[the sound of music fades in by a marching band arrangement of "Die young" by Ke$ha. We see an evening during the Soleanna Festival at Castle Town, where the sky is covered in fireworks. A large white boat comes in with princess Elise (fucking bitch) waving at and greeting the crowd.]

Elise: Hi! [giggling] Yes! Hi!

Random Citizen: Sign my socks!

Elise: Oh my gosh... you guys are too much!

[The boat approaches a large platform overlooked by a large cauldron. Princess Elise steps off, walking towards a statue. Other citizens can be heard from the crowd.]

Randon Citizens: Will you sign my birth certificate? Take my house! Sign my tax forms! Sign my toes!

Randi: (in the crowd) My bed is made of scorpions!

Random Citizen: ...what? You should get that fixed!

[Hooded figures await the Princess by the statue. One of the hooded figures then brings in a torch and bestows it to her while she looks at it.]

Elise: Wow, this fire is so bright and beautiful. I can't stop looking at it. Woah.

[After a few seconds of staring at the flame, she then visualizes a large blast of fire engulfing Soleanna, and herself floating into the air as she notices THE GRRRRAAND SLLLAAAMMM!!! in the distance emerging from a large crater as it gives a ferocious roar.]

???: Oh God!

Elise: It's like it's spinning within me.

[Elise snaps back into reality.]

Elise: Oh shit, that's outsi- outside of me. Okay. Yes. I'm good!

Priest: Princess, you had a That's So Raven vision once more.

Elise: Oh no, I just day-dreamed. I'm here— for the people.

Priest: Alright, well, let's get litty in this bitch.

Priest: Light that bitch up right now.

Elise: I will light this bitch up, right now.

Priest: Thank you, Princess. We're gonna get higher than a kite tonight!

Elise: It's lit, fam. It's lit.

[Elise ignites the fire, from which a larger path of fire is ignited creating a beautiful olympic-like decoration. Fireworks start launching into the air. The crowd cheers.]

Citizen: Oh man, I hope somebody fucks up the fireworks.

Elise: Thanks guys~ Ah!

[Several missiles disguised as fireworks hit the festival, launching the place into panic. An airship can be seen in the sky in the middle of fire smoke, aiming red lights below. Armed robots eject from it and surround Elise and the priests.]

Robots: We are the robots! Please freeze. There's too much weight. Please freeze! Please freeze! Am I doing this right? It's my first day on the job. Please freeze. Hello.

[The airship softly lands and approaches Elise, and doctor Eggman (the moon pisser) can be seen atop it. He bows to her.]

Eggman: [chuckles] Why, hello there, young princess. Do you like my outfit? My four nipples? [gestures to his outfit] Now, you must acquire me by getting on this boat right now! Not the boat— my ship!

[Elise stands there in shock, tightly holding a blue gem over her chest. It is one of the chaos emeralds.]

Eggman: Gimme this— [gasps] You have the Chaos Emerald! In your hands! Gimme that shit right now, or I'm gonna rip it off you my goddamn self; give it to me!

[Elise cautiously paces back and away from Eggman.]

Elise: Uh, how about no? Hehe.

Eggman: Oh. You'd rather do this the hard way.

[Everyone is engulfed by a strong and mysterious blue wind.]

Eggman: Well, then it looks like we're gonna- Wait, those aren't tornadoes, this isn't Arizona! What's happening?!

[The wind is revealed to be sonic the hedgehog, as he stops in place at the top of the statue with a smile in his face.]

Sonic: My! That's a pretty snazzy performance there.

[Elise looks at Sonic, and momentarily flashes back to a snapshot memory of a mysterious white hedgehog standing in a similar position to him, surrounded by fire. Then the white hedgehog yelps in confusion as the camera flashes back to Sonic. Elise says something but no one is dubbing over her. The camera smoothly zooms over to a close-up of Sonic's face, and his mouth doesn't move.]

Sonic: Hmmm...

Eggman: Get that goddamn hedgehog!

[The robots fire at Sonic.]

Sonic: Hyah! I'm going down!

[sonic began beating each robot]

Robot: Oh my God, he's an acrobat!

Sonic: I'm gonna kill all of you! And... poke!

[The robot screams as it falls down.] (falling Kirby meme)

Sonic: Oh, don't fall!

[Sonic runs in front of Elise, looks at the audience, and raises his right index finger very cheerfully.]

Sonic: HAHA, HA! ONE! (JPEG found)

[The cast breaks into hysterical laughter, as Sonic runs to, and picks up Elise. He runs away while carrying her, to evade Eggman's missiles.]

Sonic: Come on, Elise.

Eggman: Sonic, where do you think you're going you motherfucking- oh! He's cockblocking me! Get him!

Sonic: You're never gonna get me~! Don't worry, Eggman's an egghead.

Eggman: (off screen) What did you call me?!

[the mysterious Hedgehog looks on in the distance, standing on a rooftop as its seem to be silver the hedgehog (the wimp), The instrumental of "His World" starts fading in under Silver's awkward monologue.]

Silver: Oh, I should... uh... I- I guess he's got it handled. I'll just... I mean it'd be really awkward if I walked in now, so...

[Cut back to Sonic and Elise as it ends.]

Sonic: Are you okay, Princess? Whoa!

Robots: Kill 'em, we gotta kill 'em. Stop!

Sonic: No! You can't kill anybody. Especially not me!

Robots: Oh my god, I have a family. No! Ouch.

Sonic: Huh?! It sounds like you're getting taken away!

[Elise screams.] (dang princess gets kidnapped so original)

Eggman: (evil laughter) Yes, Sonic, I got 'cha bitch!

[Elise struggles.]

Eggman: I got her in the palm of my hands!

Sonic: Put her down, Eggman!

[Elise struggles some more.]

Eggman: You put yourself down. I'm taking her and the chaos emeralds.

Elise: Take it! [Elise throws the blue chaos emerald to Sonic.] Houee!

Sonic: I'm gonna drop it, Elise, no! [managed to catch it] Oh, thank God. Okay, I'll rescue you. Don't worry.

Eggman: No, you won't.

Sonic: I will!

Elise: Take it, be good.

Eggman: I'm taking her back to my ship and you'll never see her again, Sonic. You'll be dead. 10,000 years, Sonic! [screaming louder, but farther away] 10,000 years!

Sonic: You won't even live for then— 10,000 years.

Eggman: Then 1,000 years!

Sonic: Said the— don't make fun of me!

Eggman: Wow, Sonic, go read a book or something. See ya, idiot.

Sonic: I can read very well, actually. No! [grunts] Well, that smarts.

Eggman: (off screen) Dumbass.

[Cut to Shadow the Hedgehog just outside an Eggman base in White Acropolis.]

Shadow: HU-gh.

[Gunfire is heard.]

Shadow: Dang robots— always taking my job of being bland.

[shadow began destroying the robots so hard they blow up] How did I blow you up? How'd I blow YOU up? Ugh, I have some powers I need to kind of adjust to. Anyway— oh crap, [leans behind a big box] light! Hey, wristband. Tell me my future.

GUN soldier: It's me. The GUN soldier that's talking to you. Your future is: Undetermined.

Shadow: Well, that's pretty lame. I spent like $20 on you. Anyway, I'm gonna break into— WHOA!
[Shadow gets teleported inside the Eggman base]

Shadow: hmm that was weird, wait who is-

???: hello hot topic

Shadow: [gasp] YOU!

[Cut to Shadow, this time with Rouge, holding a scepter.]

Shadow: Well, that was weird; dematerializing, rematerializing. Anyway, Rouge, that's a nice purple you have there.

Rouge: Thanks, it's uh, a good color on me. What do you think of my scepter?

Shadow: I think it's nice. That's the purple I was referring to.

Rouge: Oh.

Shadow: I mean, it matches your pink.

Rouge: Gotcha.

Shadow: Good.

[Shadow gets interrupted by an earthquake.]

Rouge: What's happening?

Shadow: It's an earthquake, Rouge. Like, honestly, didn't you learn about this in third grade?

Robot: You're getting fucked.

Rouge: Uh, I don't know what earthquakes are.

Shadow: [scoffs] Then you're gonna be no use against these earthquake robots.

[music starts to fade in]

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Shadow: what the?

Rouge: thats really annoying where's that come from!?

???: (muffled) "HERE COMES THE CALVARY"

???-3; (muffled) "BRACE FOR A ROUGH CRASHING!"

???-2: (muffled) "AAAH PROTECT ME CONE!!"

[then the walls burst open as a jeep rammed through it with none other then team Rebel on board only for them to crash into a boulder]

Sarge: sound off if your alive

Belle, Y/n: ow../anyone seen my hat?

Sarge: alright then, [notices the robot] I KNEW IT WAS REAL!! YEEEHAAR FREEZE EARTHQUAKE ROBOT!! And prepare FOR A GLORIOUS BATTLE!!

Y/n: holy shit ITS REAL!!

Belle: I THOUGHT WAS GONNA BE SMALL!?

Sarge: [notices shadow] oi jackass grab a gun AND JOIN IN THE RING OF HONNER!!

Shadow: you know me so well goth bot

Y/n: [picks up a random traffic come] please protect me this time cone!

[Cut to Sonic meeting up with Tails.]

Sonic: Oh, hey Tails!

Tails: Hey Sonic!

Sonic: Long time no see.

Tails: How's it goin'? You want to go get some ice cream?

Sonic: [distracted] Well...

Tails: I'm- I'm really hungry for some ice cream. I could go for a... sundae or something right now!

Sonic: Hmmm...

Tails: I don't know, maybe... something with sprinkles.

Sonic: I'll take one scoop, please! [runs off]

Tails: Okay! Bye Sonic! I— oh, okay. I can fly? What?

["Do Your Ears Hang Low" instrumental plays, supposedly coming from Eggman's ship.]

Sonic: Aw, missed him again. We always miss the ice cream airship, Tails!

Tails: Aw man!

SFX: Feather!

Tails: It dropped a feather. I didn't think airplanes had feathers.

Sonic: What is this one, vanilla?

Tails: I guess so. Bye!

Sonic: Yummy, yummy in my tummy!

[something suddenly snatched the feather from sonic]

???: nah ah slow poke, my food brand is better than this

Sonic: oh no ITS THE SALESPERSON!

Grim sonic: yes it's I grim so— what the hell did you just call me!?

[Cut to Rouge, Shadow and team rebel in the computer room.]

Shadow: Oh crap. Rays. Well, fortunately we made here to the computer room. Hey— hey Rouge. Hey Rouge, hey Rouge.

Rouge: Yeah.

Shadow: We found— we— we found the computer room.

Sarge: sounds annoying

Rouge: Oh fuck, the computer room. There- we could- we could play so much Fortnite in here, dude.

Shadow: Are you kidding?

Belle: I've never heard of it?

Rouge: Just think of all the Fortnite battles we could win in this room with this much technology. We'd be unstoppable.

Sarge: that's stupid! What we need to do is use this room to make an army so we can take down our enemies within their own country's!

Shadow: That's lame. Listen. I appreciate the effort, but the new rage is Doki Doki Literature Club!: Battle Royale.

Rouge: Ohhh. I never heard about that one.

Shadow: That's the new Monika re-design. She's like a redhead... even though she was, like, kinda brunette? I don't know. I didn't play Doki Doki.

Y/n: then how do you even know if that's even Monika?

Shadow: because I do.

Rouge: I've not heard about that one yet, what's it about? How does it work? It sounds like a fun game. But, I mean, my favorite game is- is Fortnite, obviously. And this is a Fortnite update. This is a DLC I purchased. It's like an Amiibo.

Belle: that looks like it costed a lot.

Shadow: I'm so proud of you.

Rouge: Thank you! We're gonna go there. [points at somewhere at the computer] That's where we should— that's the island we should drop on right there.

Y/n: great.. more moving around

Sarge: not now y/n. My warrior senses are picking up a weird feeling at that place, WE NEED TO GO THERE!!

Belle: I'll get the puma started up

Sarge: shot gun!

Y/n: s-shot gu— AGH DAMN IT!

[cuts to team rebel, Rouge and Shadow arriving at "Tilted Towers".]

Shadow: So, this is the fabled Tilted Towers.

Y/n: it sucks it doesn't look tilted nor is anything here a tower.

Belle: but it does look real old, they must hold many secrets.

Sarge: (notices something in the sky) bogie inbound

Belle: is that supposed to be a bus?

Shadow: I could make a joke about that being the Battle Bus, but— [gasp] It's you!

Eggman: [sinister laughter] I know where we're droppin' today, boys. [snickers]

Rouge: Eggman, how did you get here?

Y/n: [looks at rouge] you're kidding me right. I think your one polygon surgery did something to your brain?

Eggman: How do you think I get here? I floated down on my giant Battle Bus. [mumbles and sings] The venga bus is comin'! [back to normal speech] You know what I'm sayin'? It's Fortnite. How could you not know about Fortnite? You said you played. You were BatFucker69 on there.

Y/n: WAIT YOUR BATFUCKER69!? OH GOD IVE BEEN ONLINE DATING A BAT!!

Rouge: oh god! I DATED A ROBOT ONLINE!

Belle: oh sawdust that's not good

Shadow: I haven't seen you since... The Incident.

Robots: BatFucker. [4x]

Sarge: that's gonna get old fast

Eggman: We don't talk about The Incident, Shadow. Now, DIE!

Robot: I'll destroy you BatFucker!

Shadow: Oh, Christ!

Robot: It's been determined!

[Rouge screams as the robots begin firing their weapons at them all]

Rouge: That's so mean!

Shadow: That's what you get for unironically having '69' in your name. HOH! Teriaaa! [catches rouge]

Rouge: Oh Shadow, you saved me!

Y/n: you and me are having a talk about this later rouge (coughs) oh god I wanna throw up

Eggman: AHA! No, god! [finishes sentence while chuckling]

[the purple sceptre was falling down as belle was the only one who noticed it]

Belle: GUYS THE PURPLE THINGY!

Shadow: Oh crap, the Purple's falling in a very long time!

Sarge: huh that's odd but cool at the same time.

Belle: that seems scientifically impossible?

Rouge: No! Gimme the— get the purple! Oh no!

[the purple hits the ground as the robots besides team rebel (plot reason) began malfunctioning]

Sarge: uh oh... something tells me we're about to be in deep water

[♫ "We Like to Party!" by Vengaboys ♫]

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Robots: [repeatedly] Ow. Ow. Ow. [unintellegible] Instant ramen!

Shadow: So it's the power of... Purple. I don't want to touch it.

Rouge: Did he break it?

[♫ "We Like to Party!" beat drops ♫]

Y/n: um guys? I think it's mov-

[the "instant ramen" BURSTS OUT]

Shadow: I don't kno— OH GOD

Y/n: AAAH STICKS WAS RIGHT THE ALIEN UPRISE WAS UPON US!!

Sarge: EVERYONE GET DOWN!

["We Like to Party!" beat drops again as the purple viscerally screams. As he began destroying each robot one by one]

Rouge: Oh my god!

Belle: why is it screaming!?

Eggman: Oh no, the instant ramen's been released! We need to go, NOW.

Sarge: you COWARD!!

[eggman flees as the dark cloud rises into the sky and began rapidly descending back down]

Rouge: Nooo, my Amiibo....
Shadow: A shadow. I feel like I should be able to feel with this guy, but.... I don't know. Something about it— AUGH!

[Someone makes a sound effect as the vape juice penetrates through the floor.]

Shadow: Going through the floor. Who do you think you are, Danny Phantom or something?

[Rouge gasps.]

Shadow: My shadow... That's how I got my name!

Belle: Thats a strange way to be named.

[the purple starts menacingly laughing, followed by violent coughing as it began taking the form of shadow]

Shadow: Oh d— dude, you alright?

Y/n: hope it's not contagious.

[the purple is still violently coughing.]

Shadow: You good? Good? You need a lozenge?

Rouge: Oh my god, who the fuck is that?

Shadow: Just let him have— just give him a second to clear his throat.

Y/n: again I hope it's not contagious.

The purple: [menacing laughter] Welcome to Tilted Towers.

Belle: but y/n said this isn't tilted not a tower.

Memphis: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is M-Memphis, Tennessee, and I'm part lizard. Nice to— Yoroshiku onegaishimasu, as they say in Nippon.

Shadow: Mee-Philes! I should've guessed. What happened to your mouth?

Sarge: if you need help making one I got a knife that's fresh for stabbing

Memphis: Oh, Shadow the Hedgehog, you don't know? There's a new trend going around online called "kinning." My body is reforming to suit your own. Soon I will be 100% Shadow, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. [villainous laughter]

Y/n: (sarcastic) thats totally not suspicious.

Shadow: I can, um, kick your ass. Right now.

Sarge: and by "I" he means me, my guns and my fists.

Memphis: [Minecraft zombie-like growl] Let me get a good smell of you, little boy. [deep congested breathing]

Belle: im really not liking this guy.

Shadow: No. Okay. You have to... gonna have to back up.

Memphis: [snorting laughter] Look at this orb. Inside you'll see the future. In your future, it looks like you'll kiss seven girls. How lucky for you. I learned this a few minutes ago.

Y/n: I always thought it would be rouge or sarge that gets kissed by seven girls

Rouge, sarge: what?/the fuck!?

Belle: I thought the exact same thing.

Shadow: Joke's on you! If you were a true copy of me, you'd know I'm gay.

Team rebel: WAIT WHAT!?

Memphis: Here, come to my house. C'mon, let's just go. [summons an orb]

Sarge: brace yourselves!

Y/n: I didn't sign up to be kidnapped!

Rouge: Wha-!

[Rouge, Shadow and team rebel all get teleported to Memphis' house.]

Memphis: To my house.

SFX: Fwoom!

[meanwhile in the future]

[Cut to Silver the Hedgehog exploring a ruined city, looking for a Denny's.]

Silver: Okay, so.. Google Maps said the Denny's would be just around this corner. Denny's?

[A fire appears infront of him.]

Silver: Augh! Get out... of my way please!
[silvers moves his hand using his powers to extinguish the fire]

Silver: Thank you!

[two individuals jump onto the building close by to silver as one is known as blaze the cat]

Blaze: Silver!

Silver: Huh?

Blaze: Silver! The Denny's is that way.

???: if we hurry now we can get the grand slam absolutely free

Silver: Finally... a Grand Slam! Let's go!

Blaze: Save a cheese melt for me, Silver!

???: make sure that you don't overdose on the grease off the grand slam I heard it's unhealthy for your blood pressure!

[we cut to the duo confronting the Grand Slam.]

Blaze: There it is, the Grand Slam! The Grandest Slam of them all!

???: oh goodness. It's even more unhealthy than I could ever imagine!

Grand Slam: It is I, the Grand SLAAAMMM!

???: and I am your OBLIVION!!!

Silver: I'm gonna savor every morsel of this. Let's go!

???: I really think it's a bad idea to eat it, it might cause indigestion.

Grand Slam: You will not consume me. I will have both of your souls ingested in the G R A N D S L A M!

???: blaze I don't think any medical school could prepare me for this

Blaze: fear not doc with our equal minds put together the grand slam shall be dealt with.

Blu: well if you say so.. just remember to floss later. ready Nul?

Nul: SHUT UP! Now let us deliver him the gift of OBLIVION HAHAHAHAA!!!!

[Cut to the Grand Slam defeated, eaten by Silver and Blaze while Doc just looked at the two concurred]

Blaze: ...and then we ate it.

Blu: I'm very concerned about that!

Silver: I can't believe we ate the who~ole thi~ng...

Blu: Im not sure how you didn't get fat nor how you both didn't die from overeating it defines all known medical knowledge

Blaze: I know, I'm stuffed. I could use a nap, Silver.

Silver: Well, I just always want to sleep, you know. I'm tired all the time. I hate it. 'Cause then when I try to go to sleep, I- I can't.

Blaze: I know, and you angst so much about it.

Blu: im still trying to figure out what the right dose is for you silver

Nul: while I still plan for your. OBLIVION!!

Blu: sorry for that guys he's just cranky cause he didn't get his morning coffee.

Silver: Ugh, I just wanna sleep, guys. I'm so tired of taking melatonin. It makes me tired all the time.

Blaze: Oh, I fuckin' feel you there, buddy. Insomnia, am I right?

Blu: well it's a common symptom for some people so don't worry about it, and melatonin is a good thing to help with your mental health silver.

Nul: and it's a common thing to die in your sleep mwuahahahaha

Silver: aaaw that's hurtful [whimpers]

[camera moves up to reveal a gamer]

Memphis: Hey, gamers. Were you talking about Fortnite? No, I'm not even gonna pretend you were talking about Fortnite. I just really love bringing up my favorite game whenever I can. I, too, have insomnia, but unlike you mine is not caused by depression.

Blu: im sorry to hear that.

Nul: and I'm sorry, to hear HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE!!

Silver: Hey, that's not– well, yes, I am depressed. Okay.

Memphis: Mine is because I play so much Fortnite. I stay up late and go to Tilted Towers.

Blu: I don't actually play Fortnite. I don't know that place?.... But I'm sure one of my friends does, she calls herself the gamer girl queen

Memphis: [noticed doc] hey where this guy come from?

Nul: FOOL I SHALL DELIVER OBLIVION UPON YOU!!!

[cuts to a room with many chairs knocked over as it seemed Memphis Tennessee brought Silver, Blaze, doc and two other people to his "house".]

Memphis: Welcome to my house. As you can see, I've knocked over many chairs because I get so tilted at the towers.

Silver: This isn't really tilted or a tower...

???-2: yeah looks more like lab or something.

???-3: OH can I run some tests here, I promise to only cut out some of the brain~

Blu: oma no! We're guests here, sorry about her.. she's not alright in the head sometimes continue please.

Memphis: Well, you see, it's a gamer pad. Not many girls come in here 'cause I get friendzoned so frequently. But that's okay.

Silver: I'd like to be in the friendzone. I'd like friends!

Oma: I been apart of the friendzone once.. but they learned their lesson afterwards~

Memphis: okay keep her far away from me and It's not as pleasant as you'd think.

Nul: do they beat you up if so where do I sign up.

Memphis: No it's worse, instead They don't treat you like a friend. They treat you like an item.

???-3: sucks to be you then.

Blu: Olive be nice please.

Memphis: Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory to these women, but unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get respect.

Silver: Well, I'm not a gamer, so maybe they'll respect me!

Memphis: That just makes you a beta cuck. That's— That's the difference between you and I, Silver the Hedgehog. [resisting laughter] I'm a— I'm a alpha gamer f— Anyway... [laughs] where we— where we droppin', boys? These are all the new maps that they've added, and that's a newspaper.

[Images of Princess Elise, the new Fortnite maps, and a newspaper from the Soleanna Times saying "Princess Elise dead" appear on the monitor.]

Blu: oh wow that's uh.. that's a little concerning there?

Olive: meh those maps look terrible bet I can make something better.

Blaze: Have you ever actually interacted with a woman in your life, Mephiles?

Memphis: That doesn't matter. Check out this cool gem I got on eBay for $7.

Oma: hey that looks like the shade of purple you tried to get blu.

Blu: hey your right.

Silver: It's so cool. Can I add it to my rock collection?

[A vision of Sonic engufled of flames is then shown.]

Sonic: OH! OH MY GOD!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

The devil: BING BONG WELCOME TO HELL.

[Vision ends.]

Blu: [terrified] I-I think I s-saw the devil himself...

Silver: Oh my god! That looked like it hurt. What do you think, Blaze? ...B-Blaze?

[pause]

Blaze: I didn't see it.

Memphis: Give me back my thing. You see, I had to trap Sonic in the hell dimension 'cause he disrespected gamers. If you- if you still- Anyway, welcome to my purple orb, it's time to go.

Blu: W-WAIT I STILL GOT MANY THINGS TO DO BACK HOME!

Silver: Wait... I don't... nugh!

SFX: BEWUN

[Scene changes to Elise trapped in a stone building.]

Elise: Ughhh... Maybe if I- if I keep thinking really hard, my hands will get clean. I really would like to eat--

[sonic, tails and nick who has a Uber eats bag enter the scene to save Elise and deliver her food]

Sonic: Elise!

Elise: -- but there's-- huh?

Tails: Hi!

Grim sonic: sup bitch Uber eat is here.

Elise: H-How'd you get up here, guys?

Sonic: Nuh-uh-uh!

Elise: I need a hug.

Sonic: Your legs, are they okay? They look really sunburnt.

Grim sonic: yeah they look pretty disgusting. [gets kicked in the groin by Elise] AAAAAH MY SPONSORS!!

Elise: Oh, well, you know...

Sonic: Yeah, I do.

Tails: Oh no, look out!

[Eggman appears behind the four.]

Eggman: I have you both- all of you trapped here. Now, you can either give her up and we play PUBG together OR... you can stay down here and wrestle in your Fortnite, or whatever the kids are playing now.

Grim sonic: [in pain] ugh t-that's the worst g-game ever

Sonic: PUBG's old news, Eggman!

Tails: Yeah, Eggman, you lame-o!

Sonic: Tetris 99's where it's at!

Grim sonic: I much prefer hat in time

[Cut to Dusty Desert, where Eggman's robots are flying towards our heroes. Some are heard woofing, others are heard singing the beginning lyrics of Circle of Life.]

Sonic: Hmm, robots in the sky!

Grim sonic: not just any robots. ROBOTS IN THE SKY THAT SING HORRIBLY!!

Tails: Robots in the sky? This is just like that dream I had once about robots in the sky.

Sonic: Tell it to us in excruciating detail, Tails.

Tails: Well, it was a whole dream!- Bye!

Grim sonic: fucking knew that was coming, you asshole!

Elise: Oh.

Sonic: You're heavy.

[Elise nods]

Grim sonic: something tells me this gonna be horrible gameplay from here.

[cuts team rebel, Shadow and Rouge as they ended up in the future.]

Rouge: Where the fuck are we?

Sarge: oh god.. ITS HELL!!!

Shadow: This is the future that zoomers want, Rouge. This is the future of Fortnite.

Rouge: No... this can't be the future of Fortnite. It's the best game of 2018.

Y/n: last I checked it was 2025.

Sarge: y/n shut up! Can't you see I'm wallowing in misery right here, oh god why me what did I do to end up in hell!

Shadow: while mr goth does his thing back to us, anyways rouge. Yeah, this is like, 20, like, 99 or something, like 99 Tetri–

[everything suddenly goes monochrome and back to normal real quick.]

Shadow: Why is it black and white?

[Cut to the computer room.] (FINF THE COMPUTER ROOM!!)

Rouge: I'm so confused. All my Fortnite save files are gone!

Shadow: We found the computer room!

Sarge: OH LORD HE HAD ANSWERED MY PRAYER! We're not in hell. We're just in some weird gamer room

Belle: you mean a computer room

Rouge: We found it! This is it. This is where we make our breakthrough. We're going to make a game. We're gonna combine all the battle royales and make a battle royale better than Fortnite ever was. Come on. Shadow, sarge, you guys gotta be in this with me.

Belle: that actually sounds like it could make a ton of money

Shadow: You're right. And I know just the backing music.

Sarge: it better be good.

Y/n: knowing him it's gonna be something stupid.

Rouge: And recording, go.

[Shadow hums the Pumpkin Hill theme.]
Background Singer: ♪ You know me, the fighting freak Knuckles ♪

Y/n: told ya.

Shadow: YES! The ultimate soundtrack for the ultimate game!

Rouge: that's actually old school now shadow we need something more rememberable.

Sarge: you call that music nah I got better one that brings back the classics.

[sarge began typing something on the computer as the greatest song plays]

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Y/n: now that's music

Belle: an excellent example for worlds greatest hits for music.

Rouge: Fucking- Inspired! This is going to be the best game that's ever been made. We're going to be rich, guys. Absolutely rich. All the gamers. All the gamers will be on our side. We'll have an army of gamers to take on the world with.

Sarge: now your speaking my language!

Shadow: Y'know, you say that like it's a threatening thing... Have you ever seen a gamer in real life before?

Rouge: No, but they have-- they talk big shit.

[Shadow gasps and turns around.]

Rouge: What?

Y/n: is it the taxes!? IM NOT PAYING MY TAXES!!!

Shadow: Sorry, I thought I heard a cat.

Rouge: Oh, yeah.

Sarge: im gonna see if I find that cat

Belle: to help it?

Sarge: [picks up his RPG] no to shoot it.

[Cut to a forest where Silver, doc and oma get teleported to. doc falls face first into a tree while silver and oma land on the ground safely]

Blu: Ow.

Silver: Ah! Oh. Oh my gosh, this is- is that what a... [♫ Mad World Instrumental ♫] tree looks like? That's beautiful. Wait... is that a rock too? Fuck yeah! This place rules!

Oma: I hope they take brain cells as currency here.

[Cut to Blaze and olive.]

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Blaze: ♪ All around me are familiar Blazes, worn-out Blazes, worn-out Blazes ♪- Is that what a house looks like?

Olive: do this is what houses in the past looked like

Blaze: Oh my god! This place is amazing! Where am I, the future? ♪ Worn-out Blazes ♪ Huh? I thought I heard a cat or something. I dunno.

Olive: I wonder where they keep the gamer juice?

[Cut to when Elise was kidnapped by Eggman for the first time. But where silver, doc and oma were standing]

Silver: Oh my god, it's the guy on fire! But... he's not on fire? I gotta see what's up.

Blu: I just hope he doesn't hurt that girl

Oma: he seems like a really good guy.. to do surgery on, I wanna see what makes him tick~

[Amy and knux appear out of the blue]

Amy: Whoa, woah, wait, wait! Where you goin', good lookin?

Silver: No, I don't- I don't like being touched!

Grim knux: NEW FRIENDS! [tackles doc and oma]

Blu: MY LEG!!

Oma: yay free hugs!

Amy: I'm gonna get all up in that crotch!

Silver: Please stop! Please stop! Please- no, I hate this. I hate this. Please.

Amy: [ding realisation] You're not my boyfriend!

Silver: Go away, please.

Blu: please tell your friend to stop hugging me, i can't breathe.

Grim knux: okay [released doc and oma]

Oma: thank you for the hug

Grim knux: your welcome

Amy: Get outta here! EEW! Why would you touch me? Ew!

Silver: Ugh! Oh my god!

Amy: EW! PERVERT!

Silver: This is the worst. This is the actual worst.

Amy: Pervert! Pervert!

Silver: I wanna go home. I need- no-

Blu: Oh NO the guy we're after is gone!

Oma: aaw now we gotta look for him.

Amy: Pervert!

Grim knux: the words.

Silver: Oh, and now blue guy's gone. This is- this is- that's just- my- my whole good mood is ruined! I-I hope you're happy with yourself.

Amy: I am happy with myself! I have a positive mental attitude!

Silver: God, I wish that were me.

Grim knux: and I'm knux.

Blu: um im blu but people just call me doc and she's oma and he's silver

Silver: Anyway, go away!

Amy: You should just- you should just cheer up!

Silver: No!

Amy: You can believe in yourself! Friendship!

Grim knux: I AM SAYING WORDS REALLY LOUD!

Silver: Now you're both just saying words.

Blu: well uh it was nice meeting you but we gotta—

Amy: Wait. Who are you? Where are you-

[Amy and Knux grab hold of the trio and They start to run off.]

Amy: No!

Silver: Hey! No! Let go! Please! Ah! You-

Amy: Let go of my hand!

Grim knux: we are going to have so. much. FUN!

Blu: [literally getting dragged by knux] AAAAH YOUR A VERY STRONG
GUUUUUuuuuuuyyyyy....

[Cut to the plains.]

Elise: Ugh...

Sonic: We did it!

Elise: Uh... thank you. Thanks...I appreciate that. My legs are really tired from not walking though. You know how they, like- cramp up?

Sonic: (talking over Elise) Oh, this? It's my arm.

Elise: Hands are so important. When was the last time you washed your hands? I haven't washed mine in four days. I've also been eating rocks. That's- that's my go-to...

Sonic: Rocks?

Elise: ...when I've been captured. Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're pretty good.

Sonic: Nuh-uh-uh! That's not food!

Elise: What about grass?

[A butterfly appears on Sonic's nose.]

Sonic: This is food, Elise. (Don't ever eat butterfly's seriously don't)

Elise: It's beautiful. I love your new hat. I'm gonna name her... Alexa.

[Elise "throws" Alexa away.]

Sonic: You threw it away! Bye, Alexa.

Elise: Bye, Alexa. I hope she lives her best life, off in the sky.

Sonic: Me too.

Elise: She's gonna become a part of the sky. That's how it works.

Sonic: Come along with me! Why don't you tell me your incredibly complicated backstory... in an interesting, long-winded monologue? Complete with background visuals!

Elise: Oh, okay. Yes.

[A vision of Soleanna plays in the baclground as Elise tells her story.]

Elise: So once upon a time, I lived in a kingdom with my family, but the kingdom was on fire- [Sonic does sound effects.] -or maybe I dreamt it was on fire?

Sonic: I'll do the sound effects.

Elise: Yeah, yeah no I dreamt it. I dreamt it was on fire and there was a big monster- [Sonic does sound effects again.]

Elise: Oh my gosh, the sky is so beautiful. Eyes. Look at the clouds. I saw a pig in the clouds. I just- I- but I don't know how. It spoke to me.

[Eggman appears in Elise's vision.]

Elise: It spoke to me like the fire monster. It said: "That guy needs some mousse from his mustache. Maybe a beard hydrator."

Sonic: I know where to find a mustache. Come on!

Elise: What?

[Cut to after Sonic an Elise "found a moustache".]

Sonic: How was that?

Elise: You know, it was all right, it wasn't great. Definitely won't recommend.

Sonic: One!

Elise: Yeah, one.

[Cut to black.]

Silver: The battle royale game had a soundtrack that was so fire, it set fire to the world.

Nul: and it was all done before I could deliver them all OBLIVION!!!

[Cut to somewhere in Soleanna.]

Silver: And now I need to find the hedgehog- THERE HE IS!

Blu: OH GOD! HES GOT A HOSTAGE TOO!!

Oma: DISSECTION TIME!! HEHEHEHE!!

Nul: [pulls out a rocket launcher] TASTE OBLIVION!!!

Sonic: Huh? Who said that?

[Sonic dodges Nul's attack.]

Sonic: Whoa! Hold on, I think there's a fan.

Silver: You must never rap again, or else the world will be destroyed!

Blu: please just don't make a mixtape it really harms a lot of people.

Sonic: Have you even heard my mixtape? It's fire!

Silver: Well, I'm gonna fire at you, into a wall!

[Sonic screams as Silver does such.]

Elise: Um. Oh my gosh.

Sonic: Look... I- I won't rap again. Okay, I'll do it, I'll throw it away, I promise.

Nul: that's the thing about promise's.. [aims his weapon at sonic] they all die, when faced with OBLIVION!!

Oma: but don't damage him too much. I still need him alive for surgery~

[Cut to Elise being abducted by Eggman.]

Elise: Guys!

Eggman: She's taken by the snap-crackle-pop!

Sonic: Oh, there she goes.

Silver: You stop! [attacks Sonic]

Sonic: Oh!

Silver: Hey! I'm not done talking to you!

Sonic: Okay, what do you want?

Silver: First, I want you to apologize. I mean, I was in the middle of talking to you.

Blu: I'd like an apology too please

Nul: i just want you dead!

Oma: a spine if you have a spare?

[Amy and Knux appear in front of Sonic.]

Amy: No!

Grim knux: I don't like people bullying people

Blu, oma, Nul: KNUX QUICK MOVE OUT THE WAY!/knux please step away or else I'll have to cut you open as well and I really don't want to/I don't care if you two try to stop me or not BUT ALL SHALL TASTE OBLIVION!!!

Silver: Amy? Wait, how do I know your name?

Amy: I TOLD YOU my name!

Silver: Oh yeah.

Sonic: Ugh. Thanks you two, maybe you can feature on my next track.

Grim knux: what track?

Amy: Maybe I can feature on your next what?

Sonic: See you later. [runs off]

Amy: Aw dammit, I missed my opportunity on Sonic's next album! It's your fault, Silver boy! I'm gonna pluck you up, melt you down, and make a fucking necklace!

Silver: Yeah, I probably deserve it.

Amy: Oh wait, shit. You don't make this fun 'cause you're sad!

Silver: I'm always sad. That's just my thing. I- I'm sorry. I'm sad. I can't- yhat's just how I be, y'know.

Amy: Well now I just feel bad. Dammit. Alright, well, I guess, like... we could talk about, like... future?

[Cut to a seaport where Sonic and Tails meet up with knuckles and Ames.]

Sonic and Tails: Hey Knuckles!

Grim amy: wow no respect for girls these days huh

Knuckles: What up? I'm listening to my Game Boy. It's got the bomb tunes on it. Check- check out my favorite tracks.

Sonic: Oh, Super Mario Kart?

Tails: Not Super Mario Kart... [gasps] Eggman?!

Grim amy: what's he got this time another moon to piss on?

Eggman: We have pictures of Mario, pictures of Luigi, pictures of Princess Daisy, pictures of Princess Peach. Did you know that the FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is only done for people who like gaming Minecraft?

Sonic: Interesting.

Knuckles: Yeah, the remix is a little hard to fucking understand, crush.

Sonic: Yeah, it sounds like Pumpkin Hill.

Tails: Now, Knuckles, why would you listen to music on a Game Boy? That's not what a Game Boy is for.

Knuckles: You're right, it's what a Switch is for.

Sonic: Not gonna say what I said last time. 'Cause that was weird. Alright!

Tails: Wait, what?

Grim amy: well you three deal with this while I'll go meet up with the rest of my team, later dicks [leaves while flipping sonic the bird]

Knuckles: Hey, don't take me anywhere-

[Cut to the trio running into Eggman's lair.]

Knuckles: Aw fuck!

Speaker: You have found the computer room.

Sonic: Oh god, here we are!

Tails: Where are we? [gasps]

Sonic and Tails: Eggman!

Eggman: Welcome to the realm. (evil laughter) Now, I have the epic gamer right here!

Elise: Hey!
Sonic: No!

Knuckles: Alright, time to drop!

Eggman: Now, I'm gonna be turning you all into Minecraft PS4s.

Sonic: But Eggman, she's my heart and soul!

Eggman: Give me the gem right now!

Elise: No!

Eggman: I don't wanna hear your musky mouth. Put the gem there or I'm gonna put her in Minecraft.

Sonic: Alright.

Elise: Sonic, don't do it!

Sonic: Time to give up my 1-up.

Eggman: That's right. I want that Aquafina, bitch, mm. [slurp] I wanna sip that shit. YES! [presses a button that activates a pink force surrounding Team Sonic]

Sonic: WHOA!

Knuckles: üüüüüüü

Tails: Oh no!

Eggman: Enjoy your time in Fortnite, boys!

Sonic and Tails: No!

Sonic: Wait, is it Fortnite or Minecraft?

Eggman: That's for really knowing you to find out, you goddamn nasty hedgehog son of a bitch. I want you gone out of my life. Look at the size of my nostril, I can smell you from here!

Elise: Why are you so rude?

Eggman: Why are you so goddamn pale? Now, get the fuck away from me! GET OUTTA MY LIFE, SONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!!! [pulls a lever]

Tails: Sonic, no! [screams]

Knuckles: Eggman, I fucked your wiiiife!

Elise: No!

[Team Sonic vanishes.]

Eggman: I flushed them down the terlet. They'll never be seen again. Now, about those PUBG Let's Plays, we can start something tonight on twitchtv.com. Wait, listen, I think we should maybe- no, not even- not even PUBG. We'll go with Fortnite. We'll do Fortnite. We'll create Fortnite. And we'll get Todd Howard on it. That way, he can make Fallout 76 Battle Royale. Then, we'll have to switch over our plans. That way, we create the ultimate battle royale experience, and I only need you for it.

Elise: So I'm just gonna let you keep talking and I'm just gonna meditate.

Eggman: Now, listen, you're the key component! And you listen to me, and you will be my game tester. You'll test all of my battle royale experiences. All the gamers will look up to you. You will be gaming gamer girl queen! (Meanwhile Olive senses a disturbance) You will have Cheeto Puffs on your fingers. And Twitch Prime will be mine! Now do you agree to do this... or am I gonna have to let you go on the terlet portal like those other ones did.
Elise: To be honest, I've been visualizing a beach this whole time. That's what my dad always told me to do when I was really stressed.

[Cut to the future, where the trio lands in an abandoned version of Eggman's lair.]

Knuckles: This isn't the beach! Ohh fuck!

(Tails whines in pain)

Sonic: I feel like thinking about something but I don't know what.

Knuckles: I can't think about anything, my brain is... schismed.

Sonic: Yeah. You okay, Knuckles?

Knuckles: No, my corpus callosum is swollen.

Tails: My head's full of jellybeans...

Sonic: Sounds delicious.

Tails: Not really...

[shadow, rouge and team rebel make their entrance]

Shadow: You.

Sonic: Huh? I heard someone speak to me!

Rouge: Well, hello boys.

Sarge: welcome to fucked up world assholes.

Belle: anyone care for a cup of tea.

[Cut to Crisis City.]

Sonic: These towers are quite tilted.

Y/n: [sarcastic] no really I hardly noticed.

Shadow: Yes. I tilted them myself. See, we tried to make a game--battle royale, but anyway-

Tails: Look at this. You ruined everything! This is all your fault!

Knuckles: Shadow. You- listen, you got any weed on you man? Like, since we're here-

Shadow: No, what... are you the only one who smokes weed here, Knuckles? Except for maybe Rouge.

Knuckles: Rouge?

Sonic: Oh. Speak for yourself, motherfucker!

Shadow: Listen, that's not important. Look! [points at Sonic]

Sonic: I'll point at you also. [makes a thumbs up]

Shadow, sarge: "he's/I'm" not in the sky, dick nips.

Belle: well anyways I believe I found the solution to our problem we just need to get the emeralds of this timeline

Sonic: the what?

Y/n: [groans] in your language she means the piss rocks

Sonic: oh then why did she say a made up word?

Belle: ....im gonna start a list and you just earned the top spot you jerk

[Cut to an abandoned hallway.]

Knuckles: Hmm... so, dick nips, where are we going?

Sonic: Huh? What's happening in here?

[they see and spies on Memphis, Silver, Blaze, and team Vex]

Silver: Uh...

Memphis: As you can see, this is the optimum drop point.

Olive: looks dumb

Silver: Oh wait!

Memphis: Wow, look at my orb, it's big and small!

Blu: I LEFT THE OVEN ON!-

Sfx: VOMB!

[The trio enters Memphis' gamer pad.]

Sonic: Oh, that orb looked big and small!

Knuckles: ...What the fuck?

Tails: Did you guys see that?

Sonic: What is this?

Tails: Where'd they go? Look, it's a big computer!

Knuckles: ...Wait ...What's on it?

Tails: Somebody's been playing Fortnite.

Knuckles: ...Aw fuck.

Tails: Wait, no. Somebody's been building a video game. A battle royale that-

Sonic: Oh sweet! I want to be the main character!

[Cut to the streets of Crisis City.]

Shadow: Hmm... got a nice green glowy thing there?

Rouge: It's weed, obviously. I was hiding it from Knuckles. He wanted it so bad. Did you see the look on his face?

Shadow: Yes, I did, although it might be irradiated. So you might be slowly developing death.

Rouge: That's fine.

Omega: Beep. Boooop.

Rouge: We're all gonna die, anyway. What is that? Looks like a weird... cow or something.

Shadow: Looks like a robot that we can't possibly imagine what the voice could sound like.

Rouge: Maybe if we, like, put weed in it we can make it work good.

Shadow: No.

Rouge: You won't even try it? Just try my idea for once, Sonic! Uh, Shadow. Fuck. Just listen to me, like, for once. I'm sorry that I'm bad with names.

Shadow: This is the last fucking time you confuse me with that blue asshole. You did it once before, you did it again.

Rouge: Listen!-

Shadow: You did it at our wedding, Rouge.

Rouge: You just look so much alike!

[cuts to a cavern]

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

[start 0.04.03 and end 0.04.28]

Sarge: so... can one of you. Once again tell me what we're doing here

Y/n: you're here to tell us the princess was saved and we're going back home?

Belle: no y/n we're here to find a chaos emer-

Sarge: [covers belle's mouth] that's exactly right y/n~, our jobs done turns out your the big hero and everyone's gonna be throwing a big parade in your honer, I get to drive the float~ and belle, IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!!!

Belle: oh dear um sarge remember the breathing exercises you were taught in therapy.

Y/n: hmmm im sensing some hostility here?

Sarge: GOD DAMN IT Y/N! [groans] I swear one day I'll have Carolina pointed at your head and pull THE GOD FUCKING DAMN TRI-

Y/n: wait-wait-wait. Who's Carolina?

Sarge: shes been with us this whole time
Y/n, Carolina is one of my RPG's and the other one is named Tex their twins.

Y/n: let me guess you named the mini-gun charlie?

Sarge: GOD no Y/n why would I name my mini-gun like that!

Y/n: oh I'm sorry I just thought-

Sarge: he's a boy so I named him Leonard and he's got a burning desire for pure unstoppable RAGE!!

Y/n: (looks at the camera) these names sound oddly familiar don't they?

Belle: um y/n who are you talking to?

[Cut to the beachside, where Silver is sitting.]

Silver: You know, maybe things aren't so bad. I'm here, I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts.

[blaze and team Vex appear behind silver]

Oma: found him

Blaze: Hey Silver.

Silver: GODDAMNIT!

Blaze: What, what's wrong?

Blu: I think he's having a mental breakdown.

Silver: Oh, nothing. Hi, Blaze. How are you?

Blaze: I can tell you want some alone time.

Silver: I do, but I also feel like I'm just gonna be alone longer than I want if I leave now, so let's go... After I—move my lips a bit more. Y'know, Blaze, do you ever stop and think about how— this is really—

Blaze: All the time. All the time, Silver. I can never stop thinking. Sends me into a fit. Always analyzing, always so superior to everyone around me. Just—... me and do. know so much, Silver. Our brain's are too good for this world.

Oma: I can help with that.

Blaze: don't you even fucking dare you psychopath!

Olive: so where to now fellas cause I need to find out who's trying to take my throne as gamer girl queen.

[Cut to a snowy environment.]

Silver: Oh, we're in the snow, now. Hey, look, it's a blue!

Blu: wow snow really is soft in the past and it doesn't burn.

Olive: if we had this kind of snow in the future I would've been outside a lot.

Blaze: Ah, yes, my echolocation located the emerald. As I suspected. I am superior once again. Sliver, we have work to do. Come with me.

Silver: Awh, I wish I was as cool as you.

Blaze: and I wish for my crush to notice me

Silver: wait who?-

Blaze: NOTHING! Anyway let's go.

[Cut to Flame Core.]

Sonic: This place is so hot!

Belle: we're surrounded by lava what else do you think it was.

Rouge: Knuckles, why the fuck do you have LEGOs on your shoes?

Knuckles: YOU HAD THE WEED THE WHOLE TIME?!

Shadow: YOU INTERRUPTED MY BROODING!

Sarge: I CANT HEAR MY INNER THOUGHTS!!

Rouge: Listen. I have the weed, and I have what you want, so give us what we want.

Knuckles: I need it for my concussion.

Y/n: if only we had a medic here.

Sonic: Okay, so hand it over!

Knuckles: You can't keep my medicine away from me!

Rouge: No, you can't have it until you give us what we asked for—

Knuckles: YOU CAN'T STOP OUR LOVE!

Rouge: W-What?

Belle: ....awkward....

Shadow: Alright, so this is just getting into crack ship territory.

Sonic: Okay, OBVIOUSLY this is a sore point.

Tails: We need to go over there, and just like— fucking chill the fuck out. Everyone is so tense!

Sarge: you tell me what to do and you'll find out how many holes I can shoot in you

Rouge: Alright, so we found another—

Shadow: HEY, DON'T—!

[she activated the trap card SUMMON THE GIANT GUNNY WORM]

Rouge: WHOA!

Shadow: What did I JUST say?!

[The Grand Slam appears. General panic ensues.]

Sonic: Smells like pancakes!

Belle: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS SONIC!?

[Cut to the "music studio".]

Amy: ♪ Sneaking, sneaking, into the music studio. Sneaking into Sonic's album!~ ♪

Robots: Fuck, do I hear somethin'? I can't hear anything. Hey, have you started on your new single yet?

Amy: That's his band! Wow...I need to sneak inside the—

[Elise comes out of a door.]

Elise: Oh!

Amy: Shit!

Elise: Yeah— right back at ya...friend!

Amy: What are you doing here?

Elise: Uh...

[An alarm goes off.]

Amy: Aw, shit, what did you do?! What did you do to the album?!

Elise: I— I just— sneaked!

[Robot noises, alarms]

Elise: I snea- okay!

Amy: Did you leak the album? Goddammit!

[Robot noises and alarms are heard. Cut back to Soleanna.]

Memphis: Ah, it's so nice to be outside.

Blaze: Sucks to be outside.

Silver: Yeah. I— I agree with Blaze. You know, this was kind of nice at first, but now I'm all congested— my eyes hurt.

Blu: I actually like it, it's actually really nice to be in the sunlight.

Memphis: seriously who the fuck are you?

Blu: ...am I that forgettable.

Memphis: You know, I haven't been in the presence of a fair maiden in... many a year... Blaze, it's so nice to be with you. And you— you BETA ORBITER MALE— I can do without you. But you make me feel stronger and smarter because you're here, so you can stay for now.

Silver: Awh...

Memphis: Yes, I can feel myself becoming more powerful with all of your insolent little whines. [laughs] I'm gonna do a little dance.

[cuts to Amy and Elise]

Amy: So, let me get this straight. You've been—dating... Sonic? The Hedgehog? The blue one, looks like this?

Elise: Well—I guess? If that's my story arc, then yes!

[Amy looks Elise up and down, with an extremely awkward silence.]

Amy: Yup! I can kill ya!

Amy: I'll rip your fuckin' throat out, wear it as a fuckin' necktie for my bestie to wear!

[knux pops into existence]

Grim knux: hi bestie :3

Elise: Oh— okay? I have no idea what the words you just said mean, but I'm glad we're outside. It's been like— a week. I've lost track of time— I'm not sure if I'm a person.

Amy: Hmm, you won't be— in just a second!~ so, tell me. Do you enjoy... rocks? In your stomach? Hahaha, that's a fitting punishment, I think, for stealing my boyfriend!

[Amy gives Elise a cutesy look, with sparkles around her face.]

Amy: I'll fill your stomach with rocks, twinkle twinkle!

[knux was throwing glitter around amy as she said twinkle twinkle]

Elise: Actually, that's all I've been eating for the past three days.

Amy: You've been eating rocks? You're immune. Dammit! Alright, well how about— I run around like this, and then scare you 'til your heart stops! Boo! YEAAAGH!

Grim knux: AAAAAAAAAAH!! TOO SCARY I AM NOT IN MY HAPPY PLACE!!

Amy: I'm scary! Aw, fuck it, I can't compete. You have— skin, and— hands— that are like, small, and dainty, and can fit in a butthole!

Grim knux: [pats Amy on the back] don't worry bestie I'm sure sonic doesn't think that

[we cut back to Team Sonic, Team Rebrl and (partially) Team Dark.]

Sonic: And she has skin and hands that are small and dainty and can fit in a butthole. She's the girl of my dreams, Shadow!

Y/n: im glad he's not on our team.

Sarge: for once I agree.

Shadow: I have one of those too. He's very, very nice. ZA WARUDO!

[A portal opens up.]

Rouge: You may now kiss the bride.

[they began jumping into the portal one at a time]

Shadow: Wait, Sonic, which of us is the bride? Sonic!

Sarge: make way I'm done with all y'all shit (vroom)

Knuckles: Wait, agh, shit. (ZZKT)

Shadow: SONIC, I NEED AN ANSWER!

Rouge: Come on, Shadow, it's time for the reception. (BLBLBLBLK)

Shadow: No, I don't know which one of us is the bride, and that's kind of like a thing for— [sees Memphis] oh, God.

Memphis: Go on, Shadow, don't you support gay rights?

Shadow: I do!

Memphis: Look at this weird flame in front of me; it's REALLY BIG!

Shadow: Oh!

Belle: shadow don't you do it!

Memphis: Doesn't that intimidate you?!

Shadow: Sorry, I had you confused for Sonic. I thought WE were getting married, Mee-philes.

Memphis: Come kiss me, boy!

Belle: SHADOW YOU SON OF A BI-

[Team Sonic returns to Soleanna.]

Sonic: Oh! Alright!

Knuckles: FUCK my-

Sonic: Where's that sweet cake?

Knuckles: My brain again.

Tails: We made it, we're back!

Sonic: Tails, did you forget to decorate the pavilion?

Tails: No! I--I wasn't in charge of decorations. That was Knuckles' job!

Sonic: Oh my god, of course. Oh, the invitation! You didn't hand it out!

Knuckles: I put it on the ground as a decoration.

Sonic: To the best wedding of the century!

Tails: Congratulations, Sonic!

Sonic: Oh my god, no.

Knuckles: Wait, but you got married in the future.

[Cuts to somewhere. Eggman's robots appear.]

Robots: Hello. Hello. Can I have your number? Beep. Borp. Instant ramen. Beep. Borp. Robot noises. Anyone here got weed?

Eggman: You thought you could get away, gamer girl. You thought that you could fuckin' escape me, gamer girl. But my IQ is too HIGHH!

[Cut to Omega and sticks wandering at Tropical Jungle. Making whirring noises as he moves.]

Omega: It looks like that I am trapped in the middle of a forest as Alpha and Omega 3. No one else is going to be out here to save me so I must get away immediately.

Sticks: I don't care what's happening to you I'm just trying to find Y/n I need to give him a gift.

Rouge: Well, hello~, nurse!

[sticks gets startled and runs away screaming bloody murder]

Sticks: BLOODY MURDER! BLOODY
MURdeeeerrrrr!!...

Omega: Who is this gross bat specimen trying to talk to me? Get away from me, thotticus.

Rouge: Hi! You are quite a hunk of metal, aren't you? You actually look familiar to some big guy I met.

Omega: And you're quite one-polygon titted.

Rouge: Here, you want some weed?

Omega: I do not have lungs, so I cannot smoke weed, but I will take it anyway and put it directly into my braincells. Here we go.

Interface: [robot noises again.] Downloading "Weed.exe".

Omega: HOOOOOLYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

Narrator: [one hour later]

Omega: -IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

Narrator: [three hours later]

Omega: -IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

(I literally laughed so hard I cried at this point)

Omega: [inhales] WOw.

Rouge: How does it feel? Are you enjoyin' it?

(A beat)

Omega: What planet am I on? What's today? My braincell: Destroyed. My wig is gone.

[rouge then decided that it was time to leave so she wouldn't be responsible for omega's condition]

Rouge: Buh-bye~!

Omega: I- uh- turn right. I'll best be going now. No one will ever follow me with my knife hands.

[Back at Flame Core...]

Memphis: [laughing] Hello~ there, Shadow the Hedgehog! It's so good to see you in my new Fortnite map I'm developing.

Shadow: I was actually meaning to ask you a question: Are you seeing anyone right now? Because there's no one sexier than myself.

Memphis: [chuckles] Why? Are you– are you interested because, um, I was actually thinking you and I are pretty similar.

Shadow: Bruh, I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't interested.

Memphis: Check out my– look at my cool shield. It's made of 17,000 polygons and it's also– p-purple and glowy which is your favorite color, I've been told. Regardless, as I– as I said, previously, this is my- my new Fortnite map. I'm developing– I'm developing it in this volcano and people will play it in real life. If you die in the game, you die in real life, Shadow the Hedgehog.

Shadow: How did you know Sword Art Online was my favorite anime? You should have known that I had terrible taste.

Memphis: I know more about you than you could ever compre– is that Sonic? How the fuck did he get here? What the fuck is he doing in my shield? You know him, right? You guys are exes or something. Get him out of my fucking shield!

Shadow: No, don't you see?

Memphis: If this relationship is going to work, you can't bring your exes. You know how uncomfortable that makes me, sweetie. Please. Let him– just go– make him go away.

Shadow: Mephistopheles, please. I didn't know I was marrying him. I only thought it was you because you look so similar.

Memphis: My name is Memphis, Tennessee, and I will have you respect my name. Here he is; he's still here. Why– why is he here? Like, how did he even get in there?

Shadow: I don't know. Maybe we put a chicken bone in there or something and he just couldn't resist.

Memphis: He is that stupid. I'm glad we can still bond over how dumb your ex is.

[Shadow is rammed into a rock pole as Memphis transforms to his gem cosplay.]

Shadow: Ugh! That felt great. (The face says otherwise)

Memphis: I know exactly how you like it, baby. And now, check it out. [TRANSFORMS] This is my new Steven Universe Crystal Gem cosplay.

[Gunfire emerges from the ground, as the camera pans to Omega.]

Shadow: God.

Omega: I need you to stop right now, for you are not a true gem. You are nothing but a fraud.

Memphis: Oh my god. [violent choking noises] What the fuck. Oh my god. I told you not to invite your asshole friends over and now I– I–

Shadow: I've never met this hunk of metal but I love him.

Memphis: I'm so fucking high right now. He's just here and I got secondhand smoke inebriated. I'm fucking leaving. I'm going back to my parents house until you get your asshole friends in order. Fuck you.

Shadow: Who the fuck are you?

Omega: Shadow, wait, please don't–

[Shadow and Omega end up in Soleanna.]

Omega: Oh, god. Shadow I only came to admit my true feelings for you.

Shadow: Ah. A world where everyone loves me.

Omega: It's everything about you. From your hot sauce hair, to your jet boots-

Shadow: Mhm.

Omega: Everything that you do is- Are you even listening to me, Shadow?

[Cut to a seaport. As rouge was with team Blizzard]

Rouge: Hello~!

Grim sonic: hot sauce guy!?

Shadow: Hey.

Grim Amy: oh great another big guy.

Omega: Oh god. It's young thotticus once again.

Grim knux: he looks like sarge... but red

Rouge: Well, it is quite a pleasure to meet you here. Didn't expect you to be here, Shadow.

Shadow: I didn't expect to be here either, but here you are with your–

Omega: Fortnite: Battle Royale will be the biggest game of 2018 if we do not stop that giant.

Shadow: Thank you, YouTube algorithm. Now go ahead and screw over some more creators.

Rouge: Wait, Shadow!

Shadow: I said I'm going against YouTube now. That's– that's my character arc now, baby.

Omega: You look like YouTube Red, why are you making fun of me.

Rouge: Shadow, let me help you! Don't do this all by yourself. We were going to make the best game together! [scoffs] We'd make such a good team. Honestly, name a more iconic duo.

Grim knux: peanut butter and jelly...

Omega: Do you have any more weed?

Grim Amy: oh no.. WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO CRAVE WEED!!

[Cut to Eggman's computer room.]

Shadow: Little does she know, I hold the game file and–

Eggman: Mmm, the game is almost finished.

Shadow: Hey Eggman, I found the computer room!

Eggman: I'm actually Todd Howard now--'cause I sell all the video games.

Shadow: That's what they all say. Now quickly, I need you to publish my game.

Eggman: Shadow, you are my greatest creation of all time from the battle royale-

Shadow: What?

Eggman: -and now look at you.

Shadow: Wait, hold on. Are you my dad?

Eggman: [chuckles] Where do you think you got all your characteristics?

Shadow: Of being an asshole? That would explain a lot.

Eggman: [chuckles] Look. The only thing I didn't give you is my realistic 4 penetrating nipples coming off my chest, Shadow. That's all you don't have. But when you do have is the battle. The experience to be a true Fortnite twink player.

Shadow: Well, if you're my dad, it makes the last dub horrifying. God.

[then sonic saved elise from a train but there's legitimately no cutscene that conveys this information.] (there's absolutely no fucking cutscene about it, it just skipped the whole thing so don't sue me for this, sue the creators of sonic 06)

[cuts to Sonic running with Elise in arms.]

Sonic: Elise! I'm so glad I saved you from that train!

Elise: Oh, me too. It was so fast. I was so scared.

Sonic: I know. [sees Silver and doc] Woah!

Silver: Hey, I saw you rescue Elise from that train. It was really cool. Can we be friends?

Blu: honestly I think this would make things easier for everyone.

Sonic: Uh, no, I don't like you very much. You're both weird and creepy.

Silver: Awwwh... now I'm sad!

Nul: MAKE HIM TASTE OBLIVION!!!

[Sonic screams as he's repeatedly ambushed by Silver.]

Silver: Take that! Uuh... this is what a cool does, right?

Elise: How could you do this?

[Elise is taken again by Eggman.]

(if you made it this far here's a challenge scroll around and count how many times she's been kidnapped)

Eggman: Why don't you come with me again?

Sonic: No! Not again!

[Shadow and Sarge appears in front of Silver and doc/nul]

Sarge: how dare you THIS BLUE BASTARD IS MINE TO KILL! ONLY I CAN KILL THIS BLUE FELLA!!

Shadow: Hey. Oh, I haven't met you twink.

Silver: Wait. You! You're the one!

Blu: oh dear... is it too late to say sorry

Sarge: yes! [aims his weapon at doc]

Shadow: Who did what? Wait, what'd I do? I mean, what didn't I do? I mean look at me. I'm so hot, ya know?

Silver: You made a rap so fire..

Sonic: This doesn't change you leaving me at the altar! Wait, I guess it does, see ya!

Shadow: Hey.

Sarge: DAMNIT he got away but at least I have two things TO TAKE MY UNYIELDING RAGE OUT ON!!!

Blu: I don't wanna die I bruise like a banana

Silver: I'm gonna take you out to save the world!

Shadow: Good luck with that I have weed. See ya.

Nul: BAH what could a hunk of junk do when face with OBLIV-!

Sarge:

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

[Shadow proceeds to kick Silver in the back of the head, sarge just grabs doc and started flinging him around like the hulk. Silver whimpers in pain, as doc was groaning in pure agony]

Nul: ...ion... ow...

Shadow: Don't you know? Weed makes you fast. That's a factual thing.

Silver: What's a weed?

Shadow: Oh my god, you can tell you're white... Anyway, I finished putting the game- I sent it to Eggman. He's going to upload it soon.

Sarge: I'll make sure to blow that up later on.

Shadow: don't you ducking dare you goth!

Silver: No... it's too late now. We can't go back in time again because... we can't go back in time again. That's just it. But maybe this Blue will save the- the world, maybe? Here.

[silver charges at shadow with the blue emerald in hand]

Shadow: Woah, green!

Silver: Blue!

Nul: OBLIVION!

(Chaos control logic)

[A portal opens up.]

Sarge: the fuck?

Shadow: What did we just do? Did we do that together? Was that like a gay thing?

Silver: It's always a gay thing. I thought that's just how it worked... I'm gonna go.

Shadow: God bless you Sonic Team. God bless you. Well, if you need to go, then go, I'm gonna chill out here and make sure that it gets picked up by some big successful game development company that'll be around for a long time like Blizzard.

Silver: I was talking about taking a shit.

Blu: that's disgusting silver!

Sarge: great more people to my kill list!

Shadow: What? Okay... go ahead. I don't know why you need a portal to take a shit, but, I mean, if you want to send your shit to the future, then... Go ahead. I'm not judgmental. At all.

Silver: Wait, no, don't go in that! That's the toilet!

[Cut to some polygon mountains.]

Eggman: Now, you are going to play this game Elise, or else I'm going to push you off of this fucking-

Elise: I mean, I could jump. That could happen too.

Eggman: Or I could push you off of this polygon mountain. Now, what is the choice Elise? You can either die, die, or-

Sonic: No! Don't do either of those!

Elise: Okay, I will do my own thing.
Eggman: Go do it.

Sonic: No!

[Elise jumps off the ship.] (I was actually hoping she die here)

Eggman: No Elise! I didn't mean it!

Sonic: Woah! You scared the hell outta me.

Eggman: Give me back my gamER GIRL SONIC!!

Sonic: She's my gamer girl now. Ain't that right, baby? Come with me. Thumbs up!

Elise: Oh, my legs. They weak. My legs are weak. Yeah, good job. Good job, Sonic. I'm proud of you. Yeah, that was kind of scary. All right, let's- let's bounce.

Sonic: Oh, you want to play God of War? Huh?

Elise: Huh?

Sonic: Who's that? [turns around] Instant ramen!

[Sonic runs off with Elise in his arms.]

Robot: Find them. Find the gamer girl. We have to find the gamer girl.

[Cut to Sonic running in the forest with Elise in his arms with higher quality graphics and more detail]

Sonic: Oh! Wow, you look much better Elise! For some reason.

Elise: Oh yeah, the filter changed. It's great, isn't it?

Sonic: I love Instagram. Let's go to Snapchat.

Elise: It's amazing what natural sunlight in a filtered game will do, right?

Sonic: I know right? Like, you know, you just need that vitamin D.

Elise: My skin looks amazing now. Oh my god.

Sonic: Oh, I know. Oh, do you exfoliate Elise?

Elise: Well, yes, I- I guess.

Sonic: That's my tree.

Elise: Oh my gosh. It's beautiful. I wanna hug it. Can I hug your tree? Is that allowed? Do I have to ask permission?

Sonic: Oh, well, I guess. Just, you know, don't get too friendly with it.

Elise: Okay, I promise. I'll keep my hands to myself then. I'll just put my hands back here and admire it from afar.

Sonic: Well, you can't hug without hands Elise. Make up your damn mind!

Elise: I did! I decided that cosplay wasn't consent, and I'm just gonna thank you for bringing me to your tree. It's so wonderful. It's putting me in all the right moods... of being... happy.

Sonic: Well, what are some of those moods? Huh?

Elise: Well happy is one, like I just said, and uhm... hungry. Hungry is a good mood. I've eaten nothing but rocks, as I've said, for a while. Some plants would be a nice change to rocks.

[Holy music plays as the scene cuts to a vision of Elise and her horrible father]

Duke: My child. My baby girl. Don't worry. [Vision ends.]

Elise: Dad used to feed me plants. It was nice. I think I'm starting to hallucinate. It's been a while. I just keep getting kidnapped.

Sonic: How about a hot dog? No additives.

Elise: That sounds wonderful. Uhm.. I'm gonna try not to cry now. Because that sounds- I'm- I need a minute. I need a minute, Sonic.

Sonic: No, let it out. It's fine. Oh!

Elise: Thank you..

Sonic: Oh, yeah, I mean.. you, you gotta support your friends.

[Cut to a laboratory hallway. Shadow and sarge grunts while Silver whimpers.]

Sarge: Where's the other guy?

Blu: .....aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

[doc is flung out the portal and skidded face first on the floor]

Blu: im okay..

Silver: Ow.. [whimpering] It hurts..

Shadow: Sewer system's a lot more intricate than I expected.

[Meanwhile, the Solaris Project is being performed by the Duke, ???? and two scientists.] (science is at full capacity)

Scientist 1: We gotta find the fucking purple power, dude. How we gonna get the power to the purple, dude?

Duke: Well, you better find it quick, because if we don't find it, we're not gonna be able to play Fortnite: Battle B-

Scientist 2: Sir! There's too much yellow energy to counteract the purple!

????: then add more purple DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!!

Scientist 1: My mom's getting back in like 20 minutes, dude. You have to finish this.

Duke: I don't give a shit you better fucking fix it! Wait.. [notices Elise] What are you doing here!? Get out! THE BATTLE ROYALE!

????: MOROOONSSS!!!

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

[back with others they heard explosion]

Shadow: What was that?

Silver: I don't know. It sounded like yellow!

Blu: oh god I hope no one was injured too badly

Shadow: I knew there was too much yellow in this world.

Sarge: and too much blue.. I've always hated the colour blue.

Shadow: If I could do anything, I would eradicate 3 colors. Yellow, silver, and then silver again.

Sarge: you forgot to add blue.

Silver: Oh... you meant me..

Shadow: No, no, not like you Silver, just like uh.. There's something about it like.. the person that silver kind of is... Okay. Yeah. No, I don't like you Silver. What are you looking at?

Silver: This is really gross, but I can't look away. Y'know, it be like that sometimes.

Shadow: Oh, God, it's like a pimple popping video.

Blu: that's gross.

Sarge: anyone who watches those are disgusting.

Silver: [whimpers] I hate those.

[Memphis is heard coughing.]

Shadow: Oh, God, I know that coughing.

Sarge: there is no fucking way it's that ass hole

Silver: Oh, is it the weed? Is that what that is?

Shadow: Close. It's my lover.

Sarge: YOUR WHAT!?

Duke: Take this. Protect my daughter from the gamers! Take this gamer reflective stone.

Silver: I-I'll go check on the purple.

Sarge: me and other guy will stay behind to find any survivors and help them out.

Shadow: That's not weed, and you don't even look cool.

Duke: And now... I'll die.

Blu: [takes out his medic gun and gets to work] don't worry you'll be back up in no time.. as long as you don't do anything that involves transferring something big and powerful into someone or something small and young.

[cuts to shadow]

[Memphis is heard coughing.]

Shadow: Oh, God. Is that what I look like when I inevitably melt from over saturation of capitali- capitalism? I dunno. I guess that's where I'm going. I had a YouTube thing going. Oh great emerald, tell me what I'm supposed to fucking do in this dub!

Memphis: Shadow, I'm trying to reform, help. Baby, help.

Shadow: Oh, it's you!

Memphis: I'm made of vape smoke babe, come on.

Shadow: Oh, wait, he's made of- Wait, have you turned to vaping?

Memphis: Yeah babe, I'm made of purple jewel stuff. C'mon.

Shadow: Is that really wise move? Well, I suppose this time, but you better cut that vaping out. [the sealing vape has been activated] Just kidding, you're getting thermosed baby!

Memphis: No, don't put me in your red face! No, don't vape me!

Shadow: Get in the thermos. Get in the thermos. Get in the-- Get in! Get in the thermos. Get in the thermos! Get in! Pokéball that motherfuckin' vape!

Voice: [quietly] He's a phantom.

[Memphis moans as he's trapped in the scepter.]

Shadow: Now I carry around my boyfriend wherever I desire. (A beat) And what do you know? The perfect shape.

[cuts to Silver dealing with the Grand Slam.]

Silver: [whining] I leave for five minutes, and this happens?!

[the duke holding a chaos emerald enters with the help from doc]

Duke: You've got to take care of the- take care of the explosion, or we'll all die. You have a high five on your forehead, that means you are an epic gamer. I'm going to take my daughter away so that way we can't die. Sweetie, remember, listen.

Silver: Don't go toward it! What's wrong with you?

Blu: mr duke sir don't do this your not at full health yet t-this could kill you!

Duke: Don't- shut up. I'm gonna resurrect her right now. Baby take the gamer gems.

Silver: Wha? Cool!

Duke: I can't believe this.. by the power of gaming.. I fucking live, and so will my daughter. Now, gamers, unite! Bring back my daughter!

[the chaos emerald rises above as the GRRRRRAAAAMD SLLLAAAAM began getting sucked into the emerald and sealed within young Elise to bring her back to life]

(Cause that makes total sense!)

Blu: whoa!

ChaosEmerald1: What's up guys? This is ChaosEmerald1. Just about to resuscitate this gal. Uh, I've never seen this kind of game before. I think the forced diversity is a little much. I mean, why have a girl as your main character?

Duke: It worked! Oh my God! [choked crying] Wait, wait. The gamer piss. It killed her! [still crying] No! Elise! [overdramatic crying] The gamers. Silver... Take her to E3, and see the-

Silver: I don't think I can carry her. Oh! She's very heavy. I'm not strong.

Duke: Silver. Silver. Just think about where you were before you- [hands over the unconscious young Elise over to silver]

Silver: I- Where I was everything was on fire..

Duke: [shudders] My baby girl gamer... you'll find your peace in another- [more choked crying]

Silver: This seems really private. I feel like I shouldn't be here for this.

Duke: [quietly] Shut the fuck up, I'm talking to my daughter. [sniffing and crying] Okay...

Silver: My arms hurt.

[doc just picks the young Elise out of silver's arms as he was getting sick of silver's complaints]

Blu: okay you can stop complaining!

Duke: Thank you so much... Your hair looks like ketchup, and you have the pale face of mayonnaise, but you will live. I know you will.

Silver: If you don't wrap it up, I think doc's gonna drop her. That, uh, looks like it really hurts.

Nul: SHUT UP YOU TWINK!

Duke: Goodbye.. My ba- [dies]

Silver: Okay. I'll just... [picks up the chaos emerald] Urgh... Oh God. [struggling] Hold on... girl, I... I'll just... carry... this... Aargh- [whines and pants]

Blu: god I wish blaze was here.

[Cut to outside.]

Shadow: Hey.

Sarge: pack up boys we gotta move before anyone gets here.

Silver: [whining] I can't.. feel my arms!

Blu: YOU WERE ONLY HOLDING THAT GOD DAMN EMERALD THE WHOLE WAY SILVER ITS NOT HEAVY!!

Shadow: I see you got yourself somebody. Not like romantically, because that'd be weird.

Blu: listen sir I'm not in the mood right now, he's been complaining for the whole time when he picked that emerald up so just shut up!

Silver: [crying] It hurts! Oh no.. [more crying in between] Oh no! Where do I put this!? [cries, then sighs]

Shadow: Oh, mood.

[doc and silver place young Elise and the emerald by the tree]

Silver: [sighing] Oh, finally.. [exhausted panting] Oh my God..

Sarge: urge. To kill. Stupid twink.. RISING!!

Shadow: What do you think, boo?

Memphis: I think you should let me out of your fucking vaper, babe.

Shadow: Hm... Hey, think she likes vaping?

Memphis: No, she's like 11.

Silver: No, that's... I don't think that's--a good idea!

Blu: that and it's not good for her health at such a young age!

Shadow: I think we should let her vape. Give her the freedom to vape. All living things deserve freedom... Sliver. Freedom to weed, to vape, to Fortnite. That's what we're all tying into, I think. That's a central message.

Silver: I only know one of those is... Can you carry me-?

Shadow: No.

[portal appears and shadow jumps in]

Silver: Oh... okay... [looks at sarge]

Sarge: not even on your life! [jumps into it]

Silver: doc... can you-

Blu: FUCK NO!! [jumps in as-well]

[Young Elise groans.]

Silver: How did she sleep through all of that? Well whatever. I wish I could sleep. Bye.

[Cut to Soleanna. The Ice Cream ship flies through while "Do Your Ears Hang Low" plays.]

Random Citizens: Oh my God, there's a ship in the sky! It's the ice cream ship!~ Is Todd Howard driving an ice cream truck?

Grim knux: YAAY the ice cream truck is here!

Grim sonic: knux that's not the ice cream truck!

Grim amy: the moron is right we gotta get up there

[team blizzard leave the scene as the camera pans over to Amy]

Amy: Oh fuck! That's where I put my dildo! Aw dammit! Aw shit, I gotta go tell Sonic! Fuuuuuuu--

[cuts to Elise]

["Do Your Ears Hang Low" is heard by the castle.]

Royal Staff: Uh ma'am? Uh ma'am? Ma'am? Ma'am--

Elise: I've been told how to think about the ocean when I'm stressed, and I'm looking at that, and I'm real stressed.

Royal Staff 2: Ma'am, you're the regent!

Elise: I'm just gonna go meditate. I'mma think of the ocean.. Bye guys. I'm a peacin' out. I'll let you deal with this.

Royal Staff: Ma'am you're the ruler of this kingdom! You have to act!

[Cut to Silver and blu meeting up with Blaze, oma and olive.]

Silver: Ugh... Oh, now my legs hurt. Everything--

Blaze: Oh.

Silver: Blaze, help me. Everything hurts.

Blaze: So, do you have fun on your little adventures?

Silver: No! I didn't! I didn't have fun at all. My eyeliners ruined. My arms hurt. I got kicked in the head. I hate everything, and I didn't even know I could do that. I'm usually just sad.

Blaze: That's okay, baby. I know you're lost without me. Be sure never to leave my side again, okay?

Silver: Okay...

Olive: hey doc you okay there? You looked stress-

Nul: SILVER IS A FUCKING MORON WHO COMPLAINS ABOUT ANYTHING!!

Oma: ....I really don't like this side of doc.

[Cut to a beach. Omega is constantly shooting Memphis.]

Omega: Take that. And that! You motherfucker! You steal Shadow away from me, I take your fucking skull! You motherfucking bitch!

Memphis: Yo, you chill the hell out dude, I'm too high for this. All right, anyway, uh... This is the last time I try to have bots play on my Fortnite server.

Omega: You are nothing but a Fortnite PR fake and an actual diamond accessory.

Memphis: What the fuck does that even mean? Those string of words just absolutely mean nonsense to me. You are so far below me you lowly little trash can man.

Omega: You are nothing but a fake game writer. You will never find happiness you PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIT! [gunfire]

Memphis: Ow! Dickhead! What the fuck!? I'm gonna lay down. I need a second after that. Jesus lord.. Ugh, I'm turning into vape juice, no-!

Omega: Shadow, my baby. I am so sorry. I had to get rid of him because he was gonna get rid of everything. Also does Rouge have more weed? 'Cause I need that weed. My fucking system modules were breaking. My DD4R was breaking on the inside. But I really love you Shadow.

Shadow: Look, I don't know what your DDR machine is but--

[3 minutes later.]

Shadow: That was an amazing dance!

Rouge: It was so good. You're an icon! You're gonna be more famous than Freddie Mercury!

Omega: I've been doing the JB block boy and b-boy dances all of my life. Also no one knows how to do the shuffle like I do. Listen Shadow, I'm gonna come out and just say it to you because.. my brain broken, and my heart knows what it desires. Shadow. You are the one.

Shadow: Wait, uh, Rouge do you hear something?

Rouge: Uh, only the sound of... I don't know. The ocean, I guess?

Omega: Is this the friendzone?

Rouge: Unfortunately, yes. This is what the friendzone feels like. Something I've felt more times than I care to say.

Shadow: I don't know how to reciprocate against someone who's that amazing of a dancer but- listen we have more things to worry about right now, troupe.

[Cut to the interior of the Ice Cream ship. Eggman is evilly snickering, having captured Elise for the 17th time.]

Eggman: Back in my lair once more. How many times are you gonna run? I've captured you 17 different times!

Elise: I feel like it's gonna be at least 18. [A very long beat. Eggman turns to glance at Elise and says nothing. Eggman turns away from Elise.]

(History was made at this point)

Eggman: The caucasity of this bitch.

(HISTORY WAS MADE)

Eggman: You run and run. I am an alpha male gamer! She be like "Bitch-ass hoe..." I love Fortnite. Without me, you wouldn't even exist! Without me, you wouldn't be able to contain the demon because of gaming! Look around you. Imagine... (A beat) Dragons. Now imagine. Gaming; on Fortnite BR.

Elise: I'm imagining the ocean, because, I've established that when I don't want to be somewhere, that's what I think of.
Eggman: Frank Ocean can't save you now, sweetheart! No one's coming for you. No one's after you. I know what your father wanted for you. So you're gonna do this whether you like it or not. Now let me log on to my Epic Games account, and let's see what we can-

Computer: Welcome to EpicGames,com. Beep. Computer room located.

Eggman: Now let's see... If someone hacked into my Fortnite account, I'm going to have a birth of cactuses out of my asshole.

Computer: Currently being hacked.

(I always wonder how they managed to get that pitch)

[Demonic, high-pitched screeching is made by Eggman.]

Eggman: EEEEEERAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

[elsewhere in eggman's "lair" we cut the hacker as it turns out to be none other then nick along with the rest of team blizzard and olive (who for some reason got there) using his sponsors to destroy the mainstream of the lair]

Grim sonic: in all my days I never thought you agree to allow me to use my sponsorships for anything.

Grim Amy: don't expect me to say it ever again.

Olive: less talking more hacking!

Grim knux: that rhymed.

[We cut to a forest, where Sonic is surrounded by robots.]

Sonic: Welp, gotta take care of these guys.

Robot: I'm gonna kill you. Fuck you.

Sonic: Who are you?

Robot: Aggghh!

Sonic: Oh my God, it's Blue Man Group!

Robot: It is no use.

Silver: Oh, I missed, um, bye!

Robot: Oh no-! [robots start crashing and explode]

Silver: I'm sorry about mistaking you for the rapper: Shadow the Hedgehog.

Sonic: That's okay. My work is much better though, right?

[Cut to a castle in the middle of a desert.]

Shadow: Hm, the desert. Count how many sand is here, Omega. That's your first mission.

Omega: Okay. 1. 2. 3. 4.

Rouge: Why the fuck would you make him do that?

[Omega keeps counting in the background, as Shadow and Rouge cross-talk.]

Shadow: It passes the time.
Rouge: It's gonna take so long!

Omega: 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

Rouge: Shadow! It's gonna be so annoying!

Omega: 12. 13.

Shadow: [Almost laughing] I'm curious what they think its number is.

Omega: 14. 15. 16. 17.

Rouge: No! He's just gonna be counting forever!

Omega: 18. 19.

Shadow: Perhaps...

Omega: 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30.

Rouge: Shadow, what have you brought? This is your fault!

Omega: There are only 30 million sand particles in this desert.

Shadow: See? That was easy.

Rouge: Ohh fuck. Oh my God.

[Cut to Memphis with a yellow-orange Chaos Emerald.]

Memphis: Ya know, being an independent-

Shadow: Oh my God, purple!

Memphis: Shh, please don't interrupt me, Being an independent gaming developer has made me realize I have so much more potential. Please support my patreon in my new startup industry. I will be selling and renti- What?

Shadow: Omega! Count the- [Almost laughs] count the number of grains of sand in this room!

Omega: Okay. 1. 2. 3. 4.

Rouge: Shadow! What the fuck, dude?

[Omega keeps counting.]

Memphis: I was going to compete with him to see who could count better, but apparently, he's already on it, so, whatever. Anyway.

[Omega is still counting.]

Memphis: Fucking... okay-

Shadow: Okay, you can stop now!

Memphis: Look, just listen to me, and I will give you this orange juice gem.

Shadow: Just kidding. Keep counting. It's your one mission. Now listen.... listen here.

[Omega is counting... again.] (why)

Shadow: [his voice cracks] You won't be able to stop the power of this game. We have mass computing power as you can see by our robot.

Memphis: [evil laugh] You silly feeble-minded little gay. I am so far beyond Fortnite. I have moved on, and my stardom will end the world!

[A gust of wind blows away Team Dark.]

Omega: WHAAAAAAAH!

[The floor beneath Rouge, Shadow and Omega momentarily turns into a purple blob and changes back to normal on the next shot.]

Memphis: As you can see, this power is already farther than you could look. Everything is purple! It's great! Oh my God, look at how high resolution I am!

[skip boss battle]

Memphis: Aah, no, ack!

Shadow: This is-- His game is better, it looks way better!

[Memphis is melting to death.]

Shadow: However, he paid the price of his solenoid greatest game. Wait, how'd I get this again? Didn't leave in the past?

Rouge: Get him Shadow. He's our gaming competition. With him out of the way-

Omega: It's time for him to go. No more Fortnite.

Voice: [gamer catcher online, get fucked bitch]

Memphis: [in a silly voice] I'm just a little blob boy now, fuck you! Hehe, this is what sound like as a cloud. Fuck yo- Oh no! Sh-!

Shadow: Gotta catch em all, baby! Cuz he's... Shadow.

[Explosion sounds and freaking out.]

Shadow: Was NOT expecting explosions!

Rouge: What just happened? What did you do?

Omega: He went into the jar. Never to be seen again-

[Memphis reforms.]

Memphis: Oh my God, my neck. I need to see a chiropractor. Oh my... Oh my God. Oh my God, did you see that? [SOUNDWAVE ATTACK] Fuck you for making me go through that dude!

Shadow: He's right! 10,000 years really made you such a crick in the neck!

Memphis: You guys suck. Really, I can't believe I used to date you. You used to be cool dude.

Shadow: Have you met me? I was really cool.

Memphis: Yeah. You're sexy as fuck, but you're also a dickhead. You've stuck me in your jewel cartridge thing twice.

Shadow: You know what they say--you are what you eat.

[memphis began making clones of himself]

(Oooh a clone of himself)

Memphis: I don't know what they say, and I don't care what they say. Look at my army of Me's. I'm going to fuck me, because I can't trust anybody with my penis except for myself. Can you believe it? Have you ever fucked a clone? It's great. They know all the right places, and I have ten million of them to go around.

Shadow: But Mephiles! Fucking you is my job!

Memphis: Not anymore, baby! Not ever since I became an independent game-
Shadow: Joke's on you. This is a dream come true for me.

Memphis: Would you shut the fuck up? I swear to God, I didn't invite you to my house. I have it- I put it on Facebook that I was having a homecoming party because-

Shadow: Omega, count how many mouths he has!

Omega: Okay... (answer zero fucks to give)

Shadow: Yeah, exactly! You ain't got no mouths, bitch! Hyah!

Memphis: Oh, we have to get him before he leaves. He's cra- he's crashing my great fucking home warming party-

["boosted shadow mode unlocked" team dark began charging guns blazing destroying all of the clones]

Memphis: oh my God! No! What the fuck? My clones!

Shadow: Haaaaah! Teriaaaa!

Memphis: No! Dickhead! You're the worst!

[Cut to Eggman's ship.]

Eggman: God-- Wait-- What's happening? Wait-- No! The battle royale! It's being--

Computer: Currently being hacked!

Elise: Huh?

Eggman: It's being destroyed! What's happened? What's going on? Why is Fortnite being destroyed--

[olive then crashes into the party through the door and stabs Elise in the heart and looked at eggman with so much rage]

Olive: there shall only be one gamer girl queen.. and that queen. IS ME!!

Computer: Your account is compromised!

Eggman: NO! GOD DAMMIT! I spent so many hours getting all those skins! The dances! They're all gone! Noooo!

[cuts to sonic as he watches the entire thing crashes and blows up]

(Hawaii got avenged)

Computer: Your social security is someone else's!

[♫"Do Your Ears Hang Low" instrumental fading out♫]

Sonic: Oh! I wanted a SpongeBob popsicle!

Silver: I like the Bubbles ones.

Sonic: You WHAT?

Silver: You know, from Powerpuff Girls?

Blu: ......[slowly turns towards silver]..... I. Hate. You. So. MUCH!

Sonic: Oh, I never thought someone could be so misguided... AUGHH!!! [slams fist]

Silver: Yeah... that's my name and my game. Wait, how does that saying go? I'll shut up now.

Blaze: Don't be so hard on him Sonic. And doc please calm down it's not silver's fault he's a man child.

Sonic: I'll be as hard on him as I wanna be.

Silver: That's very suggestive, but also, if you're offering, then I'd be happy to. Ya know?

Sonic: ...What??

Oma: ...the?

Blu: actually.

Nul: FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!

Silver: Oh, um okay, I'm sorry. Have a diamond.

Sonic: Yeah! Time travel! Again!

Oma: hey has anyone seen Olive?

[Silver whimpers as the "diamond" makes the Zelda chest opening sound.]

Sonic: Silver, you know what? You're a twink. I'm gonna go smoke some weed now.

Silver: How long were you waiting to say that?

Sonic: The whole dub, baby!

Silver: Yeah, I figured. Okay. have fun.

Oma: wow.... Silver is a twink.

Blu: I know... I was fine with him before but now... I.. I just wanna kill him.

Silver: Wait, nevermind, I'm coming with you.

Sonic: Oh! Wait, did we time- [yelps as scene pans to Silver, Blaze and Team Vex]

Silver: Oh, what the heck? What are we doing here? And why am I still holding it?

Blaze: You're holding it because we have a job to do, Silver T. Hedgehog.

[olive walks out from behind a pillar]

Olive: and you best believe that it's gonna be live streamed you twink

Oma: oh hi olive were ya?

Olive: killing the competition.

Silver: Is the job to be gross? Oh, but we're really good at that.

Blu: silver...

Blaze: No. The job is to facilitate maAA-

[Cut to Soleanna.]

Sonic: Woah!

[The clock strikes. Sonic rushes as the scene pans back to Team Vex, Silver and Blaze... again. as "the yellow" is growing too strong]

Silver: Oh no..

Blaze: I'm going to sacrifice myself Silver.

Oma: blaze don't do it, we still need you!!

Olive: you're like a mother to me! And I don't say it much but you make me wanna quit being a gamer girl!

Silver: No, please, you're too good- You're not only too good for this world, but also any other world that could possibly exist. Here, let me try hitting it with- [yelps in pain]

Oma: OH JESUS!

Blaze: Silver, there's no other way! You'll die!

Silver: [continued painful screams] No, I can do this! I can be- I can be a cool boy. I'm cool!

Blu: silver stop it's too much for you!

Nul; no let the fool die!

Blaze: Silver, quit it! Silver! Quit it! Silver! Who will pass on my legacy if you are gone? It's my job, Silver. I will take on this burden. Treat me like a goddess! [groans]

Silver: I think I already did but okay.

Blaze: Silver! When they talk about me in the future, make sure my name is something cool. Like... Jessica Grimdock.

Silver: Or Blaze?

Blaze: Yes! The coolest name in the world! That was a test Silver, and you passed.

Silver: Finally, I did something right!

Blaze: olive, Oma make sure silver stays safe. blu.

Blu: b-blaze don't go.

Blaze: my legacy is in your hands now, and Silver?

Silver: What is it? What is it, Blaze?

Blaze: I'm almost proud of you.

Silver: [gasps] That's the most proud of me you've ever been!

Blaze: When you think of me, think of approximate gratitude! [groans]

Silver: Noooo!

[Blaze dematerializes in the air.]

Blu: NNNOOOOO!!!!!

Voice: Oh my fucking God, she's fucking deaf

???: Bye Felicia.

Blaze: Wait, that wasn't me saying that! WHO'S THERE!?

[kaboom let there be light]

Oma: blaze...

Silver: She went out the way we all want to. By turning into mist and sparkles after holding two diamonds. Oh, it's so bright out now. I wanna go inside.

Blaze: You are still my bitch... ["bitch" echoes]

Silver: I always will be.

[a single drip of oil leaks from doc's screen]

Blu: ....sayonara.. blaze.

[cuts to Sonic and Elise running somewhere.]

Sonic: Woah! Oh! We gotta escape from-- somewhere?! (Someone bursts through the wall beside them) How did we get here?

Grim knux: don't question things.

Sonic: knux!?

Grim sonic: no time slowpoke JUST RUN!!

[Team blizzard, sonic and Elise were now running for their lives as eggman's "lair was falling to pieces and going to crash into a cliff side]

Elise: Go that way!

Sonic: Okay, but it looks like we're gonna have to ju-jump!

Elise: What else is new? You've done that five times.

Sonic: What? I can't hear you, it's loud! Here we go!

Grim Amy: SHUT UP A JUMP ALREADY!!!

Sonic and Elise: Woah!

[they all jumped from platform to platform trying their hardest to reach the top]

Sonic: [screams] We might do this. We're gonna make it! We're gonna make it! We're gonna make it! There's no way we can't make it!

Grim knux: i believe we can fly.

Grim amy: that's not how it works knux!

Grim sonic: I don't wanna die now! I still have so many sponsors to sell!!

Narrator: Is this the end for Sonic the Hedgehog? [EXPLOSION BOOST] No!

Grim knux: I told you we could fly!

[Rolling sounds.]

Sonic: Elise!

[Sonic and Elise trample on the plains.]

Sonic: Elise. Guess what?

Elise: What?

Sonic: I can never die!

[Elise laughing while Sonic sinisterly laughs.]

Sonic: Nice smile! Wink. Ew! No, it was gross on you.

Elise: Wink.

[meanwhile with a certain fella]

Memphis: Finally, the corrupted weed gem! Finally those assholes will stop following me around and I can move on from my life. I used to be into Fortnite. Yeah, sure, we all had that kind of phase. That doesn't mean I want to keep dating my Fortnite boyfriend and inviting him to my new apartment every time I have a party.

[the camera pans over to the side a little to show a individual behind Memphis]

????: [walks towards Memphis] then I believe the time has come to show them what you can truly do...

Son~ hmhmhmhhahahaha, haahahahahaha, HAHAHAHAHA! HAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAA!!!

[the Laughter ensues as Sonic and Elise walk by mountains.]

Sonic: Oh! I feel potent angst energy in this forest Elise! Woah!

[As the pink Chaos Emerald's light flickers, robots beep to the tune of Darude Sandstorm. Memphis rises from the ground.]

Sonic: What the fu- I feel so distracted!

Memphis: What the fu- what are you people doing on my front lawn? Get out of here!

[Sonic gasps in pain as he finds out he's been impaled.]

Memphis: Oh my God. Oh my God, are you okay? Holy shit. I- I- I don't think I should pull it out. I-I think if I pull it out, he'll bleed out. Oh my God. Oh my God. I didn't mean to do that. Oh my god. Oh-

Sonic: You were right! I'm bleeding out!

(There's so much visible blood)

Memphis: Well, I mean-

Sonic: All over the ground.

[Epic rendition of "Sandstorm" by Darude plays.]

Sonic: Oh my God, there's so much visible, rendered blood!

Elise: Oh no, Sonic! Sonic!

Memphis: I mean, you shouldn't have come on my property. You scared me. I'm sorry. I-I didn't know what I was doing. I was- It was self-defense and it is- I- we are in America. This was self defe- Oh my God. I'm gonna fucking puke.

[???? Walks up to Memphis and pats him on the back]

????: don't worry so much my boy, after all.. your about to a little reunion with someone.

Elise: Wake up! Wake up, Sonic! Please! Oh... No... His hand.. It was the most beautiful part... of him. Oh no. I'm having a flashback.

["Baby!" echoes.]

Elise: [crying] Nooooo!

[THE YELLOW shoots out from Elise as it's seal has now been unlocked]

Memphis: Oh, my God. Oh my God. What the fuck? Yo, it's yellow! Oh my God. Yo, I'm purple. That's yellow. Ooohhh! Complementary colors baby~ Okay, this'll look really good on my mantle. If I can just solidify this yellow essence into, like, a crystal or something, that would be dope.

????: just stop talking [shoves the corrupted chaos emerald into Memphis's hand] AND COMBINE WITH THEM YOU IDIOT!!

Memphis: Uugh yes daaad ugh..

[cuts to team dark]

Omega: We are trapped in the tar. This is what it looks like. This is America.

Rouge: God. Fucking thanks, BP!

Shadow: Better not catch you slipping now Omega. Now let's see, now that I got my rings back on, I can... wear rings. Oh!

Omega: Shadow, be careful, that is the power of Sprite!

Shadow: Oh, Sprite!

Rouge: Ah!

Shadow: I'm more of a Coke-of-Cola fan!

[Team Dark is blinded by the light as the scene cuts to Memphis.]

Memphis: Now I have all the colors of the rainbow, and I can unleash my true gay power! Now everyone's my boyfriend! [maniacally laughs and briefly coughs as we cut back to Soleanna]

Random Citizen: Hey, what's going on 'round here?

Amy: Ah, shit!

Random Citizen: Oh my god!

Knuckles: Ah, fuck!

Random Citizens: The sky! Who's that hunk?

[Everyone freaks out as Memphis' gay power envelopes Soleanna.]

Random Citizen: Oh, hey! My bed's fixed!

[Lifelight from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate plays as everyone gets teleported somewhere.]

Y/n: ugh what the? What's going on!?

Tails: What the fuck is happening? What are these feelings?

Silver: Oh my God. It almost went as white as me! That's bad! Oh no! No, not you again!

Amy: Oh my God.

Grim knux: there is a lot of floating things around us.

Shadow: Oh Christ, it's you guys.

Omega: What's up bitches?

Sarge: what in Sam-hill is going on here!?

Amy: Rouge~!

Belle: sawdust and oil leaks this doesn't seem scientifically possible!?

Eggman: [Laughing] Cock.

Grim sonic: wrong time mr moon pisser.

Shadow: Mood, Eggman, mood.

Omega: Cooooooooock.

[Lifelight from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate]

Eggman: Mm. You know how long I've been craving some gamer dick? Since 1907. [Cut to Sonic's corpse] Sonic's finally dead.

Y/n: What!?

Grim sonic: oh god!

Amy: Woah!

Shadow: Wait, he's dead?

Amy: Holy shit! You killed my boyfriend?

Tails: No, Sonic!

Sarge: god damn it you dirty blue guy. It was supposed to be me that kills you NOT NATURAL CAUSES!!

Amy: Wait.

Shadow: Fuck yeah.

Tails: Oh no! What happened to him Elise?

Amy: I'll never get to play.. the song I wrote for him. Maybe if I sing it now, it'll help!

Shadow: Don't...

Y/n: I rather kill myself then listen to tha-

[Amy is dooting the Pumpkin Hill theme]

Shadow: Nevermind, this is a jam.

Grim Amy: god that's awful.

Silver: I'll get my gui-tar.

Blu: [quickly throws silver's guitar into the vast void] no your not silver.

[Amy continues singing.]

Eggman: Now, this isn't the diss that I wanted, shit. Goddamn. This is fucking ridiculous. Fucking shit.

Sarge: I agree it fucking sucks.

Amy: Everybody sing it with me!

Team Rebel, blizzard, vex: FUCK NO/hell nah/not happening/no thanks/ILL KILL YOU MYSELF!!

[Everybody, except team's rebel, vex and blizzard. started vocalizing]

Silver: I'm too white for this song. I'm sorry.

[Powering up noises are heard.]

Amy: What?

Grim knux: gasp! [Actually says the word]

Elise: What?

Eggman: God!

Sarge: it's the end of days!

Amy: The Heavens!

Eggman: Finally, God, take me.

Y/n: I don't think that's god?

Eggman: I want it now. Give me death. Just like Sonic.

Shadow: Satan, if you're out there, I want a piece of that pie too.

Knuckles: Oh wait. I have hands?

Silver: This is... awkward. I don't know any of you guys, and you're acting all like, "Oh man, it's so sad!" and like, I want to feel sad too, but I don't know you. So like...

Shadow: Untrue. I kicked you in the back of the head once, and it was awesome! Remember that, Silver? Remember getting your ass kicked? That's how Sonic feels, except not as bad.

Elise: I think... maybe...

Silver: You shut up.

Elise: The power of friendship... can bring him back. If we unite... as friends.

[awkward silence]

Amy: I... will fucking. End you.

Elise: No. No, we can't end.

Blu: I agree if we do.. then everything we've been doing would be in vain.

Silver: Yeah, we can. We can end right now. You wanna do it? You wanna go? You wanna test me? I got nothing left to live for. My best friend turned into sparkles and flew away. That's right. Let's just do it. Let's just end it all. Huh? You ready? You ready to go? You ready to leave this mortal plane?

Elise: Yes.

Omega: What kind of fucking crack is this?

Silver: I hate- I mean, no! I don't hate everything! I'm actually happy!

?????: im glad to finally hear your free from your depression silver.

[they all turn to the source of the voice as silver and team Vex see a familiar face]

Team vex: BLAZE!

Silver: y-you're alive!?

Blaze: it would appear so and it seems that the timelines are now collapsing upon each other which would cause everything that was, is and ever will be to exist and not exist at the same place at the time time.

Silver: I didn't even understand any of those words.. but im happy your back.

Blu: so... now what?

[the camera zooms into eggman]

Eggman: I am now Sans Undertale, go into my eyes.

(Since when did his glasses could do that)

Eggman: Now, here's what we're going to do-

Tails: Eggman, I didn't know you got Google Glass! That's awesome!

Sticks: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!

[sticks was standing behind everyone as none of them noticed she was there]

Y/n, blaze: sticks!/the one from the paintings!?

Y/n: wait what?

Sticks: there's no time to explain the prophecy is coming true the end of all is nigh. Y/n I tried to find you and the others to warn you of the danger that would cause all of this.. but it appears I was too late.

Sarge: wait a minute!... where were you this whole time?

Sticks: staying out of the view of the camera it's the only thing he's been using to spy on us, I had to stay out of sight so "he" wouldn't catch on.

Grim sonic: who's this he, Your on about?

Sarge: that doesn't matter right num nuts what matters right now is can we stop it!

Sticks: well if I had two really smart people and some powerful relics then we might have a shot

Blaze: well then it would seem our time have come doc.

Belle: well from what I could understand and remember the emeralds are the closest thing to powerful relics

Grim knux: YAY we're going on a treasure hunt!

Knuckles: Hell yeah!

Amy: Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute. Are we killing ourselves or not? Alright, bye!

Tails: Okay, let's go!

Knuckles: Wait, Amy, no!

Tails: That's not what I meant!

Sarge: just let the girl kill herself.

[Sanctuary from Kingdom Hearts II plays as the Chaos Emeralds are gathered around Sonic in a circle.]

Shadow: I remember this worked well when I was trying to summon Animal Crossing for Switch.

Blu: okay if we survive this im going to therapy for all of this.

Belle: mind if I join?

Elise: And bring him back. With the power of colors. All the colors of the rainbow. Red. For.. red. The color of love, and lust, and hate. All of those, all combined together. The power of purple, and blue, and clear. Clear is a color too. Don't forget it. Can't forget the color clear. And by the power of all the colors, and also of friendship. Return to me, Sonic! Return to all of us! We have united for you! We've united to bring you back! And so you must come. Come. Ignore the light. Come back to- regular reality.

Shadow: Wait, is she-?

Y/n: no... no don't you do it

Elise: Where it's just... normal.

Knuckles: No, no, no, no NO!

Sarge: CEASE YOUR ACTIONS AT ONCE LADY!!

Grim Amy: KNUX CLOSE YOUR EYES NOW!!

[Everyone chants no, and screams as Sonic's infamous revival scene plays.]

Amy: Nooooooo!

[Sonic is resurrected as Super Sonic.]

Sonic: Elise. I have something to admit to you.

Olive: if he says "I love you" im gonna throw up!

[Sonic slowly tilts his head towards Elise, making a slow whooshing sound as he does.]

Sonic: I was gay before the light.

Oma: that... makes it less weird?

[Elise faints in front of Sonic.]

Grim knux: You killed her self confidence,

Sonic: I understand the friendzone. It's hard to deal with.

[Everyone cheers.]

Sonic: It's okay. We can still be friends, Elise! But first, I have to take care of this alpha, gamer... incel guy, I guess. Hey, you wanna join me?

Shadow: Yeah, that's a plot.

Sonic: You guys want to start a polyamorous marriage?

Silver: Sure!

Sonic: We'll all be yellow!

Shadow: Wait, is that how this works?

Silver: Okay?

[Shadow and Silver tap into their Super forms.]

Shadow: Silver, you're a double bottom.

Silver: I'll be the twink!

Shadow: Yeah, that's what I said!

Blaze: by the great power of my mind

Rouge: we now pronounce you husband, husband, and husband.

Sonic: Heck yeah!

Shadow: Sonic the Hedgehog said gay rights.

Elise: Shit! We'll save the world with the power of gay!

Y/n: more like the power of love if you ask me.

Sarge: don't ruin the moment Y/n!

[Cut to the defeat of Solaris.]

Sonic: And then we killed it.

Shadow: And then we played Neopets.

Rouge, Belle, Tails and Knuckles: Yeah!

Oma: hooray we're saved thanks to the power of gay rights.

[Eggman grunts.]

Sarge: now that's what I call a blood bath!

Sticks: now if only that works on Disney.

Y/n: well even if it did that corrupted company would just keep getting worse.

Amy: Hey! Hey, do you wanna go out?

Elise: Mmhm. Yeah.

Amy: Yeah, yeah! Sonic look, I'm gay too!

Rouge: Amy, what the fuck?

Blu: hey guys i might not be a rocket scientist but isn't the light supposed to be grow smaller rather then getting bigger!

Blaze: it would seem that time is running its course and returning to normal. Before we are sent back to our original place in time I will say this once.. silver. I'm proud of you

Silver: oh my god that's even more than when you almost proud of me.

[suddenly the light began engulfing everything around]

Y/n: STICKS IVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!!

Stick: wait what!?-

[cuts to sonic and Elise in a dark and colourless room with a white flame in the middle]

Sonic: Where are we?

Elise: It's beautiful. Colorless, but color..ful?

Duke: You have both been Norted. ["Norted" echoes]

Sonic: Oh no! I was avoiding spoilers!

[Cut to the Duke and a young Elise.]

Duke: Do you see that, my gamer child? That is your life. That is your flame, that no one can ever put out. Not even the gamers.

Young Elise: Okay... I guess we're just gonna be real quiet here.

Duke: Yeah, I know. (A beat) Speechless. I was speechless too when I first saw the flame. But you will continue on. Understand me, Elise. The flame within you shines brighter than any Xbox 360 controller.

Young Elise: It's so great!

Duke: I can't fucking understand you. But it's okay. You're my beautiful baby girl and I love you a lot. You little Rugrat. Now come on. Let's go get some IHOP. I know. The flame's pretty fucking crazy right? Now let's go get that IHOP.

Sonic: So this is the flame of gamers, Elise?

Elise: Yeah. It's been burning since I was child. It's still going! The flame of hope. The flame... of the game.

Sonic: That's pretty lit!

Elise: Yes. Except nobody can see it, because it's a private area, so...

Sonic: Right.
Elise: Yes.

Sonic: Let's put it out! I hate games!

Elise: I'm just- I'm just gonna show it to you up close? It's really important. So, don't blow it out or anything, just-- I don't know. Can you feel it?

[Gmae talk echoes from the Gamer Flame.]

Sonic: Hey Elise?

Elise: Yeah. It's whispering to me. Do you hear it too? The spirit of the games.

[Sonic game talk echoes from the Gamer Flame.]

Elise: Let it inspire you. Feel it in your heart.

Sonic: I don't know Elise-

Elise: Oh no sorry, go on.

Sonic: No, I was just- I mean video games have just been kinda- Oh no.

Elise: It's so inspiring...

Sonic: Oh, hey Elise, let me uh cheer you up! Uh, what does a ghost say? What does a ghost say, Elise?

Elise: Games... in the heart.

The Gamer Flame: The purpose of my content is to entertain... I can't wait for the new Sonic character.

Elise: I think I want to eat it. Or maybe kiss it.

The Gamer Flame: Smash that like button... Game over.

[everything turns dark]

[cuts to soleanna Marching band version of "Die Young" by Ke$ha plays as the scene shows the Soleanna Festival.]

Elise: Hi guys. Hello!

[sonic is running by with nick close behind]

Sonic: I gotta get on that plane! Wait-- boat. Oh! Pretty boat!

Grim sonic: oi slow poke eyes ahead!

[Crowd gasps.]

Elise: Oh! I think... that was meant for us.
Lady-in-waiting: What the fuck are you talking about?

Elise: The- Didn't you just feel that? That breeze? It penetrated my heart.

Guard: Sorry, that was me. I farted.

Elise: Bye guys! Thanks for coming!

Sonic: Oh! Vanilla!

Grim sonic: Thats a feather idiot...

sonic: so you guys think egghead himself will drop by

Grim sonic: not with the surprise I left him, he's gonna be pretty pissed in 3, 2, 1.

Eggman: [from a distance] I'M PISS-!!

[an explosion is seen in the sky]

Eggman: [coughing aggressive] SOOONIIIIIIiiiiicc...!!!

[Nick and sonic started Laughing as five people were watching the festival from the crowd]

Blaze: this will be an interesting turn of events

Olive: man.. it's great to be outside

(This song is brought to you by snapcube)
[♫Penny's cover of "Die Young" by Ke$ha♫]

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

(I claim no ownership of any of the art, videos, sega characters nor songs used in the making of this story they all belong to their respective creators)