Season 2, Episode 15: Sexy

Guest Stars
* Gwyneth Paltrow as Holly Holliday
* John Stamos as Carl Howell

Ownership of Glee: FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

= = =

Outfits

1. Celibacy Club meeting 1/Brittany's assumed pregnancy

2. Do You Wanna Touch Me Outfit

3. Afternoon Delight

4. Celibacy Club meeting 2

5. One-year anniversary

= = =

In a classroom where Emma, Quinn, Violet and Rachel sit at separate tables, facing each other. Violet and Quinn are sitting together. Emma bangs a gavel.

Emma smiles. "The Celibacy Club will now come to order. Let's start the meeting by reading the minutes from last week's meeting, where we... read the minutes from the previous meeting, and Rachel spent the hour quizzing Quinn about the nature of her relationship with Finn."

Rachel looks over at Quinn. "Questions somebody still refuses to answer."

"And I will continue to refuse to answer them, because they are none of your business. All I will reveal is that I rejoined the Celibacy Club to focus on me." Quinn says.

Violet smiles. "I rejoined because A) Quinn asked me to, and B) I think it'll be good for me." She says. Emma gives her a thumbs up.

Rachel nods. "Me, too. Finn is kryptonite, which is why I'm focusing all my energies now on my songwriting."

"It sounds like she's not over him." Violet whispers to Quinn.

"She's not. But I'm not worried." Quinn whispers back.

Emma nods. "Yes. And, I have to say, I am very inspired that both of you are showing how celibacy is a viable option for teens who simply aren't ready for intimacy. And for those who are older and are terrified of the hose monster. I have a little bit of club swag here that I think is really going to catch on. Ready? Chastity charms. We hand out the little hearts, but not the key. That way, nobody can open the lock forever.  And, ladies, that's what keeps us safe!"

Violet smiles. "Hey Mrs. Pillsbury, do you think I could give the key to Kurt?" She asks.

Emma nods. "Yes Violet, I think that's a wonderful idea. You're full of wonderful ideas you know."

"It's true." Quinn agrees, making Violet blush.

Rachel raises her hand. "I have some questions. Some things that I-I'm curious about."

Emma goes into panic mode. "No, no, no. Why be curious? No. Wait to have relations until you're comfortable. Right? Maybe 'til your honeymoon. I don't know, maybe even later. Celibacy, ladies! Dig it!"

Violet smiles. "I dig celibacy."

= = =

Will looks to the New Directions that afternoon at glee practice. "All right, folks. Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our setlist." He says and then he notices Artie's blank stare. "Artie, you okay?"

Artie looks horrified. "My life is over. How am I supposed to support a baby?" He asks. Everyone gets quiet. Artie looks to Brittany. "How could you not tell me about this?"

Violet has to take a second. "Wait. Brittany, are you pregnant?"

Brittany nods. "Definitely. I'm so sorry, Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off. Pretty sure it's a boy."

Violet raises an eyebrow. Charlie does as well. Where does Brittany think babies come from?

Puck looks at Brittany. "Um, babies don't get dropped off."

Will shakes off his initial shock. "Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure."

Brittany smiles innocently. "I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid, it's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from."

Everyone wears various expressions of shock and disbelief.

= = =

Violet smiles when she walks into the Lima Bean, immediately spotting Kurt's perfectly coiffed hair. She makes a 'keep quiet' notion to Blaine and walks up behind her boyfriend.

"Boo!"

Kurt nearly falls out of his seat. "Holy hell!" He says and looks up to see a giggling Violet.

"Ha ha, very funny babe." He says with a smile as he gets up.

Violet giggles more. "Sorry. You're just too easy." She says.

Kurt smiles as she sits next to him. "So what's up pretty lady?" He asks.

"Do you know what Friday is?" Violet asks.

Kurt smiles. "Of course I know what Friday is. Our one-year anniversary."

Blaine's eyes widen. "Wait. You two have been dating for a year? Holy crap. Congratulations!"

Violet smiles. "Thanks Blainey Days."

Blaine glares. "Don't call me that."

Violet smirks. "Okay whatever. Hey babe, I got you a little something during the Celibacy Club meeting." She says and pulls out her chastity charm.

"A chastity charm? That's beautiful." Kurt says and takes the key charm.

Violet nods. "Yeah. Mrs. Pillsbury thinks that it'll help keep celibacy an option for high school kids."

"So it's just you, Quinn and Rachel in the Celibacy Club?" Kurt asks.

Violet nods. "Yeah. Though Rachel keeps bugging Quinn about her relationship with Finn."

Kurt sighs. "Rachel never understands the word no."

Violet decides to drop the bombshell.

"Brittany thought she was pregnant because a stork was building its nest on top of her garage."

A spit take from both Kurt and Blaine at the same time.

= = =

On Tuesday, Will writes something on the board. "Sexy." He states.

Santana looks confused. "I really hope that's not one of the requirements for Regionals, because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance."

Will shakes his head. "No, this isn't about Regionals. I'm less worried about that right now and more worried about the fact that it's become clear to me that some of you have been lacking when it comes to understanding the...the, uh...the intricacies of adult relationships. Yeah, anyways. Along with preparing for our regionals next week, I want to spend the week educating ourselves about some of these intricacies."

Rachel looks concerned. "Is this the appropriate forum for that?"

Will looks uncomfortable. "Look, whenever we had, uh, issues in the past that are on our minds or giving us problems, it's always helped us to sing about it. So, this week I have invited a special guest: Ms. Holliday!" He says with a smile at the end.

Holly arrives with applause. "Hola, clase."

Mercedes groans. "Oh no, it's the salad lady."

Holly smiles. "Okay, so: sex. It's just like hugging, only wetter."

Artie nods. "Yeah, it is."

Holly smiles. "Okay, so let's start with the basics. Finn, is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?"

Finn has wide eyes. "I have always been dubious."

Holly turns to Brittany. "And, Brittany, you think that storks bring babies?"

Brittany smiles. "I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons."

"Well, that's all going to end right here, right now. Because, today, we are going to get under the covers, all together, and get the ditty on the dirty." Holly says.

"I'm so turned on right now." Puck says.

Rachel raises her hand. "Ah, what about those of us who choose to remain celibate?" She asks. She touches Violet and Quinn's arms for support, but Quinn holds up a hand to stop her. Violet just smacks Rachel's hand away.

"Oh, well, I admire you. Although I think you're naive and possibly frigid, I do admire your choice." Holly says.

Will decides to intervene. "I think this is a good time for a song."

Holly smiles. "Oh! Yes, okay. Rule number one: every intimate encounter that you're ever going to have in your life is going to start with a touch. Hit it!"

Holly sings "Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)." Brittany and Santana join in the choreography, eventually followed by everyone else, including Rachel, Violet and Quinn. When the performance ends, the Glee Club members clap and cheer, breathless.

[Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) by Holly Holliday]

Holly smiles. "So just remember, whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's kinda random."

Violet smiles as she hugs Holly.

"That number was awesome!"

= = =

Blaine and Violet are with Kurt in Kurt's bedroom that afternoon. Apparently, Kurt believes he has as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a baby penguin.

"All right, so give me sensual. But don't make fun of it, like really try. Okay, now give me sultry. Uh, Kurt they're all sort of looking the same." Blaine says as Kurt makes sexy faces.

Kurt sighs. "That's because the face I'm actually doing is uncomfortable. This is pointless, Blaine. I don't know how to be sexy because I don't know the first thing about sex."

Blaine sees Kurt's blushing. "Kurt, you're blushing."

Kurt sighs. "I tried watching those movies, but I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once and they all have mothers. And, God, what would their mothers think, and why would you get that tattoo there? "

"Then maybe we should have a conversation about it. I'll tell you what I know." Blaine says.

Kurt shakes his head. "I don't want to know the graphic details. I like romance. That's why I like Broadway musicals. Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets."

Blaine sighs. "Kurt, you're going to have to learn about it someday."

Kurt shakes his head. "Well, not today. I think I've learned it quite enough for today, thank you. I think you should leave."

Blaine leaves.

Violet sighs as she gets up from Kurt's bed and wraps her arms around his shoulders. "I think you're sexy when you don't try."

Kurt looks at her in his vanity mirror. "What do I do that's sexy to you?"

Violet smiles. "I'm not telling you. Otherwise you'd either stop doing those things or you'll try harder to do those things."

Kurt frowns. "I wish I was as sexy as you."

Violet's in shock. "Baby I'm not sexy. Try as I might, I'm not."

Kurt looks at her. "You are too. You have a big heart, you're not afraid to show your feelings, and sometimes you wear tight clothing that leaves me to my imagination. Okay maybe I shouldn't have said that last part out loud."

Violet blushes. "I think it's kinda cute you think of me that way."

Kurt smiles. "Do you really?"

Violet nods.

"And by the way, you're a big tease when you wear skinny jeans, Kurt."

= = =

It's Wednesday in the choir room, where  Santana, Holly, and Britanny are sitting on stools in front of the rest of the Glee Club. Holly sings lead in the Dixie Chicks's cover of Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide," with Santana and Britanny contributing vocals.

[Landslide by Holly, Brittany and Santana]

Santana and Britanny seldom look away from each other during the song, and to a much lesser extent, Holly and Will also share looks. As the song progresses, Santana gets visibly emotional. When it's over, everyone applauds. Santana wipes away her tears.

Brittany looks at Santana. "Is that really how you feel?"

Santana nods. "Uh huh, yeah." She says. She stands up and goes to hug Brittany.

Sam talks to Artie. "Pretty cool that our girlfriends are such good friends, right? I wish you and I were that close."

Violet holds back a laugh. If only they knew how close Santana and Brittany truly were.

Rachel smiles. "Can I just applaud this trio for exploring the uncharted world of Sapphic charm? Brava, brava."

Santana looks at Rachel. "Look, just because I sang a song with Brittany doesn't mean that you can put a label on me. Is that clear?" She asks. She walks back to her chair after giving Brittany a look. Brittany watches her go.

= = =

Emma calls for a Celibacy Club meeting on Thursday. "This meeting of the Celibacy Club will now come to order. Before we begin, I would just like to start by congratulating you, by reminding you not one member of this club has had an unwanted pregnancy in almost a year. You get tensies for menses! I also would like to welcome our newest member, Noah Puckerman." Emma says.

Rachel looks confused. "Are you lost, Noah?"

Violet nods. "Yeah, you don't belong here, you're the biggest French whore of them all."

Puck shrugs. "Zizes and I were going to make a sex tape. I found out that making that tape would result in my arrest. I've hit rock bottom and I've come here to set myself straight."

Emma smiles. "That's just awesome, Noah. And you're just in time, because tomorrow, the girls and I are going to perform a song for Glee Club extolling the benefits of celibacy."

Puck nods. "I'm down for that. Point of order, though. While three chicks and me is just a typical Saturday night in the Puckerman bedroom, it's not the best balance for singing. We need at least one more dude."

Emma smiles. "I've got that covered."

= = =

In the auditorium where The Celibacy Club, plus the jazz band and Carl, are on stage singing "Afternoon Delight" with photos of dessert as the backdrop. Violet is looking bored as she sings, but keeps up the energetic act for Emma.

Will and Holly laugh during the song.  Some look confused. When it's over, Brittany stands and claps.

[Afternoon Delight by The Celibacy Club]

Holly smiles. "Hi! Um, Holly here. So, I'm a little confused. Isn't this a strange song for the Celibacy Club to sing?"

Emma looks confused. "What, why? It's so wholesome. It was written during the Bicentennial to celebrate America and fireworks, and - "

Holly shakes her head. "No, it's about sneaking out for a nooner."

Emma smiles. "Yes, exactly! A nooner is when you have dessert in the middle of the day, right? Right, Carl?" Emma asks her husband.

Will looks awkward now. "Well, regardless, great job, guys. Great number."

Emma smiles. "It was fantastic."

Will looks at all his kids. "Hey, Glee Club, let's go."

Everyone gets up to leave.

Violet looks at Quinn worriedly.

"Does Mrs. Pillsbury honestly not know what a nooner is?"

= = =

In the Celibacy club on Friday where Rachel, in Emma's usual seat, bangs the gavel. Lauren, Charlie, Santana, Brittany, and Artie are newly present.

Rachel smiles. "I hereby call the Celibacy Club to order."

Puck looks around the room. "Where's Ms. Pillsbury?"

"She decided to take the hour she was spending here to fix her sham of a marriage. In the interim, I'll be taking over." Rachel says.

Santana scoffs. "Because you annoyingly take over everything?"

Rachel sighs. "Because I realized that while all of us making our celibacy pledge is wonderful, one day we're gonna fall in love with someone and we're going to choose to be intimate with them."

Santana glances over at Brittany and Artie.

Violet thinks about being intimate with Kurt one day.

Charlie's mind goes straight to Blaine. (The only straight thing he really does)

Puck looks over at his ex-lover. "Speaking of intimate, what's with the hickey, Quinn?"

Quinn shakes her head. "It's not a hickey."

Puck smirks. "Oh, I know hickeys. I'm a freaking connoisseur. I can make them into shapes like balloon animals."

"I burnt myself this morning with a curling iron." Quinn claims.

Brittany smiles. "The key is to use the curling iron in the bathtub, to keep you from getting burnt."

Lauren shakes her head. "No."

After the hour is up, Violet pulls Quinn into the girl's bathroom.

"You should really start putting makeup on your hickeys, Q. You and Finn need to be more careful." Violet says.

Quinn's eyes double in size. "How did - "

"You think I don't know that my best friend is dating her ex-boyfriend again? C'mon Q, you know me better than that. Besides... I think you've made Finn very happy."

= = =

Friday night has come around. Kurt is nowhere to be found in the Hudson-Hummel house.

Violet finds a note on her bed when she walks into her bedroom.

'Put on something very nice. Meet me at the park in 30 minutes. Love, Kurt'

Violet chooses something very nice to wear, and takes her new car (she got it as a 16th birthday present from Burt and Carole) and drives to the park.

Kurt is there, standing under a giant oak tree. He smiles when he sees Violet walk up to him. "Hey there sexy lady." He greets with a wink.

Violet smirks. "Hey yourself you sexy man." She says and kisses him.

Kurt kisses back. "I have a surprise for you. But you have to close your eyes."

Violet closes her eyes, and for good measure, lets Kurt cover her eyes with his hands. They walk for about two minutes before Violet's told to stop.

"Keep your eyes closed." Kurt says as he removes his hands from his girlfriend's eyes.

Violet keeps her eyes closed. "Okay baby. You can open them." Kurt says. Violet opens her eyes and beams at the sight.

A picnic under the stars.

"It's so beautiful. Did you put this together?" Violet asks.

Kurt blushes. "I had help from Finn, Charlie and Blaine. I wanted to make our one-year anniversary special."

Violet smiles and kisses him. "It's already special enough Kurt. I love you so much."

Kurt smiles. "I love you too Violet."

= = =

They sit down to eat dinner, which is just finger sandwiches and fruit. They drink their water and talk for a few minutes.

Kurt gets up and walks over to a little radio and presses the play button. Their song begins to play, which is 'I Won't Give Up' by Jason Mraz.

Kurt walks over to Violet with his hand out. "May I have this dance, m'lady?" He asks.

Violet smiles and takes his hand. "Of course." She says.

They walk out to where Kurt has the radio set, and just dance together. Nothing but the both of them, being in love and being with one another.

There were never two souls more connected than Kurt's and Violet's.

Their love will be one for the ages.

= = =

3030 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) - Holly Holliday
2. Landslide - Holly, Brittany and Santana
3. Afternoon Delight - The Celibacy Club

I loved this one!

Next update: Original Song

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