(So I got this request awhile ago, and I wasn't gonna do it cuz it's not really my style, and it doesn't really match up with the wholesome PG vibe I've been attempting to stick to for this story, but my editor really wanted me to write these, so he actually did most of them himself. Anyway, without further ado, I turn you guys over to my esteemed colleague. Enjoy!)

Editor's note: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!! Yeah, I said it. Merry Christmas. I don't wish you happy holidays, I wish you a wonderful day on December 25th. If you've got a problem with that, I rescind my warm wishes, and may you have a most dreadful and decidedly un-merry Christmas. Anyway, feel free to heap praise and laudations upon me in the comments. Also, some of the boyfriends got this episode off. (Stupid covid protocols necessitated a decreased cast so as to film "safely". It's not like I'm just being lazy or anything...) Anyway, enjoy the story.

*ALSO! I am not suggesting or supporting the consumption of alcohol while under the age that such an activity becomes legal wherever you live. This is merely for entertainment purposes.*

Link:

 " Imma gon, gon go sooooo HARD in the chocobo r-racing... Y-yer gon LOSE you D-DOLT!" Link passionately proclaimed to a smirking Snake. The assassin had challenged your boyfriend to a drinking game and Link was now completely wasted. Apparently, Snake had taken his elimination from the series quite hard, to the point where he was basically living in the bar. This little fact had done wonders for his already staggeringly high alcohol tolerance, and said tolerance far outstripped your boyfriend's own limits.

 You rested your aching temples against your fingertips as you listened to your boyfriend sputter unintelligible nonsense. 

  "Tell him Imma HIT THAT LOT-lot-la-... Lott-er-y. Tell him , Saria. He's jus, jus a big bull- BU-LLY!" Link slurred, looking to you for support. (And apparently forgetting your name...)

  You rolled your eyes and reached for your glass. Taking a small sip, you eyed your intoxicated boyfriend, silently wondering how long it would be before he was sober again. You didn't know how much more of this you could take...

  "OH-Oho YEAH? Well MY gurRl w-wears a si-size TWELVE bitc*!" Link swore at a bottle of ketchup that had apparently challenged him. "So I gott A GOod oNE y-you d-ducking ffff-astard!" Link cursed once more (or tried to anyway...) and smacked the offending condiment clear off of the table as Snake laughed and got up to retrieve the bottle. 

  Link let out another noisy profanity as he threw a salt packet at his friend, attempting to express his disapproval with the man for sympathizing with his enemy. Link shook his head and reached for his noble pursuit, quickly downing the beverage before angrily slamming the glass down on the table.

  You sighed and facepalmed before staring down at your own drink. This would be a lot less annoying if you were also intoxicated... Ah screw it! Bottoms up!

  "CHug-chug-cHuG-a-ChUg-A-CHOO-CHOO!" Link cheered you on before promptly falling flat on his face and passing out on the table. You promptly called for a server to bring you another drink. Hopefully, you wouldn't remember any of this in the morning...

Mario:

"And a-that's a-why we a-need to stop a-that basta**" Mario declared, looking you square in the eyes. You nodded gravely as you listened to the intoxicated plumber explain why Luigi was a dangerous threat to his dominion. Apparently, Mario's green-clad brother had been setting up an intricate conspiracy to dethrone your boyfriend as the face of Nintendo, starting with stealing the spotlight during the "year of Luigi" and kicking Mario out of his own franchise with the game "Super Luigi Bros."

  "He's a-plotting in a-his a-mansion!" Mario cried desperately, grabbing your hands and staring deep into your eyes. "He a-wants to keep his a-meetings a-secret by a-claiming his a-mansion is haunted! He already a-fixed that a-problem with a-his first a-mansion! It can't a-get haunted again!" your boyfriend slurred, desperately trying to convey to you the gravity of the situation. You nodded attentively in an attempt to appease him.

  "Maybe he's fixing a different mansion in every game." you suggested.

Mario shook his head violently. 

"A-that would a-be even a-more suspicious! A-what a-would he a-need all those a-mansions for?!? It's a *hic*, conspiracy!!" he shouted, visibly upset. "What's a-next? Luigi-Kart!? A-Luigi Party!?"

Mario's eyes widened as an idea occurred to him. "A-Luigi and a-Sonic at a-the Olympics!?!" he screamed, clearly not putting it past his brother to work with his hated hedgehog nemesis.

 You rolled your eyes and let out a long sigh. This is gonna be a looong night...

Pit:

 "Pal-pa-Palutena *hic* promised th-that I could be the demon king!"  your boyfriend slurred. 

 "Ah, that's nice, Pit, but I thought you were an angel, not a demon..." you prodded, trying to suppress a giggle.

  Pit's eyes widened in shock. "Y-you're RIGHT *hic*. Pal-pal-PAH-LOO-TAE-NAH LIED tah me!! ... I th-thought she liked me..."  Pit blubbered, his eyes filling with tears. Being an angel, Pit had never once tasted alcohol, and one single drink had proved to be "one too many". 

  "WHY CAN'T I FLAAAIIIIYYYYYY?!?!?!" Pit screeched, grabbing his newly re-filled mug and taking a swig. "...I *hic* believe I can fly..." he whispered, before breaking down into a sobbing mess. Unblinking, you watched as he slowly curled into a fetal position under the table. 

  You sighed and crouched down, attempting to console the inebriated angel. You offered him your hand, which he gladly took. Attempting to stand up, Pit hit his head on the bottom of the table and promptly fell back down. He screamed in frustration and banged his fists against the floor in annoyance before burping and then abruptly vomiting. You blinked. Maybe taking an angel to a bar hadn't been the best of ideas...

Dark Pit:

After Dark Pit began drinking, he began to engage in no-no activities. "WHOOOO!" I hear reader-chan cheer in excitement. "IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!!" reader-chan thinks. Nope. My writing doesn't cover no-no topics. Heh.

Marth:

After Marth had drunken his second glass of red wine, he noticed he was starting to feel a bit dizzy. That's when he promptly called an Uber, kissed you goodnight, and went home. So yeah. 

Robin: 

You thought Robin would be fun when he was drunk. However, you also failed to set up the situation correctly. If he had Chrom with him or a bunch of his other friends, Robin would have been a blast to hang out with. Instead, you got him alone and he just started telling you all about his favorite strategies. After an hour-long lecture about some historic battle or another, Robin had somehow gone completely off topic, and was now quietly humming an old war song to himself. The song was lively enough, with parts of it being punctuated by screechy sounding eagle-noises every now and then. Gradually, his song grew fainter and fainter, until he was sleeping soundly, slumped over the table with his head cradled in his arms. You were going to wake him up until he started talking in his sleep. "...Stop following me you crazy lady....no, put the flower petals back, you don't need them for a 'grand entrance"... for Pete's sake get your 'sword hand' under control..." His unconscious thoughts proved to be quite entertaining for some reason, and you spent the next hour just listening to your boyfriend spout nonsense. Fun times.

Chrom:

You should have known something like this would happen. It's not like it was wildly unexpected. You knew there would be trouble as soon as you left to use the bathroom and saw Robin approaching your boyfriend. You let out a sigh as you watched the disaster unfold before you. Chrom was dancing and singing karaoke on the small stage in the bar. It wasn't just any dance either. It was one of those ridiculous jigs where the dancer has a cane and a fancy-looking top-hat. And he wasn't alone. He was dancing with several other men who Robin had roped into the performance, and, perhaps the worst of all, they had somehow turned Counting Stars into a barbershop quartet. You couldn't decide whether to cover your eyes, or your ears. And not because it sounded bad, but on a matter of principle. Would you give in and accept the creative and weirdly okay-sounding rendition? Would you give it a chance? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS! AND DON'T FORGET TO SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON AND SUBSCRIBE! REMEMBER TO HIT THAT NOTIFICATION BELL TOO SO YOU'LL BE NOTIFIED WHENEVER I COME OUT WITH GREAT NEW CONTENT! MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMON- Whew! Don't know what came over me there. I just felt this sudden, powerful urge to shout, and then everything went black and... Weird. Sorry about that...

Roy:

Roy is in the same boat as Dark Pit here. Though, in Roy's case, it has more to do with the effects of the alcohol and less to do with our boy just being a bad egg. *Looks at Dark Pit in disapproval*

Ike:

"You hear me?! I f-FIGHT for mah FRIENDS!" Ike proudly proclaimed, flexing his left arm and giving you a thumbs-up with his other hand. 

  You facepalmed. This was not how your evening was supposed to be going. You had gone out to dinner for the bar's specialty burgers, not their alcohol. Unfortunately for you, your boyfriend had run into some old buddies while you were there and they had started doing shots. Which led to Ike regaling the entire bar with his many war stories. This particular story happened to be about the Subspace Wars...

  "A-and THEN, I threw Ragnell, and I was like, 'GREEEAAT AEETHER!', and I cut off the bomb. And then the Ancient Minister (fu**in' bit**) flew away like a sissy-a** loser." Ike explained to the nearby patrons. Your eye twitched in annoyance as several women fawned over your man's muscles, apparently super interested in his stories. 

  "What happened next Ikey-poo?" one of them cooed. 

  "That's it! Let's go! We're leaving!" you announced, grabbing Ike's arm and pulling him out of the bar. Next date night was gonna be somewhere that wasn't here.

Corrin:

   "You know who I frickty-fraken h-hate?" your boyfriend looked up at you glumly from the floor where he was lying. "No... Who?" you humored him. "My stupid little brother. H-he's...he's a jerk." Corrin hiccuped. "And I HATE him." 

"I'm sure you don't hate him, Cor." you hummed, taking a sip of your drink. "Maybe he's just a little...difficult?" you suggested. "Nope." Corrin closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I hate him. DON'T YOU U-UNDERSTAND?" he tried to sit up, before promptly giving up on that endeavor and sliding back down to the floor. "Okay sweetie." you laughed, scooting off your bar stool and kneeling on the floor next to him. "I love you."

"I h-HAVE a girlfriend. Back off queen." Corrin snapped at you. "She is gorgeouuuuus. S-so amazing bro." he giggled. "Oh yeah?" you raised an eyebrow at him, a smile forming on your face. "We should get home. C'mon." you offered him your hand. 
"I J-JUST said I h-have a girlfriend! I can't g-go home with you!" Corrin frowned at you. "Don't make me blow my stranger-danger whistle." he told you very solemnly. 

Well...you didn't know how you were going to get him out of the bar, but at least he was loyal...? 

Cloud:

 You glared angrily at your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. Cloud was sitting at the bar, stirring his drink and receiving a lot of attention from the female bartender, who just so happened to be one of his best friends. That last bit was something that Cloud had failed to mention when he suggested going out to this specific location tonight. If looks could kill, both Cloud and the gorgeous friend he'd conveniently forgotten to mention would be dead. Cloud had downed several shots already, which had caused him to open up considerably, and you'd excused yourself from the conversation when she and Cloud had got talking. Cloud's friend was extremely attractive, and that led to feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, feelings that were only heightened when you noted how well they got along. It got to be too much and you just had to take a minute (or fifteen) to clear your thoughts and regain a healthy mindset (an activity that was carried out on the opposite side of the establishment). Even while trying to calm down, you couldn't help but keep an eye on your boyfriend. As you watched them, angry thoughts stormed around your head and dominated your consciousness, before being replaced by an acute sense of guilt.

  No, I'm being petty. Cloud's friend looks nice, and they haven't actually done anything yet... Maybe I'll just go talk to them...

After clearing your head you were ready rejoin them, but just as you started walking over to rejoin the conversation, two kids shot past you and ran up to them. You watched curiously as a young boy and girl jumped on top of Cloud, who smirked and ruffled the boy's hair.

   "Cloud's back! Cloud's back!" they cheered. 

 "Denzel! Marlene! I thought I told you two to get ready for bed. You have school tomorrow." The bartender chastised the kids, but her bright smile betrayed the fact that she wasn't really upset. You were about to walk over to Cloud when the little boy said something that froze you in your tracks.

  "Are you gonna stay the night, Cloud?" he asked eagerly. Cloud looked at him fondly and leaned back on his bar-stool, resting his hand on his chin as he pretended to think about it. 

"Please, please, please! Preeeetty pleeeeeeease?" the kids begged, jumping up and down. Cloud smiled. "I don't know guys... I have a pretty busy day tomorrow, and I don't want to keep you up too late..." he said, blinking a couple times in an attempt to clear his head. He clutched at his head for a moment, pressing his cool fingers to his temples to relieve a budding headache. The alcohol was starting to catch up to him.

The kids' enthusiasm didn't flag one bit. "Please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?" they begged. Even the bartender joined in, much to your personal annoyance. "Yeah, Cloud. Please?" she teased. Cloud laughed. "You're worse than they are, Tifa... But... Alright, why not? You still have a room for me, Tifa?" he asked, looking at the kids, then back to the bartender. The bartender offered Cloud a sincere smile. "We'll always keep a room for you , Cloud... So maybe you should starting using it more! Start coming home for the weekends, yeah?" she scolded. "Alright, alright, just wait until I'm completely sober to teach me  a lesson, 'kay?" Cloud protested. His bartender lady-friend laughed and shooed him up the stairs behind the bar, the two kids right behind him. You watched in horror as Cloud slid back down the stairs and attempted to steal a small pastry from behind the counter and the bartender playfully chased him away. The level of horror with which you viewed the situation increased dramatically when Cloud made a second attempt to snatch the treat, with the bartender finally relenting after Cloud had sidled over and given her a hug from behind. "S-stop it Cloud!" she laughed, pushing him away. "Here, just take the muffin and go tuck the kids in."

Your eye twitched in annoyance as Cloud accepted his muffin and turned to walk back up the stairs, but you couldn't help laughing when he dropped his treat on the floor, and quickly snatched the pastry off the ground, yelling "Five-second rule!", and blowing on the muffin to remove any pesky dirt. Then you remembered that you were extremely pissed off with him. As you walked outside the bar to drive home, you noticed his motorcycle sitting in the parking lot. On the spur of the moment, you decided to dig your car keys into the side of his pretty little souped-up motorcycle, carve your name into its leather seeeeeeeat, take a rock and smash its headlight, and slash a hole in both its tires. Maybe next time he'll think before he... Wait a minute... Has he actually cheated yet? Hold on... No, he hasn't... And also, if you'd just stayed next to him in the first place, rather than storming off because you were jealous of his friend, then you wouldn't even be in this position. As you looked at Cloud's wrecked motorcycle, you realized too late that you had made an oopsie. 

(Editor's note: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Suck it y/n! I couldn't protect Zelink or Robcina... but I'll be darned if I let Cloti slip through my fingers too!)

(On a side note, don't feel too bad about losing your boyfriend y/n. Cloud is a character with a lot of emotional baggage, and odds are that your relationship with him wasn't all that healthy anyway.)

Shulk:

  You sighed and covered your face in your hands, unable to watch any more of the horror that was unfolding before you this very moment. Once Shulk had downed his fourth drink, it had taken maybe thirty seconds for him to strip down to his undies before stampeding through the bar screaming "BACKSLASH!".... For someone who could supposedly see into the future, your boyfriend sure did seem to make some questionable decisions. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, you lifted your head out of your hands to see Shulk leading a parade of drunken men in only their under-garments, all of them chanting what appeared to be some kind of political nonsense... "Better fed than dead! VOTE PIZZA FOR YOUR SUPREME DICTATOR! KNEEL BEFORE HIS IMPERIOUS MAJESTY!" At that point, some of the Pizza's supporters turned violent, and began harassing the other patrons. They were swiftly kicked out of the bar, although, judging by the trash-can fire they started in the parking-lot, their mood hadn't dampened at all with their change in venue. You let your head rest against your fist, your arm propped up on the table. You could tell that this was gonna be a long night...

Pokemon Trainer:

After he finished drunkenly belting out every single one of the opening themes in the entire Pokemon series, you hit him on the head with a mug before he could attempt the complete Poke-rap.

 Donkey Kong:

  As you sat in the crowd and watched your drunken gorilla boyfriend perform the "banana jamboree" with his drunken gorilla friends, two words flashed through your mind: Never. Again.

Mega Man:

  ...Is a robot, and thus cannot get drunk. You did, however, play various pranks on several other patrons who did have too much to drink.

Captain Falcon:

  Captain Falcon sat in a large chair before a cozy fire in the tavern, resting his chin on his hands and staring somberly into the dancing flames. He had come in from a disappointing 2nd place finish in a race, and what was supposed to be a victory party at the bar had become an awkward gathering, nobody knowing what to say. Finally, Olimar timidly approached your brooding boyfriend.

  "Gosh it disturbs me to see you Fal-con, looking so down in the dumps... Every guy here'd love to BE you Fal-con, even when taking your lumps." Falcon moodily adjusted his chair and pushed Olimar away, but the diminutive astronaut persisted. "There's no man in smash as admired as you, you're everyone's favorite guy! Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it's not very hard to see whyyyyyyyyyy:..." Falcon looked up to see Olimar run over to Link and yank off his belt. Link blushed as his pants fell to the floor and hastily pulled them back up, glaring at Olimar as the bar let out a collective peal of laughter. Olimar waited until the laughter had died out to continue his praise of Gast- I mean, Falcon...

   "No one's.... Quick as Fal-con, no one's slick as Fal-con, no one's neck's as incredibly thick as Fal-con!" Olimar sang, wrapping the pilfered belt around Falcon's neck. Falcon flexed his neck muscles and the belt snapped off.

  "For there's no man in town half as manly... Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Fox, Link, or Jiggly, and they'll tell you who's team they prefer to be oooooooon!"

  At this point, the rest of the bar joined Olimar in the singing of Falcon's praises.

"No one's been like Fal-con a kingpin like Fal-con! No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Fal-con!"

  Here, Falcon conceded that he was, in, fact, very manly. "...As a specimen yes, I'm intimidating!"

  "My what a guy, that Fal-con!" the bar collectively cheered. 

   But it didn't end there. Olimar climbed atop a table and started leading a cheer. "Give five hurrahs! Give twelve hip-hips! Fal-con is the best and the rest is all drips!" he shouted, tossing aside the beer mug he had been holding. Unfortunately, that mug hit Falcon in the head, whereby the subject of the song immediately utilized his raptor boost technique to uppercut Olimar through the ceiling as the rest of the bar cheered and continued singing.

  "No one fights like Fal-con! Douses lights like Fal-con!" they cheered. Meanwhile, Olimar had recovered from being launched, and joined in for the next verse. "In a wrestling match nobody BITES like Fal-con!"

"For there's no one as burly and brawny!" chorused Peach, Daisy, and Rosalina from the bench they were sitting on.

"As you see I've got biceps to spare." Falcon admitted, flexing his well-defined arms before hoisting the bench onto his shoulder, causing the ladies to swoon while the crowd gasped in awe.

"Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny!" Olimar chimed in.

"That's right!" Falcon nodded "And every last inch of me's covered with HAIR!" Falcon winked and ripped his shirt open, briefly exposing his manly chest hair.

 "No one hits like Fal-con, matches wits like Fal-con!" the crowd chanted. "In a spitting match nobody spits like Fal-con!" Olimar exclaimed, climbing onto a table to see over the other patrons.

"I'm especially good at expectorating!" Captain Falcon cried exuberantly, before promptly showcasing this fact by throwing back his head, gurgling for a moment, and then careening forward and expelling the spittle from his mouth as if it had been launched from a cannon. Said spittle crashed into Olimar's helmet, and the impact of the collision knocked the astronaut clear off table as the bar cheered once more.

Captain Falcon took this as an opportunity to share a touching story about his life. "When I was a lad Smash had one dozen men, and I beat them to help me get strong! And now that I'm grown Smash has seven dozen men, so now I'm the best of them ALL!"

Various "oohs" and "ahhs" rang out from the crowd before they picked up the tune once more.

  "My what a guy that Fal-con! No one shoots like Fal-con, makes those beauts like Fal-con! Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Fal-con!"

 "I use falcons in all of my decorating!" Captain Falcon pointed out, casually sliding across his fireside chair and throwing his arms out to emphasize the vast trophy collection and assorted falcon-themed decorations on the wall behind him.

  "My what a guy..... FAL-CON!!!!" the occupants of the tavern finished their song on a high note, giving a collective round of applause before going back to their own business. 

  "Are you feeling better now, babe?" you perched yourself on the arm rest of Captain Falcon's chair, pecking him on the cheek. "Yes. Much better." he smiled.

Ness & Lucas: 

I (the editor) had this really funny idea to link these two scenarios together and have the Earthbound boys use pk fire to burn down whatever establishment you were dining at. Unfortunately, I don't have the energy to write it out for you guys, so you'll just have to imagine it for yourselves. I figured you'd rather have the story without these two than be forced to wait even longer for the next part to come out. Sorry about that :(

So that wraps it up for this chapter! Sorry it took so long to come out (but, let's be honest, that Captain Falcon scenario was worth the wait. You know it was.).

Anyway, here's a list of the scenarios I wrote: Corrin, Marth. That's it. My editor wrote everything else.

So if you don't like the story, direct your backlash at him folks. I'm just the author, what am I supposed to do about the script?

Another full scenario with the full cast will be out soon, this was just a little bonus. Consider it my editor's Christmas present to.....Cloud Strife. :)