Overview
Spaces between us,
Keep getting deeper.
It's harder to reach you,
Even though I try...
Spaces between us,
Hold all our secrets;
Leaving us speechless
And I don't know why.
-One Direction.
I am standing staring into the darkness not knowing where it leads. Only this time, it doesn't scare me although my anxiety is at an all time high letting the void engulf me not being able to see a thing.
My fingers press on the wall to to look for the switchboard which I know has the only power to fight the overcasting darkness. The more I am whizzing, the more my heart races inside my chest tripping over every empty bottle of wine scattered inside this uncongenial room. My nostrils feel sick at the pungent odour of raw alcohol with fresh smoke that already is burning my eyes. I cough rubbing the middle of my chest as the smoke plays evil with my lungs. Once more my leg, in the darkness accidentally kicks a bottle which ends up hitting the wall and I hear someone inhale. This room is so murderously silent here that even the sound of someone's breath doesn't go unheard and I shiver.
"M-Manik?" I give a call aloud not knowing which way to step.
"....Why are you here?" Comes a hoarse voice from the darkness.
I don't know where he is exactly but taking the support of the wall, I am moving towards the direction where lies the source of the voice.
"Can we..please talk?" I wait for his response which takes a lightyear to come.
"If you're here to make one stupid experiment out of me, then please go away." His voice is dense yet weak, probably because of immense drinking.
"No! No. I'm not here as your Doctor. I-I'm here to help you, Manik." My foot steps on a free cigarette pack and it makes an awful sound.
"Help me?" He sniggers but I can feel the depth of the pain in his tone of mockery. "No one can help me, Doctor. No one. "I don't need your therapy."
"I know it hurts on your end. I see it in your eyes. I see it when you cry, when you wake up at night and scream the name in the darkness, when you whisper to your friends about all of the things I can't change, Manik. But I wish you could see how this is tearing me to shreds too." My eyes trying to learn his language of darkness. "So..Let me help you...please?"
A squeak escapes my mouth as briskly a hand tugs on my palm pulling my body to the ground on my knees and my other hand automatically holds the defeated shoulder of the man broken in pieces. I breathe hazily as his strong palm holds me straight and the smell of raw alcohol burn my nostrils. My hand on the ground finds a lighter and without his consent, I spark the fire making the evils of darkness dance in the new illumination.
Broadening my eyes, I choke on my oxygen seeing his eyes red as fire and puffy, telling me about all those tears that he had shed before my arrival. We sit in a circle of mess of pictures tore into pieces, bare cigarette packs, loose bottles of alcohol, ashes that paint my red saree grey, pieces of glass like jabbed pieces of his heart. My heart aches.
"Manik?" My hand reaches his wet cheek and fresh tears come rolling touching the skin. "I can take away all your darkness." My thumb rubs his stubble smoothly. "But you just have to let me in and I promise to not hurt you."
He studies something deep into my eyes by the time I finish.
"I'm afraid of my own shadow.
Every step I take forward I can't help but look back. I'm just a...mess." His voice trails at the end with a growing pain in his heart.
"You're too much of a gorgeous mess for me not to look at." I speak unsure of my words.
"Then help me, Doctor. Help me. But I don't need your..your therapy or those bullshit medicines." Desperation clear in his tone. It feels he's tired o fighting all his struggles and if not saved, this man of twenty six years old will die. Soon. He seems so tired to be carrying all the burden in that chest which keeps begging him to unload. He shuts his eyes hanging his face low whilst I run my fingers through his messy hair.
"Then what do you need?" I whisper.
"Can you make me fall in love with you?" He replies swiftly looking up at me miserably which knocks all my senses out for few seconds. "If I let you in, will you mend my broken heart? Will you make me take every breath of my life only and only for you? Can you?" His nails dig deeper into my skin as the desolation escalates in his void soul and I try not to flinch.
"Is that what you want me to do?" I ask blankly staring at his hollowness.
"Yes." He gulps. "Make me fall in love again. Harder. And replace her in my heart. Make me love you so much that you run as the blood in my veins. That...I'm not able to think of even my own existence before you. Make me crazily fall for you, please?...." he cries burying his face in his palms. "I want to forget everything that I've been told. I..I want to forget how she left me. I want you..to remove..all the voices inside my head that keep telling me I wasn't good enough for her. I want you to..to.. take my heart off her wheatish complexion, black clouded hair, oceanic eyes and lips that were full with raspberry chapstick. I want to forget her." He screams punching the ground beneath us as tears know no bounds in his hazel puffy eyes.
"Okay. I can." I shock myself with the words that escape my lips. I don't know if he's asking me to help him this way only to shoo me away knowing no Doctor would ever take this challenge up, but I won't let him steal the satisfaction.
"What did you just say?" His empty depressed eyes that forgot to smile ask me with all his being.
"I..will." I assure and he wipes away the tears on his cheeks.
"Okay." His voice merely a whisper. Manik sniffs prohibiting those boundless disobedient salty waters and looks up at me with a determined look on his face.
"Let's make a deal then?" He proposes. "You've got 30 days. 30 sessions. If you can't succeed in this span, you'll help me die. You'll be the key to my death." He nods venomously at me asking for my approval.
I suck a sharp breath not comprehending what dangerous of a game I'm saying my yes to. This can screw my entire career. Fuck the career. This can take someone's life.
My body shivers getting out of his grip and I stand up slowly. Revolving my frame, I walk up to the door leaving him all undone in his own mess. I know he wants me to leave but the way his eyes changed expressed as if..as if he wanted someone to take up his fight. To fight for him.
"Deal." I blurt out staying all poised whilst walking closer to the door. I don't turn around so the kind of expression he holds is a mystery.
"Last fold in the story Doctor?" He calls aloud and I stop in my tracks keeping my hand on the door that I opened just now. I listen to him not turning around praying to all my stars to not make it anymore difficult.
"You have to make me love you. But.. you can't fall in love with me." His voice seems challenging and confident.
My nails dig deeper into the wood of the door as I swallow hard before twisting my neck back at him.
"Is that all you got to put in this deal?" I ask.
"Yes." He confirms timidly.
"Get ready to fall in love with me, Manik Malhotra." Stating it, I close the door behind me and inhale deeply looking up at the starless night.
There's something so intrinsically charmed to his pain, so favored in his skin, as if fate itself can't resist giving only the best sights to those large, magnificent, dull, broken eyes. He gave me the key to his heart and there's something absolutely dangerous about this game which can be his death.
[A/N- New story! Hope your festival is going great. This story will progress depending on the love you people shower on it. So please do vote and comment if you'd like me to start this new journey with a new MaNan.
Love,
Rai]
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