DISCLAIMER:
The following chapter covers several difficult and serious issues; including, mental health disorders, depression, bullying and violence among others.
Anyone suffering from disturbing thoughts, or dealing with these issues is advised to proceed with caution. This book is written with an objective to raise awareness regarding certain themes and in process, lend a helping hand to those in need of support.
I hope and pray that Allah SWT makes this book and our own selves as a source of aid to those around us, in need of care and understanding; including our own selves, InshaAllah!

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She stood gasping in her place, with hands clutched into fists on her either sides. Her whole body shaking with fear, as pain filled whimpers continued to escape the confines of her lips.

Yet, her eyes remained downcast. Her vision turning blurry through tears and dirty water dripping down her hair, which they had just dumped over her head only moments ago. All sounds except laments of her sinful conscience kept tearing at her existence through it's sharp claws.

She couldn't even make out their snickers, until one of them pulled at her braid to make her look up at her directly.

"Can't you hear me?! This—! Who the hell do you think you're showing attitude to?! HUH—?!" Ramsha swore at her, before shoving her to the ground with a hard push: sending her spectacles flying off.

Mashal fell to her knees with a jerk. Her lips quivering with painful sobs; which she was trying hard to not let escape its confines. But their torture was far from over. Her cries ceased only for a moment, when she heard him jump off of the water tank. Mashal caught his footsteps approaching towards her from the corner of her eyes and felt her heart getting caught up in her throat, when he squatted down to her level and made her look up by putting a finger against the centre of her forehead.

"Haven't you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?" Ali's soft voice clashed against Mashal's ears, but only a terrified whimper escaped her lips.

"You think.....I would ever go for the likes of you? You must be completely retarded, huh?" A sinister half grin appeared across his features, before he pushed against her forehead with all his might, only to earn a painful groan from her.

He got up with a chuckle, joined by his 3 other mates; and wiped off his finger on the back of her jacket's sleeve.

"And here I thought she was dumb—but nope—she's a vixen—! No match for nice people like us—" Alishba interjected with disgust laced in her voice, causing Mashal to rub off her tears with the back of her trembling hand.

In that moment, all she wished was for someone to kill her—and put an end to her humiliating and pathetic existence once and for all. She was a dead weight—To everyone around her. No one would even notice her absence, if she went missing.

"Learn your damn place, GEEK—And you dare go after my boyfriend again—!!" Ramsha screamed, while delivering a kick to her side, until Ali; her boyfriend, pulled her away with a chuckle and they all made way out of the terrace, closing the door after themselves and leaving Mashal a blubbering mess.

Why—? Why did this happen to her always? How come it always became her fault? She kept thinking, with her face tucked between her knees and arms wrapped around them.

It's your own fault—! Why? Why did you come up here after getting his note? But—But I was so scared—that if I didn't follow him, he would—NO!—It's your fault—ALL OF IT—! YOU are at fault for existing.

The constant battle between her conscience would continue and she would plunge deeper and deeper into the sickness plaguing her mind.

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Mashal stood trembling in her place, with hot tears pooling in her eyes, as she bit down on her lips to stop the sobs from escaping.

The only thing Ghazala despised more than anything else, was crying.

"You can't get good grades! You don't work
on yourself! All you are good at is crying and whining endlessly! What more do you expect us to do—HUH?! What have I not given you?!! I have sacrificed my whole life—just to create a good life for you—! AND IN RETURN—?! ALL you have done is turn into this complete and utter disappointing mess—in every possible way—! I am ASHAMED TO HAVE YOU AS MY CHILD—! YOU HAVE TURNED ME INTO A LAUGHING STOCK INFRONT OF EVERYONE—!!"

The muscles in her neck tightened to restrain and subdue those bitter sobs arising in the back of her throat.

The only person she despised in this moment was herself. The only one she could hold accountable for everything going horribly wrong in everyone's life was her own self. No one else could be blamed, except her own pathetic self.

"Mush? Open up—"

She heard Mateen's voice outside her bathroom's door, but her sobs were nowhere near ceasing.

She felt a blasting migraine piercing at her senses. Yet, she could do nothing to ease her pain. Even her prescription anti-anxiety meds were failing to work today.

It was done. Today was the last straw. She couldn't get her grades up. No Uni would accept her with these grades—let alone any Med School.

Her Mom was right. She was a failure. A hopeless case, who managed to ruin everything.

If only—

She couldn't finish the thought, as the meds finally took its affect and she closed her eyes against the cold marble pressing against her cheek.

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"Shut your trap—! Go tell your filthy lies to someone who doesn't know you, Shahid Abbasi—!" Ghazala bellowed and Mashal wished she could evaporate from the face of this planet. If not that, then atleast from their drawing room, in which they had entered only a few minutes ago, after returning from a social gathering.

It was still before midnight and the reason for their early departure was all credited to her.

In the past 18 years, Mashal had questioned her sanity so many times, that she had lost count of it by now. She used to think, that her biggest flaw was her lack of intellect. If only she could be as smart as Mateen—if only she was good at studying and was able to become a doctor like her parents were and expected to see her as one, too—Maybe—just maybe, they all could've lead a happier life then. Maybe—just maybe, they wouldn't have been such a dysfunctional family then.

But that dream would never come true now—because of her.

Just because she existed.

If only—if only, I could have gotten good grades, then Dad Mom wouldn't have had any need to go to this dinner and bribe the College Dean to get me a seat in their Med School. And then Mom wouldn't have had accidentally found out about Dad's affair through that lady tonight and—

Somehow, she would always manage to find out a way to trace it back towards herself; one way or another.

It's your fault. Everything is your fault.

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"Hey, watch it—"

'GEEK!'

The last word only resounded in Mashal's head, as the traumatic events from past overlapped with her present.

She was turning away after closing her locker, and accidentally collided into someone.

Mashal stood shivering in her place; with her terror stricken gaze fixated to the books, now sprawled on the floor in front of her.

Her breathing coming out in shaky gasps, as she kept gawking at the floor in anticipation of an assault, which never came. Finally mustered the wits to mumble an unsteady apology through quivering lips; only, no one was left to hear it.

Everything's your fault.

Her mind reminded her spitefully, while she fixed her spectacles on the bridge of her nose through shaky hands. She bent down to pick her stuff, when another pair of hands joined her.

She flinched back from the shock of it, when her fingers accidentally brushed his.

"You okay?" The plain looking guy, cladded in plain button down and jeans, questioned her in a concern filled voice. But Mashal whipped her head back towards her books reflexively and after collecting her stuff in a frenzy, she stood up and almost ran down the hallway.

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"Who're you texting?"

At Mateen's skepticism laced voice, Mashal hid away her phone, startled.

"No one—"

She returned innocently, not daring to meet her 13 year old brother's suspicious gaze.

"Liar. I heard you talking on the phone last night—Who is he?" Mateen inquired calmly and took a seat beside his sister on the edge of her bed.

Mashal gulped slowly. Cat was out of the bag, now. There was no getting away from him, anymore. But even though, it was Mateen—her cute little adorable brother, whom she still loved more than her very life—Yet, something told her that she can't tell him the whole truth—just yet.

She looked away from his piercing gaze and cleared her throat, before beginning in a small voice, as she adjusted her specs on the bridge of her nose.

"Promise you won't tell anyone, first—!" Mateen regarded his naive elder sister curiously for a moment, before nodding his head slightly in agreement.

Seeking some solace in this, Mashal chewed on her lower lip for a moment, before starting cautiously.

"—he's in Uni, with me. I—" She paused to take in his reaction, who was still watching her with a placid look on his face.

There was no way Mashal could tell him, Kamal worked in the College Lab as an assistant and was almost a decade older than her. Or—that they had been secretly dating for almost half a year. After the first time he helped her in the corridor, she ran into him in the lab a few more times and before realising it, they had exchanged contact information.

"—we have known eachother for a couple of months and—" She was saying when just the thought of him, caused a smile spread across her features.

"Sigh—I don't know what to tell you, to be honest. I feel like I am living in a fairytale—" Mashal looked away from her brother with a soft sigh and continued to go on animatedly. If she had stopped to take in the coldness burning in Mateen's eyes, then she would have never made such a grave mistake.

"Mateen! When you meet him, you'll see what I mean! I've never met anyone like him! He's just—Gosh! I don't know how to explain it—He—he's just different, I guess?" She chuckled at just the thought of him, while taking hold of Mateen's hands; who unbeknownst to his sisters knowledge, had already got hands on all there was to know about this 'beau' courting his sister.

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"HOW?! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!"

Mashal screamed at her brother on top of her lungs, who stood in his place with rage burning in his own brown orbs. Shortly afterwards, Mateen had taken Noman's help and told his Dad about it all, who had threatened the guy and sent him some place far away with hush money.

"Have you lost your mind?! After knowing everything—You're still asking me this?! He is a creep who wouldn't have made you his second wife, even—! He already had 3 kids, Mush!! He was only after your money! Has your brains got rotten after being with that dirtbag for so long?!!"

He couldn't finish, because a sharp slap delivered across his face had stunned him speechless. Mateen slowly turned towards his sister with disbelief etched on his every single cell.

"Wha—what the hell do you know—You—You—have NO idea what I had been going through—since—" Hot tears welling up in her eyes streamed down her cheeks, as she continued gawking at him through clenched teeth and hatred boiling in her existence.

Since when—She didn't realise, since when—but slowly and surely, the poisonous thoughts arising in her mind had made her a target of victim personality. The person who added fuel to the fire was none other than that very person, she considered to be the love of her life. Who had exploited her insecurities and turned her against everyone else. Leaving her with no other place to seek refuge in but himself.

Mashal slowly became too blind to see sense in anything, except his words. And had unfortunately paved for herself a way to hell.

"You—want to be the only sane and brilliant one, huh?! I only wanted to be with him!! He was the only one who was ever there for ME!The only one who listened to me—and understood me!! He loved ME—!! You already have everything else, Mateen!! You—You've got Mom Dad's love and respect—You have everything that I could only dream of! You got everything—without even having to try for it—Everything is so easy for you—! Whereas, I—Do you—Do you have any idea—what I have been going through?!" Her voice broke with hiccups and Mateen felt his heart breaking at the sight of her sister crumbling in front of him in such a manner.

"Mush—" His voice overcame with emotions, as he reached out a hand towards her, but she smacked it away with loath burning in her existence for him.

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DISAPPEAR FROM MY LIFE!! JUST GET AWAY FROM ME! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU HEAR ME?! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING BORN! IT WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER IF YOU'D JUST DIED!"

Mateen's lips quivered with shaky gasps, as he stood there gaping at his sister through tears pooling in his eyes. His hand that had reached out to her; only seconds ago, now hung uselessly to his side after being slapped away.

Mateen tried to open his mouth to say something, anything but he couldn't form any thoughts while looking into her hate filled eyes.

He didn't realize how and when he had started backing away and began running down the stairs and out of the house. He could faintly register his heart thumping in his ears but his feet didn't cease motion. He kept charging through the darkened streets outside his house. Until his eyes reflexively turned back, in secret hopes to watch out for her if she was chasing after him; like always.

But alas; he was only met with disappointment and heartbreak.

And when Mateen returned—he couldn't have for the life of him anticipated how quickly his life was going to change. And him.

Assalamualaikum! Finally done with this update😌Thankyou for patiently waiting so far.
Had been dreading this one, since I started writing this book.
It wasn't easy to write for me at all. Hope you guys liked it?
Let me hear your thoughts, please🙈
Don't forget to leave a vote, if you enjoyed 🥰❤️