"Spider-Man was the best of all of us." Tony begins.

He's on a stage, in time square, talking to the hundreds of people who came here, for this, and the thousands more watching from home.

It's sunny, which doesn't seem fair. Not in the slightest.

A day like this shouldn't be sunny.

It should be raining and thundering but then again Thor's sat in the audience in front of him, so maybe, he stopped the rain for the people here.

To allow them this without having to worry about getting wet. To allow Tony this.

"He was..." He pauses and scans the audience. He sees May sat in the front row, Ned and Mj next to her.

She smiles at him.

He looks away.

"He was kind, and funny, and selfless, and caring, and so brilliant that sometimes I had trouble keeping up with him." Tony smiles, like he's somewhere else, somewhere better. The audience chuckles.

They don't notice the nostalgic look on his face, Tony's glad.

It's gives him a moment to be back in his lab, with Peter, laughing at one of his dumb jokes that weren't actually dumb.

The silence brings him back.

"He was also the bravest person I have ever met." Tony looks down at the blank index cards that he was shuffling on the podium in front of him.

The cards were just for show.

Like this was some PR stunt. Like he's just here because he has to be. Like Peter didn't matter to him at all.

He puts the cards down.

"I once asked him why he did all this." Tony gestured to the people in the audience and to New York in general. "He told me 'when you can do the things I can, but don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.'"

Tony glances at May again.

Shes smiling again. It not a real smile though. More of a grimace.

She had heard those exact words before, probably a hundred times.

Whenever her and Peter would argue about him being Spider-Man, he would say that, and she would give in.

How could she argue with that?

"He was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and it wasn't for recognition or for thanks." He looks down again briefly before looking back up. "It was because he thought he had to and that no one else would do it if he didn't."

"God, he was just a teenager and he thought that it was up to him to save everyone." Tony wipes his eyes to stop the tears threatening to fall.

He doesn't miss the reactions though.

The reactions of people finding out that Spider-Man was a teenager.

That he had his whole life ahead of him yet he gave it all up to save them.

To save the people who called him a menace and villain and a murder and hundred other things that he's not.

"And I guess he did." Tony look down at his hands, that rested carefully on the podium, as he wrung them nervously. "He did save everyone, in the end, and as selfish as this is to say, especially today, I wish that he didn't."

When Tony looked up again he knew what the reaction would be.

Way before he'd even said it.

They were shocked, obviously.

Tony Stark just said he wished hundreds of thousands of people stayed dead.

"He did not deserve to go like that. Or at all." Tony ignored the fact he was crying. "He didn't deserve to die in agony to bring back people who ridiculed him when he was alive."

Tony saw the other Avengers in the audience, they were the only ones who understood.

They saw Peter die with him.

Heard his last words, saw him take his last breath, watched as his eyes close. They were there as he asked Tony if he did good, if they won, if Tony was proud of him.

They watched Tony cling to his dead body and sob and sob and sob, begging to every god he could think of to bring him back.

They were there.

So they got it.

"I wish it was someone else, anyone else. I wish it was me who snapped but it wasn't and that isn't fair." Tony wipes his eyes with his sleeve. "Because he was good. He was a good person, right down to the bone and until his last breath."

He took a deep breath.

Wiped his eyes again.

Scanned the audience.

And carried on.

"But also because, he was my son." Tony could feel the tears falling again. "And I never got to tell him that. That he was my son in every way except biological. That I loved him more then I'll ever be able to explain."

He can see May crying.

They make eye contact and she smiles at him again.

He smiles back as best he can.

Neither of them mind that the smiles are sad, that they'll never really smile properly again.

Not like when Peter was alive.

"So yeah I wish that he hadn't done what he done to save everyone." Tony chuckles bitterly. "But that kid is the most stubborn person I have ever met and I know there nothing I could have done to stop him from doing everything in his power to save you all."

He looks over the audience and everyone is crying.

For a fleeting moment Tony wonders how, when they don't even know his real name.

But then he remembers that you didn't really need to know his name for him to be nice to you, for him to help you.

He was just like that.

"Spider-Man was the best of all of us." Tony repeats. "And he was so much better then that too, so we are here, today, not to mourn a lost but to celebrate all the good that he did and I promise you he did so much good."

Tony doesn't think they'll ever really understand all that Peter lost and sacrificed so that he could help people.

He lived his whole life trying to be the best version of himself and as short as his life was, he was.

"I am going to do my best to honour him and make him as proud of me as I was of him." He wipes his eyes again.

Tony looks up to the sky, there were no clouds in sight.

Like the clouds knew what he needed and left out of respect.

"I hope you're doing okay Underoos." Tony blinked away even more tears. "I'll see you again, someday."

~*~

I never know how to end these so apologies. I hope you liked it though!

I've been gone a while (again).

Every time I've gone to write I haven't had any ideas, I have like two half finished chapter so I'm gunna try and finish those at some point.

Yall better be looking after yourselves. Take your medicine, drink water, have something to eat and get some sleep!!!

And if you need too, take a break! Your health (both mental and physical) is important so you need to take care of it!

I love you all lots.

Stay safe my dudes!