Seph

I feel over dressed until I follow my parents into the large dining room, where people are mingling. The high ceilings have exposed beams and it feels more like a ballroom in a event space than a dining room in a home. Everyone is dressed up nice - fancy, designer dresses on the woman and suits on the men. I don't see anyone else under thirty, so I'm unsure of why I'm even here. Plenty of people greet my parents and say hello to me. A few women tell me I look great. I stay close to my mom's side, smiling for everyone. I feel like I'm on display.

  Nearly half an hour after we arrive, I'm relieved to see a group of younger people flow into the room. There's four seats at the end of the table near where I'm sitting, and they all file in and sit down, talking and laughing. Two younger teens sit down at the other end other end of the table. And then I notice Mack Watson right away, sitting just across from me.  He was friends with my ex-boyfriend, Tyler. Mack has been my neighbor since I was a kid. I don't recognize the others who came in with him. When one of the two girls looks up at me, she looks confused. Then she looks at Mack, who turns his head and notices me.

    "Wow," he breathes out right away. "Sorry, I didn't think you'd really come."

  I swallow hard. What do I say to that? "Uh, yeah. I'm here."

  The same girl clears her throat, getting Mack's attention. He shakes his head and looks at me again. The rest of the room is loud as the older people are having a great time chatting and catching up while we wait for dinner. 

   "Um, so, guys, this is Josephine Ericson. She lives down the road." Mack is still staring at me, like he can't believe I'm real. "Josephine, this is Henry, Kass, and Taylor."

  Henry, the other guy who looks Mack's age, smiles and waves from across table. The girl next to him, Kass, smiles too. She looks a bit younger. But the second girl, Taylor, has an annoyed look on her face. She doesn't smile or wave or acknowledge me. Mack bumps her with his arm and she rolls her eyes.

   "The Josephine who dated Tyler?" she asks, even though it's obvious she knows this is true.

  Mack nods but waits for my reaction. I don't give them one. Tyler and I dated two years ago, for six months or so. I wasn't in a great place at the time, but he stuck by me and took me out and we hung out with Mack and some of his friends, often. I ended the relationship somewhat abruptly, and I don't know if anyone knew why at the time. Two years ago, I was really struggling with who I was and what I'd ever be. It had been almost two years since I broke my foot but I couldn't wrap my head around not being a gymnast. I had eating disorders, though I hid them well. Tyler really messed up, though.

   "Yes," Mack answers Taylor, because I don't say anything.

   "Dinner is being served in a few minutes!" One of the older men calls out. I think it's Mack's father. I only know him as Mr. Watson.

  I've been eating okay all week. I'm not allowing myself to purge, so I just don't eat a full meal at a time. I'm incredibly nervous about this dinner that is being brought out in a few minutes. I am hungry, though.

  I manage to avoid eye contact with everyone for the next while. Everyone is eating and talking. I hear bits of conversation about Mack's first year of college. I eat some of the chicken and some of the veggies and I drink a glass of water. I feel full and sort of still like people are starting, but I am able to deal with it. Once dinner is over with, I can get the heck out of here and walk home without even making scene.

  Someone - a maid, maybe? - brings out a few trays of dessert as soon as the plates are cleared. This type of served dinner is normal for everyone at this party, but not for me. I've been avoiding gatherings like this. Some of these people were at my birthday party, I'm sure. The desserts are little squares and cupcakes and while they all smell amazing, I can't indulge. Mack and Henry both reach for a few of them and eat them, fast. I see Kass takes a cupcake and eats half. The other girl - Taylor, Mack's girlfriend, I'm assuming, doesn't touch them. I don't, either.

  I'm watching the clock. I know as soon as everyone starts clearing out, heading out to the other rooms to socialize, I can slip away. I'll even tell my mom I'm going home, so she doesn't worry. I'm not convinced she'd even notice, though. She made a big deal about me coming, but she hasn't spoken to me in awhile.

  "Josephine," Mack calls over, just before he and his friends get up from the table and leave the room.

  I look up from my phone. I've been plotting my exit, but suddenly it doesn't feel important.

  "You coming?" Mack asks.

  My parents are deep in a conversation about solar panels and I can't quite grasp what he's asking me.

  "Uh..."

    "We're going out to the pool," he goes on, because he can see I'm confused.

  The pool. They are going outside. They are inviting me to hang out with them?

  "Come on," Mack says, nodding towards the doorway.

  So I stand. I push in my chair. Then I go around the table and start following him. At the last second, I look back at my mom. Somehow I know she's watching me. She smiles at me before I disappear.

  It feels like it's only been a few minutes, but somehow the girls are already in bathing suits. Henry is pulling off his shirt. It's a muggy evening. It's been a hot, muggy week. I clearly do not a have a bathing suit so I just step onto the deck and sit on the edge. Mack sits close by.  He doesn't waste any time, now that we're somewhat alone.

 "So... you look good."

  He can't be flirting with me. I'm sure Taylor is his girl. It was pretty obvious at the table.

  "Uh, thanks. You... as well," I say, awkwardly.

  He chuckles and one of his dimples shows. "We used to be friends, right? I know a lot of shit happened and I've been away the last year but... it's nice to see you."

  Okay. He's just being nice.

  "Yeah. Um. We weren't really friends. I dated your friend," I say back.

  "Tyler? Yeah... he and I were... friends. I guess." Mack runs a hand through his dark hair.

  "You were together all the time. I literally never saw him with you not being around," I go on.

  Mack laughs again. "I guess that's true. But I wasn't there the night you... broke up."

  Why? Why would he bring this up? I look over at the pool where Henry and Kass are laughing and splashing each other. Taylor is sitting on the edge, pretending to ignore Mack and I.

  Mack clears his throat, so I look back at him. "Anyway. He's out East now. He went to work for his uncle or something."

  I sigh. I haven't bothered thinking about Tyler since the night I broke up with him. He wanted me to have sex with him and I wasn't ready. I made it clear that I wasn't ready. I was seventeen. He said he was fine with that. But then we got drunk at a party and ended up in a bedroom and I woke up half naked in bed with him - also naked. I couldn't shake the feeling that he did it on purpose, even though I couldn't remember that night. I still can't, but I know he took something I could never get back.

  "Mack! C'mon!" Taylor yells over suddenly.

  He nods at her and then smiles at me. "You really do look like you're doing well."

  "Thanks," I say quickly, "But your girlfriend doesn't seem to like you talking to me."

  I don't know why I said that. I don't generally ever stir the pot. Something about Taylor is annoying me, though.

  I wasn't doing well three weeks ago. But Mack doesn't need to know that. Tonight, I'm feeling good.

  "Taylor's not my girlfriend," he tells me easily, though he lowers his voice.

  And then, in a flash, he jumps up and strides over to where she is sitting. She squeals as he pretends to push her into the pool. And my stomach tightens. Why did he make a point to tell me Taylor is not his girlfriend?

  An hour later, I'm still out in Mack's parents backyard. My legs are in the pool and I've had real conversations with everyone out here, except Taylor. She doesn't seem to like me. I don't really care. I check my phone and see it's after 10P.M. The night really flew by and I actually had a good time. Maybe having friends wouldn't be a bad thing. Maybe I need more social interaction in my life. After tonight, I'm not even sure why I've been such a hermit the last two years.

  "Hey, Josephine, you want to come to Tijuana this weekend with us?" Henry asks, after I see him whispering with Kass a bit.

  I barely have a second to react to the invitation when Taylor snorts and gives them a look. "Seriously? Why would you invite her?"

  Kass looks at Taylor and shakes her head. "Josephine seems cool. Plus, it's my birthday." 

  I just met three of them tonight and though I've known Mack a lot longer, we're aren't exactly friends. I don't understand why they are inviting me to Mexico with them.

   "It'll be really fun! We have a hotel room booked and we're planning on some fun activities, plus the beach, and drinking," Kass goes on, trying to sell me on it.

   "I'm... I'm not sure," I say, because being silent feels wrong. "I mean, thanks for inviting me, but-"

    "See? She doesn't want to go," Taylor interjects.

    "Well, you can let Mack know? We're leaving Friday evening and coming back Sunday. You're more than welcome!" Henry tells me.

  I nod, but Taylor's watching me like a hawk. I don't think I want to go to Mexico with her. I'm thinking about telling them that I'm going to head home soon, since she's literally making me a bit uncomfortable, when my phone buzzes in my hand bag. Reaching in for it, I have a bad feeling. When I read the message on the screen, my chest tightens and my stomach drops.

Kian: I need to see you