Dear journal,
After hours of researching different symptoms and emotions, I had come to the conclusion that I was depressed. I didn't need a therapist to tell me. I never expected everything to go from being so perfect to the complete opposite. Should I talk to Alex? I think I will. He is the last person I've got, and if I lose him, I don't think I'll have anything left.
-M

--

The next time I saw Alex, I pulled him aside. He was very reluctant since I was pulling him away from Jake, but I eventually convinced him to talk to me. He was aggravated, I was well aware, but he didn't really have a reason to, right?

"What do you need?" He asks, agitated. I sigh.

"To talk to you," I say. He looks at me as a sign to continue. "I just wanted to clear some things up, some of the tension." He nods slowly. "You've kind of been distancing yourself." I say. He nods again.

"And? Don't ya' think somethin' like that is intentional?" He asks angrily. "You ain't good for me to be around, k? I'm purposely avoiding you," he spits. My eyes widened a little. "Everything has been so fucked up since you got here. I'm sick of it."

"I-what did I do?" I ask, tears brimming in my eyes.

"What didnt you do?" He asks before turning and walking back over to Jake. That's when the first tear fell, and several others followed. This conversation was the start of my tremendously awful day.

Everything that could've went wrong today, went wrong. It was after second period when I ran into Kirstie, accidentally knocking into her. We made eye contact for a moment, and in her eyes I could feel pity and regret, but the feeling was shortly removed when Malory pulled her away. I heard her whisper to Kirstie to stay away from me.

Then in art, I tried to fix yet another friendship that didn't work well. I attempted a conversation with him that went very wrong.

"Scott, I need a friend," I say suddenly. He looks over to me. This was the first time I had say by him for awhile.

"Too bad you lost all of 'em, huh?" He questions. I sigh.

"What did I do to you? I didn't do a thing to you, yet I still get this treatment. I don't get it," I say and shake my head. He turns to me.

"You made my girlfriend cry," he spits. "She isn't the type of girl to cry, kid," he snaps.

"You don't even like her!" I yell, louder than intended. The entire classroom had their eyes on me, including the teacher. Scotts face was red and mine was as well.

"You don't have clue what you're talking about," he quickly says. "You're just jealous that Taylor has me." He turns to the class. "You hear that everyone? Mitch has got a giant crush on me, and he is jealous of Taylor!" The entire class began to giggle, which started soft and became louder very quickly. I couldn't find words to speak, so I quickly ran out of the class before I began to cry in front of everyone. I sat out by my locker alone, tears spilling down my face as I went through my awful day, and it was barely half way through the day.

I saw someone who I didn't want to see, at least I didn't want them to see me when I was like this. Kirstie came walking down the hall, Malory at her hip. She instantly saw me, and I buried my face in my hands to attempt to hide my tears.

"Mitch?" I heard her say softly. I didn't move my head.

"Kirstie, stop," I hear Malory say. "Lets just go, okay? It isn't worth it. No more drama," she continues. She attempted to whisper the next part, but I still heard it. "That's all he is." I looked up right when the two of them began to walk away. I shook my head as it fell back into my hands.

A few moments later, I felt two soft hands on each of my shoulders. "Mitch," the figure repeated. I sighed. "It's me, Kirstie. Are you okay?" She asks gently. I look up to her, and the moment we made eye contact, I broke down and fell into her arms. She held me tight to her and say next to me. "What happened?"

"I hate my life," I choke out in a defeated tone. I saw heartbreak in Kirstie's eyes as she pulled me closer and held me to her, comforting me in the way I needed her days ago.

"Baby..." she whispers. "Can you tell me why you are like this?" I didn't speak, I couldn't. I was in tears, doing anything I could to possibly get myself to stop, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop myself. Everything that had happened was coming back to me, making me realize how awful my life actually was. "Mitch?"

"Kirstie," I mumble. "I'm alone," I whisper. She nods and gently runs her fingers through my hair.

"You're not. You have me," I push her away and shake my head.

"No," I say. "I didn't. I didn't have you when I needed you because you chose a girl over me!" I spit, choking on my tears. I must've looked a wreck right now. "It was me or her, and you dropped me in a second." I whisper. "You got angry with me for sticking up for myself, I did nothing wrong!" I watched as a slow tear rolled down Kirstie's face now. She looked to the ground, not daring to make eye contact with me.

"I know," she whispers. "I'm so sorry."

"You were all I had," I whisper back. "And you knew it to." She shakes her head.

"I regret it all, Mitch. I'm sorry. I shouldn't of done it. I just want to be here for you now, please let me."

"I thought everything would be easier here. It was for a while. But nothing is anymore. If anything, it's way harder than anything in California was."

"Nothing in Arlington is easy, Mitch."