Seph

I don't look back, but I know he's following me. My bedroom is the first one on the left. I push open the door and when I step inside, I immediately smell the lemon scented candle I'd been burning earlier. I remember that I left my clothes on the bed and floor, from when I changed into this dress. For a moment, I freeze. But then I realize none of that matters now.

  "You look so gorgeous in that dress," Kian whispers. He's right behind me, so I turn  around to face him.

  I have so many questions. I don't want to be that girl who drops everything when a guy shows up. But Kian is different. He's never taken advantage of me. He's helped me, probably move than he even knows.

  The questions can wait. He'll tell me what happened when he's ready. Tonight is for us. And the the way I feel about him right now is like nothing I've ever felt.

  "I missed you," I tell him, because it's so true.

   "Seph, I missed you too. I hated staying away, I swear."

  I believe him. I still want to know why he told me to get out of his truck that morning, and what he's been doing since then, but it's not what matters now. If I keep pushing, he might run. I don't want him to run away again.

  I step forward, and even though my room is dark, I can see his face clearly from the moonlight, coming in the big window going out to my balcony. That's when I see it. He's got a big bruise on his cheek and a cut under his eye. It makes me gasp, especially since I didn't notice it before this moment.

  "What happened?" I ask right away, reaching up to touch his cheek lightly.

   "I..." He takes a deep breath but doesn't finish the sentence.

  I don't make him answer. I interrupt by stepping even closer and kissing him. I hope he'll tell me when he's ready. For now, I know what the needs. He needs me to be here, with him. He lifts me off the ground easily and takes a few steps, then lowers me onto to my bed. As he slips off his shoes and leans down to join me, he hesitates.

  "This is... we haven't..."

  I stare up him, feeling grateful that he's questioning this. He's not rushing me. He's not quick to start this - whatever it may be. He's unsure. I'm not unsure, though. This feels more right than anything I've done in a long time.

  I haven't had sex since that night I was drunk, with Tyler. It was two years ago. I haven't been in a relationship or gone on dates or had someone look at me like Kian does. I don't exactly know his history. We don't talk about it. But I trust him. And tonight, I know he needs me to show him that I do.

  "I really care about you, Kian," I say, as he climbs into my bed and lays beside me.

   "You do?" he asks, as if he wasn't expecting this.

  It feels like maybe no one has ever told him that before, and it makes me really sad.

  "Yeah. I trust you more than anyone," I go on, because I know it's what he needs to hear. I mean, though.

   "We barely know each other," he reminds me. His eyes are dark with wonder.

  "Are you trying to talk me out of this?" I ask him with a smile.

   "No." He blinks a few times before leaning in to kiss me. "I just... I didn't come here for this. I just needed to see you. I just had a... a really rough few days. I knew you could calm me down."

  "I know you didn't come here for this," I tell him, and reach up to touch his cheek. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

  He shrugs and sort of shakes his head. I won't push him. I need him to trust me, too.

  "Okay."

  I kiss him again and pull him closer so he's half on top of me. He groans and leans down to kiss my cheek and then my neck. For the first minute, he's moving slow and looking at me for approval. But when I give it, he turns greedy. All of a sudden he's moving fast, like he thinks this might be taken away at any moment.

  I pull at his shirt and we work together to get it over his head. It's dark, but I run my hands down his chest and he moans, then goes back to kissing me. This is basically like my first time, but I sort of know what I'm doing. He really knows what he's doing. When he slips his fingers down my shoulders and drops one of the straps of the dress, he pulls his lips away from my mouth to kiss my shoulder. I suck in a breath.

  "You okay? Is this... okay?" he whispers.

  Honestly, if I hadn't been so tired, I likely would have had sex with him that night in his friend's basement. He saved me that night. That night changed everything. Now, I'm more than ready for this.

  "Yes," I say quickly.

  Kian doesn't waste any time after that. A moment later he's pulling up my dress and moving his body down mine, touching me everywhere he can. He's gentle and sweet and asks permission for almost every movement he makes. When I'm just in my underwear and bra and he's in his boxers, I climb on top of him. His eyes go wide and he grins up at me.

  "You are beautiful," he whispers into the darkness.

  I feel beautiful when I'm with him. I don't feel self conscious or too thin or too thick. I feel like me. I feel like the Seph that he knows. The one no one else knows.

  "I'm eating," I say, and realize right away it sounds weird. And it might kill the mood. He looks at me, waiting. "I mean, since Friday night. Since I ate at your bar. I've been eating."

  Kian slides his hands up my stomach and rubs my sides gently. His eyes are half open and he's so relaxed. I haven't taken a moment to stop and realize what we're doing. Until now.

  "I'm so proud of you," he tells me. "I mean, that's amazing."

   "It's going to be slow progress, but... you started it. You..."

  The happy expression is gone from his face. He looks serious as he pulls me down and kisses me hard.  It sets off the next series of events, which is when we get fully naked and he flips me over and asks one more time if I'm sure. I nod, and he mumbles something about a condom. Leaning over the side of my bed, he reaches for his pants. A moment later he retrieves a condom and puts it on. I'm in awe of all of this, because it's fast and soon but also perfect and good. Tonight, we're helping each other. We're proving to each other we're in this, whatever it is.