Many thanks goes to wyldone17 for the newest addition :D

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “please come over and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle. I can't figure how to get started. What is it supposed to be when it is finished?”

The blonde says, “according to the picture on the box it’s a rooster.”

The boyfriend goes over and she lets him in, she shows him where she has the puzzle spread out.

He studies the pieces then looks at the box then says, “There are two things.”

1. “We are not going to assemble these pieces into anything assembling a rooster.”

2. He takes her hand, “I want you to relax, let’s have a nice cup of tea,” and then he said with a deep sigh, “Let’s put all the cornflakes back in the box.”

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A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."

"What do you mean?" said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."

The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

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Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

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A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21."

A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying.

The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks.

The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over the blonde.

When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."  

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Two blondes lock their keys in the car.

One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!"

The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".