Hello, and I am back agaiiiin~ So, as I said in the intro part, this book contains some violence, homophobia, and some other +18 things. So at that parts, I will put a warning sign in case you get disturbed and want to pass the episode. Also, this type of episodes contain fulllll of drama (bcs I love drama and tragedy yeah I'm a bitch for this sorry)

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⚠ Suicide attempt, Anxiety attack (I don't know if it considers a mature content though, but I will say the reason why I put it here at the end of the chapter) ⚠
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- 2 weeks later -

"Maybe we should just let him go?" Duen looked at Ting Ting with an uncertain expression. It had been approximately 20 minutes since they saw Ram sitting on a bench, without moving. At first, they thought he passed out due to hot weather but when they saw the thing he was holding, they decided to leave him alone.

"Maybe... But I don't want to leave him. You know what happened the last time."

"I know I know.. Wait I got an idea." Duen took his phone out and called King.

"Hey Duen!"

"Hey P'King.."

"What's up with your voice? Is something wrong?"

"Yeah it looks like something is bothering Ram but we can't understand it. He has been like this for 4 days already. We were just wondering if something happened between you guys..." Duen frowned. "Hello? P'King?"

"Okay, I came as soon as I can." King looked at them while panting. He closed his phone and looked at Ram with a concerning face.

"What's going on with him?"

"We don't know P'! That's why we called youu."

"Nothing bad happened between us so that's why I am not sure too. Let me talk with him." He got up and walked towards him while trying to breathe properly. He ran so fast that he couldn't even feel his legs anymore. "Hey cool boy!" Ram turned his head toward the exhausted boy. "Are you ok-" King stumbled before he could finish and nearly fell. But fortunately, Ram caught his arm before falling. "Thanks."

When they both sat down, King looked at his face with a concerning look. "Did you cry?" After a couple seconds of silence, Ram nodded. There was no point in denying it because King knew him well enough to figure it out. "Do you wanna talk about it?" His soft voice made his eyes tear a little bit.

"Yes.." King placed his hand on Rams' leg.

"Whenever you're ready." They both stayed silent for a few minutes. Then Ram opened his mouth.

"A couple of years ago, I was hospitalized. I thought I was dying and even though that was my purpose, I was scared as hell." Kings eyes opened wide with fear but he didn't say anything.
"I think I was 15 at that time. Before that, we were living in a different country with my family. I was having some troubles because of the new environment. I have anxiety disorder so it was very hard for me to get used to new things." His eyes started to fill up and his hands were a little bit shaky.

"You don't need to continue." King held his hand and squeezed it a little in order to show his support.

"I'm okay. You make me feel safe." He looked at his eyes and forced a little smile. "My new psychiatrist gave me some pills but they were not what I was used to. So.. It caused some side effects. I had severe attacks and hurt myself. I was in so much pain but at the same time, I didn't say anything about this to my family. I continued to take them because aside from the side effects, they were working fine. But some time later, things got messed up. The side effects we're getting stronger and stronger, and even though I stopped taking the pills, some of them continued. I couldn't take it anymore. I was starting to get scared of anything, getting exhausted from everything, had terrible nightmares nearly every day. I would wake up in tears and sweat. It was too much for me. I was getting weaker and weaker every day and the only thing I wanted is this to end. And there was only one way in my brain." King accidentally squeezed his hand because if shock.

"S-sorry.."

"I don't need to continue if you don't want."

"No, it's not that. Just... Continue. Please." He knew Ram needed someone to talk to about this issue and he was there to listen to him. Even though it brings back the dark memories from his past, he will not leave his side. No matter what.

"One day, I think it was two months after my side effects started, I couldn't even move. My body was in so much pain. So... I took a painkiller from the cupboard and drank it. But... It was not enough. I wanted this pain to go away. For good. I didn't know what was going to happen to me in an hour, but I didn't care and took 6 more." King placed his hand to cover up his mouth. He was starting to have a headache. Ram didn't realize it and continued.
"Minutes passed and I started to feel dizzy and tired. My body wasn't in pain anymore and for me, that was all matters. I felt like I was finally in peace and was happy for the first time in months. Or even years! However... after some time, my eyes wouldn't stay open and I felt too weak. I was starting to get scared so I got up to tell my mom. But the moment I got up, I fell down immediately. My little brother found me laying on the floor and that's the only thing I can remember about that day. My parents told me that I didn't wake up for a week." King reached to Rams face and wiped away his tears. Ram sniffed without looking at him. They both stayed in silence before Ram continued. "I didn't have the side effects since that day, but sometimes I have panic attacks. They are not as strong as the past ones though. I am just... I just remembered everything that happened and sat down to calm myself." He took out something from his pocket. It was a miniature dog plushie. "My little brother gave me this after I woke up. He said he went to my room to show it but found me passed out on the floor instead. Whenever I get stressed, I always look at this plushie and calm myself down. I never want to see my little brother like that again." King forced a smile but he couldn't say anything. He needed to get out of there. Right now. The bell made him jump. "Hey are you okay?"

"Yeah yeah, I-I just got scared t-that's all.." They both stood up. "T-thank you for trusting and sharing this with me. I am here if you want to talk. But I need to go now, okay?" He gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and ran to the building. Ram stood there and slowly placed his hand on where King had just kissed with a shocked, yet pleased smile.

"Ai Ram!"

"Oh hi P'Bohn." After they both bowed to each other, Bohn searched the place with a slightly worried look. Duen looked at his boyfriends face.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No, it's just... I thought I saw King here."

"Ah yes he was here a minute ago. He was talking with Ram." Ram nodded.

"Yes he was."

"Oh okay. I'm happy to hear that. To be honest, he was really stressed out because of classes and all of us are worried about him." Ram blinked a couple of times. He realized he didn't even ask how his day was going and this made him feel bad.

"He does?" asked Duen with a sad face. "I guess your exams are harder because you guys are seniors now huh?"

"Yeah but it's not that. He has anxiety so it makes it much worse."

"What?" Ram looked at him with a panicked expression.

"Yeah. He frequently has attacks and I was scared he had one but it turns out he was with you." Ram gulped.

"What have I done.."

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King entered an empty classroom, panting. His eyes were wide open and he couldn't breathe properly. He hardly managed to walk through the edge of the class and fell down. His whole body was shaking and he couldn't feel his legs anymore. Everything felt too overwhelming. The room felt so crowded and noisy, even though it was empty and the only person who was inside the class was him. He could swear he was hearing many people talking loudly. He closed his ears and shut down his eyes.
"This is too much!" He screamed to himself. He didn't know what to do calm himself down with the 5-4-3-2-1 technic.
"Okay, so 5.. 5.. What was that? 5 things you see? You hear? You feel? What the fuck was it?!" He kicked the chair that was in front of him and pulled his legs to himself.
"This is bad this is bad this is bad THIS IS BAD!" His scream echoed in the empty classroom. The fact he couldn't remember the only method that could help him right now was not in his memories, and this, made him feel even more stressed.

After Ram told his story, his mind was full of terrible possibilities. What did he see in those nightmares that made him so scared? How much pain he was in? How did his brother feel when he found his brother like that? What did his family do? Is he telling the truth about not having those terrible side effects anymore? Is he okay now? Will he be okay?
"Am... Am I okay..?" He said to himself between sobs. He pulled his hair and screamed. At this point, he was just hoping for someone to hear his cries and save him from this frightening loneliness.

"King? Is that you?" Boss entered the classroom and looked around. He heard a scream and at first, he didn't think of it much. But when it continued, he realized the voice was familiar so he decided to go there to check. When he finally found the boy who was shaking and crying out loud, he ran to him. "King!" He immediately sat in front of him and held his hands. "Okay okay it's okay it will be okay I just want you to breathe okay? Like this take a deep breath" He took a deep breath, "and let it go. Okay, do like this." While King was trying to breathe properly, Boss called Bohn. "I found him! But hurry, he doesn't look good I don't know w-what to do."

"Boss I can't breathe" He held his neck and looked at him. "There are too many voices in my head I don't know what to do!" Boss closed his phone and got up.

"Wait okay I will be back in a second." He ran to their classroom to get his backpack and came back. "Okay okay where is it?"

"A-at the small part." Boss opened the small part of the backpack and took out the pills and a bottle of water.

"Boss! King!" Both of the boys looked at the ones at the door. Ram ran towards them when he saw how bad Kings condition was. He sat down in front of King and helped him to take his pills. Boss stood up and took a step back from them in order to give them some privacy. Ram hugged King tightly and buried his face to his neck. King wrapped his arms to his neck and continued to cry.

"Why didn't you tell me this..." King couldn't say anything and just focused on controlling his breathing.
Boss looked at his friends and when he saw Mek, he went up to him. They both didn't say anything and just hugged.

"I was so scared when I saw him like that.." Boss silently whispered to him.

"I know.." He just caressed his hair while watching King and Ram. Sometime later, like 5 minutes or something, Kings breathing was back to normal.

"I'm sorry... I just didn't know what to do. You trusted me and I didn't want to let you down. I'm sorry I'm so sorry. I must have made you feel disappointed and made you worried over nothing..." Ram pulled his head back a little bit to look at his face.

"Are you kidding me? You don't need to say sorry. I am the one who needs to say it. I didn't even ask anything to you. Gosh, I'm so dumb.." He held both of his cheeks and gently wiped away the tears. "I'm so sorry... I was so worried about you." He kissed his forehead and smiled.

"I think we should go noww~" Duen looked at them with a smile and held Bohn's hand. (CAUSE THATS WHAT BOYFRIENDS NORMALLY DO) Bohn smiled back and left the class with the others. When they closed the door, Ram pulled King closer to him and hugged him again.

"Are you feeling better?" King hugged him back while coming near and snuggling him. Ram hugged him with his one arm while King placed his head on his shoulder.

"Mm-hmm" King looked at his face with a smile to reassure him.

"Good." Ram looked down to see him and kissed the tip of his nose. He then got shy and turned his head the other way. King chuckled at his cuteness and placed his hand on his belly. Ram held his hand and interweaved their fingers. They decided to not go to class and stay like that. King smiled and closed his eyes, hoping that they could stay like this for some time more.

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Hello guysss! So, I said I will explain the reason why I put anxiety attack in the mature content or disturbing section.
Long story short, I, myself, have anxiety. This was caused by a pill I was having for my anger issues. I know it sounds crazy, but some anger pills do have a side effect like this. The attack King had is actually what I had a couple of months ago. And honestly, it was really bad. And the fact I couldn't remember the method made it even worse. Everyone has different methods to calm down and mine is being hugged. It makes me feel safe and warm hence I calm down. That's why I wanted to write about anxiety too. In addition to this, I also have asthma (I know, a perfect combination, right?) So when I have cough attacks because of anxiety, I need to use an inhaler to breathe properly.
So, sometimes when I hear stories/mentions about others anxiety attacks, I start to get stressed out. I know some people get stressed too so that's why I mentioned it as a mature content.
Anyways, I hope this episode didn't bore you or something. Hope to see you in the next chapterrrr~ 💞❤