TRIGGER WARNING:  SCROLL DOWN TO AUTHOR'S NOTE TO FIND TRIGGERS IF EASILY TRIGGERED . (I'm not mentioning it here because triggers contain spoilers, but please if triggered by mental health issues please read author's note first!)

As monsoon continued, carpooling with Lily also continued. It became a routine that Jeongguk was getting used to, and he hated it, especially when a part of him enjoyed the time with the psychologist.

For the last 2 weeks, after every session Lily seemed to drag the ex-idol to every place she wanted to go. Sometimes he seriously wondered if she had no other friends and was some creepy loner; and Jeongguk was quick to voice this thought only to earn a deathly glare from the younger, and then she went on to explain about her best friend Natasha and her daughter Sarang, whom she lived with, and all about them.

Well, even if she was a creepy loner it wouldn't make much of a difference between the two.

When on these little trips Lily was so active and talkative compared to when she was in the office, that he concluded that because she spent the whole day listening to others, she just wanted to be heard after work.

Nevertheless, at every single place they visited the duo managed to start petty quarrels, from the flavour of ice-cream (like who doesn't like mint chocolate chip), to the choice of fair rides (Lily was scared of roller coasters) and to even the brand of ramyeon that Lily bought.

Jeongguk knew as much as Lily that he could've said no to all of these endeavours, but he didn't and he wasn't really sure why. Unknowingly a part of his soul was overjoyed that someone was treating him normally, that someone was making time for him out of their schedule.

A very audible rumble interrupted Jeongguk's train of thought.

"I didn't have lunch", Lily muttered, while continuing to play candy crush on her phone, but the blush growing on her cheeks were unmistakable, yet unnoticed by the singer.

"So, today's trip is decided then, I guess."

-

Making friends was never an easy task for the doctor, she was so awkward and fidgety in every social setting that it was normally always Natasha who spoke on her behalf. Being a psychologist didn't mean that she was supposed to be one of those social butterflies. However with Jeongguk, words flowed like a river for Lily, she didn't know how but just being with the man made her want to spill all her life's secrets and she surely had a fair amount.

Thus despite all the little quarrels, Lily enjoyed her time with him for the past few weeks, he was always listening to her with eagerness, eventhough he didn't show it, she felt it. They way he would hide his smiles when she said or did something funny or embarrassing, the way his eyes fired up when she brought up something unpleasant. Maybe this budding friendship, wasn't just for Jeongguk, but for herself too.

-

"I love this pizza place down the road", rambled Lily, "it's so adorable and its run by this old grandma, who always gives me free drinks. Oh! And she has the most amazing stories and the best taste in music. She always plays my favourites, did I already mention about the free drinks?-".

"Yes Han, you repeated the same story like 5 times", Jeongguk replied monotonously.

"Didn't I ask you to call me Lily? Hmm?", Lily questioned, to only get a groan of annoyance in return.

As Lily pulled up into the restaurant's parking lot, Jeongguk had to admit the place looked amazing, it wasn't glamorous or luxurious, but welcoming, like a home to one.

They passed by the rusting sign that said Mama Vitto's, as they entered the place, a peppy English song was playing in the background as they took their seats in a booth. The grandmother that Lily mentioned, made her appearance as soon as they took up their menus.

"Lily, darling, I haven't seen you in ages! This young man keeping you to himself?", the grandmother asked, giving Lily a warm hug. Lily and Jeongguk turned crimson as the former exclaimed, "Halmeonni! You know who this is, so why would say that!".

The grandmother sent a warm smile across to Jeongguk as she said, "Of-course I know who he is! I'm his biggest fan, second only to you Lily!", Jeongguk smiled at Lily's uncomfortable body language in amusement as he politely introduced himself to the old woman. She soon left them alone, to bring them their pizza.

"I-I'm sorry about what she said", Lily stuttered. As Jeongguk was going to sass back a reply, the song playing in the restaurant ended and a very familiar tune filled the place.

-

Missing you

Saying this makes me miss you even more

Once during one of their late night celebrations, a drunk Taehyung had asked the group, "when we disband, will we all grow distant? ", after a brief moment of silence, Yoongi the epitome of wisdom, as always had a reply, "if you are talking about physical distance, then maybe yes. But if you mean a sort if distance that makes us strangers, then never. We'll always be missing each other, we'll always know each other, we're all each other's platonic soulmates".

Missing you

Even though I'm looking at your photo

Lies. They were all lies. Maybe a part of Namjoon and Yoongi hyung had known it. Maybe that's why they wrote this.

Time's so cruel, I hate us

Seeing each other for once is now so hard between us

Jeongguk had cried the first time he sang the song. Maybe a part of him knew that it was going to be his devastating reality one day.

It's all winter here, even in August

My heart is running on the time

He couldn't breathe. Maybe he didn't want to in the first place.

"Jeongguk-ssi, breathe", however like last time the doctor's words hadn't broken him from this state.

"Sorry, I need some space, I'm going home", Jeongguk bolted out of that old restaurant, ears blocking out rest of the song, but heart continuing to play the medley.

-

Lily felt like she couldn't breathe either, this wasn't her first time dealing with a depressed patient, obviously, but something about Jeongguk and the pain that was etched across his features were very familiar to Lily. Familiar not in a good way, but in the manner one would feel while recalling a nightmare.

However it wasn't the time to focus on her problems, she needed to get to him. She needed to help him.

What was he thinking of? What elicited this response whilst listening to his own song? What was he thinking right now? What if he-

-

It was enough. Everything was enough. He had lived a good life for someone so young. This life he had lived was enough. He didn't need to live anymore. He didn't want to live anymore. If he continued to live this way, he'd just end up hurting more and more people. Every bit of calm that he felt the last 2 weeks were enough. It was life's goodbye gift to him.

A few years back the thought of death was something like a far away nightmare, now it was a welcoming gift. Something to take him away from all this pain and hurt.

Jeongguk felt the air blowing on his face, he felt a smile of calm embracing his features. This was his first time at the terrace in his apartment complex. He could see the most of Seoul from up there. It all seemed like the ghosts of his past.

-

Lily arrived at Jeongguk's apartment in record time, she rang the bell without a break without stopping.

An unwelcome thought pierced her mind, what if he, already? No, it couldn't be! Maybe he's up on the roof? Why? Oh no!

She raced through stairs to the roof, the damn elevator didn't lead to the rooftop. She bumped past someone, who called after her in a very familiar voice. "Hey! Are you okay?", they called, following her lead, not knowing what to expect.

-

This was it, he's taking his last breaths now. I love you hyungs.

He heard a scream, no, two screams, both familiar, he heard the rush of feet, he heard the rain starting to pour down. A pair of small arms encircled his torso. He turned around and looked down to see his doctor, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest.

He looked up to see his hyung, Jimin hyung walking up to him. However before either men could say anything, Jeongguk felt the girl go limp in his arms, her hands let go of his body, but he caught her in time.

-

I failed, Lily thought. He would have died. Because of me. Again. Because of me. I. Can't. Breathe. I failed. Why is everything getting darker?

-

In the time Jeongguk had known Lily, she fainted for the second time. But this time, she didn't wake up so quickly.

___________________________________________

TRIGGER WARNINGS:  DEPRESSIVE AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS.

*nervous laughter* sorryyyy

Did you guys expect that? What do you think?

How do y'all feel?

What next?

Sorryyyyy

This chapter is dedicated to Jane827dav for all the love and support she's given this book! Thank you so much for all the comments, it really means a lot!!❤❤

Also I forgot to mention in the last chapter, Spring Day won first place in the Jungkook category in BTS Shadow Awards! Thank you guys for all your support, I mean seriously, it wouldn't have been possible otherwise.  Y'all motivate and support me so damn much and I LOVE YOU ALL!!

Stay safe and take care! I love you guys!

Lily ❤❤