Someone: "The perfect Waifu doesn't exist-"

Author-kun: "I present thee.. Rory, the perfect waifu, Mercury. In all her gloryness"

Cue "I got my eyes on you~ You're everything I see~"

Love me some Rory Mercury :)

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Y/n: "A little more here... and a few more touches there... I believe it is done now"

The teacher got up and looked at my drawing.

Teacher: "My, my. I didn't know we had a artist in the class?"

Issei: "I consider myself a pretty good-"

Teacher: "Silence child"

Y/n: "This isn't about"

Issei: "Okay, Mr. Dick Wizard"

He says while crossing both arms.

Y/n: "First of all, that's my father"

Issei: "What?!"

Y/n: "Secondly, I PUT DICKS ON WHEREVER I WANT!!!"

Teacher: "The hell is going on here?!"

Y/n: "Don't worry about it"

Teacher: "Okay. Anyways, who's the beautiful lady in the picture?"

Y/n: "King Arthur"

The teacher spits her coffee onto the face of another student as she coughs. I look at it and smile.

Y/n: "That's definitely Saber. I can already hear her ost playing in the background.. I'm taking it and showing it to her"

Issei: "Are you okay?"

Y/n: "Yes, why do you ask?"

Issei: "Are you listening to yourself? That's not King Arthur. That's maybe genderbent Arthur-"

Y/n: "*sighs* Another blind follower who believes other's lies. Let me guess, you think Merlin is some old guy in a tower.. you wouldn't be wrong but he's still young looking"

Issei: "Right, he's your father. He trained King Arthur, I'm sure-"

Y/n: "And King Arthur trained me"

Issei: "What?!"

Y/n: "Yup. I learned my swordsmanship from her. I also learned archery from her boyfriend~"

Issei: "King Arthur has a boyfriend?! He's gay?!"

Y/n: "No. She's a girl. His name is Shirou Emiya"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Avalon

Shirou: "Achoo!!"

Saber: "Everything okay Shirou?"

Shirou put down the plate he was cleaning as he turned to Saber who was sitting on a cushion.

Shirou: "I feel like someone mentioned me"

Saber tilts her head as Shirou shakes his and goes back to cleaning the dishes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clocktower

Shirou: "Achoo!!"

Rin: "Everything okay Archer?"

Shirou: "I'll be fine, don't worry about me"

Archer says while putting the last dish to dry as he finished cleaning.

Rin: ".. Okay. Just don't get sick on me. You have an actual body now so you can get sick. I will worry about you"

Archer: "I'll be fine Rin. Just feel like someone was talking about me"

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ORC

Rias: "So you're telling me, King Arthur is a female?"

Y/n: "Yup"

Rias: "And he trained you"

Y/n: "She, but yes. Go on"

Rias: "This doesn't make any sense. How on earth is King Arthur a female when the legend states he's supposed to be a man?!"

Y/n: "She didn't wish to be known as a female so she sprinkled some lies and Fate did the rest"

Rias: "But she has a son doesn't she?!"

Y/n: "My dad gave her a dick like I gave you two for Issei's punishment~ Her sister snuck in and took her chance and conceived Mordred who also happens to be a girl"

Rias: "This is too much for me to understand"

Y/n: "Wait until you find out about the other-"

Rias: "That's enough!!"

Sona: "So where is this "Saber" you speak about?"

Y/n: "Saber is in Avalon with my father and Shirou. She's living happily over there. I can summon her whenever I want but i rather not unless it's an emergency"

Sona: "Emergency? Like what?"

Y/n: "I don't know, maybe like a fallen angel with 10 wings attacking the school?"

Rias: "That's oddly specific"

Y/n: "Meh. Anyways, I'd love for you all to meet her someday. Especially you Sona, you can meet the woman who was like my mother"

Sona: "W-Why?"

Rias: "Only natural to meet the in law-"

Sona: "Stop right there!!"

Rias laughed a little as I winked at her.

Sona: "Anyways, back on track. Issei, are you feeling better now?"

Issei: "Yea, just my mental's a little messed up"

Y/n: "I can help with that"

Issei: "How?"

I put my hands over his eyes and chant something. His eyes change color as a sliver of blood drips from his nose.

Issei: "OH MY GOD-OW!!! WORTH IT!!"

Rias: "What did-"

Issei: "BOOBIES!!! BOOBIES EVERYWHERE!!!"

Rias: "What?"

Y/n: "I casted a quick illusion over his eyes that made him see whatever he most desired"

Sona: "He's such a pervert"

Issei: "Are those.. Sona's?"

Y/n: "Let me in you psycho!!!"

I rush over to him as Sona face palms angrily.

Rias: "Anyways, this girl from the church that he hanged out with betrayed him and killed him before. Turns out, she almost did it again"

Y/n: "Ouch, that hurts"

I say while choking Issei.

Rias: "She took the girl and left him like that. Normally, I would mess with anything church related but this girl crossed the line by hurting my Issei.. I'd like to request your help Y/n in tracking her"

Y/n: "I'll be more than happy to help"

I say with a smile as a tiny ghost escapes through Issei's mouth.

Y/n: "So what's this girl's name?"

I release Issei slowly gets up.

Issei: "Yuuma.. her name was Yuuma

Y/n: "Yuuma? So, setting sun"

Issei: "Makes sense. She did kill me while the sun was setting"

He said depressed.

Y/n: "Hey man, it's okay. We're here for you"

Sona: "Me too?"

Y/n: "Yes. You too"

Issei: "I'm fine"

Y/n: "You don't seem it. Come, let's head somewhere we could talk. Man to man"

I tap my staff and we are surrounded by flowers and taken somewhere else.

Issei: "What the?! Where are we?"

Y/n: "A little reality marble I created a while ago. I call it... actually, it doesn't really have a name. Follow me"

We go inside of the temple and head towards the living room.

Y/n: "So tell me, what happened exactly?"

He goes through the whole story. He explains to me how it all started, what they did, what happened at the end of the date. He told me how jumbled up his feelings were, whether his feelings were true or not. He wanted to know if he was really loved or not.

Y/n: "Sounds rough buddy. I hate to say it but, I'm postive she was merely playing you"

Issei: "I-I see"

Y/n: "All these games and she decided to play you. Look Issei, don't let it get you down. She was one girl-"

Issei: "My first girl"

Y/n: "The first doesn't always mean they are the one. I've dated dozens of goddesses"

Issei: "Really?!"

Y/n: "Yep. Don't tell Sona though.. I think Parvati might still have a thing for me. She keeps calling me Shiva everytime I run into her and talks about how much she loves me.. Welp, whatever. This isn't about me, this is about you"

I pat him in the back and sit closer to him so he can hear me out.

Y/n: "Just because she was the first, doesn't mean she'll be the one. You have girls who really do care about you. Rias, Akeno, that blondie you met, Koneko even a little"

Issei: "You have a point"

He says blushing a little while scratching his cheek.

Y/n: "Love isn't something that just ends at the start. You go through some ruff times and you learn from them. You understand and comprehend. You live and you learn. You've met a great group of people who want to help you through this. Pull you out of that hole. It's up to you whether you want to reach out for them and let go of the past"

Issei: "You're right"

He found his answer and smiled.

Issei: "I.. I want to move on"

Y/n: "Good boy"

I tap my staff on the floor once again as we are taken back to the ORC room.

Y/n: "And we're back"

Issei went up to the ORC group and bowed.

Issei: "I'm so sorry for my weakness when it comes to this conversation. I keep putting myself and all of you in an uncomfortable situation whenever this subject comes up and I apologize"

Akeno: "There's no need for that"

Issei: "I still want to apologize. I want to move on from Yuuma with you all if you let me"

Rias put a hand on his cheek and smiled.

Rias: "I'll be glad to help you through it Issei"

Y/n: "Yay!! A happy ending!!"

Sona: "You just had to ruin a perfect moment"

They all hug each other as they help him cheer up. I give him a thumbs up as he returns it. For some reason, I felt a chill down my spine. I use my Clairvoyance and see what I most feared.

Parvati: "Shiiivaa~!!"

Y/n: "Ah hell!! How did she get here?!"

Lucky for me, she was miles away from me but still... I fear no man but that.. it scares me.

Sona: "Y/n?"

It had just hit me that Sona was here.

Y/n: "This.. has turn into a difficult situation"