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26. All Those Nights Alone

Calliope stared up at the tower. Against the grey, clouded, mid-day sky, it looked imposing. The grey stone had been consumed by ivy vines, wrapping their way around like a lattice in a garden. The window entrance to Alice's prison loomed above.

Forcing a smile on her face, Calliope took a few deep breaths. She'd left Killian nursing several bottles of rum in the nearest tavern, consumed by grief and despair. Calliope couldn't break Gothel's spell. She couldn't cure his heart. He'd retreated back to his drink and his sadness.

She pulled the yellow stuffed bear out of her satchel and looked at it. Killian had asked her to deliver it. Calliope liked her visits with Alice, though they were infrequent. While Killian appreciated the help she could give, it also frustrated him. Calliope could tell. He wanted to be the one to bring gifts to Alice. He wanted to be the one to hug her. But he couldn't.

Calliope flicked her wrist. Gold smoke consumed her and moments later, she stood just inside the tower entrance. Alice startled from where she had been coloring her tower walls with chalk and pastels.

"Hello Alice," Calliope said, smiling again.

She grinned back. "Calliope! How is Papa?"

Alice ran forward, grabbing Calliope into a hug. Her hands, stained yellow and purple from the art supplies, stained her dress but Calliope didn't mind. She just laughed and stumbled back for a moment. Alice got bigger every trip. She had to be at least ten now.

"Your Papa says hello, and he wishes he could be here." She crouched down to be face to face with Alice and held out the brown stuffed bear. "He got you this."

"Mr. Bear! A perfect addition to my collection!" She grabbed it and moved to her ever-present tea party table. The bear soon sat at the head of the table on the same stool as the white rabbit. "I wonder what his favorite tea is?"

Calliope smiled. While the girl fiddled with her stuffed animals, she looked around the room. More and more, the walls were decorated with paintings and sketches, drawings of animals the most prominent. The colors were wild, nonsensical. It made her smile. The girl had such a vivid imagination. Sometimes it made her sad, thinking of how powerful Alice's mind would've been in a place like Neverland before Pan.

She shook herself. Calliope couldn't let herself think of Neverland. Those memories were too painful. When they surfaced, they consumed her. She couldn't let that happen. Not here, not while she was trying to help Alice Jones, a tragedy in a tower. Calliope turned back to her.

"Want to play?" Alice asked. She brought over a chessboard, crafted of gold and silver. Calliope had conjured it for her the year before so the girl could keep the black and white board she'd used every day with her father in a special place. "I've gotten real good at beating myself. But I don't know that I can beat someone else right now. My head's a bit fuzzy."

"Of course I'll play," Calliope said. "You're the best chess player I've ever faced. I bet you'll beat me."

They settled on her bed, placing the board between them. Calliope crossed her legs, sitting at the end of the bed near some extra blankets. As they played, she let the girl rattle on, speaking of this or that, mostly things Calliope had no context for. But with every minute that passed, Alice's smile widened. She got so few visitors. Calliope could only imagine how lonely she got.

"Checkmate!" Alice said.

Calliope let out a tiny groan. "One of these days maybe I'll finally beat you."

"Maybe." She paused. After gathering all the pieces, her smile widened. "Here. Let's start in the middle, shall we?"

Before Calliope knew what was happening, Alice dropped the pieces onto the board at random. Wherever they landed, that's where the piece started. It made Calliope's head spin, but she quickly realized that starting the game in the middle was actually her best chance at winning. And if it made Alice happy, she would go along with it.

She lost, again. With a laugh, she leaned back off the bed, letting her hair dangle for a moment in amused frustration. Alice just giggled, jumping off the bed and putting away the chessboard. After a few minutes of messing around the toy area, she turned back.

"Have you and Papa gotten any closer to finding a cure?" Alice ventured. Her voice dropped, the hope and whimsy evaporating at the question. "Do you think you ever will?"

Calliope's heart broke. Alice's cheeks glistened with fresh tears. Standing up off the bed, Calliope joined her in the center of the tower. With a wave of her hand, she conjured a cupcake, purple frosting and chocolate cake, and held out to the girl.

"Not yet, Alice. But we're trying," she assured her. "I promise. I will never give up on you, or your Papa."

"He gets sad," Alice said. "I don't like him to be sad, Calliope."

She felt tears on her own cheeks. The girl before her didn't deserve this life, locked away from her father in a tower in a forest. Her only friends, the stuffed animals she'd collected from Killian's travels. And Killian didn't deserve it either. He worked so hard to put aside the vengeance to care for his daughter. His Starfish.

Through her tears, Calliope tried to smile. She took the girl's hand in her own. "I don't like him to be sad either, Alice. Or you. But I hope, I trust the one day you will get out of this prison."

"You really think that?" she asked.

Calliope nodded. "I do. And wishes are a powerful thing."

Alice nodded. She took the cupcake, smiling a bit as she took a bite. Calliope laughed at the way the purple icing stained her teeth and got on her cheeks. She offered Alice a handkerchief.

"Tell me about Neverland?"

The sun had gone down, Alice retreating back to her bed. Calliope knew she had to leave soon. She didn't want to leave Killian by himself for too long, The man was unpredictable when he'd been drinking. Sometimes she wanted to lock him in a tower while she went away, just to make sure he stayed safe. The thing that had kept him going, kept him pushing for survival, had been vengeance, and then Alice. Now, with Alice so out of reach, Calliope feared he would give up.

But as Alice asked about her old home, her fears for Killian disappeared. She didn't know how Alice knew about the island. Perhaps her father had spoken of it; she certainly never had. Settling in a wooden chair near the bed, she just sighed.

"Are you sure you want to hear about that?" she asked, voice scratchy. "Who told you about Neverland?"

"My Papa did. He said he had adventures there," Alice said.

Calliope forced a smile. "Yes. It was my home. There are mermaids there, you know."

"Papa says mermaids are liars."

She laughed. "That's because he's a pirate. Of course mermaids won't help him." She crossed her legs, letting her head lay back against the chair. The wood felt cool to her touch, a breeze coming through the entrance of the tower. Calliope turned back to Alice. She'd pulled her covers up over her chest watched Calliope with interest. "Mermaids like to play games," she tried to explain. "And they don't like pirates."

Forcing down her pain, Calliope told Alice all about Neverland before Pan. She told her about the songs she and her sisters had conjured, told her about the way the stars would fall around them at their command like crystal dew drops. She told Alice about how she and her sisters would use their magic in whatever ways they wanted, free from constraint. Alice listened intently until she fell fast asleep.

"Good night, Alice," Calliope whispered.

The girl's chest rose and fell rhythmically. She stood away from the bed, walking towards the stuffed animals worn from years of love, sitting with their empty tea cups and porcelain plates. The little bear that Killian had given Calliope to bring for Alice looked out of place, bare and pristine. Calliope flicked her hand and a little red shirt, frayed at the edges, appeared on the yellow bear. Much better.

With a last glanced at Alice sleeping peacefully in her bed, Calliope moved to the window. She closed her eyes as golden smoke wrapped around her until she stood on the ground, a few meters from the treeline. The night air blew cold, Calliope ducking away as it gusted in her face. She closed her eyes again, willing away the tears. Thoughts of Neverland, of the way the other Killian had forced her to leave at the edge of a sword, made her tremble more than any wind.

She started off into the trees. The tavern was an hour's walk away. With each step, she forced away the memories. She needed to focus on Alice, on a way to free her. That was her most important task. Not feeling bad for herself, not wishing for better days. She believed what she told Alice: wishes had power. But that didn't mean they always came true. And in fact, Calliope hoped the wishes to come true would be Alice's.

She'd roamed the realms for thousands of years. Suffering had become a part of life. But Alice was young. She and Killian deserved their happy endings. That was what kept her trudging through the forest.

They deserved their happy endings. 

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