TRIGGER WARNING: there will be a violent drunken attack in this chapter.

As I got home after a day with John at Liverpool, I was all alone since Amelia was still working at the pub and Poppy left a note saying that she's going out on a date and might come home late. I made some fish and chips for dinner before going upstairs to get ready for bed.

As I laid in bed, I couldn't sleep as I thought about that moment I had with John back in Liverpool. That feeling I had when he laid his head on my shoulder, it felt so special. Like he was opening his heart to me. Since I was always shy and invisible in life, I never knew what it was like to be with a boy or feel a special connection with one. And yet, it feels so overwhelming and it just happens to bring the true happiness back in my heart. If that's what it feels when being with a special person. Then I don't wanna lose that because it always hurts trying to be happy when I've been trapped in a dark place after losing my father.

As the rest of May went by, I just went on with my daily life such as working at EMI Recording Studios as a tea lady and spending time with my family and the sisters while John was on tour with the Beatles. I do get occasional phone calls at certain times of the day when he has some spare time. He would even share some songs that either he or Paul have written. For every new song written, I adored a lot and couldn't wait to hear them when they record a new album after touring. But as June came, John called me to invite me to Paul's 21st birthday party at a back garden from Paul's aunt's house in Liverpool on the 18th. It's where I was about to witness an unforgettable event that night.

On that night, I was allowed to bring Poppy and Amelia with me as plus ones to the party. The girls were pretty excited to attend a birthday party for one of the Beatles, they did promise to behave and not freak out when they met the boys since they had to deal with crazy teenage girls. Luckily, they did keep their promise. They were polite and behaved well when they met each of the boys. I was able to get a gift for Paul. Since I heard that Paul loves chocolates, I decided to get him a box of chocolates as I didn't know what else to give him since I'm only starting to get to know him and the other boys. But he liked it regardless. He also introduced me to his girlfriend, Jane Asher. She was beautiful, with auburn hair like mine and green eyes. Although she had been a successful actress since she was five, she was unaffected, easy to talk to and friendly. She and Paul met back in April when she was sent by the Radio Times as a "celebrity writer" to do an interview with the Beatles after their performance at London's Royal Albert Hall. That evening, the others had gone off to a West End club, leaving Jane and Paul to finish the interview. When they returned two hours later, the pair were still talking.

Her father was a psychiatrist while her mother was a music teacher, she was even highly intelligent and cultured. I was amazed by her strong inner confidence. Not to mention had a maturity and grace way beyond her years. Since she was different from other girls that Paul had been with before, he was bowled over, and from that day they met they became an item. When I told her certain things about myself, she was amazed that I have quite a heritage because of my mother being English while my father was American.

"Do you enjoy living in London so far?" she asked with curiosity.

"Of course, it's actually very lovely there. Even though it's a lot different since I've never lived in a city before, I just took it all in and have been enjoying it ever since." I answered, which was true because even though I was unhappy at first with having to move to a new home after growing up at the lighthouse for seventeen years, I managed to stay strong and went with the flow. Even things started to slowly get better as time went on, especially when I met John. While we were talking, I felt someone grab me from behind.

"Hey!" I yelled as I turned to see who it was. It was John as he walked away. I didn't expect him to do that, I wasn't happy about that since it felt a little inappropriate in front of everyone and I felt a little embarrassed. But after noticing a drink that he was holding, I could tell that he must be drunk and just wasn't in his right state of mind. I just let it slide for now, but I will make it clear to him that I will not tolerate that kind of thing since I'm only starting to get to know him and I've learned to defend myself from anyone that tries to take advantage of me. Just as I was talking to Poppy and Amelia about how fun this night was, we heard a loud noise and John yelling. We followed the sound and saw John beating a man up and was about to hit him again with a big stick until the lads started to pull him away, out of impulse, I helped them pull John away. He kept screaming that he would kill him, it was horrible. I didn't expect something so violent to happen at a birthday celebration, I did get proof of why the attack happened when Brian saw what was going on and asked what happened, to which John yelled that the man called him a queer.

After John was dragged out of the party, I felt scared and angry about what happened. I had never seen him like this before, I was so appalled and angry with what happened that I begged the girls to take me back home. Before I left, I asked Brian to tell Paul that I was sorry for leaving the party when he comes back. As we got home, Amelia went to make some tea while Poppy and I talked.

I just can't believe that he would do that all because that man called him a queer or something. It could've just been a joke that he was just telling John and John just took it the wrong way because he was drunk." I said.

"I'm sure it was just a joke. I mean, it's none of our business. But I do agree that I couldn't believe what happened either. Are you sure that you're okay?" Poppy asked.

"For now, I'm fine. But I don't think I would want to be around John for a while. If that's how he acts like that around people when he's drunk, then I can't imagine what he must be like behind closed doors. I won't let anyone like him hurt me. If he tried to lay a hand on me, I would make him regret it. My father taught me how to defend myself so that no other boy would dare to either take advantage of me or hurt me." I answered as Amelia came into the sitting room with some freshly made tea.

"Maybe that would be a smart move to do so. Just wait until things calmed down, he might try to speak to you once he realised how upset you were. Especially when you realised how upset you were. Especially when you weren't happy earlier when he touched you from behind." said Poppy.

"Yeah, that would be for the best since I am still angry at him. I wasn't angry about him touching me inappropriately since he was obviously drunk although I do plan on giving him a piece of my mind for that. I was just more angry about the attack. I just don't understand because I actually feel conflicted about him. When I was at Liverpool to spend a day with him after he came back from Barcelona, I saw that vulnerable side of him. He was so kind and he understood how it felt to lose someone close to you. Like he trusted me enough to open his heart to me, even felt a lot of comfort and sudden happiness when he laid his head on my shoulder. And now after what happened, I can't even think of the idea of being with him because of fearing of either him hurting me or me hurting him, I would probably do a lot worse since my father mentioned that I may have his temper when I once broke a glass bottle with a rock that I threw out of anger."

'I know it's hard to feel conflicted like that, maybe he really is a good person deep down since he trusted you enough to open up to you. Once things calmed down and he realises what he'd done, just be ready if he decides to talk to you to apologise for what happened." said Amelia.

I wanted to believe her because I know that maybe she's right. I do see that he is a good person deep within his tough exterior, but his temper is turning me away. My mother once told me to be very careful if things take a step further between me and John because you never know how things can get in the future, she would even make him regret it if he does anything stupid with me. So I decided to take Poppy's advice and just wait for things to calm down.