"Is there a reason Grim is pulling up onto our driveway?" Dashka asked, peering out behind the closed curtain of the guest room. At the sound of his name, something tightened in my chest. As it did whenever I thought of him, which had been a lot in the last 48 hours. It was harder not to think of him, to message him, or go to the gym in hopes of seeing him. I missed the sounded of his laugh, the warmth of his hugs, and that ridiculous scowl of his.

God, it had only been two days.

I'd have to avoid the gym from now onwards. I would rarely get to see Dev, and hanging out with Roman outside of University would be difficult. In most cases, I could understand people who could stay friends with their exes. But not in this instance. It would be far too painful to see Markus again. Not when I was two seconds away from running outside and falling to my knees to apologise for being so damn stupid. But this was for the best, I was certain. I couldn't bear for him to be hurt again because of me.

With an audible groan, I buried my face further into my pillow, prepared to smother myself. We were all hidden in semi-darkness, the only source of light in the room a pink salt rock lamp I'd bought years ago and left behind when I'd moved into my uni flat. The lamp bathed us in a soft, pink glow that clashed with my current sombre mood. Jun had insisted there be some light in the room, though. She refused to let me wallow in complete darkness. Apparently, it would only 'allow my depression to fester'. That was also why the entire house had crowded in the small room alongside me.

But it was self-inflicted heartbreak that had me in such a state, not my mental health.

Quinn had wrapped themselves up in a blanket, squished between me and the wall in the tiny single bed. Farah sat crossed legged on the floor, hunched over her kindle as she read a book, and Jun had situated herself on the chair in the corner of the room, sketching out a new tattoo design on her tablet. They'd been here for the last hour, keeping me company. Sarah, who had temporarily moved into the house alongside me just two days ago, was working her Sunday shift, and wouldn't be back for a few hours.

Quinn nudged me in the side, prompting me to peek out from my feather-filled shield. My eyes were watering again. For fuck's sake. How much am I going to cry this weekend? I was already dangerously dehydrated.

When no one answered, Dashka turned towards us, casting a seeking glance across her house-mates. All three of them looked at me expectantly, and when it became apparent I wouldn't answer, Quinn asked me directly, "Did you ask him to come here? Are you going to talk to him?" I hated the notable hope I heard in their tone.

"I have no idea why he's here," I said. Their quiet sigh was gut wrenching. More tears gathered in the corner of my eyes at the sound of their disappointment.

From across the room, a mouse-like squeak escaped Dashka. She dropped to her knees, her head ducked low beneath the window frame, and whispered, "He saw me."

"And?" Quinn drawled. "It's our house. What does it matter if he knows we're here?"

"Right." Dashka nodded, slowly rising to her feet and sheepishly peeking out through the blinds once again. She gave an unsure wave out the window. "He's still looking. He's pointing at the front door. Should I go speak to him? Should I let him in?"

Again, silence engulfed the room as everyone turned towards me.

Another sigh escaped Quinn's lips. "Go see what he wants."

As the door shut behind Dashka, a heavy silence hung over the room. Jun and Farah returned to their activities, but Quinn continued to stare at me, eyes narrowed. Eventually, when they could take it no more, they shifted closer to me on the small mattress, pushing their face far too close to mine.

"What's going on then? You two having relationship issues? Jun's not said anything to us."

I heard Jun shifting in the creaking armchair across the room, but she didn't add to Quinn's statement. I was surprised she hadn't mentioned my run-in with Wraith, if only to explain why Sarah had arrived Friday night with dozens of bags and moved herself into Jun's bedroom. No one had batted an eye at the speedy progression of their relationship; then again, it had been a running joke between Dashka, Jun and I that most sapphic relationships often developed at lightening speed.

My voice sounded off as I clarified, "We're not seeing each other."

"What the hell does that mean?" Quinn asked, jabbing at my cheek with a pale, slender finger. "You were half in love with him last I knew. Did he do something shitty? Do I need to go beat him up?"

"No, no," I stressed, horrified by the suggestion. Never mind the fact that Quinn had about 99% less muscle than Markus and would be absolutely useless against him in a fight. Out of everyone, I only trusted Jun to hold her own in a fight. "He's done nothing wrong."

I wouldn't allow them to think poorly of him, knowing I was to blame for this.

"And yet you're hiding from him and won't tell us anything?"

Shame felt an awful lot like someone was reaching inside of me and rearranging my organs. It was a physical pain that advanced from the ache in my chest to a twisting, knotting attack in the depth of my gut. My avoidance of the question, and the judging weight of Quinn's gaze, only fuelled such a distressing feeling.

"Oh, I get it," Quinn said suddenly, with an understanding nod. They sat up, staring down at me as if they were observing a peculiar specimen.

"You get what?" My eyes narrowed.

"You're doing that thing you do." Across the room, Farah nodded in agreement, though her eyes never strayed from her kindle. Whatever it was they were talking about had me feeling so damn small.

"What thing?" I huffed, my voice uneven.

"That thing, you know, where you don't tell us something because you already know what you're doing is ridiculous and that we're going to disagree with you. You know you're wrong, but you don't want to admit it."

Now that felt like a slap in the face. "Don't be ridiculous," I snapped, immediately defensive.

Quinn scoffed, rolling their eyes. I felt their dismissal like a sharp stab in the heart. "See, you're doing it right now."

"Why are you trying to upset me?"

"Of course I'm not! But if the truth is upsetting to you, maybe you need to ask yourself why."

Was there anything worse than feeling so utterly pathetic and knowing everyone else in the room agreed with you?

"Quinn," Jun uttered sharply. Interrupting just as a biting response built on my tongue. "Go make sure Dashka's all right with Grim. You too Farah."

After they'd left, when only Jun remained in the room with me, she sighed and placed the tablet on the rug, crossing her arms against her chest. "Can I say something brutally honest that you may not like?"

The anger I had been feeling from Quinn's unexpected directness eased. I didn't respond immediately, weighing over Jun's words. I didn't like criticism, that flaw of mine was not a secret, and even if I expected Jun's next words to be less than favourable, it was likely I would still react poorly.

Still, I nodded slowly, taking deep breaths to quell the growing trepidation this conversation had produced.

"Daisy, I love you, but you only ever deal with things by avoiding them. You pushed us away for a year, and while we're still here for you, and we'll continue to support you and love you, I can't say the same for him. He's not going to wait around for you forever. You're going to have to decide, and quick, whether you want him in your life."

"I've already decided-"

"No, you haven't," Jun interrupted me, shaking her head.

"You think I'm going to regret this?"

Jun shrugged. "I don't know, I'm not you. If this is what you want, if you want to end whatever it is between you two, then that's entirely your decision. But I know you pretty well. I know how indecisive you are. You're scared to commit to things, and you self-sabotage. Something pretty traumatic happened, and instead of taking any time to process it, you saw a way to escape, you panicked, and you took it."

"I've already ruined things between us. I've already ended it."

"Daisy, if that were true, he wouldn't be on my driveway right now." At Jun's pointed look, heat tortured my cheeks. "If you want to truly end things with him, you need to be clear about it. You can't leave things as they are. It's not fair to him."

"I- I don't want it to be like this," I whispered, almost afraid to be heard. "But I'm scared. I'm- I'm just too much."

I had never seen Jun lose her composure enough to look so baffled. She reeled back, blinking at me with a frown, and asked incredulously, "What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm too much. I'm too much to deal with. It's not fair to ask him to put up with me when Wraith is constantly lurking. It's not fair to ask him to deal with my stupid mental health. I can't even look after myself half the time. I forget to eat, to drink, I have a ridiculous sleep schedule and I do this!" I gestured angrily and the room. "I distance myself and run away and refuse to fucking communicate about anything. I'm a nightmare!"

I couldn't tell if it was pity or something else that overcame Jun's expression, but I knew I hated it.

"Don't push him away because you're afraid of rejection. You're always going to have bad days, Daisy. Don't decide what he can and can't handle without giving him a chance to prove to you otherwise," she advised. "Has he done anything for you to not trust him?"

I shook my head firmly. He's done the opposite, actually.

Markus had done nothing but prove time and time again how supportive and understanding he could be.

"I don't think I could have survived without him this past month. It was bad Jun," I whispered thickly. "Really bad. If he hadn't been there for me- Oh God, what have I done?"

I've ruined everything. That's what.

"I think I love him," I confessed painfully, aware of how useless such a realisation was when I had done my absolute best to fuck everything up. "I'm such a dick. Fucking hell. Shit, shit, shit! What do I do now?"

"Talk to him," Jun said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

[Only two more chapters until the end of the book now!]