of him. I think that from now on I won't be able to do anything because each thing we did together, we shared, every word is going to remind me of him. He will always be on my mind, reminding me of how sad my destiny sentenced to live without love.

"Girls!" We snap our heads when we hear Elen's voice. "Chloe you must be careful, Stella is still weak."

"You tell her, please", I say, trying to catch a breath, now when Chloe's weight is being lifted off me.

"Here I brought you some laundry, and you have some snacks. The doctor said that they were feeding you well, but I doubt. The hospital food is gross, and personally, I think that candies can do you any harm, right?", she giggles, winking.

I quickly get reminded of Chloe and how I used to bring her the laundry, and how happy she was because she has been wearing the same panties for two days. Now, look how the tables have turned. She or her foster mom, but it's all her, I know, is the one who is bringing me laundry, and taking care of me, visiting me, just how I was doing the same after that bastard of her father almost killed her.

She puts the bag in the small commode next to my bed, which I if I'm being honest, haven't noticed until now.

"Also, I brought you water." Elen takes two big bottles from the bag. "You have to stay hydrated, right? Please, don't forget to drink water, okay?" She glances at me while putting them on the commode. "And..."

"What else did you bring, Elen? I'm going to be discharged in two days. I don't need all of that", I say, trying not to sound ungrateful, but I sound just like this, if not even rude and spoiled. She is bringing me laundry, and I'm embarrassed because Alexia, who doesn't give a fuck about me, is the one who is supposed to be doing that.

"Oh, please. This is nothing. Wait, till you come out, and then you will come for dinner and I'm going to feed that slim body of yours. You're so skinny, Stella. Sorry, but that's the truth. It's not even fashion, anymore, darling." She tilts her head and I feel her hand in my hair, while she strokes it.

"So drink the water and eat, okay? Call me if you need anything, okay? Chloe will write you my number. Don't hesitate to call us, dear. We are here for you, pumpkin."

Pumpkin. No one has called me pumpkin since my mom died. No one has given me nicknames after she had left me. So it is nice to hear this and it makes me soft, and sad, at the same time, so I have to try to stop the tears which I can feel are forming in my eyes.

"Okay?", she repeats. I nod, unable to speak, swallowing tears hardly, as she kisses my forehead and cups my cheek.

"C'mon, Chloe, leave her our numbers, and then we go. We'll wait for you outside. Come fast, okay?" Chloe nods, and Elen waves at me before she leaves, and I catch Jason leaning on the frame, mirroring his wife's moves, and winking at me.

"Bye, my murderer, who is waiting for me to hurt her best friend so she can kill me, although that won't ever happen." I roll my eyes and weakly smile.

My blonde friend writes me Elen's number, and hers, saying it's her new one, and leaves it on the nightstand.

"Oh, she also brought you books, she forgot to tell you. They are in the bag, as well. Do you want me to give them to you, now?"

"No", I shake my head. "I wanna sleep a little." What I mean is, I hate books.

"Okay, then I'm going." She tilts her head, her face changing in a serious expression. "Take care."

"I'll try to." I shift in my bed, knowing that this is another lie.

"Bye, bitch!" She kisses me on the cheek and scurries out of the room.

"Bye."

I inhale, embracing the silence, that came back after Chloe's chirp voice disappeared. No, I don't embrace it, actually. I feel strange now when they left. I enjoyed their company. It erased my loneliness for some short time. Especially, Elen's gesture which I appreciate so much, and now I can finally let tears fall. Pumpkin. How soothing and beautiful that sounds. It sounds like mom. Her scent also resembles the one mom had, and her smile, too. More tears stream down my cheeks and on my hand with IV.

Her husband is also nice, I must admit, though reluctantly. I mean, he seems, but now I don't want to write a scenario of how he could turn out to be a bad villain like Chloe's father. I don't have the strength for overthinking, anymore. I just hope the history doesn't repeat itself for Chloe's sake. They are one happy family.

Why couldn't mom and I be one happy family? Why did my dad have to leave her, to throw her away like a piece of garbage? He ruined everything. It's his fault mom died. She wouldn't be so lonely that she had to kill herself in order not to feel like that anymore. I know better than anyone how much it sucks being lonely. It cannot be compared to even the starving or fatigue. When you are hungry you just eat, and it disappears. When you are physically tired, you just take a nap and it vanishes. But when you are lonely and mentally tired it cannot be taken away just like that.

No, you blame your dad, whom you haven't even met because you don't want to take responsibility for what you've done. You haven't seen your own mother struggling at it is your goddamn fault, Stella. Admit it.

You are right my demon.

You should have died. You should have died. You should have died.

I cover my ears, frowning. Stop it. Stop it. Please stop it. I don't want to deal with this right now. I can't.

Oh, but you have to. I'm your guide. I control your body and mind.

Please. Stop it, please.

Then I remember the medicines the nurse gave me. The sleeping pills. I turn to look at the nightstand where they are placed. Thank god she left them. I take one and drink the water Elen gave me. I struggle to open the bottle at first, but wishing peace, trying not to be controlled by my demon who is stronger, no, the strongest, I manage to open the bottle, gulping some water, and of course, slip some on my gown. Nevermind.

I lay, and close my eyes, trying to focus on Elen's nickname she called me by. Such a simple gesture, yet it managed to make my day better. Sometimes, people don't know how the simplest things can enlighten someone's day. Such as calling them by sweet nicknames. Or buying them small gifts to show you how they listen to you, and know what are your favorite things and what makes you happy.

Rarely, they do this, and even listen to you, or pay attention to details, but when they do it's the most precious thing. Or watching your favorite movie with you, even though maybe they don't like it, but being there to listen to your rambling about behind the scenes, or some random facts you know that no one actually should know, yet they seem special to you, and sharing your knowledge to someone who is there to listen to you, is even more special. But the person who is just there watching the movie with you, even though hating it, but watching you smile and being happy, is such a small sacrifice, and a simple gesture I'm talking about.

There's just nothing better than being able to elicit someone's smile. It makes both of you and that person happy. Not too many people can do this, I can't. I can't elicit anyone's smile.

You're not worth it.

Pumpkin.

Fool. Bitch.

Pumpkin.

You should die.

Pumpkin.

Die, already you, bitch!

And with this battle happening in my head, I try to fall asleep, to get rid of these thoughts. It's like I didn't already know that in my dreams they are waiting for me, to hurt me again, never to give me the peace I need. I crave. They said not in my dreams, nor in my real life.

We'll give you nightmares girl until you realize you cannot take it anymore and decide to listen to us and leave this planet.

But she called me pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin.

Chloe cares about me. Myles doesn't want me to leave, either. He is so worried about me. Maybe I am worth it. I have some people whom I shouldn't leave. About whom I should think and not abandon them, as my mom abandoned me, not thinking about me at all.

They'll forget you, as soon as you leave.

But, I never forgot my mom.

Die.

Pumpkin.

Die, pumpkin.