Hey Chris!

How's LA treating you?

Chris smiled at Jonny's message. My adorable Jonny Boy.

hey j!

la is nice. the kids seem to like it, so that's good. but it's always sunny and it gets a bit boring and there's no inspiration for writing around here!

i can't wait for ur visit, j. u always have great ideas. so do the other guys, of course, but i always feel most inspired around u

He smiled into the darkness as he sent the message. It was approaching morning in London and he knew that Jon was probably about to get up to help Chloe get Violet ready for school.

His mobile buzzed and he quickly tapped on Jonny's name.

Me too, Chris. I always come up with my greatest ideas around you.

I've got to go. I miss you.

Chris' smile grew larger. Oh Jonny, if only you knew how badly I have it for you.

He sent a quick goodbye message before turning off his mobile and seeing if sleep would come to him. It didn't, as expected, so he got out of the bed he shared with his wife and went for a walk.

He loved the night life. Despite living in one of the busiest cities in the world, he still was somehow able to find quiet areas to just sit and try to become musically inspired.

Tonight, he sat on a bench in a quiet park. The trees made the scene eerie, as it darkened the path, but Chris still felt peaceful as he sat beneath the large oak tree, his eyes closed. His entire body, including his mind and soul, was at work trying to find inner peace.

"You have to alchemise all the bad things that happen to you," his therapist had once told him. That quote had never really dawned on him until then.

Everything clicked then.

He no longer cared about disappointing the people from his home planet, not the president, not his "friends", not even his father. Though, he knew his father would be proud of him for standing up for what he believes in.

He no longer wanted to be in a romantic relationship with Gwenyth. Though he loved her as a friend, and as the mother of his children, he did not love her like a husband should love his wife. His heart belonged to another. His heart had always belonged to another, and he hated himself for putting that person through so much heartbreak so that he could understand that.

His heart belonged to Jonathan Mark Buckland.

For the first time, he felt the need to spill everything to someone. The fact that he was an alien didn't matter to him anymore. He wanted to let someone know so that he could put his past in the past and think about his future with Jonny.

Of course, he did have things to consider. After all, his love lived in London with his two children, and Chris lived across the world with his two children. Jonny held his heart, it was true, but so did his children.

"I'm sorry for making you wait," Chris whispered. "I love you. I always have."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The talk with Gwen was long and grueling. There was arguing, yelling, and a lot of tears on both sides. However, after the arguing ceased and the voices were lowered, she understood that Chris was right. Their relationship had been strained for years and the only way to repair the damage was to end it.

Of course, they wouldn't stop being friends. They were parents to the same children, after all, and even though a relationship hadn't worked out for them romantically, it didn't mean that they couldn't still part on good terms.

When they told the children, they were very understanding, if a little nervous. However, by telling them that their family dynamic would not change much, the children were slightly reassured.

Chris called Jonny as soon as he got the chance.

"Chris?"

"Jonny! I have some big news!"

"It couldn't have waited until tomorrow?" Jonny asked with a chuckle. Chris cursed himself and mentally promised that he would try to remember the difference between time zones.

"Sorry, J. These cursed time zones are screwing with my brain!" They laughed.

"Now what's your big news?"

Chris, who was standing outside on the front step of the house he shared with Gwen (at least for another couple weeks), spoke quietly so that his neighbors wouldn't hear him. "I broke up with Gwenyth."

Silence.

"Jon?"

"Chris, you didn't have to do that."

Chris' chest tightened. Had he made a mistake? His gut had told him that it was the right thing to do, that him and Gwenyth getting a divorce was the first step in his new life.

"Yes, I did. Our relationship had been strained for years, and it wasn't until last night that I realized it was caused by the way we were forcing ourselves to love one another in a way that we simply weren't capable of anymore. Of course I still love her as my best friend and the mum of my children, but forcing ourselves to remain in a romantic relationship when neither of us felt the passion anymore seemed wrong. Besides, I'm ready to let go of the past and begin my future." He hesitated for a moment before whispering, "Our future."

More silence. "Well, I just hope you know that I'm not going to break up with Chloe."

Chris' heart broke. How could Jonny tell him that he loved him and then, when they finally had the opportunity to be together again, Jonny deny him?

"W-what?" Chris stuttered, his voice shaking.

"Chris, I'm not ready yet. Jonah is barely two. I'd bring too much instability to the family and Chloe would never forgive me for it."

Chris nodded, and silently began to sob on his front step. Just when he thought his life was going to start coming together again, his plan fell apart.

"Chris?"

"I'm fine, Jonny. Goodnight."

"Wait, Chri-"

He hung up before Jonny could finish his sentence.

Jonny slammed his phone on his bed in anger and burst into tears. He tried not to cry too loudly, as he was in the living room and Chloe was sleeping only one room away.

Had he just ruined things with Chris again? How many strikes would he have against him before Chris ditched him completely? It wasn't his fault that his family needed him still, and of all people, Chris should have understood that. It's not your fault, he told himself, even though every time he cried like this, he felt like he did something wrong.

He wanted Chris, but there was still things to do before he could have the blue-eyed man in his arms again. He had a two year old. How would he explain to his son that him and his mum were no longer together and that he was now dating his best friend?

He groaned. Why did things have to be so goddamn complicated? Chris lived in LA, he was getting divorced, and he had two kids. Jonny lived in London, was still married, and also had two kids. And the two men loved each other with all of their hearts.

Maybe, he should mention it to Chloe. Not divorce yet, just see what she thinks. Or maybe she'd want to divorce, or hate him for loving a man while he was still married to her. It was hard. It was so hard. What was he supposed to do?

Slowly, after thinking about it for over an hour, Jonny rose from the couch, and went to wake up Chloe.

"Babe, I think we should talk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris' head had hung low for the rest of the day. He felt that he had made a mistake by breaking up with Gwenyth so soon. Now, he would no longer be able to see his kids almost every day. He'd take them to school after the kids stayed over at his house and pick them up when it was once again his turn, and he'd see them when their mum had to work, but it wasn't the same. He was so used to being able to see them all the time, when they came home, when they woke up, right before bed, and during dinner, that he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle two or three years of it without Jonny as his boyfriend.

How long will it take? He wondered. How long before Jonny wants me again?

He thought about those dark green eyes again. How they had watched him so carefully when he first came to Earth. Jonny's wild, strawberry blonde hair and his face that was as young as the man's soul.

That night, since he knew it would be another sleepless night, Chris went for a run around the city. So many things were running through his head. What would he tell Jonny when he came to LA with the guys? Would it be awkward? Would Jonny's feelings for Chris resurface or was his intention to break Chris' heart?

Jonny doesn't love me anymore, he thought, holding back tears. He ran faster, until he was out of breath and physically couldn't run anymore.

He stood on a street corner, not able to hold the tears in anymore.

"All I know, is that I love you so much it hurts," he whispered, and inspiration struck him.

He took out his notepad with his lyrics written on it, and started scribbling down his ideas.

"Got a tattoo that said together through life,
Carved in your name with my pocket knife,
And you wonder when you wake up,
'Will it be alright?'
Feels like there's something broken inside."

He wished that he had brought his guitar, but he was also grateful that he had something to do for when he got back to the house. The lyrics he had written came from his heart, which was always a dangerous thing to release. Still, the song probably wouldn't even make the album.

They hadn't even started the album yet, but Chris knew that the mood of this album would be different. He'd always written music based on his mood, and for the next few years, or at least until Jonny took him back, he'd be low. Lower than he'd been even after his and Jonny's break up, only this time, he was smarter.

How he wished he could be in Jonny's arms tonight, instead of going back and sharing a bed with a woman he was no longer romantically involved with.

He finally stood up straight, though tears still fell from his eyes. He wanted to tell Jonny everything about everything. Why they couldn't be together at first, where he had come from, and why Chris was no longer afraid of a future with him.

Chris nodded to himself, and began to run home, slower than he had come. It was decided. As soon as Jonny came with the guys to LA, he would pull him aside and tell him everything.

I always come up with my dumbest ideas when out on a run, he thought with a chuckle.

At least now his mind had things to work with. A new song and how he would make Jonny believe him.

"All I know,
Is that I love you so,
So much it hurts."