Kian

I speed all the way back to Santa Monica.

  When I left Fiona's house that morning - after hearing Seph on the phone with her dad - I knew what I had to do. I can't be who she needs me to be and sticking around will just make it worst for her. Her parents will hate me, which will cause more tension for her at home. I care about her and it hurts my heart to do this, but it was what had to be done.

  I hate Santa Monica almost as much as I hate Riverside.

  It's been closer to two months since I've been back to Riverside.  My mom hasn't let me be in touch with Zeek and today, this brutal, tight feeling in my chest makes me decide that I need to see him.

  Meeting Seph has been a distraction. I hate what I did to her this morning. I hate the way she looked at me with tears on her cheeks. I might need to find a way to prove that she's better without me, because if she hates me, she won't miss me. I don't want to make her hate me, though.

  I need a Riverside weekend. I need to see Zeek but I also need to forget about Seph.

  I stop at Frank's, but only to tell him not to try to call me. He comes outside and looks at me carefully, wearing a tank top and shorts. He looks young, even though I know he's not. He's older than my mom by a couple of years. I hate the way he looks at me, like he feels sorry for me.

  "You look like shit," he says, finally.

   "Uh, thanks?"

  "Beth's going away tonight. You can stay until Monday-"

  "I'm not asking for that," I say quickly. "I'm going to Riverside for the weekend. I won't be around to work for you."

  "Boy, you don't need to be going to Riverside." Frank look so serious about this.

   "I wish I could stay away but... "

  "But nothing. Going back there never goes well for you. I'm sick of bailing out of trouble," he goes on.

  I snort and then step back. He's pissing me off. "You think you know my mother, Frank, but you don't."

  "I've known her a long time, kid. Since the day she was born."

   "Well, I have to go make sure Zeek's okay. I'll be back in Long Beach on Monday if you need me," I finish.

  "I need to talk to you, actually. Come inside for a minute," Frank goes on, as if I haven't already turned away.

  I don't want to go inside. I wanna get back to my truck drive to Riverside and see my brother. But I can tell this is important, so I follow Frank into his house. I don't go very far inside. I stayed here once, when I was eighteen, for a few months. It was the first time my mom kicked me out. I remember I felt like someone actually wanted me, when I stepped foot into this house. Beth even moved one of the TVs into the spare room for me. She didn't hate me, then. I don't know even know what happened.

  "What's going on?" I ask Frank. I'm anxious to leave.

   "I'll be straight with you. Brett doesn't want me hiring you for jobs anymore," he says, and I wonder why he had to bring me inside to tell me this.

  My stomach drops, though. Brett is Seph's father. This doesn't make sense.

  "Last I checked, he doesn't tell you what to do," I say, trying to sound confidant.

   "He invested in me, in my business, long ago. He doesn't tell me what to do but I take his opinion seriously."

  "I'm your family." I don't know what else to say, so I try to make him feel guilty.

   It doesn't work. "So is he."

  "Fine. Whatever. I don't know if I'm coming back from Riverside, anyway," I say, turning around.

  "Kian, don't ruin your life over this. I know you've been working your ass off..."

  "Yeah, to get back to Zeek. To take care of him."

  Frank looks worried for a second but then flashes a smile. "You're a good brother."

  "Unfortunately, she's a shit mother," I snap.

  I'm already back out the door and shuffling towards my truck when Frank calls out to me.

  "I have your last pay, from the last couple of jobs you did for me!"

  I stop and turn back. He's holding a yellow envelope and walking towards me. He only pays me here and there, because the rest of the work has been paying off what I owe him. When it's in my hand, I feel somehow like I'm being cut loose from him. He's been there for me through a lot. He's cared about me when no one else did. But he is choosing Seph's dad over me, now.

  And that's exactly why I have to stay away from her.

*

  Riverside feels like a dark cloud on a sunny, warm day. Driving through the worst part of town, I see broken down homes and businesses and stray dogs and kids playing on the street. Those kids were me when I was little. I had friends and I didn't know my life wasn't great. Until my dad left.

  I'm in a gas station parking spot after filling my tank and running inside to grab an energy drink when there's a banging on the side door.

 "Hunter!"

  It's some guy I barely recognize, but he knows me. Hunter's my last name, but I told everyone it was my name when I got into drug dealing. This is the moment I realize it's been two weeks since I've been in contact with the dealer and I haven't thought about it at all. Drug dealing was never for me, but the money was nice.

  I push open the door and hop out, going around the truck to talk to him.

  "Hey."

   "It's been awhile, huh? Where you been?" the guys asks.

  He's short and thick with a beard and dark hair. I'm still trying to place him and remember his name. We went to high school together, for sure.

  "Oh, Long Beach mostly. Staying with Fiona," I say. If I know this guy from high school, he knows Fiona.

  "Fiona! She's in Long Beach? Man, I forgot about her."

  "Yeah she's in college."

   "Oh, smart girl. My girl's pregnant. You know Kelsey?"

  I do not remember a Kelsey. I don't even remember his name.

  "Oh, congrats man," I say anyway.

  "Yeah, thanks. So, you still sellin'?"

 "Um, not really? I haven't heard from Isaac since the last time he picked up his money a couple weeks ago." At least it's not a lie. Isaac hasn't gotten in touch with me to pick up more pills to sell.

 "Damn, well, it's good to see you, man. You got my number still?"

 I have no idea if I have his number. I have no idea who he is.

 "Yeah, course," I tell him anyway. This is why I hate coming back to Riverside.

 He grins and turns away that's when I remember - Greg. His name is Greg.

 I get back into my truck and start it up. There's a duffel bag in the passenger seat with the things I've been keeping with me - a few shirts and shorts, my toothbrush, hair brush, phone charger. Living out a bag sucks. And I've done it far too much over the last few years.

  My mom's house is on the edge of town. It's not a great neighbourhood but it's across the street from the school and there's lots of other families nearby. It's a small house but it's way nicer than where I was grew up, in a trailer park. Right away I notice Zeek's bike on the front lawn. It's summer and he has another whole month before he goes back to school. But if his bike is here, maybe he's here.

  I'm nervous getting out of my truck and going up the path to the house. I don't see the asshole boyfriend's car, but that doesn't mean he's not here. He's unpredictable. My hearts racing. My guard is up.

  I knock a few times, which feels weird. I lived in this house for many years. I'm assuming there's still a room with most of my stuff. But I feel like I have to knock.
   
    The door opens slowly and set of eyes peek out. Then suddenly the door is wide open and my brother is wrapped around my body.

  "Kian!" he squeals. "Holy shit, you're here?!"

  "Don't swear," I say and hug him back. "Yeah, sorry I haven't been around, dude."

  "You're here now," he says and finally lets me go, stepping back.

  I look around the house and take it all in. It's a mess. It smells like garbage. And I don't miss the empty beer cans, literally everywhere. Zeek kicks at one and then looks back up at me.

  "Does mom know you're here?"

   "No. Where is she?" I ask back.

  Zeek shrugs. "She left awhile ago."

  I suck in a breath. My instinct is to grab some stuff and him and go. I want to take him far away from here. But I'm not stupid. I know that wouldn't end well for either of us.

  "Okay. Do you want to-"  I stop talking, because I notice the mark on his neck.

  It's red and angry looking and looks painful. I look him over more carefully. There's a faded bruise on his cheek. One of his eyes looks a bit red. Suddenly I can't breathe. I know what's happening. I knew this whole time.

  "We're leaving," I say and grab his hand.

   "Wait, what?"

  "Go, quick, grab a few things. I'm going to go see if any thing is still here of mine-"

   "He tossed it all," Zeek says sadly. "I was able to take some stuff, but Mike put it all in bags and..."

  That asshole threw out all my stuff? My clothes? My life. It's all gone. That's probably why mom hasn't been answering my calls.

  Now I'm fuming. "Quick. Only grab what you need."

  I go back to the door and look out to make sure no one's coming. A few minutes go by and my heart's beating too fast. I know I can't kidnap him. I know leaving like this isn't a good idea. But I can't leave him here. I can't.

  Zeek appears again with two backpacks stuffed full. He's small and thin and doesn't look at all like me, but he's forcing a smile now.

  "What are we doing?" he wants to know.

   "I don't know. But you're coming with me for a bit."

  He nods, agreeing, and follows me outside after he puts on his running shoes. He's a bit behind me as we walk down to my truck. Before we get in, I look at him again. I need to confirm this before I make this huge decision.

  "Who gave you those bruises and the marks on your neck?"

  Zeek looks at his shoes and then pulls at the bottom of his t-shirt. "I'm supposed to say I got beat up at school."

  "Zeek. Who did it?"

   "Mike was mad at me for not cleaning the house last week. I said I would but he just... he attacked me. I couldn't even fight back. Mom heard and came and screamed at him to stop. But my face was pretty messed up."

  "He attacked you?" My blood is running hot through my body now.

   "He shoved me and I hit my face off the table and then he... he was choking me."

  "Shit. Zeek. I'm sorry. I should have come back for you sooner. I called and texted mom a lot, but she was ignoring me. I'm sorry." I have tears in my eyes now. I can't believe that asshole hurt my little brother.

  "I would have left too, if I could have," Zeek tells me and it breaks my heart.

 "I'm not leaving you again."