CHAPTER SEVEN.
( revelations. )

TRIGGER WARNING:
MENTIONS OF SUIC*DE

  "I'LL TAKE THAT TWENTY NOW," Shadow said.

  There was a triumphant grin on her lips. She held out her hand as both she and Jasper exited the movie theatre. The cool breeze that drifted through the town was a relief after being inside the stuffy building for so long.

The rain had finally stopped, but the sky had darkened considerably since they'd last been outside. Jasper heaved a feigned sigh of reluctance before taking out his wallet and handing the bill over to Shadow. She gladly took it, putting it into her own wallet.

"I can't believe you managed to predict the entire plot of the movie, I still think you cheated me."

  Shadow let out a laugh at Jasper's words and shook her head. "Nope, I'm just that good," she replied, shooting him a wink.

  Jasper chuckled and unlocked the doors, allowing them to enter the vehicle. They sat in comfortable silence as he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. Shadow couldn't help her stupid grin.

  Surprisingly, she had a good time. Despite their past disputes, talking and watching the movie with him had been comfortable. They'd conversed throughout most of it, sharing stories about their lives.

  Shadow made up for most of the conversation, with Jasper asking the questions. Strangely enough, she didn't mind. Shadow had never been keen on sharing much about her life with other people. With Jasper, however, she felt more at ease. It was different. Separate from anyone else she'd ever met.

  Still, when he asked, Shadow couldn't bring herself to tell him about her parents or why she'd moved to Forks in the first place.

As if sensing her discomfort with the question, Jasper changed the topic to ask about what her life had been like in the city. So, she told him stories about the idiotic things she used to do with her friends; how she missed them and her old home. She didn't mention that she'd pushed them all away and cut them out of her life after her parents death.

Jasper had listened to everything, laughing at her wild stories and the look she'd give him when he teased her for her idiocy. Indeed, they'd been hushed by other moviegoers. It did little to stop the pair from continuing their bonding in conspiratorial whispers.

  "So, even though the movie was entirely predictable, did you at least enjoy the not-date?" Jasper seemed eager to hear her genuine opinion.

   Shadow smiled fondly. "Yeah, I did," she told him, watching as his eyes left the road, drawn to hers. The smile that grew upon his lips spread some kind of thrill through Shadow.

It was a familiar sensation that warmed her whole.

But, almost as soon as that feeling began to spread, it quickly died as Shadow realized how fast this was happening. It was too soon for her to be feeling this way for a boy. One date/not date did not mean she knew him. She turned away from Jasper, cursing at her own stupidity.

Shadow hadn't come to Forks looking for boyfriends. Besides, she still hardly knew anything about Jasper. Which, was strange considering all that she'd shared with him.

  The more she thought about it, had he really shared anything meaningful with her at all? Shadow stole a glance at her companion, thinking back to how he'd said he wanted to get to know each other. Surely, that meant it went both ways.

It was Shadow's turn to ask the questions, even if it was a desperate attempt to dismiss the feelings she refused to admit to.

  "Where are you from?" Shadow asked, the question out before she could think better of it. The inquiry appeared to take the blond by surprise. He cut his gaze from the road to give her a startled look.

He smiled then, albeit a little awkwardly, fingers reaching for his jaw before they stopped. "Far away from here, why?" Shadow furrowed her brow at the evasive answer. His nervous tic seemed like an obvious tell, now that she noticed it.

Shadow watched the passing streets, wondering if it was her stare that unsettled him. "No reason," she said, "you just have a sort of Southern drawl to your words. Texas?"

  Shadow remained poised, feigning only casual interest as she waited for his answer. Jasper was tense when he smiled this time. His nod came once.

  "Yeah. Houston, actually," he finally admitted.

Shadow smiled softly. "Did you have lots of friends there?" It was an innocent question, or so Shadow had thought. But, for some reason, it made the Hale boy shift in his seat.

He kept his eyes on the road, clearly avoiding Shadow as much as possible now. "Uh, I don't know. I guess you could say that," he spoke quietly.

  Jasper's reaction confused Shadow. She couldn't understand what was so hard about answering the same questions he'd asked her. Common sense told her to stop talking, but the next question was out before she could stop herself. 

  "Why do you say that?"

  Shadow winced, face flushed as she glanced over at Jasper. He was visibly tense. It was obvious that she had annoyed him— and all because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"Why does it matter?" He said and, though it was worded like a question, it clearly needed no answer.

  Shadow stared at him. Her surprise at his snappy tone was mild, but her annoyance wasn't. She was frustrated by the sudden change. Obviously, it wasn't fine for her to ask questions, even after she'd told him all about herself.

  Shadow felt her fingers curl into fists. "Sorry," she forced out, though her tone was anything but apologetic. "God forbid I get to know you. Forget I asked," Shadow seethed, cold as she turned away from Jasper.

The rest of the drive was silent, lacking any of the comfort it usually carried. Shadow didn't bother looking at the boy beside her. She didn't care if he regretted his words or if he wanted to apologize. At this point, Shadow was tired of Jasper's whiplash moods.

  What was it this time? Had she bored him? Did he win at this game he was obviously playing her with? For a second time, at that.

  She didn't want to admit it, but the thought stung. Shadow curled into herself, fists clenched tightly. Shame crept up on her, hot and foul.

She couldn't believe she'd fallen for the nice guy facade again.

→

When they pulled up to Shadow's house, the Swan girl was quick to exit the car without so much as a goodbye. Her lips were set into a determined frown as she made her way towards the door, marching with a purpose.

  Though, she found herself coming up short as she heard Jasper call her name, "Shadow, wait." The sound of a car door slamming followed after.

However, Shadow didn't want to wait. She didn't want to turn around. She didn't want to do anything. She refused to see the apologetic expression on his face. She would despise herself if she let herself fall for it again.

And, in spite of all that, Shadow could not seem to help herself.

  She turned around, furious. "What?! What is it this time, Jasper? Another apology? Because I'm getting really sick of them."

  Shadow hadn't meant to snap, but she couldn't handle the stress and embarrassment she felt for allowing him to do this to her. Forks was supposed to be a haven, somewhere she could rebuild herself. She hadn't come here for this— whatever this was.

Jasper sighed and stepped closer. That apologetic look crossed his features, the one she knew would appear. Shadow shook her head. She should've just left it at that and went back inside. She should have forgotten all about Jasper Hale and his otherness.

  But, there was a part of her that still wanted an explanation; a reason for why he kept pushing her away and then wanting to make amends all over again.

So, her feet kept her planted as she waited for Jasper to speak.

"I know it might not mean anything to you anymore, but I swear I'm being sincere when I say that I'm sorry. It's just..." Shadow listened, studying his struggle as he tried to think of how to word his next sentence.

After a few moments, he finally caved. "By now, you probably know that I'm not Edward's real brother, or Alice, or Emmett's. Carlisle adopted me and my sister Rosalie when we were... very young, but old enough to remember what life used to be like before the Cullens took us in. I don't remember much, but I know that it wasn't the best. I guess that's why it's so hard to talk about it."

Shadow felt her stomach drop and guilt rushed in to fill the absent space.

"I don't really remember much about friends or even my parents at this point either. I try not to think about it. But, your questions were too much and I just... snapped— and I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have. I'm really sorry, Shadow."

  By the time he was done speaking, Shadow felt horrified. She covered her face with her hands, feeling utterly terrible as she turned away from Jasper. She needed a moment to sit and process, so she collapsed on the steps leading up onto the deck.

She felt so stupid for having gotten angry with him when he had every valid reason to feel uncomfortable.

  Shadow shook her head, "No, Jas. You don't have to apologize. I'm sorry." The Swan girl couldn't believe herself. There she was, always jumping to conclusions and always assuming the worst of people.

She sighed, hanging her head. "I had no idea. I should have stopped. You had every right to be annoyed with me," she told him, trying to convey her sincerity as she looked up at Jasper.

She was so ashamed of herself. Again, Shadow tried to hide her flushed cheeks with her hands. Jasper exhaled a sharp breath, stepping forwards to sit down beside the Swan girl.

"It's fine, you had no idea. How else were you supposed to know?" He said, still trying to comfort Shadow. He offered her a small smile.

The ginger gave him a meek one in return before turning her gaze to look up at the sky. The stars were slowly becoming more visible, but most of the rain clouds blocked them from view. They were quiet as they both began to admire the sight, until Shadow finally spoke up.

"You know, when I was younger, I used to think that when you died, God remade you into stars so that you could watch over your family. Looking back on it now, it sounds stupid, but I really believed it."

Jasper chuckled softly, amused by the revelation. Shadow was happy to know he found it funny. Young Shadow Swan had been both imaginative and eccentric.

Shadow inhaled deeply, wondering how she could say her next words without sounding as though she were searching for pity. She wasn't usually comfortable talking about what had happened to her parents, not even to the therapist Charlie had insisted upon. But, for some reason, there was a part of her that wanted to tell Jasper everything.

She didn't quite understand it. Shadow simply found comfort in being with him. She couldn't help but trust that he would keep her secrets. After all, Jasper had opened up to her, and it was time she started being more truthful too.

"I don't want you to think that I'm trying to one-up you or look for pity when I tell you this, because I'm not," Shadow started, nervous as she clasped her fingers together. "But, back at the theatre, when you asked why I moved to Forks, I avoided the question because I didn't know how to answer without killing the mood."

"I'm only telling you this now, because I trust that you won't tell anyone else. So, please," she looked at him, helpless and vulnerable, "don't prove me wrong."

"I won't," Jasper said quickly, intense in his resolve. Shadow felt her heart falter as she looked at him.

She pushed on, "I moved to Forks to live with Charlie because I lost my father in a car crash and then—" Shadow had to stop, taking a moment to recompose herself as the hollow parts of her ached.

She knew she would have to tell him eventually. They were already in too deep. So, why not bear everything to the one person who'd offered to be her friend?

"My mother passed right after. Suicide," she exhaled, rushing through it as her wounds stung. "And since I'm not 18 yet and I haven't graduated, Charlie offered to become my legal guardian. That's why I moved here."

Shadow shut her eyes. She didn't want to cry, not in front of him. She had embarrassed herself enough, never-mind adding hysterics to the list.

For a while, they said nothing. Shadow knew it was a lot to process. No one ever knew the right words to say and that was fine. There was no comfort that words alone could provide.

"I'm sorry for your loss. I won't pretend to understand how you feel because I don't, but I know it's can't be easy to lose a parent," Jasper spoke, not unkind in his admittance.

There was no delicacy at all. No fear that saying anything might hurt Shadow and, for that, the Swan girl was grateful. It was tiring to be treated carefully, as if she were fragile glass. She had loved and lost, but she wasn't going to break.

It hurt to lose her parents and she missed them, but Shadow was convinced that she'd allowed herself enough time to grieve. She didn't want to get swallowed whole, like her mother. She needed to keep moving.

Pain could not last forever.

"No, it isn't easy," she admitted. "Sorry, for the sad turn this took, I was really hoping we'd end the night without being at each other's throats." Shadow gave a breathy laugh, sitting up and pushing her hair behind her ears.

Jasper stood slowly, leaning in to brush his shoulder against hers. "It's okay, I'm glad you told me— and I promise, you can trust me to keep this a secret," he said.

She opened her mouth to thank him, but stopped as the outdoor light suddenly turned on. Charlie opened the door, peering down through the screen at both Shadow and Jasper. He wasn't exactly menacing, but it was a good effort.

Charlie gave a cough, as if to catch their attention. "I think it's time for Shadow to come inside now, young man." The Swan girl immediately felt her face warming.

Her list of embarrassing experiences just didn't seem to have an end.

Shadow huffed softly before getting up from her spot on the steps. Before she could enter the house, though, Shadow turned around to look back at Jasper. She gave him the best smile she could muster.

  "Goodnight, and thanks for the movie," she told him, hesitating as Charlie closed the door. At the very least, he was allowing them the privacy of a 'goodnight.'

"Anytime. If you ever want to go on another not-date, you know who to call." He gave Shadow a beaming grin, before turning to leave. Shadow's laughter was soft, leaving the night at that and making her way inside.

Edited 07/27/2017 @8:47 PM