Seph

I quickly text him back - What's going on? Where are you?

  Kian may have abandoned me these last few days, but now that he's texted, it feels important. I keep my phone in my hand as I wait for him to reply, ignoring what's going on around me. I see the three little dots letting me know he's typing, but it feels like it takes forever for the message to come in.

    I'll be at your house in 5 minutes

  What? He's driving to my house? He must assume I never go anywhere, because the fact that he has done this twice now is something. I've told him that I don't have friends. I've told him that I mostly stay home and keep to myself. But tonight I'm at a party and I'm hanging out with four people my age. I'm not at my house. I'm not where he thinks I am.

  Me: I'm not at my house. I'm down the street, at a party. House number is 4344.

  I don't know why I'm so quick to tell him this. I know he'll show up. And I know that won't be good. He doesn't text back for a few minutes. I'm nervously sweating and not paying attention to Mack, who's now in the pool with the rest of his friends.

   "Josephine?" I finally hear him ask me.

    "Uh, yeah?" I look up and meet his eyes, my heart pounding. He looks confused.

    "Just asked if you want a beer? Henry's going into the house to get some," Mack says to me.

    "Oh, no. Thanks. I actually have to go-"

  As I say the last word, my phone buzzes in my hand again.

   I'm parked on the road just down from the party house.

  I stand up quickly, not able to think about anything else. I grab for my handbag and then spin around and somehow smack right into Henry. He laughs and backs up, reaching out to stabilize me so I don't fall over.

   "Sorry. Uh, thanks for... this. I have to go," I say again, not really looking at anyone.

   "Josephine!" Mack calls out, while I'm already going down the side of the house. I don't look back, but I stop. "Why are you rushing out of here?"

  I turn my head back. "I just have to get home. I... it was nice seeing you."

   "You should give me your number," he says, and I know - or I think - it's just him trying to be nice.

  I don't have time to give Mack my number. I don't know what Kian is doing or how long he'll wait for me. I need to get to him. I'm panicking all of a sudden.

   "I really have to go," I say to Mack, again. 

  I don't look back as I go the rest of the way to the front of the house and then turn and start walking down the sidewalk. I see Kian's truck right away. It only takes me a minute to get there and it feels like deja vu, getting into the truck beside him. We've done this a few times now.

  He's crying. He's been crying for awhile, it's obvious. His eyes are wide and red and he's just looking at me, like he can't believe I'm there.

  "What's wrong?" I ask right away.

  Kian holds his breath and just stares at me, and then collapses into my arms a moment later. He needs me, and I don't know why. I don't know why he didn't text me for so long but I know that he needs me now and I am here. It feels right, being the one he needs when he's upset.

  I kiss the top of his head and stroke his hair and wait for him to calm down. I wait for him to start talking. But when he sits up and looks at me, he just starts kissing me.

  God, it feels so good. I missed him. I want him, bad, but not like this. Not when he's sad and we haven't talked in five days. Not when I wasn't sure I'd ever see him again. But still I kiss him back and pull him closer and our tongues are crashing into each other, like we can't stop even if we had to. I open my eyes and slowly pull away from him, but he's holding on for dear life.

  "Oh, Seph, fuck... I'm so sorry," he mumbles under his breath.

  That's when I realize he doesn't look quite sober. He words are a bit slurred. Now that I think of it, he tasted like alcohol during that amazing kiss.

   "Are you drunk?" I ask, moving back to look at him better.

  "I'm not... that drunk," is his answer.

   "You drove here drunk?" I ask him again, and now I'm mad.

   "Seph, I really fucked up. I just needed to see you." His words really affect me, but I can't get over the fact that he was drinking and driving.

   "You should have just called. Driving drunk is the dumbest thing you could do. You could have..."

   "I'm okay, look..." He's holding out his hands to me. "I'm here. I'm fine."

   "You're lucky," I say, looking out the window. I take in a slow deep breath.

He lets out a muffled laugh, which surprises me. "I did something really stupid. I was just trying to do the right thing... but..."

   "What happened?" I want to know.

  But Kian has tears in his eyes again. He look so broken. I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so sad. Instead of waiting for him to answer me, I just lean in and kiss him again. He needs this. I need it, too. After a minute, he's pulling me into his lap. I straddle him, facing him, and we kiss harder than we ever have. It feels so good but also wrong, knowing how upset he is. When I pull back and look in his eyes, he blinks hard and some tears fall down his cheeks. I wipe them away quickly, wondering what he got himself into.

  But we are still in his truck, which is still parked down the street from the party, where my parents are still inside. It's almost 11P.M. and I don't know how late they'll stay, but likely another hour. My brain is working overtime to think, and I decide on this quickly. I slide back into the passenger seat and Kian groans. I already miss touching him, too. He's looking at me like he can't figure me out.

   "Drive. Carefully.  Go back to my house," I tell him.

   "Your house?"

   "Park around the corner. We're going to my room," I say quickly.

  A flash of realization hits him and he nods before starting the truck and turning it around. When he parks around the corner from my house, I glance at him. He looks completely torn. He's sad, but somehow excited. His nostrils flare when I push open the door and hop out, then he follows me. 

  He's never been inside my house, or a house like this. Working at the my party doesn't really count.  This feels very obvious as soon as we go in the back door. The back staircase leads right up to my bedroom. The two other spare rooms up there, and two bathrooms. The other rooms - including my parents' - are on the first floor.

  I don't speak as I lead Kian up the staircase. He's impossibly quiet as well, but when I glance back at him, I see the look on his face. It's shock mixed with awe. At the house, or at the fact that I'm taking him up to my bedroom. Who knows. At the top of the stairs, I freeze and wait until he's close to me.   Looking down over the balcony where we can see the main floor of the house, it's really breath taking. But I've never seen it this way before. When you grow up in a mansion it's just normal. Kian is still speechless, but I want him to say something. He looks sober now and when I reach out for his hand he takes it and squeezes.

  "This is... insane," he finally says.

   "Yeah," I agree.

  "Why'd you bring me inside?" he wants to know, not looking at me.

  "Because I wanted to."

  He gives me a smile bit of fades quickly. "Your parents?"

  "Aren't here."

  He nods and looks like he wants to say something else. I asked him - twice - in the truck what happened, why he was so sad. I gave him a chance to tell me why he just showed up after five days of no contact. But he just wanted to kiss me and I had to let him.

  "So-" he starts again.

   "Come on," I interrupt him and turn to start going down the hallway, towards my bedroom.