Dear journal,
Last night in bed, I was thinking about something. About Scott, in particular and about everything he's done to people. When I came to think about it, he wasn't necessarily the nicest person. He made fun of people sometimes and said things that just weren't necessary. I mean, I didn't like the way he spoke to Avi some of the time! Did I want to be with someone who treated people
-M

--

I had started to notice a difference in Esther's attitude. The first time I noticed was at lunch. She simply wasn't speaking, which was different than usual. She wasn't one to keep quiet. We had a conversation going, everyone involved in their own way. Even Malory was talking, and she's the only one in our group to not fit in as well.

Esther wasn't speaking at all. She was looking down at her lap, focused on something else. She didn't look...happy? I wouldn't even say that, of course she was happy. She just seemed a little out of it.

Scott had made a joke about her being quiet in front of her. I didn't say anything, but it was slightly embarrassing, to be quite honest. It was rude and unnecessary, and it looked like she didn't need it at the moment.

I didn't decide on confronting her until I saw her walking out of the bathroom one day, wiping away a few tears under her eyes.

"Es, what's wrong?" I asked, gaining her attention. When she noticed me, she looked down and hid her face from me.

"What? Nothing, I'm fine, why?" She asks. I lightly touched her shoulder, and when she looked up me, she began crying even harder. I pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly.

"It's okay, honey. It's okay," I tell her, lightly rubbing her back. She shook her head, pulling back and wiping her tears.

"It's not okay, Mitch," she says and shakes her head again. She took a deep breathe. "My dad wants to move away," she says softly. "A-and I can't leave my life here. You know, this isn't even that bad, but I'm so stressed and when I get stressed, I just cry." I take her hand, a sense of reassurance. "I haven't talked to Avi about this yet, because I'm not completely sure. I...want to move in with him," she says a little uneasy.

"Esther, that would be amazing!" I say happily. She shakes her head.

"You don't get it," she says. "The only reason I live with my dad is because Avi and I couldn't be around each other. I moved out. I went and stayed with my dad and Avi stayed with our mom and his dad," she admits.

"You guys are half siblings?" I ask. She nods. "Maybe it would help your relationship to move back in together," I suggest.

"I don't know," she sighs. "We've been doing so good, and it's been so nice to have my brother back, but I just don't want to lose that again."

"Can I be honest with you?" I ask. She thought for a moment before nodding. "If you move away with your dad, you won't be close with him. You can't be. If you move in with Avi, you have a good chance at something amazing!" I exclaim. "And plus, none of us would want you to leave us anyway! What does Kevin think of this?" I ask. She shrugs.

"I haven't told him," she says reluctantly. "You were honest, now I'll be honest. Kevin doesn't like Avi," she says.

"What?" I ask. She nods. "I thought they were close?"

"He doesn't like how he used to treat me," she says. "And I've told him that Avi isn't like that anymore, but he refuses to like him!" She exclaims. "There is no way he'll want me to move in with Avi. I already know what he'll say! 'It's not good for you, Es. He'll only hurt you again.'" She quotes and rolls her eyes. "He doesn't get it. He doesn't have a say in my relationship with my brother," she complains. "He's been getting on my nerves so much recently, I just need a break." My eyes widened slightly.

"Es..." I say softly. "You don't want to be with him anymore?" I ask.

"It's not that," she sighs. "He's just too much right now. I'm going through a lot at the moment and he isn't helping."

"I understand," I say. "You do you, I'll support you, everyone else will too. Do what you want to do, not anybody else. Your decision is the only one that matters," I tell her. She smiles.

"Thank you, Mitch," she says. "I'm going to sit down with Kevin and Avi, seperately, and tell them both about what I'm feeling. I'm going to see what Avi thinks about the possibility of me movin' in with him, then I'll have a talk with Kevin about how I need some space at the moment." She takes a deep breathe. "And I'll also try not to have a panic attack in between all of that," she laughs. I pull her into a hug.

"You got this, Es. You can do it-"

"Yes, Es! You got it!" We hear someone say. I felt a hand slip around my waist, and that's all I needed to know who this was. I rolled my eyes.

"I was gonna head out anyway. Gotta find Avi. Thanks for talking to me, though," Esther says with a smile, walking away from us. I turned around and pushed Scott's arms off of me.

"What are you doing?" I ask him. He shrugs. "I was trying to help her with something!" I say.

"I didn't hear anythin'!" He says in response. "I didn't know it was important, Mitch. I just heard support, so I wanted to support!" He exclaims.

"You weren't supporting, you were butting your way into the conversation," I say, walking down the hall. Scott followed me quickly, walking at the same speed as I was.

"Why're you actin' like this?" He asks. "I didn't try to do anythin' wrong, chill out." I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breathe.

"Don't tell me to 'chill out'," I demand. He held his hands up like a person would when they want to 'surrender'. I just shook my head. I began to walk away again, but Scott grabbed my arm before I could. "Let go," I say.

"No," he says. When he read my facial expression and got the hint, he slowly dropped my arm. "Sorry. What is up with you?" I took a deep breathe before I turned to him.

"What is wrong with me?" I ask, walking back towards him. "You know, sometimes I wished you didn't know how to speak. You tend to say things at the wrong time. It's rude and I am the one to always drop it!"

"What're you talkin' about?" He asks defensively. "Where is this comin' from, exactly?"

"Esther is obviously going through something, so just leave her alone instead of making jokes!" I say firmly.

"Is this about what I said at lunch?" He asks. "Look, I was trynna make her smile, okay? I didn't know she was that upset," he says.

"It's not just that!" I say. "I've held these things in for so long because I want to try and believe that you aren't a hot-head!" He didn't say anything. "Remember that comment you made about me 'losing all of my friends?' Yeah, that hurt. And when you told the entire class that I had a crush on you? I left class and cried." He looked down and didn't say anything. "And at the fair! You didn't need to show up, but you had to come and ruin me and Alex's date, right? And for what? Did it make you feel better?" He shook his head. "Why did you say those things, huh? Was there a reason?"

"He outed me, Mitch-"

"That doesn't make it okay!" I yell. Both of us went silent for a moment. I took a deep breathe before I decided to soften my tone. "Scott, I really like you and I really want us to work out, but I can't be with if you're going to be like this all of the time. And I'm sorry that this is coming out of nowhere, but I can't keep it to myself anymore. This is how I feel." He nods.

"I'm sorry you feel like that," he says quietly. "I thought I changed myself for you, but I guess not," he nods. "I'll just leave you alone, then. If that's what you want." I sighed.

"Scott," I say softly. "I don't want that, of course I don't," I continue. I took a deep breathe. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh," he nods.

"It's okay," he says. "I mean, you're obviously passionate about that feeling-"

"Don't say that, please," I say, bringing my hand up to run through my hair. "I shouldn't of brought it up, okay? Now it's an issue, I should've just left it alone."

"Why would you do that?" He asks. "I'd rather you tell me then let if bottle up inside of you until you can't stand me anymore," he mutters. "Because now I know that I need to change myself again."

"Don't change yourself, I don't want you to change yourself. I like you just how you are," I tell him. He looked down and nodded. "Don't be upset," I whisper, reaching up to hold his cheek. He backed up so I couldn't reach him.

"No, I'm not," he says. "I'm fine," he continues. "I-I think I'm just gonna go," he nods.

"Scott-"

"Seriously, I'm okay. I just want to think a little," he says and walks down the hall.

"I didn't mean to snap!" I yell to him. I saw him nod a little and he kept walking. "I'm not angry at you, I promise!" He turned into a different hallway and then I couldn't see him anymore.

This was longer than intended...also, I don't know how I feel about this chapter :/.