Its a bit too late in January to write a big old fashioned "2015 Was A __ Year" posts on social media, but I still want to address something. Something I'm ridiculously proud of right now - that I think I'm getting better.

Some of you may be wondering what I mean by "better" - I mean, that last entry was so nice and focussed on all of the good things that had come out of the start of second year. But I am yet to outright admit what has been going on in my head for the last few months. Looking back on 2015, I can only say one thing:

Last year... was hell.

Only a few of my friends know how it was hellish, or why. But it really was - my parents had such high hopes for me and thought I could get into Durham and study English Lit, for which I would need two A*s and an A at the end of the two years, and at that point at time two As and a B, and whatever grade in the third subject. To say it simply, I didn't get them. I was predicted that I would get an A in lit, an A in psychology, a B in lang and a C in sociology. Ha, nope. I got a C in lit, a C in lang, a D in sociology and a U in psychology. I was distraught for a really long time. I really thought my life was over and wanted to just die. For a while afterward, I just couldn't escape the void with positivity and I couldn't handle being happy. I couldn't find what was worth keeping a smile on my face for. I was afraid and sad. Pathetic, honestly. I was weak and alone and I let my insecurities manifest and chose to ignore them.

I gained lots of weight too. I used to be slim, not pudgy and bleh and instead of dealing with my weight, I just spent what remained of the summer consuming ice cream like it was going out of fashion to fill some sort of crappy void. I was silly. Really silly. And now look really gross in my favourite t-shirt! I cri.

Before college started again for second year, I received the terrible news that I would be unable to do psychology, my favourite subject in my second year at college due to that exam result and that upset me greatly because I really had lost my spark and fire about sociology and hated thinking about having to carry it on.

At the start of the academic year I was plagued by fears about screwing up, about judgement by my fellow students and about not getting into university. Some of the pressure was off to say the least. I no longer had to worry about Durham, it was all about me and what I wanted now. But was that making me feel much better? Nope. I still felt stress. And my parents mocked my failed grades, telling me I should be smarter AND I should get a job and stuff, constantly comparing me to a family friend's daughter, Rachel. That on it's own fucked me off - because unlike her, I was doing four AS levels, and got better grades. On top of that, this year I am resitting TWO papers from last year, and working on Neon Blood as my EPQ, and she's not doing resits or an EPQ! To be called lazy compared to her hurt, when I have a heavy workload too. I hated it and it stressed me out even more.

I started to worry about my writing abilities at the start of this year too, which is dumb as fuck. I mean... it's almost laughable that every time I begin to worry about my skills, the Truly Series pick back up again in the popularity polls. But I was insecure all the same. Namely because I officially met another serious writer. You're probably thinking that that was great but it really wasn't at the start - from the minute he opened his mouth and said he wanted to study creative writing at a university level my heart sank, because I knew he was a year older and therefore was more likely to have better writing capabilities than I would. Turns out he wasn't JUST in my literature class... he was in my English lang class too. Fucking typical when you have to face the person who is filling you with irrational dread. I found out more about this guy through sitting next to him in lang. He has done EVERYTHING I had done last year. And got better grades for it. Man, it really did fuck me off.

It took ages to get the nerve to actually tell my friends what the problems with me were, and they only found out because Blivz was concerned that I may have anxiety or something and would have forced me to go to the guidance councillor at college if I didn't tell my friends what was going on. It didn't stop me procrastinating though; a lot of them have problems that are much worse than mine - if you were to compare them objectively at least. I guess I just didn't want to be thought of as a weakling. I was being stupid, because once they found out they were so supportive and helpful even when stuff at home was stressful as hell. I hated feeling like a burden but I needed my friends and I'm grateful that they now know.

Not everything is peachy. That's for sure, but nothing is ever picture perfect forever. I don't know what to say right now, or the purpose of telling you all something so silly and personal. But I think I'm telling you to let you know that it's okay. My stress levels are low. I mean it! Honestly. I'm starting to feel like everything is going to be okay again!

I'm going to start Charlotte Crosby's Belly Blitz to get that weight off, and I might be getting a REALLY small part time job at the same place my sister Blivz is working at on Saturdays and if I don't get that job, I've already been told that I can begin volunteer work at the local kennels, walking dogs on Sundays. That's to get my parents off my back - they can't compare me to Rachel anymore if I am TAKING her job, yeah! You heard me! I'm chasing Rachel's old job! AND doing two resits and an EPQ! Suck on that parents!

My relationship with my parents is getting a bit better too - they still aren't always happy with me, but life's no fun if you're the perfect kid. There's nothing to blame when you're having a bad day. Looking back on what has happened, I would say that my mother is slowly starting to realise that I really didn't want Durham, I wanted to make her proud and knew that would do exactly that. I also think that my dad's calming down a bit and not being full on about his own A-Levels that he got back when he was in the army and when shit was going down over in Ireland. Yes, he's that old X''D

Last week, I got my coursework grades back. I'm pretty happy with my lit one, you can't exactly beat what may be an A, can you? Okay, you can... but only with an A*! My coursework grades are decent - A grade in one and a C grade in the other, I would have wished for higher in lang but oh well! And my EPQ is strong - two betas have completed the book and I have received all of the paperwork from one of them. Soon the book can be edited one more time, and the project will be over and done with!

I have an unconditional offer from the university I had wanted to go to since BEFORE I BEGAN THE FREAKING TRULY SERIES ((so since I was 15)), and I think I know some of the areas that I screwed up with in my exams last year. I've been entered into a workshop for my sociology resit and my teacher has taken me under her wing. For both sociology AS, and A2. AND my EPQ!

It sounds corny and cheesy but I can safely say that things are getting better, I can't wait to get cracking with the cosplays for 2016! Imagine having a slim Koga instead of a pudgy one! Hell yeah! Imagine my Midorima! Bask in my basketball beauty! AND Fem!Clear! Can you wait? If I get that job, so much more attention can go into my cosplaying! I could get a lab coat and a gas mask asap and get started!

Bring on 2k16! One hell of a storm is coming, and right now, I'm raring to stand my ground and endure!

((Also, Reigisa Week 3 starts tomorrow and I'mma contribute on AO3 - check out my mad OTP stoofs people!))

Love you all and thanks for reading

~Imogen c: