"So, will you be following in your Father's footsteps and going for General Med—or Opthalmology like your Grandfather—" Mateen glanced up from his mask and looked away from the cauterisation procedure to answer the resident's inquiry.

"Neither, Sir—I'll be going for Cardiothoracic surgery—" He returned plainly before sneaking a glance at Hajra standing beside him; whose gaze was still focused on the surgery.

"Oh—! A surgeon in making huh?! You're one of us, that means—C'mon then! We'll be the judge if you've got the hands of a surgeon or not—" Another resident chided in and Mateen obliged with a nod. He was in the middle of assisting, while answer their queries about the procedure, when Dr. Rafiq; the senior surgeon on case broke in.

"Just because you're born into a family of doctors doesn't automatically make you a great physician—It only makes you a privileged piece of work—" His icy remarks caused a heavy air to fall in the operation theatre and while everyone in the room waited on Mateen to return with a comeback, he quietly kept his head down with eyes glued to the procedure; without so much as batting an eye.

It was always one of two things, that came along with his surname. Either immunity or insult—and Mateen was used to having both of them by now.

He moved away, after a while of assisting and came to stand beside Hajra again, who hadn't so much as said a word so far. He glanced in her direction, while she turned her gaze towards the clock.

"—Suction." The resident standing next to Hajra's side inquired, but she didn't move an inch from her place. A few moments of silence later before the resident could ask again, Mateen interjected himself and turned towards Hajra; who chose that moment to finally look at him.

It only took Mateen a split second to sense what was about to transpire and right before her head fell back and she limped towards the floor, Mateen's body had moved reflexively to hold her. His hands as if they had got a mind of its own, went ahead and caught her in his arms, before collapsing onto the floor with an unconscious Hajra in his embrace.

Moments passed, but Mateen sat frozen in his place; unable to tear his gaze from the lifeless figure in his arms. His whole body shook with tremors and his breaths came out in ragged gasps as he gawked wide-eyed at the cold and unmoving soul in his lap.

"Mu—mush—wake up—mu—"

A painful memory came gnawing at the back of his mind and he felt his heart dropping instantly. The fear crippling his existence into nothingness before leaving him incapacitated.

"Ha—Hajra—" Mateen couldn't recognise the terror stricken voice escaping his quivering lips. He was having a hard time evening out his breath and grabbing a hold of himself.

"—Take off her mask." He overheard someone saying and his trembling hand moved on reflex to pull down her mask. Just looking at her pale face was enough to stop his heart. He didn't even realise when his lips began quivering with unuttered sobs.

"Ha—jra—" His voice broke, as he shakily patted her face and blood smeared across her cheeks from his glove. The sight of it made blood drain from his face and for a moment he just sat there rooted to the spot, white as a sheet; with Hajra's cold and lifeless body in his arms.

His palms were sweaty and the adrenaline coursing through his system was shutting down his ability to think logically. He couldn't hear the sounds of those around him anymore. Still, he somehow managed to take in a sharp gasp before roughly taking off his glove and throwing them to a side. His chest heaved with lack of oxygen while his breaths came out in ragged, shallow gasps.

"Sh—she isn't waking up—why isn't she—" His lips quivered as he watched her not responding to legs being raised up by the female scrub-nurse. Tears filled the edges of his vision and the only thing he could hear was his own heart pounding in his ears.

That's when Hajra slowly cracked her eyes open and Mateen was finally able to exhale a breath he hadn't been able to release before.

"Hajra—" He gasped out shakily and the tears pooling in his eyes began to blurry his vision.  However, Hajra didn't respond. Instead closed her eyes again with a soft sigh.

"Maybe its exhaustion. Why do girls even bother coming into surgery if they are going to be an inconvenience to everyone—Someone take her to emergency—" Dr. Rafiq remarked irritated and a male scrub-nurse came ahead to help mateen and tried to pull her away from his arms. This caused Mateen to wake up from his delirium and he slapped his hands away before protectively hugging Hajra to himself and snarling at the shocked nurse. 

"DON'T TOUCH HER!" He screamed through ragged breaths before returning his gaze back to Hajra, who had once again become motionless.

"Woah—Look at Romeo and Juliet here—" Dr. Salman whistled but Mateen wasn't in a state to register anything; until the female scrub-nurse suggested him to take her to the wheelchair outside.

"Oi Romeo! Scrub back in after dropping your Juliet—!" Dr. Muqeet interjected, while Mateen stood up with Hajra in his arms.

"Why are you acting so jealous, you old man! Just because you got the worse end of bargain—Atleast let the kids have their share of romance. Anyways, after this they'll be stuck wasting away their whole lives, in the four walls of OT—" Dr. Salman chuckled at which Muqeet spared him an irritated sideway glance.

"What romance? After the end of these 5 years they won't even look at each other. All this romance is limited to these 4 walls—Once College finishes, reality will come crashing at them like a cold, wet slap on their faces, when parents and world come in between—"

Mateen didn't hear them while he took Hajra down to the emergency room. He felt like he was hanging between reality and nightmare by a thin thread. He still couldn't shake off the effects of shock, even after the Doctor had checked her and gave her okay.

"Doctor sahab—She is okay. You don't need to be so worried. It was just exhaustion. She is sleeping, right now." The Nurse came over to tell him, when she saw Mateen crouching over himself on the stool by her bedside. His eyes closed against the fist of his hands, pressed against his forehead.

He couldn't find the strength to move away even if he tried to, but he still managed to look up and nod a thanks to the Nurse. His eyes drifting towards her sleeping figure before getting stuck there.

He couldn't remember, if he had ever felt such terror in his life before today. Even now, he still felt like he could never wipe off this horrific memory from his existence, despite trying.

——————————

"You do too much for everyone, Hajra...You never think about yourself. You shouldn't take on more than you can carry...." Humera's smiling face pops up infront of her.

"Hajra only needs to be Hajra....I am happy if Hajra is happy.." She caresses her hair, before placing a kiss against Hajra's temple.

"It's fine if you act selfish once in a while..." Humera looks down at her worried, while forcing herself to break a smile.

'More. I need to do more...It's still not enough.'

The thought burns her conscience and she sees herself standing infront of her father's burial ceremony; holding onto Humera's hand, with Hassan and Hussain clutching at their mother's legs.

Her eyes open with a snap and  for a long moment, she finds herself staring straight ahead at the white ceiling. Her consciousness floating through an empty space, before a voice finally breaks her trance.

"You're finally awake. You'd been out for more than 2 hours—The other Doctor requested me to take care of you—" Hajra turned her gaze to the side, listening to the nurse go on. She kept gaping at her silently for a while before turning her gaze to look around her and take in her surroundings.

That's when it finally hit her and she sat up with a gasp.

"What? Why am I here—? How—?" She stammered and the Nurse tilted her neck at her quizzically.

"You don't remember? You fainted in the OT. Your friend—ah—Dr. Mateen, yes. He brought you here. He looked devastated. I kept telling him that it was just exhaustion but he looked like he had seen Malak-ul-Maut—"

"Mateen?" The name rolled of her tongue with hesitation and she felt an ominous feeling creeping within her, causing her to sigh with exhaustion.

————————————

She had come back to the doctor's room to get ready for her shift, when the door opened and Mateen came in. He immediately stopped in his tracks at her sight, as if he had seen a ghost.

Hajra opened her mouth to say something, but then turned away with a frown. For some unknown reason, her heart was thumping loudly in her chest and she felt herself gulp down whatever fear she felt upon seeing him.

"You—" She heard his voice behind her and was struck stunned in her place. It was useless to escape anymore. She knew what was about to come and it was best to get done with it quickly and go on their respective ways. However, when she turned to face him, what she didn't expect was the look of anger mixed with pain and hurt etched on his face.

"Can you for ONCE stop to think about the consequences of your actions?!" Mateen walked up to her angrily and Hajra could do nothing but gape at him shocked.

"Is it fun?! Putting others through torture?! Huh?! Did you even once think about the trouble you bring to others around you?! Why can't you for GOD'S SAKE—just once stop and—!"

Without realising it in his state of rage, he kept inching closer. Leaving Hajra to back away in fear until she had accidentally slumped down on the couch; with Mateen glowering over her head.

Mateen couldn't pinpoint where the anger was stemming from. He just knew he was fuming with rage and if it was possible he would have gladly locked her up until she wasn't a danger to herself anymore.

'It was all her fault that he had no control over himself, anymore. If only he hadn't met her. If only Hajra had never come into his life and disrupted everything he believed in—! He couldn't even recognise himself anymore. This pathetic existence that he was reduced into, without having any control over anything. He didn't know what to do with himself anymore. If only—only, someone could tell him.'

His angry screams had died down; yet, Hajra could do nothing but watch him through shaky gasps and angry tears pooling in her eyes. Before she could get a hold of herself, frightened sobs began to escape her lips; leaving Mateen deflated, as he gawked at her stunned. All his previous anger dissipating into thin air and becoming replaced with apprehension and guilt, while Hajra turned her face from him and roughly wiped away her tears.

"Who—Who the hell do you think you are? Huh? Who do you think—you are—to shout at me—Who—gave you the right—? No one asked you to trouble yourself—over me. So don't—don't go around—projecting your anger at me—I didn't ask for this burden—! So just—" She couldn't think straight anymore. There was so much more she wished to say, but words were failing her. Hajra couldn't erase the feeling of immense dread bubbling in her heart against him.

While Mateen gawked at her small frame shaking with unshed sobs and the piercing, hate-filled gaze looking back at him, a painful realisation dawned upon him.

'It was a mistake. No—Better yet, a punishment. Hajra was his retribution for his past sins. For everything wrong he had done, in his ignorance; the penalty came in the form of her. Even if he gave up his entire world, he still wouldn't be able to erase the hatred in her heart for him. No matter what he did—she would still be someone, he could never have. Someone, who could never become his—'

"—You're right. It's my fault—Everything is my fault—I am sorry—"

He didn't have anything else to say anymore. So, he left her.

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