Seph

We don't go anywhere specifically. We don't even leave his truck. But he drives for an hour - just around town - until it's time to head back to my house. We barely talk. I'm not sure he even knows my name. I'm not sure he isn't going to murder me. But he got me away from that damn party and that's all that matters. I'm a bit drunk after the tequila and the two beers I had before that, so I don't want to embarrass myself. Staying quiet is my best bet.

  We're about five minutes from my parents mansion when he looks over at me. I let him look and I don't say anything. I have no feelings for this guy besides being grateful for him letting me into his truck tonight. He's attractive but out of my league.

"I can't believe people really live in houses like this."

He's talking about the mansions out the window, but he's also talking about my house. My family. Me.

"Where do you live?" I ask him quickly.

He grunts. "It's no beach front house in Malibu."

"Where?" I ask again.

  "Long beach."

 "You live an hour from here?" For some reason, that surprises me.

 He shakes his head. "I'm staying there for now. I don't really live anywhere."

  I don't know what to say to this. I grew up in Malibu. My parents and grandparents have always had more money than they know what to do with. I was in gymnastics from age three to fifteen and I was good. I trained twenty hours a week. I was supposed to go to the Olympics.  It's an expensive sport and the money never mattered to my parents. I got the best training. I worked the hardest and I wanted it so bad. My parents wanted it even more.

  I can't tell Kian any of this.

  "Do you know my name?" I ask, as he pulls up in front of my house.

  He swallows hard. I see his Adam's apple bob. He's trying to Remember. "Josephine. It was on the invitation, it was my grandmothers name."

  I cringe at the use of my full name. "Seph."

   "Oh?"

   "Everyone calls me Seph."

  It's not true anymore. Only my gym friends called me that. And Tyler. My parents call me Josephine and my tutor did as well. But I don't want this guy calling me by my full name. It feels wrong.

  "Okay. Seph. It's nice to meet you."

  I smile over at him but I don't get a chance to reply because someone is coming towards the truck, fast. It only takes me a second to realize it's Frank. I've known him a long time. I can tell it's him even though it's dark outside.

  "Shit," Kian says as soon as he sees him.

  I push open the door and hop out, completely unsure of what's about to happen. But when Frank sees me, he stops in his tracks. I can tell right away that he had no idea that I was gone from the party.

  "Where the hell were you?" he asks Kian, who is coming around to the side of the truck Frank and I are on. I'm glad he's not asking me that question.

  "I just... I thought I'd be back in time to do the clean up," Kian answers, and I can tell he's nervous.

 "Get in there. There's a lot to be done," Frank tells him.

 Kian nods and then looks at me. Frank notices.

 "You two know each other?"  

 "Sure," I say

 He looks confused. "You weren't even at your own party?"

 "You didn't notice I was gone. And neither did my parents, I'm assuming." I shrug.

 Now Frank looks embarrassed for a split second before he shoots Kian a look. "Go."

 Kian nods again and walks towards the house. I start to go after him because I would rather go in and clean up than be out here with Frank.

 "Josephine." He's warning me.

  "Frank."

 "Your parents put a lot of work and money into that party," he says seriously, and I almost laugh.

  "No one asks if I wanted the party. You know that, right? I didn't want to be here."

 "So where'd you go?"

 Like I'd tell Frank. He'd tell my dad right away.

 "No where."

 Frank sighs and looks around before talking again. His thick frame could be a bit intimidating if you didn't know him like I do. "Kian is a hard worker but he's not really... he's not the type of kid you should spend your time with."

 "He's your nephew and you talk about him like that?" I ask right away.

 Frank sighs again. "He's been through a lot. He never had a stable home. Your parents wouldn't approve."

  My parents don't care what I do, which is what Frank doesn't seem to understand. But sure, they want me to date and marry a rich guy from a rich family. They wanted me to be an Olympic athlete, too. They want to brag about me and that's pretty much it. The last few years I've just been a reason to throw a party. I'm good at keeping secrets and they don't know how bad my eating disorder is and they don't know I smoke. They definitely wouldn't care that I was with Kian, Frank's nephew, tonight.

  "I'm a grown ass adult, Frank. But thanks for your concern."

  I walk away in hopes of finding Kian inside. I want him to at least give him my phone number. We met randomly tonight but it was exactly what I needed. I didn't get a chance to thank him, either.    
   
 The massive living room is mostly empty now, a few people still standing around, drinking from fancy glasses. The band is done playing and they are starting to pack up. I am looking around somewhat frantically for Kian. When I finally spot him stacking chairs, I start to walk towards him, my heart beating fast.

 "Josephine." My mother's voice stops me.   

 She's right behind me so I turn around. She's wearing this long, silver party dress and her brown hair is down around her shoulders. She's got a lot of make up on, but that's normal.

  "Oh, hi." I'm forcing a smile.

  "Oh sweetie, how did you like the party?" she wants to know.

  I swallow hard and try not to let her see the disappointment on my face. "It was great. Thanks."
   
  She's beaming now, so I can tell she doesn't know I'm lying. "I hope you tried the sushi. I ordered it for you."

 "Yeah. It was great," I lie again. She must know I didn't try it. She knows I don't eat sushi anymore.

  I don't eat anything.

  "There's a lot of cake leftover. We couldn't seem to find you when your father cut into it but-"

   "I don't really eat cake," I say.

  "Yeah. Well, I know. Maybe you can see if the band wants to take some to go? Or Frank's guys who helped tonight?"

  "Yeah. Okay."

  I spin around and see that Kian is no longer stacking chairs, but another older guy is. He's short and thick with brown hair in a pony tail.

  "Hi. Um, where's Kian?" I ask him.

  The guy nods towards the back door. "Loading the truck."

  "Thanks," I say quickly and then turn to head outside again.

  Kian is at the back of a big truck and pushing some of the chairs in. He's breathing heavily and when he gets them in far enough and turns around, he's surprised to see me.

  "Hi." I tuck some hair behind my ear.

  He half smiles. "Hey."

  "My mom said to tell you to bring some cake to go."

   "Me, specifically?" He looks surprised by this, too.

  "Oh, no. I mean like any of the guys you're with. Uh, if you want."

  Now he smiles for real and I relax slightly. "I won't say no to cake."

  "Okay. Good. I'll go get some in a box for you."

 "Seph?"

 I turn back. "Yeah?"

 "Bring a piece for you, too. I'll sing you happy birthday."

 I shake my head. "That's not necessary."

 "Is someone else going to sing you happy birthday?"

 I hesitate and he knows he's right.

  When I go back inside and head over to the food table, most of the food is packed up and put away. The cake is still out and there's a guy near by that is scooping some pieces in a cardboard box. He smiles at me and continues. I think he's with the band. I reach for a paper plate and a plastic fork and plop a huge piece with a ton of icing onto it. I add a second piece and then turn around again. Thankfully no one else is around now and I slip back outside and walk over to Kian. He's leaning against the truck, waiting.

 "So, how old are you today?" he asks, practically drooling, looking down at the cake.

  "Nineteen."

  He looks amazed by this, but then tries to hide it. "Oh."

  "How old did you think I was?" I want to know.   

 "I don't know. You don't look nineteen. You look younger," he admits.

  I'm just standing there holding this plate of cake. "How old are you?"

  "I'll be twenty one in August," he says easily.

  So he's almost two years older than me.

  "Here it goes... happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to youuuu. Happy birthday to Sephhhh... happy birthday to you!"

 I actually let out a laugh and it feels good. "You're a terrible singer."

  "True." He jabs the fork into the cake and then reaches over so it's close to my mouth. "Have the first bite."

  My stomach growls. I should eat at least a bite. I want to. But I can't. It's not worth it.

  "No. I don't eat cake."

  "It's your birthday," he says, like that's the only thing that matters.

  "I don't eat cake," I repeat.

   "Boring. More for me then." He takes a big bite and I watch as he shuts his eyes, chewing slowly. "It's so good. Yum."

  "Probably from some crazy expensive bakery," I say without thinking.

    "Well, it's amazing. Just have a bite?" he says again.

  I take in a deep breath. I can have a bite. I can do this. "Fine."

  It's good. Really good. But my problem is that I can't have a bite, because it leads to two bites and then three. After the third bite I start shaking my head.

  Kian laughs. "It's so good, right?"

  I nod but it's already happening. All it takes is a few bites of something I shouldn't eat and I can't stop myself from making sure I get it out of my body. This has been my life since I was sixteen. I hid it well for a full year, but bulimia has a way of making itself known.

  My mom found out that I was binge eating and making myself sick and she took me to her doctor. He basically said that I was healthy, strong and that I should just stop doing it. My mom watched me like a hawk for a few months, but I just didn't let her find out. So instead of eating and throwing up, it turned into me almost never eating. It was easier that way.

  "Give me your phone," I say quickly, instead of talking about the cake.

  Kian looks confused but he slips out his phone unlocks it and hands it over. I text myself from his phone and then hand it back. He smiles this genuine smile that makes my stomach tighten. Why does this guy I do not even really know make me feel like this?

  "It was nice meeting you. Thanks for distracting me tonight," I say, because I have to get back inside and I have to get that cake out of my body.

  Kian lets out a quick laugh just as I see the older guy with the pony tail walking towards us. "Distracting you?"

  I nod again and spin around. The pony tail guy gives me a smile as he passes and I keep walking until I'm back inside.