"Another year will be over, another year will come. I hope and pray that the lights of Diwali illuminate the new chapter of your life." – A Festive Greeting

Date: October 19th, 2017

Occasion: Diwali (Festival of Lights)

Observed By: Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists

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XXX | Luminosity

"Stressed out university student speaking. Who's on the line?"

"Are you sure you remember every part of our plan?"

"Bhavya? Seriously? You have got to stop calling me every ten minutes."

"I'm just taking precautions and ruling out every possibility of mishaps. It's not like you're doing any of the work, you lazy bum."

"Look, homework has always been dead last on my list of favorite activities, but I think it's risen up a notch. Meanwhile, you've sunk to the bottom of the ocean."

"Good, then I can explore the remains of the Titanic."

"Why would you bring that up? Rose and Jack were perfect for each other and they deserved a happy ending."

"If Rose truly loved him, she would have realized there was more than enough room on that plank for Jack. Ugh, you know what? Forget it."

"Ooh, does that mean you're hanging up? Goodie, I can go back to watching Game of Thrones."

"No, of course not, we need to go over my strict five day plan for Diwali. As your older sister, I need to make sure you fly home without anything going wrong."

"Oh, dear sister. With me, something always goes wrong."

"Come on, Rushik, take this seriously."

"Fine, fine, I'll stick on a handlebar mustache and find some eyeglasses. Wait a mo."

"You know what I mean!"

"Look, I know how to get my way through an airport. Besides, it's only a seven hour flight. Easy breezy, lemon squeezy. I'll spend most of it listening to The 1975 albums."

"Right, well, when you get home, you'll have to start cleaning with the rest of us."

"Ugh, why do I have to clean with the rest of you plebs? I don't even get time to recover from a seven hour flight?"

"You just said it was easy and breezy."

"I changed my mind. It sounds terrible. The worst. I'll need a full seven years to recover."

"Oh, get over yourself. Anyway, cleaning is essential. The house has to be spick and span, otherwise evil spirits will haunt us. Do you want a monster under your bed?"

"Oh, ignorant Bhavya, the monster under my bed has been my best friend for years. We go for brunch on Sundays and sing karaoke. It's a good time."

"The fact that you're a college student and you still have an imaginary friend is disturbing."

"How dare you insult Mr. Squiggles?"

"Moving on, we have to decorate the house too. Lucky for you, most of the decorations will be made before you get there. You just need to hang them up, since you're the tallest."

"Ah, yes, my beanpole genetics. What a blessing. Also, why did mom ask you to organize our Diwali celebrations this year? Why not me?"

"Because you'll inevitably set the house on fire and blame it on the neighbors?"

"Right, fair point, carry on."

"Of course, we also have to light lanterns and put them in every corner of the room. You know, to symbolize light over darkness, good over evil, those stereotypical essay topics."

"Oh yeah, I get to watch you try not to set the house on fire! That's my favorite reality show."

"Mine is watching you epically failing to cook decent sweets to exchange. Remember last time you tried to make laddoos? They looked like they were set on fire and sat on repeatedly."

"You said they were delicious when you ate one with a blindfold on!"

"Presentation is everything. People don't want your burnt turds as Diwali gifts. They want my delectable karanji. It has just the right touch of crispiness."

"Look at you, judging food based on presentation. Food can look like crap and taste amazing. Perfection comes in many forms. Stop being such an Amy Santiago."

"A who now?"

"A character from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It's a show, not that you'd know. She's obsessed with rules. Takes her job far too seriously."

"Yep, that sounds about right."

"Anywho, you have way too much time on your hands."

"For the last time, I have a day job. During Diwali, we get a few days off work. School kids get a month's worth of break, lucky bastards."

"Aw man, they get a month off? Do you think I could drop back down to high school?"

"Your IQ is at the level of a kindergartener. You should give it a shot."

"Ouch, devastating burn. Just like when you burn the house down when your plan turns out to be a disastrous failure."

"Don't jinx it, you moron!"

"Bhavya, I was just messing with you. The celebrations will be perfect, I promise. Your plans are always foolproof. Stop stressing and start enjoying yourself."

"Well, thanks for the rare show of sentiment, but there won't be any time to relax. We'll have to accommodate our relatives."

"What? Ugh, we have to greet our relatives again? And touch their feet? That part gives me the heebie jeebies."

"Well, suck it up, buttercup."

"Title of your sex tape."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Well, anyway, yes, we have to touch their feet as a sign of respect. On the bright side, we'll be setting off a couple of fireworks this year."

"Ooh, fireworks? Mom never let us use those because of all the pollution! You're the best."

"Tell me something I don't know. Right, let me look at my list."

"Of course, she made a list. She probably has a binder, too."

"What kind of barbarian doesn't use binders?"

"There it is. Come on, spill the deets. Show me the binder."

"Right, well, we have to show respect to various deities over the five days, obviously. Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth–"

"The solution to my crippling student debt."

"Also, Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge–"

"Maybe she can help me come through with a 4.0."

"In your dreams. Also, Ganesha, the god with the elephant head, who removes obstacles and steers people away from treacherous paths."

"Yeah, I have no witty comebacks for that one. A god who has an elephant head? I want to be him when I grow up."

"That speaks volumes about your personality."

"I fail to see how having an elephant head could ever be a bad thing."

"Well, I see your point. Elephants are pretty awesome."

"Wait a second, I just remembered something. Don't we have to worship a broom?"

"We usually buy a new one and sweep the house with it. It's supposed to be auspicious. Also, that reminds me, we're also supposed to worship a book and a pen, for their knowledge."

"To be fair, you always have your nose stuck in some book."

"Yep, I'm worshipping them constantly."

"Friendly reminder, you're also killing trees."

"Oh, shut up! When you say it like that, it sounds bad."

"The truth hurts, sis."

"Which is ironic, considering this whole celebration is based on a myth."

"Ah yes, my bedtime story for two years. Instead of reading me normal stories like a normal person, you educated me."

"Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"

"I was made fun of for not knowing who Little Red Riding Hood is. That was a low blow."

"Right, but you know this myth like the back of your hand."

"I never understood that idiom. How much of my hand am I supposed to know? Also, how would that information be of any use?"

"Just tell me the myth. In case you forgot it."

"How could I? You drilled it into my brain. Right, so there was a guy named Prince Rama. His stepmother was jealous of him because he was next in line for the throne, and she wanted her own son to be the king."

"Like a typical Western fairytale."

"Not that I would know. You deprived me of those."

"Oh, shut it. So, Prince Rama was exiled into a forest for 14 years by his own father as a result. Rama's wife, Sita, and his brother, Lakshman, went with him."

"There were a bunch of evil demons in the forest. One of them, Ravana, was super pissed that Rama defeated his demon buddies, so he captured Sita.

"However, she left a trail of jewels behind for Rama and Lakshman to follow. Kinda like Hansel and Gretel."

"Again, I have no clue what that's about, and that's on you."

"Anyway, Rama rescued Sita, defeated Ravana, and returned to the kingdom to become king."

"Diwali celebrates the return of Prince Rama and how light triumphs over darkness, yada yada yada. Good lord, we've been talking for an hour."

"What? We have? Oh no, now I have to reschedule all my plans!"

"Bhavya, chill. You already have everything sorted. Take a couple of days off and start watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine."

"Why do you love that show so much?"

"It would take me another fifty phone calls to explain."

"Right, well, I trust your judgment. I'll chill for a few days and start watching your show."

"That's more like it. Oh, and one last thing."

"Hmm?"

"Where can I buy a sculpted elephant head?"