yoongi sighed, reading his own drunk letter.

he hoped he never wrote while drunk again.  it was like he lost all common sense while writing.

as he thought that he couldn't help but sip at his vodka, just staring forward into the closet.

his eye filled with tears and he went over, rummaging through the closet to find a hoodie that still smelt like hoseok, taking off the one he was wearing and putting the other one on.

he felt a bit better, lifting the sweater paw to his face and rubbing his cheek against it.

he finally decided to read hoseok's suicide note, he never made it past the first sentence but he wanted to that day.  cause that day was the official 3 year mark of hoseok's death and yoongi wanted to know what he was feeling and if it really was his fault.

'i know this is a big mistake.  but it's too late.  yoongi, whenever you read this, if you read this, i love you too.  i don't know how i didn't realize your feelings until now, you were very obvious.  i don't know how this will affect you but please don't greive for too long.  please dont make the mistake i have.  i didn't think about how you would feel.  i feel selfish for that.  i did this because i wanted to be free, it wasn't any of you, it was my uncle who took pleasure in me being his slave.  that's why i loved going out on weekends, and i'd try to hint you on going on dates. i guess we're both pretty blind cause we missed each other's hints.
this isn't a note more of a letter to you.
i know you're going to be the one that finds me. 
please, please, please, don't grieve longer than a month.  that should be enough im worth.  if its longer than that im (spiritually) breaking your knees.

i love you min yoongi.

-jung hoseok'

yoongi couldn't help but laugh at the end.  about a year ago he had actually dislocated his knee climbing the cementary gate to visit hoseok's grave after 11pm.

yoongi grabbed his bottle off the floor, chugging down the rest of the alcohol before leaving changing back into his own tshirt that already smelt like cigarettes.

he would never dare ruin one of hoseok's hoodies.

even then, the alcohol was taking over a bit as he lit the cigarette.

he heard a voice, hoseok's, he always would hear his voice when he did something unhealthy or wrong or unlike him.

'again?'

"shut up."

yoongi blew out the smoke, calmly watching the shapes form. 

'i love you, kitten.'

yoongi hummed, going back inside just to grab another bottle of vodka and downing it as soon as he opened it, then another, and then another.