Peter and Tony were sitting on a couch right next to Jimmy Fallon. They both decided to get an interview with him after Tony announced Peter as his son to the world. They had been keeping it a secret ever since he was 5 when Pepper and Tony adopted him. 

Tony had just finished answering a question directed towards him when Peter almost dropped his coffee and yelled out a "Shit!". Tony's eyes narrowed and he glared at Peter.

"Son, what did I say about swearing!"

"Uh... to not do it?"

"Exactly. I do not want a repeat of what happened last time."

Jimmy looked at them, confused, wanting them to elaborate further.

"Uh- what happened last time?"

Tony widened his eyes. 

"You don't wanna know."

"Oh, I think they want to know." Peter said with a smirk. The crowd cheered him on, curious as to what happened.

"We got time for it. C'mon, tell us!" Jimmy said urging them on.

"Please, Dad?" Peter asked.

The crowd started to chant. Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! 

Tony looked around rolled his eyes and breathed out a small 'fiiiine'. The crowd cheered in triumph.

Peter laughed and went into a monologue about the story.

"Basically, Dad gave me permission to cuss one time." Peter said, laughing, raising one finger to emphasize it. Tony had his head in his hands. 

"I still regret it."

~~~~~~~~

Peter had walked into class late for the seventh time in the past two weeks. 

His teacher grew frustrated with Peter's nonsense and said, "Peter, come here." Mr. Green wrote a note and stapled it to Peter's chest.

"Make sure your father reads that note."

Peter went home that day and showed Tony the note. It read: "Maybe if you showed your son some more attention at home, he wouldn't act like such a fool in school."

~~~~~~~~

The crowd jeered when Peter got to that point in the story. What teacher would actually write something like that?

"Too bad he never knew it was Tony Stark reading the note." Jimmy pointed out, with a laugh. 

Peter chuckled, nodding his head, and continued.

~~~~~~~~

Tony's face had turned red and you could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. 

He turned to Peter and said, "Let me tell you something, Pete. You tell him to mind his damn business before I come down there and beat his ass."

"Okay, d-d-do you want me to say it like that, or do ya-do ya want me to take some stuff out." Peter replied nervously.

~~~~~~~~

The crowd was laughing out loud at this point. Peter was reenacting this with the funniest voices.

"Hey! What'd I say about cussing?"

"It's for the story, Dad." Peter said rolling his eyes. 

"Did you just roll your-"

"Anyways."

Tony opened his mouth to say something before Peter continued with his story.

~~~~~~~ 

"What'd I say!? Tell him to mind his DAMN business, before I come down there and I beat his ass."

"No, I heard what you said. I just want to make sure that you know that you're telling me to say the same thing." Peter said waving his arms around and sweating profusely.

"Peter, if I have to tell you this again, I will take away your lab privileges for a month."

"Okay. Nah, I got it. Okay, I got it, I got it. I got it, I got it. Nah, I got it. Alright, I got it." 

~~~~~~~~

The crowd howled in laughter as Peter shook his head redundantly, repeating the phrase over and over again. 

"Keep in mind it's a lot of pressure, all right? My dad, Tony Stark, just gave me permission to go to school and cuss my teacher out. I didn't feel comfortable with this situation, so I wanted to practice. I wanted to go upstairs and I wanted to go over my lines."

~~~~~~~~

Peter walked up to his mirror and went over his lines. 

'Okay, alright, okay. Alright, okay.' Peter thought.

"My dad told me to tell you to mind your DAAMN-"

"Nah, that's too loud. That's way too loud. That's not believable; it's too loud." 

~~~~~~~

"Finally, I go over it, I get it down. I'm like you know what? I'm gonna go to bed early and get some rest, 'cause I got a big day ahead of me tomorrow. I don't-I don't want to really mess this up." 

The audience chuckled at this. This kid was hilarious.

"So I go to bed, I wake up, get dressed, put on my pants and my shirt. I get on the school bus. My decathlon team sees me and they get hyped."

~~~~~~~~

"OHHHHH! Pete is on the bus! Everybody look! Pete on the bus!" Abe shouted.

"What up, Pete?" Flash said, smiling as Peter went to sit next to Ned. (A/N: Nice!Flash !!!)

~~~~~~~~

"I was like, 'Yo, not today, y'all. I got a lot of stuff on my mind. Uh, I can't really have y'all throwing me off.' And my friend was like, 'What you talking about?" I said, 'I can't really get into it.'" 

"All I can tell y'all is that it's about to go down." Peter said waving a finger, sassily. 

The audience erupted into laughter and Jimmy fell back into his chair laughing his heart out. 

"He's like, 'What?' I said, 'Look, man, it's about to go down. Just be behind me when I walk into class.' He said, 'Alright, cool.'" 

~~~~~~~~

As Peter walked in class, Mr. Green, his teacher, was greeting everybody.

"Hello. Good morning. Good morning. Hello. Hello. Good morning." 

He suddenly caught sight of Peter and said, "Peter."

Peter responded with a sassy, "Mr. Green."

He continued, "Did you let your father read the note?" 

"Yes. I. Did."

"Well what did your father say?"

Peter took a deep breath and looked over at his teammates, who were watching the exchange along with the entire class. Someone was recording. 

"It's about to go down." Peter muttered intending just for them to hear. 

Mr. Green raised his eyebrows amused, having heard him. 

Peter looked back at Mr. Green, "Well, uh..." 

~~~~~~~~~

Peter looked at the audience building up some suspense. Everyone was at the edge of their seats.

"My dad told me to tell you to mind your DAMN MOTHERFUCKING business, bitch!" Peter shouted, jumping up and pointing at the crowd.

The audience erupted into a mix of cheers and laughs. Jimmy fell out of his chair and was on the ground. Tony put his head in his hands, half proud and half disappointed at his son.  

"Little stupid bitch." Peter continued pointing at the crowd, with a dead serious face. Jimmy rolled around on the floor, laughing his ass off.

"Little, dumb teacher bitch." Peter exclaimed, emphasizing the word 'bitch'.

"Two-plus-two, not-knowing-what-the-fuck-it-is bitch." Peter pointed at the laughing crowd, again furrowing his eyebrows.

Peter slammed his hand down to his side, "Cross-eyed, crying-down-your-back, fat-foot-ass bitch." The crowd went into a continuous loop of light laughter at this point, they recovered getting back up off the ground, chuckling. Jimmy sat back on his chair, sighing with the widest grin. 

Peter continued, not done yet, "Long-titted, no-nipple-having ass bitch." 

The audience fell down again in the loudest collective laugh in the world, while Jimmy cackled loudly falling off his chair and rolling around on the floor. Even, Tony Stark, held the smallest smile in all of existence on his face, only someone who was extremely close to him could notice it. That's my son. Tony quickly recovered and put on a serious face taking off his signature sunglasses, pretending to be mad at his son for cursing. 

"The shit that was crazy..." Peter said beginning to pace around the room. 

~~~~~~~~

Peter finished his rant out of breath. His decathlon team who were in the back were screaming their guts out.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Flash, Ned, and Abe were pacing around the room, eyes wide open in shock.

"He said she ain't have no niiiiippleeees!" Flash called out.

~~~~~~~~

"I got suspended. I got suspended, and a lecture from none other than Tony Stark." Peter continued after the crowd died down, sitting back down next to Tony.

"I told you to say two cuss words." Tony began, annoyed. 

"You said 76 of them." 

The audience burst into laughter for the millionth time that day. Jimmy doubled over, clutching his stomach.

"That-that was the funniest thing I've ever heard on this show." Jimmy finished breathing out after laughing for a solid 30 seconds.