People say that a night of laughter grows longer, and a night with shed tears grow shorter. It's weird, some can even say it's unbelievable.

At a busy mind, people awake. But with tears in front of their eyes, they drain out if energy and sleep.

And if one thing is certain, I'm seeing this happen.

It's been two hours since Tok and I invited him in.

He snores.

===

My sleepy body waves over the watery grounds, letting me flow through the night. Again, the insomnia hits. Again, I am a panicking, squealing, crying, speaking child.

Again, this is happening.

The view of the sea comes before my eyes, Mom's agonizing cries return, and her pleas resound into my ears.

My heart clenches, feeling it burst. I feel the river of tears pooling into my eyes. I barely see the fishing boat again.

I hear her croaking behind me, only able to see her blurred silhouette through my teary eyes. "YES, PLEASE, JUST TAKE THE CHILD! HURRY! TAKE HIM SOMEWHERE SAFE!"

Her sorrowful rambling continues even while she holds me by my arms. She carries me over the edge of the yacht, handing me to the fishermen.

The oblivious sea comes into sight. There is no fishing boat. No fishermen.

Who is she handing me to?

She whimpers, still holding me. "The fishermen will take you home, okay? They know where we live~"

There is no fishing boat.

"Son, we won't be able to fit in the boat~" Dad tries to comfort me. Mom keeps wailing.

There is no boat.

She's dropping me off.

I close my eyes, hearing her yell once more. Right behind me, she seems as if chanting. "We love you, son! Be a good boy while we're gone, okay!"

I hear it. More of her tears.

Her grip is loosening.

There is no boat. The sea is under my feet.

"Wait, mommy, no! Don't let me go~!"

Her fingers uncurl under my arms, letting me go. The sea pulls me into the abyss, and I can't swim.

The water pulls my legs deeper to it's darkness, my arms struggle to keep up. Which way do I go? Left? Right? How must I float?! Should I keep my arms waving? Should I let myself loose? Should I grab on the yacht?

The salty sea water splashes to my eyes. I blink them away.

The yacht is gone.

What now? What now? What now? What now? Is Mom and Dad dead? Are they safe? Where did they go? I interrogate my own head.

The chilling waters tickle the rest of my body. I get pulled more into the dark. I can't breathe. I only close my eyes.

Mom...Dad...Are you alive?

Am I...dead...?

The water surges to my lungs~

I feel like gagging when I get back up. Things are still dark, I can still feel the surge of water and air crashing through my throat. I realize I still might not have my eyes open. My hands clench, the nails digging into my hand, and my breathing staggers immensely.

Am I still in the water? No, I'm on my bed. You're on your bed, Taufan. Open your eyes. You're not drowning. You're not dead.

Mom and Dad's dead.

The memory reopens my scar into a wound, pulling it open, making it hurt. It burns again. I feel it pierce through me.

I've relived it in the worst way possible.

For the first time. The fishermen weren't there.

It's always been the same dream for almost eight years, still it hurts like a pill hard to swallow.

I hear my breaths springing in and out. It hurts, vividly feeling the transition of drowning and breathing, dying and living, awake and sleeping, then waking up again.

It hurts again. It hurts...again. It hurts.

Why...?

When I open my eyes, I feel my sharp nails on my hand. I feel my shuddering teeth. I feel it all. I see my bedroom. The curtain on the window, my shelves, my cushions, my bed.

I'm fine. But it hurts.

I gulp the fear and pain away. I want to gulp my tears too.

I breathe in. And out.

My phone buzzes.

🔴 Taufan...
🔴 If you read this...
🔴 ...you're still awake

I look at the time. 2:11 am. My breathing grows stable.

🔵 How'd you know I was awake?
🔵 You don't usually do this every night I'm up...

He's typing.

🔴 Woi.
🔴 Look under your bed, ya lunatic

When I read it, I'm slightly startled. My other hand crawls to grab a book by my nightstand.

He's a funny guy. He knows almost no boundaries.

To be messing around like this, he must be fine now.

I slowly lean to the bedside, not yet looking to the bottom.

When I do, there's a shadow.

I whack it with my book probably just once. Eventually, the shadow yields to Hali's face.

Shrimp.

I take my phone awkwardly. We type at the same time.

🔵 WHATTHE SHRINPS ARE YOU DOING HERE??????
🔵 *SHRIMPS

🔴 YA LUNATIC YOU HIT ME WHY
🔴 WHAT IN THE LIVING WORLD OF THE DEVIL-

When I sigh, I feel him behind me. He's staring. I don't need to see that to be sure.

I only manage to type.

🔵 IM SORRY IM SORRY I THOUGHT

🔴 YA THOUGHT I WAS THE GRIM REAPER YA NITWIT???
🔴 GO TO BED GET SOME SLEEP
🔴 Don't make me yell at you

🔵 Hali...You're deaf...

🔴 I'm not mute, you furry meatball~
🔴 I need you to sleep

🔵 Why are you here?

🔴 ...because I know
🔴 Tok Aba told me to sleep here. He's superstitious. He can't have me sleep in the guest room.

"Because I know"?

What does he mean?

🔵 Yeah...Tok Aba can get quite suspicious at times.
🔵 What do you mean, "I know?"

I hear a long sigh from Hali. I look to him, he's scratching his head.

🔴 Nothing...just...
🔴 I know you get nightmares every night...which I guess might not be completely normal...
🔴 I couldn't sleep either, actually...It's too cold.

At twenty-two degrees Celsius? He's kidding, right?

🔴 Tok Aba was also awake that time, so I figure we could talk...
🔴 It's funny...He's completely normal, still he knows sign language...

🔵 Well, thinking about it...you DID do that to yourself...

Crab. Wrong text.

I try unsending it, but he's already replying.

🔴 I know you want to unsend
🔴 It's okay. I'm kinda good now
🔴 My mood swings are just very intense hehe

🔵 Hali, you hehe'd

🔴 Hehe

I laugh.

🔴 I haven't been fair to you, honestly.
🔴 I can't sleep not only because of you doggone air conditioner, but also 'cuz I know I've been unfair
🔴 IDK just happened to remember how I always demanded to know more about you when I refused to let you know more about me

🔵 You had a reason to refuse...I just didn't...

🔴 Exactly

Is this an indirect boy-talk-thing now?

I want to be the first to type.

🔵 Why? What do you know?
🔵 You don't have to tell me btw

He does anyway.

🔴 He's been telling me about your mutism...saying stuff like how you both remember and forget, you live through it everyday when, at the same time, you also don't want to.
🔴 He says it's confusing. He remembers the name.
🔴 I'm trying to be careful cuz I don't like triggering you and sending you to your psychiatrist at 2 in the morning...

He knows now. Not much of a big deal for me, actually.

🔴 I'm sorry.
🔴 But don't worry. It's just a dream
🔴 Shouldn't have said that

🔵 No no no no it's okay
🔵 I'm used to it
🔵 My cousin Solar always teases me like that...tho it's all for the best...

🔴 Oh. You mean that dude that punch the frat boy? The one in DT class?

🔵 Yeah...him...

🔴 Pft...If only I heard him talk trash on that guy. It should've been a reeaaaal fine entertainment set.

Now he's just being funny.

🔴 Well, like I said, I really did this to myself so, guess I have no right to want it back

🔵 Wait, you wanna talk about this now, shouldn't we sleep?

🔴 Nah
🔴 You're the one who told me getting things out of your chest is easier, right?
🔴 After all, you saw

I pause. I wait for him to chat.

🔴 It wasn't an accident. It wasn't a sickness. I really did it on purpose, and believe me, I don't like talking about how
🔴 But that day legit felt like burning hell
🔴 Why, you ask?
🔴 I was- blocking out the haters

🔵 I'm listening...

🔴 I didn't like hearing my mom anymore
🔴 You know how it feels. The pain.
🔴 I think...that's all I want to talk about, actually...
🔴 I want to buy something outside
🔴 Where's the nearest snack house?

This shrimping~

🔵 HALI ITS 2 AM THERE ARE NO 24 HR SNACK HOUSES HERE

🔴 Ya sure?
🔴 Tok Aba said there was

🔵 MAN IM SLEEPY GO TO BED

🔴 Im not
🔴 Im hungry

I glare at him. He's chuckling at me.

🔵 I ain't taking you...
🔵 Besides, there's food downstairs...

🔴 But I wanna go out~~
🔴 Are you suggesting me to go alone? You're sleepy? Even after a nightmare?

🔵 yES!

🔴 Suit yourself-
🔴 Mr. You-Ain't-Leaving-Without-Me

He stands up in my periphery, halting in front of me.

🔵 I never said that...

🔴 You did. Many times.
🔴 I don't forget.

I can already tell he's smirking at me.

Shrimp him.