Summary:

Dazai doesn't want to accept it. But he has to.

Chuuya is dead.

Contains:

Angst, major character death, happy ending

Panting.

Running.

Panting.

Running.

Dazai doesn't even remember why he was running. Why was he running? What was he in a hurry to run to? Or maybe he was running from someone? Did the mafia finally find a way out of Dazai's threats to not kill him for his treason? He doesn't really remember.

All he knows is he's running as fast as he can, practically out of breath but he doesn't stop.

He doesn't want to stop.

Why is that?

He dashes through the trees in the forest. Avoiding each branch, jumping through every trunk, practically stumbling but regaining posture again until he finally exits the obstacle of trees and arrives at the destination.

And what welcomed him was an unsightly blood bath that would make anyone's stomach churn from the simple scent or sight of it all. Puddles of crimson liquid scattered all around, corpses everywhere--some even dismembered of certain parts of their bodies--and craters, the result of a massive destruction occurring in that place.

Dazai walked around, looking at each corpse and trying to recognize them. What monstrosity had caused such a heinous scene? Dazai could only ask himself, eyes carefully scanning the area. What was he looking for exactly and why was he there? He didn't know, really.

Until his foot had stepped on something, almost as if fabric, leather if he'd guessed. His attention shifted to the material beneath his foot and he recognized it almost immediately; a fedora hat. He carefully picked it up and examined it, definitely recognizing whose it was, and somehow, the thought itself made him feel all the more uneasy.

Hat still in hand, he continued looking around until more recognizable materials could be found; a black coat and two black gloves. The gloves could've been anybody's, but the hat and the coat proves to him that his theory could be correct. Cause there's only one person he knows that owns a hat as excruciatingly ugly as the one he was holding now and a coat with a light-color lining and lapels.

"Chuuya?"

And just as he had suspected, the owner of the materials he held was sprawled on his stomach, face flat on the ground and unconscious, just 10 feet away from him. Dazai blamed adrenaline as he was immediately on his feet, disregarding the things he found, and practically dropping himself beside the said body.

"Chuuya!" the brunette called out, grabbing the unconscious body of his ex-partner, straddling him on his lap. But the moment he did, he saw the sheer amount of blood flowing through the bruises in his arms and face. Dazai could only account the ginger had lost too much blood already and he knows this was all the work of Chuuya's own ability.

"No. This isn't true. This isn't true, Chuuya. Chuuya, look at me. Look at me! Chuuya!" Dazai began screaming.

This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Not again. I'm not gonna lose anyone again, dammit!

There was a certain pain twitching in his chest as the idea of losing Chuuya came to mind. He hadn't remembered feeling the same amount of pain since Odasaku's death. And now, at this very moment, he felt as if he was experiencing another painful nightmare he can't wake up or escape from.

He shoved Chuuya away, drove him away, pissed him off, angered him, made him despise and curse the brunette, all for the reason that he doesn't want to get too close to Chuuya or anyone at that which would only end up in him losing someone special. He never wanted to experience that same excruciating feeling again since his best friend's death. One reason he tried to distant himself from everybody as much as possible.

However, no matter how much he's admitted to hating Chuuya, the fact that he's uncontrollably shaking right now out of... whatever it was, fear? It made him rethink about what he does feel towards the shorter male.

Especially now that he may never be able to speak to him again.

"No. No. You can't just give up like this, Chuuya, right? You're Nakahara Chuuya. You're the strongest martial artist in the Port Mafia. You can't give up now." Dazai tries to fight back the tears that dared to escape, trying to comfort himself with his own words as he lifted himself up from being seated on the ground with Chuuya in his arms, carrying him bridal style.

Dazai froze as Chuuya's head rested against his shoulder. He wasn't sure why since there was hardly a single gust of wind to make him shiver. Or maybe because that was it.

"You're going to make it, Chuuya." Dazai shook the thought off as he went back to running, not before taking the ginger's precious hat with him because he was sure Chuuya was going to want it back when he wakes up.

"YOSANO-SENSEI!" Everyone in the Agency practically winced the moment Dazai had burst into the office, yelling out their doctor's name with an unconscious mafia executive in his arms. The others could only wonder as to what was going on while Kunikida and Atsushi approached the anxious male still calling out for Yosano's name.

"Oi, what's going on, Dazai? Why do you have a mafia executive with you?" Kunikida asked after immediately stopping Dazai from his tracks as the brunette was about to head his way to the infirmary.

"I don't have time to explain, Kunikida-kun. Chuuya needs Yosano-sensei, now!" Dazai sounded somehow frantic, which Kunikida and Atsushi worried about because Dazai rarely, no, never showed this reaction before.

"Okay, okay. Just calm down. Come on, she's inside the infirmary, I believe." Kunikida tried to calm him down whilst Atsushi couldn't help but inspect Chuuya's body as he somehow noticed something peculiar about him.

The mantiger was about to point it out when Dazai sprinted towards the infirmary and Kunikida and Atsushi had to run up to follow him. The brunette bust through the infirmary door and Yosano swore she would've gotten a heart attack at how surprised she had been.

"Yosano-sensei, please, Chuuya needs your help." Dazai pleaded, and seeing the brunette's expression and state--blood covering his shirt, vest and coat--she immediately guided him to one of the infirmary beds where he laid Chuuya's body down.

Yosano was about to instruct Dazai or anyone in the room for equipment when she noticed something strange the moment she placed a hand on Chuuya's cold body "D-Dazai, are you sure he's--"

"What?" Dazai cut off.

"Well, I don't think he's still--"

"What are you still ranting about, Yosano-sensei? CHUUYA'S IN GRAVE DANGER! DO SOMETHING! USE YOUR ABILITY! KEEP HIM ALIVE, PLEASE!" Yosano's heart practically broke as she heard the tone in Dazai voice; broken and scared. If she could, she would do anything to help him, to save Chuuya, but now...

... Chuuya was beyond saving anymore.

"Listen to me, Dazai" Yosano started as she faced the brunette who only looked at her with confusion and was about to speak when Yosano beat him to it "there's nothing I can help Chuuya with now." she bluntly said.

"What are you talking about? You're a doctor, right? You're supposed to save people, especially with your ability." Dazai scoffed.

"Yes. But there are just some people I can no longer save even with my ability." her sentence broke her heart as much as it did to Dazai. As a doctor, she hated seeing her patients die, she hated not being able to do anything to keep them alive, because it was like death was laughing at her in the face, telling her how pathetic of a job she was doing.

"Yeah. But you can still save him. I know you can. Yosano-sensei, please." Yosano averted her gaze, unable to look at the tall male after hearing his pleas, cause she knows that his expression gives away the positive facade he's been trying to put on.

"I'm sorry, Dazai." she simply apologized, not even taking a glance.

"No, please! Don't give up, Yosano-sensei! Please don't give up on him! Chuuya needs you! You have to save him, please!" Kunikida, Atsushi and even Yosano had been surprised when Dazai kneeled down and began pulling on the doctor's clothes, causing Yosano to turn her attention to the brunette beneath her. And she could see the sorrow in his eyes as tears began welling up and cascading down his cheeks.

"Dazai-san..." Atsushi couldn't help but pity his superior while Kunikida can only sympathize.

"Dazai, I'm really sorry, okay? But there's nothing I can do for him." Yosano told the brunette as she held his arms and tried to release herself from his hold. Looking him in the eye, she then added "Nakahara Chuuya is dead!"

Dazai's expression blanked for a moment, as if all other emotions had fled from his system as the three words escaped the doctor's mouth and entered his eardrums. He was silent for a mere minute, his arms falling limp on his sides, and before Kunikida could hold his shoulder, he shot back up on his feet, yelling "NO! HE'S NOT! YOU'RE LYING!"

As Dazai's voice echoed all throughout the Agency, merely everyone jolted in surprise. Dazai sprinted towards the bed where Chuuya laid, Kunikida tried to grab him before he did but failed. Once the brunette had neared the bed, he grabbed the ginger's shoulders and begun shaking him awake.

"Chuuya! Wake up, please! You're not dead, right? You're just unconscious and tired, right? All that fighting and missions you had to do, but you'll wake up later, right? Right? Hey. Chuuya! Say something! Anything!"

Yosano was looking down on her feet, Atsushi was trying to bite back his own tears while the other Agency members were already peeking in from the door, checking out what all the commotion was about only to witness Dazai breaking down beside the corpse of his ex-partner. Fukuzawa had also arrived at the scene but simply did nothing, he couldn't do anything for his employee at the moment but sympathize his sorrow.

"Dazai, that's enough. At least pay some respect to Nakahara-san's corp--"

"SHUT UP! THIS IS NOT A CORPSE! HE'S NOT DEAD! He'd never let Corruption get to him just like that, never! He's too smart for that! Right, Chuuya? You'd never let yourself be defeated by Corruption, remember? You said so yourself back when we were kids."

Kunikida sighed "Come on, Dazai, you need to calm down." he placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder and attempted to drag him away from Chuuya's body but he was abruptly shoved away, almost losing balance as he did.

"Get away from me! I'm not leaving Chuuya again! He could wake up any time now, and he's going to need someone he's familiar with beside him. I'll prove to you that he's not dead!" Dazai yelled, anger at his peak, or was it more of sorrow and regret.

However, Kunikida was also at his limit and with a swift motion, he grabbed Dazai by the collar and punched him right in the face, sending the man to collapse on the floor with a bruised nose "STOP IT ALREADY, DAZAI! Don't you get it? Nakahara-san is dead, now get that inside you thick head! He's not gong to wake up anymore, do you understand that?!"

"Shut up, SHUT UP! HE'S NOT DEAD! CHUUYA'S NOT DEAD!"

"GET A GRIP, DAZAI!"

"I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE!" Dazai began gripping his head and curling himself into a ball.

"We know you don't, and we know he means a lot to you, but you can't reverse death. He's gone." Yosano was the one to speak now.

"No. No. No. He's not... he's not gone... he's not..." Dazai was sobbing now, unable to get anything out anymore.

He knew that, yeah. From the moment he saw Chuuya's lifeless, blood-covered body in the field, and when he felt nothing the moment he placed his head against his shoulder, he knew there was no saving him anymore. He knew he would never be able to talk to him again, to see him full of life, see his azure orbs as he stared into them, feel the warmth of his body or hear his voice whenever he yells at the brunette. He knew that from the start, but was too scared to admit it. Too scared to accept the fact that, once again, death had taken another one of his special people.

His beloved. His Chuuya.

But now, unlike Odasaku's, everyone was practically shoving it in his face that he was gone. And even though he knew he was wrong, he still fought back that the ginger was still alive.

For what?

To hurt himself more? Just because, at this very moment, he was actually scared of death. Scared that death had not won him over yet, but simply taken what was once his. He could see it, he could see that bloody creature laughing at his ridicule now. He could see how much it was enjoying the sight of the great Dazai Osamu breaking apart at the lost of another loved one.

"Come on, Dazai. You need some rest. You're just tired." Kunikida told him in the softest voice he could muster as he held his partner's shoulders and was about to help him up to guide him out of the infirmary when the brunette moved back to hunching over Chuuya's body, hugging the lifeless ginger ever so tightly, in hopes his feelings would come through somehow.

And maybe, just maybe, Chuuya would feel it and come back to him.

Dazai's eyes shot open as the alarm shot an ear-piercing sound all throughout the four corners of his dorm room. He looked around, taking in the familiar surroundings before his attention shifted to the alarm clock on the side of his pillow. He turned it off then sat up, trying to get his thoughts straight.

A dream? That was all a dream, right?

Dazai then tried to remember the events from yesterday; he and Kunikida went to solve a case, he went drinking with Atsushi later that night. What happened after?

His thoughts were disrupted when his bathroom door opened only to reveal a certain redhead coming out from it, wearing a white shirt and black pants while drying his hair with a white towel. The ginger looked at the brunette on the futon and he stared back at those azure orbs he feared just a while ago he'd never get to see again.

"You're awake." Chuuya huffed as he neared the brunette.

"You're alive." Dazai replied all of a sudden, as if not believing the ginger was standing in front of him right now.

"The fuck's that supposed to mean? Of course I am, stupid bastard." Chuuya snapped at him.

"What happened last night?" the brunette then asked.

"I was drinking with Tachihara, Kajii and Akutagawa last night when you and your subordinate arrived and joined us. If I do recall, you got absolutely wasted, I had to help the kid bring you back here to your dorm." was Chuuya's simple reply and Dazai only nodded.

"And you're here because...?" he then asked next.

"You weren't the only one wasted last night. I had a migraine the moment I got you back here so I decided to sleep it off." the ginger replied as he was getting himself dressed and ready to leave.

"You leaving already, chibi?" the younger male chimed.

"I have a meeting at 10 AM today so I have to head home immediately." Chuuya answered, not even glancing back at Dazai and the brunette only hummed in response.

Dazai saw his ex-partner to the door and before leaving, he said to him "Take care then, Chuuya~ love you~" with that absolutely annoying expression on his face that the ginger decided to ignore him and leave.

If only you knew, Chuuya, how much I mean those words.

THE END.

Hello, world!

You can gladly kill me now for this pathetic attempt at writing angst. xD

I'm sorry, I just need to get this out of my system. I wanted to write about Dazai pleading or something, probably for Chuuya or whatever haha! Sot his came out, lel.

I actually had a hard time writing a dead Chuuya, cuz daaaamn, every angsty fic has to have a dead Chuuya and I don't like dead Chuuya... but I wanted a suffering Dazai and another thing I can make a suffering Dazai was a dead Chuuya T-T

I wanna die rn.. I hate myself.

I LOVE YOU, CHUUYAAAAAA!

I would've ended it with Chuuya dying, really. But I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF IF I LET CHUUYA DIE IN MY FICS! >.<

Soooo yeeeeee.. i'm sorryyyyyy

Well anyways, hope you like this piece of shit, still.

I'm gonna try and cleanse myself with a another angst fic but with a different plot but Dazai still suffers.. mwahahahahahaha!

Kudos and comments are very much appreciated. ^^

Lots of luv,

Jullia