Finally! Thank you to all the Team protectors for the results. All the players' books were jewels. These are the results based on your Round 2- Writing style

TEAM PROTECTOR- MiniiMini

1.

I won't love you ever again-SongYeEun2500

Team protector score) - [9.5/20]

- Plot - 2/5 

Characters' weaknesses and strengths. - 2.5/5

Vocabulary(imaginative, poetic,etc)- 2/5 

Spelling/ Grammar - 3/5

 Awkward. That's the adjective coming to mind. Especially their interactions, they don't come off as cute but feel awkward to read. I feel as though the scene hasn't been set as well as it could've been. There is definitely potential, only unrealized. Word choice, tone, and writer's voice as well as experience and emotions, and experience of emotions affect how your prose comes out drastically. Sentence construction could be much better, particularly for the dialogue as the impact on dialogue is detrimental. There are parts that made me cringe. They just didn't feel suited for the kind of people that the characters are.Use scene breaks to save the readers from unnecessary details that just drag the story down.The story itself feels a little juvenile and unfledged. 

2.

Mafia boss-aybe-jm

Team protector score) - [8.5/20]

 Plot - 2.5/5

Characters' weaknesses and strengths. - 2.5/5

 Vocabulary(imaginative, poetic,etc)- 2/5

 Spelling/ Grammar - 1.5/5

 First, I'd like to talk about the font. Personally, it's unlikable. Writers use the most fonts like Calibri or Times New Roman because they are easily readable, and a much more considerate choice for readers with disabilities/neurodivergent readers. I believe the beauty of a story lies in its conveyance. My suggestion is to make yours accessible to a wider audience.The entire prose being bolded is not something that's suggested. It honestly made reading the thing a bit arduous. It's also a rookie mistake that most instructors will immediately shut down.Rather than phrases like a while later, it's better to use scene breaks. They don't take the reader away from the story. There is only space after commas and periods, not before. Too many details clutter the story. Think of what you are adding and its significance. If there is none, remove it. Sometimes, less is more.Some bits border on ridiculousness: eg- ordering instant noodles in a restaurant. Such parts drag your characterization through the mud. If I'm being honest, the human trafficking and this restaurant made me reject the protagonist and projected her as an airhead.Slang is acceptable in dialogues but not otherwise.If you're using romanised Korean words, please spell them correctly.Formatting is an important part of written storytelling. Sudden jumps in pov, brackets, etc are great repellents. If the pov changes frequently from character to character, then tell your story in 3rd person omnipresent.When you write stuff under the banner of a flashback, you can't give details regularly.There is a paragraph break when one person finishes speaking. When the next person starts, it's written in a new paragraph.The apostrophe is added after the n. Didn't, couldn't, can't.

3.

Christmas Eve-Yeahidonthavethink

Team protector score) - [18/20]

 Plot - 5/5

Characters' weaknesses and strengths. - 4.5/5

 Vocabulary(imaginative, poetic,etc)- 4/5 

Spelling/ Grammar - 4.5/5 

 Good job with the tension build-up! There was a clear hook, and the subplot did not overshadow it but worked wonderfully as a catalyst to push them into the situation. It's amazing how the pressure maintained its grip, and how you executed the series of spiraling crises. The haunted feeling was there and its presence couldn't be ignored. There is room for minor improvements here and there, but I'm sure you'll be able to get them down. An interesting and captivating read!

4.

Unwanted gold-Chaaaaand

Team protector score) - [17.5/20]

 Plot - 5/5

Characters' weaknesses and strengths. - 4/5

 Vocabulary(imaginative, poetic, etc)- 4.5/5

 Spelling/ Grammar - 4/5

Shifting narrative tense. Please, don't fall prey to this.Madness is something that's hard to convey through prose/description. It's not an easy job to write it out in an immersive way. You should review the words you chose as well as the sentence construction. Mania is spontaneous and explosive. To get that tone in your writing for a character, I suggest you research about it a little. It will help you choose the words. [Prologue]The prologue was a great hook, and I loved how the first chapter while answering a few questions, rose many more. The format of the diary entry at the beginning of each chapter is such a great idea. Each chapter becomes a page-turner with a new lot of questions brought about. Just a little fine-tuning is required with the execution, but I'm sure that's not going to be hard for you. Interesting story, and I can't wait to see how your voice develops!

5. 

Your devil -Pviscelle

Team protector score) - [16 /20]

Plot - 5/5

Characters' weaknesses and strengths. - 4/5

 Vocabulary(imaginative, poetic, etc)- 2.5/5 

Spelling/ Grammar - 4.5/5

 Less is more. Too many cooks spoil the broth. If you were aiming for elegant-sounding prose, then it doesn't come off as that. In fact, I'm left wondering why you would dress your story that way, especially since your setting is modern. It is such a turn-off when a prose piece is filled with flowery language to the point of overflow. I think this is something that most writers forget at least once: The beauty in simplicity. The perfect piece is a mix of simple and complex. Only simple might do, but only complex comes off as pretentious and becomes a hassle to get through.The prologue has its hook, at the very end, which continues into the first chapter. It definitely makes the reader want to stick around to know more.A plot that'll make you want to sink your teeth deep into it! 

NEXT UP: ROUND 2- winning ranks