IMAGINE !
o. YOU WONDER IF YOU'LL EVER BE ABLE TO EXPRESS YOUR LOVE FOR TOM  . . .

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You anxiously swirled the metal spoon around your cup of tea, watching as the sugar and honey dissolved into the warm drink. Thoughts circled your brain, fighting between what was right and wrong. However, your aching heart already knew the answer.

The front door shut with a small click, your body swiveling the chair around to face whoever just entered your flat. You had no idea who you were expecting other than Tom, who was attempting to take off his shoes without crumbling a suspicious grocery bag up. The admiration you had for him was more than you could ever express. Words simply didn't suffice for the large amount of your love that belonged to him.

Your small frown quickly changed to a smile when his brown eyes looked up from the floor to you. "Hey," was the only word that your heart allowed to slip out of your lips.

"Hey?" Tom's eyebrows furrowed together, taking quick strides towards you. He stopped in front of you, opening the plastic market bag and taking out a beautiful and perfect-sized bouquet of flowers. A genuine smile replaced your faked one, taking them in your hand and looking up at Tom with love-filled eyes.

"These are absolutely beautiful. Thank you," you whispered, pressing a small kiss to the corner of his lips before turning away in search of a vase. You stopped your search when you noticed the rather large amount of flowers on your shelf. To make sure the new flowers stayed alive, you simply put them in an water/filled mug before bringing your attention back to Tom.

"What's up with all the flowers, Holland?" Your body leaned up against the counter, recounting all the flowers he had brought home in the past few days.

Tom cleared his throat, taking a seat on the counter. His fingers fidgeted with the zipper on his open jacket, mustering up the courage to tell you the entire reason he had been overly showering you with affection. Of course, you hadn't complained, but something didn't feel right.

"I just, you know, feel bad because I have a really important question to ask you. I-I was wondering if we could hold off on telling about us for, maybe, another month or so?"

You could already feel your heart breaking inside your chest for what felt like the thousandth time. The question was all too familiar, considering you heard it a month ago, and a month after that.

A sigh left your lips, turning around and trying to keep your eyes from developing tears. You nodded your head, unfortunately agreeing to Tom's unsurprising proposition.

You could sense that Tom had hopped down from the counter, almost immediately feeling his arms wrap around your torso. As much as you didn't want to, your body leaned into his touch. "I'm sorry, y/n. I really am. I just don't think the fans are ready."

A sarcastic laugh slipped out of your lips, pushing his arms off of you and turning around to meet his confused expression.

"You're joking, right? Tom, I get that your fans mean a lot to you, but what about me? What if I'm ready? It's been seven agonizing months, and maybe that's not a lot to you, but it is to me! Why can't I say that I'm in love?" Your soft voice quickly raised, the shakiness returning.

Tom was rendered speechless, not knowing if he had heard you correctly. He could see your eyes gloss over, and as his body was about to comfort you, he stopped himself.

After a few minutes of silence, you picked up your car keys from the counter. Tom stared at the marbled kitchen floor, unsure of what to do. He hadn't realized how much of a toll this was taking on your emotions. At first, he thought it wasn't a big deal asking for another month of secrecy, but as the time stretched on, your relationship was beginning to walk on thin ice.

You pushed past Tom, pulling out your winter jacket from the hall closet and slipping on a pair of shoes before tugging on the front door. When he heard it creak open, he was immediately chasing after you to the driveway.

"y/n, where are you going? Sweetheart, we can figure this out. Justーplease stay, we'll talk about it." His voice finally broke, lightly holding onto your hand to prevent you from leaving.

You wanted to stay, you really did, but you wanted some time to think about your options. You wanted to shout that you were in love, tell your friends. There was so many things you wanted to do as a couple, but maybe Tom didn't want that. You needed time to take a break from overthinking everything.

Looking up at Tom with saddened eyes, you softly caressed his cheek with your thumb. The feeling of tears running down his cheek broke your heart again.

"I need to clear my head a little, Tom. If you really need to know where I'm going, ask Harrison, he'll know exactly where I am. Just know I'll be home later, okay?"

You definitely weren't leaving him, but you had to figure things out for yourself. You needed to figure out if you really could pull yourself through another month of secrets, or if you had to break things off. However, that was the absolute last thing you wanted to do.

Tom brought his soft lips down to meet yours, delicately cupping your face. Another tear rolled down his cheek again, starting to feel the immense guilt of postponing the rather important event.

He had to let you breathe. Something had convinced him to think that a little time apart was enough to set his ideas straight and would benefit the both of you, and Tom just hoped it was true.

A small smile fell on your lips, backing away from him and making your way towards your car. You easily popped the keys into the ignition, soon leaving the driveway and leaving some room for your thoughts.

You weren't sure what to do.

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author's note

well can you tell my love for little mix is infinite?

haha oops sorry for this relatively sad chapter, yikes !