Kian

I wake up to a bang. As soon as I come to and realize where I am, my heart is beating out of my chest. I'm naked. Seph is fast asleep beside me. I'm in her bed. But I heard a noise in the hallway. Her parents are home.

  I'm dead.

  They don't know you're here, I tell myself as I peel my body out of the bed and stand up, not making a sound.

  It's dark in here but I manage to find my underwear and pants. I have to go around to the other side of the bed to find my shirt. Once I'm dressed, I look at the window. The balcony. I have to sneak out. I glance back at Seph. She looks so peaceful. I don't want to wake her but I know how she'll feel if I don't.

  I'm wide awake as I slowly lean over her and brush some hair off her face. "Seph..."

  She doesn't move.

   "Seph... wake up," I whisper. I can barely hear my own voice.

   Finally, after what feels like hours, she stirs and her eyes flutter open. "Kian?"

   "Shh. It's after 1A.M. but I think your parents are home. I have to go out the balcony," I tell her.

  She's still half asleep when she nods and whispers, "Okay."

  I kiss her cheek and stand up again. "Hey, I'll see you soon."

   "Yeah," she says, but her eyes are closed again.

  I'm almost out onto the balcony when I realize I don't have a my shoes. There aren't anywhere on the floor. Where did I take them off? I have no memory of removing them but I can't risk looking around for them and making any noise, so I say screw it and head out without them.

  Thank fuck I make it around the corner to my truck without any commotion. Somehow, Seph's parents didn't hear me. My bare feet are sore as I hop into my truck. It feels so silly driving in bare feet, but I have to get out of there before I fuck everything up.

  I've already fucked up enough.

  My entire existence is messed up and it happened so fast. I've spent the last two days trying to recover from what happened. I'm more messed up than ever.

  I told my brother to pack some stuff and I put him in my truck and we drove away from Riverside and even though I wasn't thinking straight, I knew that I was doing the right thing. It felt right, like I was saving Zeek from the same asshole who repeatedly beat me up and attacked me while I lived there. I wasn't little, though. Zeek is eleven. He's done nothing wrong. I might not have a house or food or anything like that, but I thought I could keep him safe.

  Two days later, the police came to Fiona's door, in Long Beach. Not only did they manage to track me and Zeek down there, but Fiona and her roommate got taken into custody for possession of marijuana and cocaine. I didn't even know they had drugs in the house or else I would never have kept Zeek there.

  For two days, I had Zeek with me. I took him to the mall and we ate lunch in the food court like normal brothers. I bought him ice cream on the way home and we sat outside in the back yard at Fiona's and talked. He told me about the asshole boyfriend and how he had never hit him before but he threatened him a lot. He threatened our mom, too. I already knew that. I've had plenty of conversation with our mother about him. But she was under his spell, or in some sort of fucked up love with him. Her own kids were put second. I told Zeek about  my plan to save money and get him out of there, and his face lit up.

  "I would love to live with you all the time, Kian," he said, smiling at me, his blond hair falling across his face.

  "Would you miss mom, and your friends in Riverside?" I asked, because I was finally getting to talk to him about this for real.

  "Yeah, I guess so. Where would we live?" he wanted to know.

  "I will get an apartment, soon. Maybe here in Long Beach? Maybe Santa Monica," I told him.

  "Could I still go visit Riverside?" he asked. I could see his brain working trying to figure this out.

  "Maybe. I don't know if mom will be okay with you living with me, you know? We have to figure it all out," I told him. My heart was breaking.

  "She and Mike always complain about how much I eat and that I need new school supplies for this year and-"

  I put my  hand on his head and mess up his hair a bit. "Okay. Don't worry about it right now. I just wanted to find out if you would even want to do that. As a possibility."

  "Yes," he grinned. "Of course."

  But the next next afternoon, the police were at the door. I heard all the commotion from down in the basement, where Zeek and I slept the last two nights. I told him to stay there and ran up the stairs just in time to see two large men in uniform tearing the place apart. Fiona and her roommate Kya were screaming at them and I just stood there, shocked. They found drugs in spots all over the living room and kitchen, and immediately took them both out in handcuffs, and then the third officer turned to me. It all felt like I was watching a movie, like there was no way this was actually happening, when he asked my name. Then he asked about Zeek.

  I couldn't lie to a police officer, but why did he even know that I had Zeek with me? Why did he know where I was? The man - officer Torres - went downstairs and collected Zeek a moment later. I had tears pouring down my face as he cuffed me and lead me outside, with Zeek sobbing, close by.

  I didn't even get to say goodbye to him. They took him in a different cruiser, with a different officer. Zeek was yelling for me and crying and asking what was going on, all while I was being shoved into the back of the car with Fiona and Kya.

  We were separated at the station.

  It's been three days and Fiona won't text me back.

  The first day, I spent in custody. Thankfully, they released me because no one was pressing charges.  Once my mother got Zeek back, she apparently told the officers not to charge me. They let me go, but they did say I should stay out of Riverside. No one listened when I tried to explain that Zeek wasn't safe with them. They sent him right back to our mother's house because she has custody. I bet no one asked Zeek what he wanted, either. I'm still angry.

  Last night, I called a friend in Santa Monica and we went to the bar and got drunk. Raphael is one of Frank's guys, but he's the only one that has ever been nice to me. We're not exactly friends, but he was willing to meet me for a drink. Which turned into five. I was angry and sad and ended up in a fist fight with some random guy - that's why my face is currently bruised. I drank two bottles of water and tried to sober up before I got into my truck and drove to Malibu, praying Seph would want to see me. I could tell she was mad when she realized I'd been drinking. It was stupid. But I had to see her. And I wasn't expecting her to bring me to her house. I wasn't expecting anything that happened last night.  

  Now, I'm driving mindlessly around Malibu. I have no shoes. I know I have to park somewhere and sleep in my truck and deal with this in the morning. I feel like I'm ripped apart from the inside out. Everything hurts, especially my heart. For Zeek. And for Seph. Because my plan failed and I can't be with either of them.

  I finally park in the back of a Walmart parking lot outside of town and climb into the back seat of my truck. There's a blanket back there because this isn't even close to the first time I've had to do this. I lay awake for what feels like hours, thinking. I lost my brother. I lost my only real friend, Fiona, and a place to stay. And I have  Seph, but not really. I'd be being selfish if I tried to keep her in my life. I was being selfish last night when I drove to her house, because I knew she'd come to me. And I didn't even bother telling her what happened - I just took advantage of the situation. I'm such an asshole.

  My phone is buzzing as I'm waking up. It keeps buzzing, pulling me out of a dream - or a nightmare. When my eyes flutter open and I realize I'm in the truck, but it's light out, I wake up quickly. My phone is tucked under my body, so I grab it and flip it over.

  Frank is calling me.

   "Hello?" I answer, my voice heavy with sleep and angry and frustration.

   "Kian, where the hell are you?" Frank yells into my ear.

  I don't even know what time it is.

   "I'm..." I let my voice trail off. I'm not sure where I am. Shit, was I supposed to work for Frank today? I haven't exactly been paying much attention to my work schedule the last few days.

   "Kian! Damnit, you really fucked up this time," Frank goes on.

  What is he talking about? I did fuck up, but I didn't think Frank knew about any of that. It's been six days since I took Zeek from my mom's house and I haven't heard from Frank at all.

   "Wha-"

   "Get to my house. We need to talk," he interrupts.

  My heart starts pounding and I am actually sort of scared. What does he know?

   "I'm twenty minutes away," I say quickly.

   "Good." He sounds relieved and then his tone changes, fast. "I don't think you're prepared for this, Kian. I told you to stay away from Riverside."

  Is that a threat? What the hell is he talking about? I open my mouth to say something but the call has already gone dead.