She sat still in her place; the Holy Quran set closed on the dressing table in front of her. The room was enveloped in darkness, save for the mystic moonlight streaming into the room through the window. Piercing the dark clouds obscuring its path, its radiance dulled the pitch black darkness of the night and continued to illuminate her palms; outstretched on her lap in front of her. Peering through her thick lashes, she maintained her gaze fixated upon her hands. Her eyelashes fluttering in the slightest, when she lifted her one hand to softly caress the lines of the other.

The tips of her fingers grazing ever so slightly along the lines of her palm; faintly obliterated by the intricate designs of henna staining her hands. Lost in deep thought, she blinked slowly; completely oblivious of her surroundings. Until the loud bang of door shutting, knocked her out of her delirium.

Startled, she turned her gaze towards the source of the sound to find Aymen standing in front of her. Her persona lit by the dim lighting of her phone's torch, while she lamented about the sudden power breakdown.

"—Hassan is trying to get the generator to work. Hopefully we'll get the power back before their arrival—And why are you sitting here in the dark, Hajra?!" Aymen's distressed cries continued seamlessly and Hajra only smiled at her before returning her gaze to the mirror in front of her.

"You look breathtaking—He is done for today, I am telling you." Aymen's cheeky remark came with a smile matching her expressions, as she glanced at Hajra's reflection in the dimly lit mirror after coming to stand behind her. Hajra shied away from Aymen's gaze and smiled softly while glancing at her henna covered hands on her lap.

—————————————

5 Months ago

"—I have compiled all the data. You might want to take a look at it to see if anything's amiss—" She went on plainly, while giving a finally look over to the documents in her hand before handing it over to Dr. Hashim; who was curiously but silently watching her go on.

His gaze remained fixated on her for a long moment, who was looking back at him without any hint of emotion, while waiting for him to take the documents from her outstretched hand. Hashim's eyes finally flickered to the papers in her hands and with a soft sigh, he took them with a thanks.

"Hajra?" She had turned on her heel to leave after completing her task, when he called her out; causing her to halt in her steps and turn to face him.

"Yes, Sir?" She asked seriously, only to earn the blank look on Hashim's face. He watched her in amazement for a moment, before deciding to let the cat out of bag. The whole weekend, he had spent distressed; since Hajra had left without answering him that day, because of her family's arrival. He kept wondering what her answer was going to be. Or more correctly put, his worries were rooted to the fear of her most obviously expectable answer.

"You haven't answered me, yet." He remarked with a soft smile, only to catch her face flooding with confusion at the comment. For a short moment Hajra kept gazing at him through a frown and suddenly, as if the puzzle piece had finally snapped to its rightful place, a sharp gasp of realisation escaped her lips and she immediately turned her gaze away in shame.

Of all the reactions Hashim could possibly conjure up, this never crossed his mind. That's why he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Right—I am guessing, I am not even worth wasting a moment's thought for you—and here I was hoping you would agree to spend the rest of your life with me—" He said this in a lighthearted tone, combined with his signature warm smile, while looking back at a guilty Hajra.

"Uh—sir—" She tried saying and upon catching the hint of hurt behind his smile, she averted her gaze.

"I am sorry. I honestly had no intentions to treat you, or your proposal in such a light manner. I hold utmost respect for you, Sir. You have been a great mentor and inspiration to me. I really look up to you—"

"—But you don't wish to marry me." He interjected softly, while gazing upon her with a sad and understanding smile.

Hajra couldn't hold his sincerity filled gaze for long; hence, she looked away.

"I am sorry, Sir. I have no interest or thoughts about marriage currently, or anytime in the future."

She admitted slowly, without meeting his gaze.

"—Would your answer remain the same, if it was Mateen asking, instead of me?"

Dr Hashim's small and calm voice, paired with his unexpected words had shaken her whole existence to its very core—causing Hajra to snap her head to look up at him, in surprise. It was a first, for Dr. Hashim to say this sort of thing to her. Never before had he made such suggestions.

"I—I—it's nothing like that, Sir. Those are just rumours." Hajra returned slowly, whilst trying to steady her shaky voice and push down the surging wave of embarrassment flaring inside her.

Feeling overcome by a sudden wave of grief at her own admission, Hajra turned her gaze down, once more. Her lips trembling from the intensity of emotions crashing against her heart, as she made a futile attempt to gulp them down, before running her tongue over her dry lips.

Pursing her quivering lips, she tried to brush away his thoughts. But to no avail. He never left her thoughts alone, anymore.

"—I apologise. You are under no obligation to clarify to me such a thing. I was out of line. Please forgive my impudence."

It wasn't his words—but the way he said them that caused Hajra to look up reflexively. She caught Dr. Hashim watching her with a soft and knowing smile—A kind of sadness laced in it, which told Hajra everything he didn't say but knew. Including everything Hajra desperately wished to conceal; not just from the world and him—but even her own self.

"I won't probe you further. I am in no position to, anyways. But, I'll say this much—My feelings for you haven't changed, so if your heart changes—then you'll find me waiting."

Instead of saying anything to it, Hajra left without so much as a nod.

———————————

"—I talked to Hashim's mother today. A very pleasant lady, MashaAllah—"

At Humera's words, Hajra instinctively looked up shocked, from the books spread infront of her.

"What?"

Unheeding of the shock in her daughter's eyes, Humera continued to fold the laundry.

Humera had managed to witness Hashim's confession that day, 3 months ago; when she came to Hajra's funfair. Since then, she had been asking Hajra to consider his proposal seriously. But Hajra would always turn her down with some excuse.

"I did Istakhara and then asked Aymen for his contact number."

"Mamma—" Hajra cried out in disbelief.

"Hajra. There's no harm in looking, dear. And from what you have told me and I have seen of him myself—I think he's a great match for you. There's no reason to object."

"Mamma. I am not interested in settling down, yet—" She couldn't finish because Humera had left the stack of laundry to come over to Hajra and take her hands in her own.

"Hajra. You know I want the best for you, yes?"

"Mamma—"

"No one knows what will happen tomorrow. Your classes are ending and in 2 months you'll graduate, too. I worry all the time if I'll live long enough to see you settled in your own house—"

"Mamma! Please don't say such silly things! May Allah SWT add my remaining years of life to yours, too—" Hajra exclaimed in a teary voice. Her heart breaking at just the thought of going through that excruciating pain of losing a parent, again.

"Hajra—My sweet child. I know you worry for me and your brothers. But there comes a point when you need to draw a line and stop to think about yourself, too. I'll join your father too, one day; InshaAllah and your brothers will grow up and have their own families, too. I wish to see my Hajra happy in her own home too—" Humera's eyes no longer able to hold in the tears in their confines, let the tears streak down her cheeks. She cupped her only daughters' face in her hands and bent down to place a feeble kiss on her forehead.

"I—Mamma—I—" Hajra's small voice broke, with an onslaught of tears, which caused her to suck in a sharp breath to level her voice. Yet, managed to fail miserably despite her desperate efforts. Her hiccups remained irrepressible and continued to slice through the silence of the night.

Humera silently kept watching her daughter, whose eyes were downcast and focused on anything but her Mother.

"And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." (AI-Baqarah, 2:216)

Hajra silently listened to the ayah leaving her  Mother's mouth. Her lips quivered with the intensity of emotions welling up inside her frail existence; begging to be let out and set free. The weight of her Mother's words was hanging heavy upon her heart. Yet, she gulped down her  emotions and managed to put on a brave face, as always.

"Give this a chance, please. For my sake—" Humera's request caused her to finally look up at her Mother. Mustering a small smile, Hajra nodded her head in agreement.

———————————

"What?" Aymen's eyes widened in disbelief, upon hearing the words leave Hajra's lips, who barely acknowledged the look of horror on her friends face.

"Hajra! You can't—! What about Mateen?! He loves you!" Her last words had caused Hajra's chest to constrict in pain, but she made no show of it.

"Says who? Did he tell you that? Or anyone else? He never said so to me, atleast." Hajra returned blankly without looking away from the bookshelf, in the College's library.

"He doesn't need to say it. His eyes says it all—"

No sooner the words left Aymen's mouth, his image flashed across the screens of Hajra's mind; earning her a pang of stabbing pain in her heart, which Hajra knew she had to get accustomed to, sooner than later.

"Hajra—Even so, this isn't right. You don't have any feelings for Dr. Hashim." Aymen continued heartbroken, unfazed by Hajra's silence.

"Must every house be built on love? What about loyalty and appreciation?" Hajra replied with a quote of Hazrat Umar (RA) and just uttering these words was like running a knife over her own heart for Hajra.

"Dr. Hashim is a nice man. I have no reason to object to his proposal. He has been nothing but kind and respectful towards me always—He rightaway made his intentions clear about what he wanted from me in a dignified and direct manner. Unlike that person, who—who only ever—" Hajra couldn't say for sure, if she was trying to convince herself or Aymen.

"Hajra—I understand your reservations about Mateen but he's a changed man—Everyone has seen it—Ever since last year, Mateen has turned over a new leaf! You yourself have spotted him coming out of the Masjid so many times—"

"Aymen. That's his choice. It has nothing to do with me. Why are we even discussing him? Mateen and I—We—I—I have nothing to do with him, Aymen. Never did. We only have bad blood between us—That's all—Nothing more." Her voice trailing off towards the end and she turned away with a resolve to leave behind that dream world, which was right from the start never meant to be a part of her reality.

———————————

"Hear! Hear! I have a surprise announcement to make on this auspicious occasion of our last get-together as a class!" Ammar cried out, after jumping up on his chair.

Finally, today marked the last day of their classes. After today they would have a month prep leave for their final Proffs and another month of examination, before they could finally graduate and officially become Doctors. Hence, they had all gathered to celebrate at a place reserved by Ammar.

"My—Our dearest friend Mateen here—! Has managed to clear his USMLE in first attempt—-" He hadn't even finished yet, when a round of cheers roared through the entire restaurant solely reserved for them.

"Yes—! Yes—I haven't finished yet—" Ammar tried saying once again and Hajra could do nothing except blankly stare at Mateen sitting to the table far away from hers; who was the centre of everyone's attention in that moment.

"So! Mateen will alas—! Leave us in a few months. He's only here until the end of examination—and then my friend here will be out of all of our reach—! Today marks the day of his celebration—" Ammar was still going on, but Hajra could hear nothing except the ringing in her ears.

Never before had she felt so miserable about being so right about something—or more rightfully someone.

Suddenly she felt really sick. A sharp gasp escaped her lips and immediately her hand found it's way against her quivering lips. In vain attempts to stop the sobs from escaping her lips, she kept her fingers pressed against her mouth. But the hot tears welling up in her eyes were nowhere near ending.

Unable to muster control over herself, she left the table and rushed towards the washroom. But before she could reach it, she was already sobbing her heart out. Almost as if someone was tearing apart at her heart with sharp tools.

Pushing the door open, she leaned against the wall and quaked out a shaky breath but her trembling heart was nowhere near relief as she cried bitterly, one last time because of Mateen Abbasi, before vowing to never shed tears over him again.

The only difference was, that this time she couldn't bring herself to hate him anymore.

Assalamualaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuhu! Eid Mubarak! Remember Palestine in your prayers.🤲🏻♥️
Thankyou for waiting as always! Hope you guys liked the update?Awaiting your thoughts🤞🏻😅(no this wasn't the last update, in case anyone's wondering)
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