My name is Hali. And my life is not always the best.

My hand opens, revealing the long thing my mom has been using to clean her ears. I sit by the front of my window, contemplating the remaining minutes I might have as a normal person. The confusion is tiring, and the decision, exhausting to make. I wish to cry, but I'm a man.

===

Being summoned to Ice's secret quarters, I've already been told what to expect. His place is spacious, flanked with security personnel as usual. As the eldest, he's always been the boss, and I walk up his carpet-laid aisle with ease and with one deadly pace. Call it a silent protest, if you must. But to detest him is one thing you might suffer from doing.

His legs are crossed, eyes half open while he sits on that stupid chair of his again. He's always liked playing with his fingers, and now I can't dare to unsee it. His lips are pouted, his fingers playing with the zipper of his black jacket. He stares to the guard on his right. "You. Get out. I don't want you here."

I glare at the guard in shades and his clean tuxedo. He emotionlessly walks off in an instant, without a bow, leaving Ice alone in front.

Even with that one man gone, there's still, like, eight more standing in each corner.

"Hal, you can come stand here, with me."

Heck no.

But it's not like I had a choice.

That was the day I knew he wanted me in. He told me many things, many subjects that soon blanked out of my brain immediately. Still, there were topics left untouched. Things he said that remain unforgettable to this day.

He called me the boy with black blood.

He called me capable of things like him. He called Blaze weak, the more foolish twin. He wanted me like him, to be desired by Mom. He was wrong. He can't be loved by only sheer power.

===

He called me the boy of bad blood. The nightmare that brought me hate returns.

Curse this blasted life.

I take the metal close to my ear, staring at the morning sky.

===

Mom continues her painful yells behind me, even if I try to just calmly brush her off while I get my crackers from the fridge. "I'm talking to you, Hali! Don't you dare turn your back on me, fool!"

First she wants me to stop moping like a baby. Now, she wants me to just stare at her swearing lips to death and have her phrases carved on my head.

She traps my hand on the kitchen counter, slamming it under her palms to keep me still. Her quiet anger boils hotter than her loud one. "You listen to me, Halilintar, because I don't think you listen to me enough to remember, huh!"

She points another finger at me. "You...don't dare try to replace your brothers 'cause you're just a pest...in my life! You dare have the audacity to TRY and be part of this family when all you've been was a burden, and don't you DARE tell that to your father!"

Her eyes heat with fury, almost sore from just looking at me.

That was the day she reminded me...for almost the hundredth time...of who I was. An animal of an unwanted mix of her blood and someone else's. I'm a boy meant to take that to heart, but to never tell to others. I'm the boy she never wanted. The unhelpful addition to her family.

===

She called me the boy pest, the boy burden, the fool, the basta~

I don't want to hear that name again. I want this to be the last time I cry from her words. I'm more than that. I hope...I am more than that.

One metal piece of that is not enough.

I take a second one.

===

When I dig them in, I have no idea of how agonizing I screech, all I cared about was the pierce through my head, the pain, the blood I feel trickling down my wrist. I feel the last high-pitched tune through the remaining parts I have of my ear.

I have no clue if that was the tone of my voice, or the tone of the last thing I ever hear.

===

My eyes blink to the light, and to the high-pitched screaming of my own ears. At my wake, I eye the lighter things, the white ceilings, the white curtains, the white cushions I find myself lying on.

And my brother Duri's brightened face. His face is a happy sight, though his facade fades into a frown. He looks at me with sadness, Mom stands behind him in distaste. Dad stands with worry written all over his face. Blaze and Ice are nowhere to be seen, even when I stir my head slowly.

My head aches, my temples feel sore. This hospital sounds serene, until I slowly remember.

Mom's lips are moving, Duri's talking to Dad.

What they're talking about, I do not know.

I want to speak, to utter final laments. I close my eyes, never knowing if they hear me.

I breathe aloud. "I...can't...hear..."

"I'm...deaf...now..."

===

Running away must've been one of the most dangerous things I've ever done, though I push through with my life alone, without the evil, foul face of my own mother who hates me.

Still, I don't want to think of it. I've willed myself to a new life. I should stick to it.

The last time I looked up, my new professor has not yet arrived. Whoever he is, I know it must not be him running around in my periphery.

No, this man's halting by my side.

I look up to him, a boy like me, his blue sweater and bushy hair catching most of my attention.

Is this guy my seatmate? My guide Blaze has been telling me since he helped me get in this place?

Does he want to get to his seat? Oh, he does.

Then why did he not walk through the other aisle like a normal person?

I stare him down. He really needs his sweater tidied a bit.

All I see is him straightening up, playing with fingers in front of me. He's trying to sign to me.

I don't understand him.

I turn away, ashamed. I'm deaf and here I am, clueless.

That was the day he overlooked my flaws. The day he proceeded to be my friend, even if it meant dealing with a jerk.

That was the day I treasure the most, the day I didn't mean to probably mess up for him.

Taufan.

===

He's carrying me out of the bar, even though I don't like being carried. I only tried faking being drunk. I didn't mean to do it on purpose. I can barely walk on my two feet.

He can't go out. It doesn't feel right. I want to stop him, but I continue to ponder.

How did Blaze know Taufan was here? Could this be the work of Ice's mafia? Would he dare?

Wait.

Blaze.

Blaze told me to take him anywhere but the bar. To send him away, alone. He wanted him to just come out.

I remember.

✴ Im a gOod sHarPsHooTer dOnT maKe mE bRuH

I look. I look. I look. I won't hear it if it's too late.

I look.

I eye a shadow by the high ground. A rifle.

"Taufan!"

===

I don't know where I am. I don't know anything now. The weight of my body flees me, and I can only feel the white beneath me, and the endless light above me.

It all becomes clear. The pain flies off from my chest and turns into pure happiness, joy, freedom. All things feel better, suddenly. No pain, no hate, no fear.

I find other things I love. I hear songs. I HEAR songs. My ears' senses return to me, and now I'm hearing the cheery laughs of girls, wondrous giggles from children, a man reuniting with his family.

A dream I've always wanted for myself.

The parents appear lovely, happy to see their son again. They share a warm embrace before the mother pulls back to caress his cheeks, and his father to wipe away his tears.

The little boy smiles. The boy has bushy hair.

Taufan?

When I see him, he sees me. We're talking with our faces again before he proceeds to run to me. His face beams with delight. "Hali!"

I hear him. I hear his happy, happy voice.

He's happy. I've protected him.

Then why is he here?

But I know better.

I should be mad. But the anger escapes me.

I feel forgiveness. I feel forgiveness...for my mom.

I feel...happy...

I chuckle.

"What...are you doing here...Tau...?"