This is inspired by the play 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane, it's incredible please read it, it's free online. I've been so obsessed with it lately so yeah.
Heavy tws for sh, suicidal thoughts, blood, gore, medication in a negative light.

Blood spattering on a doctors clipboard
I have no desire to keep him clean
Watch it soak into the paper
Paper was once a living tree but now it's

Dead
     Dead         dead
                                    dead
              dead
                                                      dead
I wish I was dead
Dead as the paper in front of me
Dead as the eyes of the doctor failing to fix me
Dead as the hearts of the sane bastards who keep me here
I wish I was as dead as I wish to be

The blood creeps over the smudged ink
Ink that used to tell someone of
Insomnia
Or depression
Or psychosis
Rather read neat notes
Than look at the bleeding gaping screaming
Mess they describe

They'll give me some pills
And I'll drift away
Hopefully my eyes glaze over
I'll shut up for a while
High on manufactured happiness
Maybe even sane for a second
But it always circles back to me
The drugs aren't real but the pain is
I will always hurt myself
And the useless meds can't stop me
They try and treat one part of the brain
But everything in me has rotted
And I'll cut them out again
More gore for the clipboard
Is it even mine?

The doctor forces a smile
Never looking in my eyes
He points at the small branches forming
As the blood traverses the paper
He says how it looks like roots
He says how that's like me
He says how those bloody roots
Will grow into a bloody tree
But I know sometimes trees get cut
To make the bloody paper
That bloody roots were contorted into metaphors on

Not a metaphor.
Simile.
Fuck.
I'm going to drown myself in shame
Fuck
Fuck you
Fuck me
Fuck this
Fucking help me
Fucking leave me alone
Fucking die
I'll only fucking die