The ornately carved clock on the mantlepiece ticked audibly, drawing my eyes towards it. The wooden deer that Sebastian had made for my birthday stood proudly next to it and made me smile. It was delicate and perfect, much like its creator.

I had spent much of the day looking at finances with my father. I had always had a flair for numbers and an eye for prices, so my father had given me a treasury role which suited me well. People generally responded to me well when I spoke to them, so I found I also had a talent for setting up trade agreements with the various provinces and districts and creating additional efficiencies, which my father seemed to appreciate.

The ticking clock indicated that the time was nearly half past seven. Which meant that for the second time in as many weeks, Sebastian was uncharacteristically late.

Being as stubborn as he was punctual, Sebastian was unlikely to ask for assistance if he had taken on additional tasks, as he had on the Wednesday of the previous week. Deducing that this was the most likely explanation for his tardiness, I resolved to aid him in whatever manner I could to help him finish so that we could spend more time together. I was not averse to physical labour and reasoned I may well welcome it after poring over numbers all day.

Mind made up, I slid on my boots and retraced the route I had taken when this had happened last Wednesday. I started by knocking loudly on the door of Sebastian's room in case he had already returned for the day and was freshening up.

As it had last week, the action of knocking on his door brought back one of my favourite memories of Sebastian, opening the door to his room half naked. I recalled I had intended to go to Gadwall Lake alone that evening in August last year, since bringing Sebastian with me on a previous occasion had nearly driven me insane with desire. So, I had tried to be sensible and not put myself in that situation again, but when he opened the door to his quarters, dripping wet and wearing only a towel, I caved, wedging my foot in his door and inviting him anyway. The result was better than I could have ever anticipated.

I sincerely hoped that when I found him tonight, Sebastian would be in the mood for undressing. Now that images from the lake filled my head, I was going to find it difficult to keep my hands to myself.

I opened the door to Sebastian's quarters. I called his name and looked around, establishing quickly that he was not inside.

My next port of call would be the stables, so I closed his door and steered myself in that direction. I knew he had an arrangement with Paul and Aaron which meant they would sometimes take on each other's chores so that they could take leave more often. This seemed to have worked well for them as a rule, but it occasionally made for longer days.

As I stepped outside, dark rainclouds were drizzling small droplets of rain and blotting out the sun. I pulled up my collar and strode towards the stables. Last week I had heard him clattering as he tidied up, but as I walked past the various stalls, I heard nothing that would indicate he was here.

I decided to look for him in the stall I most anticipated he would be found in.

"Have you seen Sebastian?" I asked Nutmeg after I entered, patting him softly. 

 He whinnied and nodded his head but offered no clues as to my lover's whereabouts. Nutmeg had clearly been groomed and fed today, and his stall looked clean, so Sebastian must have been here.

I left, closing the door behind me and started poking my head through the other stable doors systematically, finding nothing. Perhaps he was not here after all. After peering through the fourth door, I was about to leave, when something in the corner of my eye made me pull back for another look.

A figure lay motionless, sprawled over a bale of hay. Even before my mind registered Sebastian's hair and clothes, I knew it was him. I was at his side in a flash, uneasiness creeping under my skin.

"Sebastian?" I moved him delicately to try to wake him. He felt lifeless under my touch. Panic gripped me, rolling up and down my spine in cold waves.

"No, no, no!" I shrieked. I shook him a little harder. "Sebastian, wake up!"

Still nothing.

"No, no, no, no, no," I chanted.

The stall felt like it was spinning. Hands trembling, I gently lifted one of his eyelids. His beautiful hazel eye was lifeless and bloodshot. I put my ear next to his mouth, and heard him breathing, but it was extremely faint.

I sat up and noticed he was clutching a half empty medicine bottle. I took it from his fingers and lifted it up to my nose. The smell caught in the back of my throat and made my eyes water. What was this revolting substance? It looked like he had consumed it, but not all of it. Tears stung my eyes and bile rose in my throat from the smell alone. What had it done to him?

My head was still whirling but I could think clearly enough to know I needed an apothecary. There was a stopper for the bottle on the hay nearby, so I plugged the bottle with it and put it in my pocket. With one arm under his neck and one around his waist, I lifted Sebastian from the hay. He lay completely limp in my arms as I carried him out of the stable door.

I was aiming for Sebastian's room, but I ensured that I passed by the kitchen on the way. I knew there would still be staff around at this time, and this was the most likely place to find them.

I kicked open the door to the kitchen.

"Williams," I called to my faithful butler, who was the first person I laid eyes on. "I need you to go to Garrow and fetch an apothecary immediately. I will take Sebastian to his quarters and compensate you later. Take Shadow."

Williams looked at the unresponsive squire in my arms.

"Of course, sir," he replied, and left the kitchen immediately.

"Did you say that was Sebastian?" a voice from my left asked. I turned to find Annabelle, eyes wide in shock as she took in the sight before her. "What happened?"

"I do not know, but I intend to find out," I replied. "Annabelle, do you know where Sebastian's previous employer lives?"

"Sir Tristan?" she asked rhetorically, nodding. "I do, sir. I have never had reason to travel that way, but Sebastian has spoken enough of his old home that I believe I could find it."

"He will want to know about this," I said. "Would you feel comfortable taking Nutmeg and delivering the news? It would mean a great deal to me."

"Of course," she agreed. "I will leave now."

"Thank you," I responded gratefully. "I will take Sebastian to his room. Please meet us there."

I needed someone I could discuss this situation with openly. Tristan knew in part what nobody else did, and I knew I would need the support.

I carried Sebastian to his quarters and kicked open the door, pushing it closed behind me. I laid him gently on the bed, trying to ensure he was as comfortable as possible. I sat on the bed next to him. It was breaking my heart to see him this way.

"What happened to you?" I asked as I stroked his hair from his face, noting that his temperature was higher than it should have been. I carefully removed his jacket to help him cool down, trying not to jolt him as I did so.

As I pulled the jacket from under his flaccid body, another small brown bottle dropped from one of the pockets onto the floor. After folding the jacket over the arm of a nearby chair, I picked the bottle up from the floor, took out the stopper and sniffed the contents. It was the same substance that had apparently created this state of affairs.

"Another one?" I asked him. "How many of these do you have?"

After putting the bottle on the dressing table, I searched his jacket for more, but found only two in total.

I sat back on the bed and resumed stroking Sebastian's hair. After finding the strength to ensure the practical tasks that were within my power were complete, my emotions now started to crumble. I was far from an expert in medical matters, but just from looking at him, it was difficult to believe he was going to survive this.

"Sebastian," I stammered weakly as I played with his hair. A stray tear rolled down my cheek and fell onto the bedclothes. I could not remember the last time I had cried. "Telling you I love you does not seem enough. I wish you could see what I see, see how special you are to me. You have allowed me to experience unconditional love in my mind, my body, my soul, Sebastian. There is no greater gift you could have given me."

His skin still felt scorched, and so I wetted a rag and put it on his forehead to try and ease the fever. Two more tears fell as I did so. Sebastian did not so much as flinch. I hoped that on some level he could hear me.

"Of all the stars in the sky, you shine brighter than them all," I told him. "Please, do not give up this fight, I cannot bear the thought of my star fading."

Time dragged as I waited, trying to keep his temperature from soaring any higher. I lost count of the number of times I pleaded for him not to leave me, as I did what I could to keep him comfortable until help arrived.

A loud rap on the door pulled me from my thoughts. Wiping away any lingering tears from my cheeks, I stood up, composed myself and pulled the door open.

"Williams," I greeted my butler, albeit somewhat solemnly.

Another man stood with him. Greying hair covered his head in tufts, and he was carrying a large satchel over his brown robes.

"This is Daniel, sir," Williams introduced the man. "Daniel is an apothecary from Garrow."

I swung the door wide and gestured them both inside.

"Daniel," I greeted him. "Thank you for coming at such short notice."

"I am humbly at your service, sir," Daniel replied with a small bow. "Is this the patient?" he added, gesturing towards the bed.

"Sebastian is my squire," I nodded as he entered. "I found him like this in the stables. He was holding this bottle and it appeared that he may have consumed some of its contents."

Daniel took the bottle I held out to him, and he inhaled the scent more carefully and studiously than I had done. He nodded slowly.

"I know what this is," he said. "It is a fast-acting poison, often used to kill rodents and other pests. Under normal circumstances, farmers lace food in traps with it. If he had consumed the whole bottle, he would surely be dead by now."

The words twisted my gut.

Daniel sat on the bed and started to inspect Sebastian, checking his eyes, his pulse, his breathing and assessing his temperature.

"The boy has clearly consumed a fair amount," he concluded, opening his satchel. Inside were various bottles and pouches. "It was most fortunate you found him when you did, sir, or he would not have made it through the night."

It was as bad as I feared. Having it said out loud created a lump in my throat. Tears stung the back of my eyes, but I refused to release them in front of an audience.

"Can you help him?" I managed to say.

Daniel held up a small transparent jar with a purple substance inside.

"This elixir should help," he said. "It is made with violet woodberries, which are a natural antidote to this particular poison. Unfortunately, he is not in a state where he can swallow it. The body can absorb the treatment by other means, though."

Daniel washed his hands. I watched as him pulled Sebastian's mouth open, taking a little of the woodberry elixir on his fingers.

"Apply a little under the tongue and on the inside of each cheek every hour for the next twelve hours," he instructed as he demonstrated how to apply it. "I cannot promise success, but I can promise it is the best chance he has at survival. If he wakes, he will need plenty of water to drink."

Daniel finished the first application and gave me the jar.

"Thank you," I nodded, and instructed Williams on where to find payment for Daniel, and how much to give him. "I hope that will cover you for your efforts?" I asked.

"That will be more than enough, sir," he said with a small bow. "Please, send word to let me know if the boy recovers."

"I will," I said, and asked Williams to also ensure that the apothecary was escorted safely from the castle.

I closed the door gently behind them and turned my attention to the jar in my hands. There was only one person I trusted enough to apply this every hour throughout the night.

I sat down on the bed next to Sebastian, running my hand over his forehead.

"It seems you must tolerate my presence until morning," I forced a smile at him, but a tear I could no longer hold back gave my true feelings away.