Entering the dorm becomes a bit lighter than usual. After a whole afternoon of classes, looking at my roommate buddy made everything seem a bit calmer. Hearing his voice meant many things. It was nothing else but brotherly.

Like being proud of a brother you never had the chance to have.

He's sitting up on his bed, his fingers already typing on the keyboard.

🔴 Did you...understand everything I said...?
🔴 Or is my voice still too sluggish?
🔴 I seriously still had to test out the voice feature on the internet to see if I can still bleeding talk~

🔵 It's great, Hali...
🔵 It was beyond great...

He looks at me not like the same way he did months ago.

I have no idea how soft he looks in front of his brother, Duri. But I believe this should've been how he looked.

🔵 Why are you sad-smiling?
🔵 You said you're taking me somewhere?

🔴 Uh, yeah, I am.
🔴 But change first. I got some clothes there from my bro, Ice.

🔵 Hali, you do realize I have my own clothes and I can just go in these...

🔴 But I need you too :V

I have no idea why, but I believe he felt tense while typing that.

I glance to see his finger gesturing to the pile of wool clothing by the chair. There's a pair of jagger pants, some wool sweaters, and a bonnet.

🔵 You expect me to wear these? These clothes are so unlike me xD

I'm forced to change under one sentence.

🔴 That's exactly my point

===

Hali took me to his house first, sneaking in to grab something while the rest of family is sleeping. It worries me, but he wants to take me somewhere far afterwards. And at this point, I'm pondering if he's trying to distract me of his fever or he really is healthy now. He doesn't look pale as he was this morning. If anything, I'm the one here looking like a snowman!

It's nice to have wool clothes under a cold night, though. Even with spring making its entrance, things when dark are usually chillier. With a bonnet on my head, my unkempt, bushy hair blocks my view. I try to keep up with Hali's biking. We travel a long, long ride.

I have no idea where he wants to take me.

He's either being a dramatic weeb again, or he's REALLY trying to tell me something.

The city stretches far behind me, and now I realize how the sun has already set. Trees cover the road overhead, the night sky blankets the land.

The night sky.

I'm staring at it for a long time, my eyes growing weary and my sight crossing over. I hear Hali whistling at me. I look to him. "You good?" his face asks me.

"Yeah, yeah...I'm fine."

I purse my lips again.

He knows what I mean.

===

I can tell we're heading for the outskirts of the region. It isn't far from here, but I know it for sure.

Road transitions to land, land turns to grass, grass turns to sand, and the sand reaches for the water.

I don't realize this is our destination until Hali immediately pulls over by the sea. The stars glint over the waters and the crashing waves clap over the shore. From this distance, it's not going to be like the waves will come and usher us away to the horizon.

Is this where Hali wanted to take me? Is he being an intentional doofus or does he really not know?

He's typing. I receive the message.

~~Today, 8:22 PM~~

🔴 You do realize why I took you here, right?

I try to play dumb.

🔵 I...don't know...

🔴 Don't be silly, Tau. C'mon! This is relaxing!

He doesn't know, or he doesn't remember.

I turn, finding him already mindlessly gazing at the seawaters. I never knew he likes this sort of scenery. Though now I think of it, it refreshes him, sort of. His smile is worth a million words and a million thoughts. The feeling of being cleansed from all the worries of life, the feeling of being reminded of the nature that brought you to life, the feeling of escaping the world you were trapped in.

To him, this is his release. This is my trap.

I don't try to look uneasy around him. That would just be offensive. Still, I grab on my bike, looking at him.

He's fiddling with his shoes. He's taking them off.

He runs to the seashore.

I almost scream. Hali, no!

With his bare feet, he rushes to the water, like he's excited, ready to be free. What I needed to know was if he just wanted a little splash or a full-on dip.

I run to him, the clapping waves turning into growling noises easily. The fear calls back to me. Hali runs closer to it. I run closer to it. We chase each other closer to it.

The sea is why my parents died. Not the sharks, not the corals, not the icebergs. It was the waves.

Hali keeps rushing in. I don't want to lose him too.

With his arms swinging as he runs, I grab on his one wrist, holding him back. He feels me pulling him away, looking to my face.

Meanwhile, I can only stare at the water, my teeth shaking in horror, my feet taking me aback. This is the sea that killed my parents.

The water rises to my feet, getting to Hali's toes. I run back. I don't want it to touch me.

I'm panting, I'm trembling.

This is the sea in my eyes.

Hali watches me, leading me back to the far end to our bikes. He murmurs to me. "I'm...sorry..." His voice is slurred again. "I...forgot..."

I wave him off, telling him it'd be fine and I was sincere. I smile. I hear his voice in person now. This is my trauma, it's none of his responsibility.

Hali doesn't buy it, though. He pursues chatting me.

🔴 Tau, I swear, I totally forgot, I'm so sorry
🔴 You want me to take you somewhere else?

🔵 Oh, no worries...I'm fine...just...dry your feet. You can't wear socks while they're wet.
🔵 What about to Tok Aba? He'd be awake at this time...? I'd love a surprise visit...

Only three seconds after I sent it, he replies.

🔴 NO
🔴 Sorry, sorry, I meant, maybe he might be, asleep right now
🔴 Anywhere but the mansion actually
🔴 Somewhere else in your mind?

It's weirder now. He's always been fun with Atok. Why like this now?

🔵 Hmmm...if we go back to the dorms?

🔴 Or we go get a burrito?

Why would he even ask me where to go when he's gonna go ahead to make his decisions? I let him be.

🔵 Fine...A burrito. 2 burritos...
🔵 After you dry your feet...

🔴 Oki

~~Today, 8:44 PM~~

🔴 You haven't been looking at the sea for some time
🔴 I thought you're fine
🔴 What is this, a phobia?

I try looking back to the waters. Yes, I hate it.

🔵 Thassalophobia
🔵 Oh, wrong...Thalassophobia, yes.
🔵 I just...can't bear to look at it...

I can tell he understands. Still, he maintains persistent.

🔴 Well, if I were you, if I had a phobia, I might as well face them now than face them never
🔴 Honestly, if I never brought you here, then you wouldn't have come, right?

I sigh. He could be right. Now I know our differences. He's a fighter, a man who speaks without hearing, a man with a fear of holding on and letting go. He's got more problems beyond comprehension.

🔵 Eh, what about facing your mom then, shouldn't you conquer that now?

His lips press tight. He sighs.

🔴 Fine. I'll try tomorrow.

And here I am, moping over something that had happened years ago.

He's not the baby. I am.

I look to the sea.

Hi, Mom...Hi, Dad...

I'm giving him this chance. He's sick, after all.

===

He's sick. He said he's just grabbing one burrito.

But here he is...in this bar...trying to drink.

He's speaking beyond sluggish now, his eyes blinking and rolling. "Faannnhgg...Another one please...?"

No, no. Please no.

Fang is the bartender around this place. For one, Hali's been here many times, so he knows Fang and Fang knows him. It seems to be nice to have a mutual outside the classrooms.

But I don't worry about that now. I'm sleepy as shrimps. How many times Hali and I slept here, I never counted. Like, man, it's 5:58 in the shrimping morning~

Wait, what in the world~?!

I tap on the coaster on the counter. He dragged me in here, I deserve to get back home. I tap on it vigorously. "Hali, I wannnaa gooo hoommeee..."

Instead, he's brushing me off. He's drunk. I told him to lay off. "...youuu havee no ideaa how humiiliating it was for me to put mustard aAACCIDENTALLY ON MY COFFEE..." he says wheezing in the end.

Who cares about the mustard? I need to sleepppp!

I try to shake him, whimpering wordlessly. "Hali, we need to gooo~"

"Eeesshhhh...I haven't told you about my familyy yet have I???"

Fang turns to us, hearing our predicament, wiping a cocktail glass in his hands. "Yeah...You see, Mr. Taufan, no one stops him...if you don't wanna be beaten. He's deaf, for goodness' sake! You just need to wait."

Wait?! Wait for what?! Morning?!

Hali continues groaning more about his embarrassing anecdotes and more of his stupid moments. He even talks about his dad being a policeman. And now, his family issues. "Yeahhh yknow, you see~" he hiccups. "We're sIx...in the familyyy..."

Oh god no.

He ticks of his finger. "Momm...Dad...The twins...Durii...and me...

"The twinss...they're eldest...Tho I think Ice, no Blaze, no ICE...was born first by like...mmm...three seconds..."

Does he mean three minutes?

"Mommy's got nicknames for all of uss...Ice is the sMArt one, she saysss...Blaze is...responsible...Ice graduated as a Magma Cum Laude or somethin, and Blaze with a Laude or blah, blah...Blaze got a nice job...he a good providerrrr. Ice ttoo I think..."

He taps the table. "SO! Blaze responsible, Ice smart...Durriii, she says, is the kindest...the puresttt...a bleeding angeelll...and that's truuee! He is a beauutifuull little flowwerrr...Mom llloves himm..."

He stops. I chat him.

🔵 What does she call you?

He chuckles, reading it. "The burden...obviously...I made her life a living heeell...by just bein aliive..." he hiccups again. "She told me the story about that, actually...Dad never knew knew...Dad never intruded in anythinggg..." he moans silently, murmuring some more.

"She wished I was never born..."

Hali's phone vibrates on the countertop. "Oh boy, here he goes talking about that again," Fang says.

I sign at him. Apparently, he knows sign language. Like Ying. He was forced to learn it since Hali deafened himself, thinking he'd have to talk to him that way. "What do you mean?"

"Oh...my. You haven't pieced it together, have you, Mr. Taufan? Look, I don't want to talk about it myself. But let me just say it's a case of the-odd-ones-out."

I get it.

When I look at Hali, he's got his forehead resting on the palm of his hand. He stares at his phone, his brows furrowing, widening, then furrowing again. He looks confused as he stares at somebody probably chatting him other than me. He's frustrated, hesitating, or he's just drunk.

I write on a table napkin and borrow a pen from Fang. At the same time, the TV on the background hums this morning's news.

Apparently, they've already identified the three bodies in that blown up van the other night.

"Hali, we need to go. The sun will rise soon. You have classes later noon."

I hand it to him, even with his eyes focused on the TV. Then I grasp on his arm, taking him away.

Fang backs me up. "Come on, Hali, you need to gooo~"

All of a sudden, he's yelling.

"NO! NO, STOP, NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" He's so drunk.

What?

He's panting, muttering, looking to me. "Taufan's in danger."