The Present

(7 Years Later)

Twinless Twin – it's what they call him now.

Ryan never wanted the nickname. He never once thought of a day without his other half.

Aarav. His Twin. His Soulmate. Dead.

It isn't supposed to be this fresh, the pain, the void, the guilt, not after all these years. But it is still there. Harrowing truth that his twin is dead and he feels hurt every waking day of his life.

Life stopped for Ryan the day Aarav died. The profound ache fills up his lungs with every breath that he takes. It's suffocating, nauseous, and so very life-threatening.

Every birthday served as a constant reminder of overwhelming guilt. Ryan is guilty of not protecting his twin. He is guilty of abandoning him, fending for himself in the afterlife. Ryan should be with him.

But he isn't.

He's empty, hopelessly lonely, and barely surviving.

The same hemorrhaging flow of pain has him standing on the ledge of this one hundred and fifty-story building. He could jump at any second and finally be one with his twin. All these years, he has functioned as a robotic limb.

He's had a purpose separated from his soulmate. He is busy fulfilling Aarav's dreams, living the days on behalf of both of them. If he didn't, who would? From studying in Boston to his degrees in business to finally becoming a young entrepreneur, setting a mark in the business industry, and making his father proud, it's all for Aarav. He's done all of that for him. And none of it for himself.

Nothing is holding him back now.

With the same numbness which surrounded his heart the day doctors announced Aarav was dead, he looks down at New York City. One leap and he can meet his brother on the other side, hug him, and be whole again. He has already waited long enough.

No one gives a fuck if he dies anyway. Apart from his father. But is it enough to keep him from reuniting with Aarav? What if he's too late? What if Aarav got tired of waiting for him? Maybe his father wouldn't give a damn, either. They have hardly spoken two sentences over the last seven years. His father had always been sour towards Aarav. That's one of the main reasons Ryan seems to be distant from the man.

The rooftop ballroom is raging with a party to celebrate him stepping up as the new boss of his firm.

Nobody knows he is a boss who might not appear for the ceremony. A boss who is one step away from leaving this world. It's all a sham, anyway. They would be relieved to get rid of an uptight emotionless asshole boss like him, who hardly acknowledges their efforts, who hasn't even bothered the introduction. Even though he's been shitty toward them, they still cheer for him, raise toasts in his name, and applaud his expressionless praises. It is the ironic advantage of being a boss: you give people shit, and they will still thank you.

If he somehow changes his mind about jumping off, he will attend an early morning meeting with his father in India. But he's keen not to let anything stop him now. Not when he's done that he finally managed to climb the ledge in his tuxedo. There's no going back from here unless something gives him a rock-solid reason to stay.

"You might want to reconsider that move. Please don't jump."

A soft voice shakes him from the very deepest of his insides, playing light rhythms through his eardrums. If he weren't steady on his footing, her voice would have pushed him off the edge. That's the impact of hearing her after what felt like an eternity.

He can't find it in himself to respond to her just yet. What is she doing here? How did she find out I am here?

What if it gives him another reason to stay back? Now that he heard her after years of longing, Ryan knows he can't leave without making sure she's okay, or she will be living her life happily ever after.

"What if nothing can change my mind?" Ryan has genuine curiosity.

Shay approaches him with cautious steps, light clicking of her heels bears the proof. Ryan has an uncontrollable urge to turn around and see if she still wears the scars from back then or if they have healed. But Ryan doesn't want to see what he saw all those years back when he thought he saved her, and she showed him how she was beyond saving, just like him. Ryan doesn't want to see the blame in her eyes once again. If this is the last time he sees her, he doesn't want that emotion for himself. Not from her.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure there's still time to fix it. You can't give up, not like this." Her tone is hurried, and her words carry breathless panic in them as it feathers his ears. "Please know that you're lucky to have a choice to live. Not everyone has this gift."

The ache in her voice doesn't evaporate in the air. It reaches Ryan's soul, startling him with the familiarity. Maybe, she hasn't forgotten and still carries the pain. Shay doesn't know it's him. Ryan wonders if she will still call his life a gift if he confronts her. The curiosity almost pulls him off the ledge and pushes him towards her. But yet again, the guilt stops him.

"Some of us have no choice but to live and carry on." His voice appears scratchy as he manages to speak. "Just go."

"You can't give it away." She breathes. "Please don't give your life away. Please, please don't die."

Her soft voice pleads with such passion that it turns his throat dry, and it's damn difficult to swallow the words itching at his throat.

"What if nothing is holding me back?" He says back, his words shaky and on edge. "What if the gift came with an expiration date, and it's due today?"

"Life is about moving on-" Her words die out towards the end. Ryan hears her surprised gasp loud and clear in the silence of the night, and he realizes the spell has broken. She knows it's him. She still hasn't forgotten his voice and she recognized his voice, finally.

He finally turns around to find her there, and his cold, underutilized non-functional heart regains its beating. His miserable, lonely twenty-five-year-old soul barely withstands the onslaught of feelings.

Shay.

Ryan could turn right back and jump through the ledge, but now that he is looking at her after so many dreadful years, he wants to spend the rest of his unworthy life hearing the melody of her laughter. She's standing a few feet away from him, wide-eyed, fear transforming her oh-so-beautiful face when their eyes finally meet each other.

She's wearing a sparkly black dress brushing her knees and hugging her in all the right places, matching her equally shiny purse slung over her shoulder. Her chocolate brown hair is pulled back in a messy bun, her lips, perfect cupid's bow, so very familiar, and stirring an entirely different feeling within him.

Ryan isn't immune to temptation.

He isn't living a holy life, not in the least. Not when indeed, Ryan is a sinner with a slab of ice in place of his heart. He did have his share of romance, but it lacked passion and soul-deep connection.

The only girl who can make his pulse go wild is now standing in front of him. The woman who has always been the only one to ever stir passion in him. Glimpses of her face, her lips, her wet skin against his, and her breath caressing his face still haunt him every single night. The girl who was as forbidden in the past as she is now. He can't have Shay. She is-was Aarav's.

Moreover, how will he face Aarav if he gives in to his deepest, darkest desires?

If not for the soul-shattering scar on her cheek, Ryan would've clung to the temptation teasing at him. His scars burn with the revival of memories, the ones that reside in his brain like a permanent tenant. But what sets him on fire is her eyes. They look as haunted with pain as before. Ryan can see the year-long yearning and guilt in her eyes. Her hair appears longer than before, her scar has faded and now she wears dangling earrings but her smile is missing. It confuses him. Does she miss him every day, like he does?

One thing does appear crystal clear in her slowly burning glare.

She still blames him for their loss. Ryan always knew she did, but it strikes him as a fresh blow of knife. He can visualize the darkness surrounding the girl who once glowed like a firefly. She harbors the grief like deadly venom of hatred, and she will surely hurt him more than it's already hurting. But somehow, he can't seem to stop himself from seeking that.

"Ryan," she breathes, taking a step back. Ryan can see the conflict in her eyes as she takes a few steps towards the glass door leading into the building. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights and Ryan appears as the predator, slithering in his regal form towards his prey. Regal, that's how they define him in the magazines and tabloids. Only when every guard comes crashing down the moment, Shay blinks away a lone tear from her eyes. He notices her red eyes and trembling lips.

When he left the town the very next day after they shared the most sensitive moment at the dock, Ryan didn't bother to visit her. He didn't want to see the blame, the pain in her eyes. It broke his heart into an irreparable heap. Now, he realizes how much she needed him back then. So did he, and he still does.

But now that she is here, he needs to know the answer to what has been haunting him for years. So, when he watches her brown eyes hardening with unbalanced rage and her teeth snag her lips, biting down hard, words fall loose around them.

"Have you moved on yet, Shay?" He asks, his midnight eyes curious for her response.

They are having a conversation after years, and the only thing they seem to now talk about is pain, loss, and despair. Where's the togetherness they shared since they hardly knew how to form a decent sentence. It's so utterly tragic.

Shay blinks at him, taking another unsteady step away. He notices her trembling hand when she brushes away the stray hair covering her eyes and half of her face, the scars now more visible under the fluorescent light. There Ryan knows the answer. The wound has healed, but the ache is still there.

She opens her mouth, and Ryan waits for her to prove him wrong, telling him that she no longer needs saving, that she has moved on. He wants her to set him free so that he can finally take that leap with nothing holding him back. But before she can give him the answer that will decide his fate, a voice joins them on the terrace, followed by a young man of his age. He approaches Shay and pulls her to his side, his hand holding the soft skin of her shoulder a little too tightly.

"Shay? What the hell are you doing-" his voice instantly loses its harsh pitch when he faces Ryan.

Ryan has never felt anything remotely as strongly as he feels right now. Everything inside him rebels to yank the man's hold off of her and send him across the floor. The fact that there is a guy holding Shay close makes him feel like molten lava pouring on his entire being. His insides burn, burn, ready to unleash its wrath any moment now.

But what feels like a hot knife in his guts is the challenging look in Shay's eyes as a dark smile gathers on her lips. She doesn't break eye contact as if showing him the unspoken reply to his question.

Shay shrugs away the guy's hold, which settles some of Ryan's nerves and then speaks the words that pull the final strings of his sanity. "Ryan, meet my fiancé."

If Ryan didn't grow up learning everything about the girl, from her angry tantrums to her sensitive nature, he would've thought she is excited.

Ryan breathes through his nose, eyes closed, trying to calm down the sudden possessiveness clouding his judgment. If anything, he should be happy to see her finally move on. If that's true, then why do her eyes still look empty?

"Arnab, this is Ryan Tri-"

"Ryan Tripathi," the said fiancé speaks in an enthusiastic voice. "The new CEO of Tripathi Development."

Shay looks surprised with the new piece of detail about his new life but then hides it away almost instantly. The guy doesn't give her the moment to adjust to it, approaching Ryan with an over appeasing grin on his face. "Mr. Tripathi, it's a pleasure. I handle the finance department."

"I know, Mr. Banerjee." Ryan gives him a stilted nod, followed by a very polite handshake.

Arnab's visibly startled that Shay has been talking to his new boss. Ryan however doesn't feel any sympathy for the guy. All he cares about is that Shay is now linked to Arnab which means the situation is about to get much more difficult for him.

He strides towards the building entrance, the burn in his chest rising to its crescendo as he brushes past Shay. The fabric of her dress caresses his black tuxedo, their dresses already finding the perfect match, but they are hardly a match.

Ryan feathers his index finger over Aarav's bracelet around her wrist and the infinity ring around her ring finger. He doesn't touch so much as a hair on her skin, but the mere proximity jolts him with 440 volts of raw current. She looks up at him through her eyelashes, and a knot tightens in his throat.

"If this is what you call moving on, then it's worse than jumping off that ledge," he whispers, but he knows she can hear him.

Ryan closes the door after him, not bothering to wait for her answer. It will be deceiving, anyway.

The only thing that does bother him now is the truth. The truth is that Shay needs him, and he can't leave her without closure.

***

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Another late update, but I am trying to fix it for future. I hope I made up for the delay, and this chapter was worth the wait. If you are enjoying it, please add your comments and votes. They always motivate me to write further. I'll be updating this story once a week, but I might update more.

Stay safe!