(This imagine was requested by turtlelover1013 and was based off the song Control by Halsey. This content may trigger anyone who is affected by thoughts of suicide and dealing with depression or anxiety.)

I drew my knees in closer to my chest. Feeling their weight pinning my heaving chest was comforting. My shoulders tensed, my neck stiff with agitation. My nails clawed into my crossed arms, undoubtedly leaving deep nail marks.

Die. Die. Die.

I shivered. I wanted this to end.

I heard the wind pushing against the window sill, threatening to enter the room. The rain hammered on the roof. The occasional flash of light erupted, a deep booming echoing throughout the walls and my chest. I liked this storm. It would pull me away from my thoughts.

"You don't need to be thinking such negative thoughts, honey." I could hear my mother's voice in my head. She thought that by saying that, all my problems would vanish. Maybe it was because I acted like they did; I would nod and become silent. The next day I would put on a happy smile and face the world with feigned confidence, masking any signs of my paralyzing anxiety and depression. I would feel stupid for letting them overpower me - no one needs to know the demons I deal with.

The demons that are currently winning.

I closed my eyes, feeling another round of thunder vibrate the room. I felt numb. I couldn't cry, I couldn't feel sadness. I was so past the point of depression that I couldn't do anything or think about anything.

Except for how much I want this all to end.

I shook my head, concentrating on pushing those thoughts out. I couldn't kill myself. I had so many friends who I care about - Dean, Cas, Jody, and Bobby. I could never make them go through this. I could never hurt them like that.

And Sam. Sam would just be heartbroken. He still constantly deals with Jess' death, I just couldn't make him go through the pain of losing someone he loves again. He's broken like you, just in different spots.

As if on cue, I hear heavy footsteps coming from the hallway. "Destiny?"

My heart began racing. He didn't need to see me like this. I push off the ground and stand up, just as he opens the door to my room. I felt frozen. I stare at him, mouth slightly agape, scared of being caught.

His eyebrows furrow and he looks me up and down quickly. "Uh, are you okay?

I nod too rapidly, still at a loss for words. My hands ball up by my sides, trying to train myself to act normally.

Not convinced, Sam takes a careful step forward. "You sure?"

Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.

The thoughts were persistent. I closed my eyes, refocusing my thoughts. My nails dug into my palms.

"Destiny, you can talk to me." A large, warm hand lightly rested on my left shoulder.

A shiver traveled down my spine at the contact. I forced myself to pull away from my thoughts and look at him. It took a few seconds for my eyes to readjust, but they focused on Sam's loving eyes. He was kneeling next to me, his fingers now curling a bit more securely on my shoulder, but not too harshly. Just a reassuring gesture. He seemed to understand that physical contact would pull me out of my sad world. 

I admired his face, all the breathtaking features. His light stubble on his sharp jawline and angled cheeks, his pink lips slightly parted in concern, his dark hair tucked behind both ears. God, he's beautiful.

"Babe?" Sam asks softly.

A smile emerged on my lips, a gentle smile. "I'm here."

Now it was his turn to smile. He looked down at my hand, took it into his own, and glanced back up at my eyes. "I'm glad," he said carefully, "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

My body froze and tensed. Tears welled up in my eyes. The thoughts were threatening to come back, to haunt and torture me. I retreated further inside myself, wanting to close Sam off completely. The rational part of me wanted to tell him what was going on, but my vicious, unforgiving depression ceased any rational thought. 

Sam must have noticed that I was closing back off, so he gently shook my shoulder and spoke louder to bring me back, "Destiny? Talk to me. You can talk to me."

He would think I'm crazy. He doesn't want me. I don't deserve him. I'm worthless. Die. Die. Die. Die. 

Involuntarily, I utter through tears, "I wish I was dead."

Sam took a moment to process my words, possibly wondering if he had heard me right. His hand dropped from my shoulder, taking away the comforting warmth. 

I fucked up.

He leaned back on his heels, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes concentrated on my sobbing and shaking form. He whispered in shock, "What?"

I don't respond. I continue to cry, wishing I hadn't been so stupid and so inconsiderate. I shouldn't have said anything. Now my horrible thoughts are in the open, exposed to the man I love. He's going to leave me know. I know it.

He asked again, more directly. "What did you just say?"

I looked up at his horror-stricken face. He looked at me like I had just transformed into some hideous, terrifying monster right before his eyes. The horrible tension in the air was palpable. I could hear ringing in my hears that sounded far off, but I couldn't discern if it was real or just in my head. 

I lowered my head again, saying softly, "I wish I was dead." The words had a horrible taste in my mouth. I wanted to take them back instantly - to forget I even said them. 

"Destiny... you don't mean that. You're scaring me." Sam said carefully, already mentally distancing himself from me.

I bit my lip, trying my hardest not to be completely honest with him, but the words tumbled out, "You should be scared of me. I've lost control." Tears pricked my eyes, stinging them.

"Lost control of what?"

I was silent for just a minute, trying to strengthen my voice and not cry. I failed in my attempt, and tears began streaming down my cheeks as I somehow muttered out, "Of my thoughts."

Saying that out loud sent me into absolute depression. I curled back up into a ball, wanting to disappear - from Sam, from this situation, from myself. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to make Sam happy. He doesn't deserve this. He has enough on his plate... He doesn't need some whiny, selfish girl. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to see him walk away. Physically seeing him give up on me would be way too crushing. 

Two warm, strong arms grabbed my shaking, weak ones, pulling me forwards. I found myself pressed against Sam's chest, completely engulfed in his strong hug. Oddly, this made me cry harder. I didn't want his pity. I didn't want him to see me like this. I should be able to take care of myself, I need to be independent and -

"Stop over-thinking, Destiny." Sam said soothingly, his long fingers brushing the tangles out of my hair. 

I took a deep breath in, trying to calm myself. After a few seconds of re-organizing my thoughts, my focus turned to how much I loved Sam. Here he is, helping me and loving me and supporting me, when he has every right not to. He cares about me like no one has cared before. He could've ran right in the other direction and forget about me - like a few other people I've had in my life. But he's here, he's mine, he's my everything, he loves me...

I raised myself up so that I'm kneeling on the ground, and wrap my arms around his neck. I kiss him gently, being careful not to rush this incredible moment. He smiles into the kiss, kissing me back with equal sincerity and softness. 

He lightens up my cloudy days. He controls the darkness inside my mind when I can no longer manage it myself. He repairs me, he loves me, he's always there for me. 

I absolutely love this man.

(Destiny I'm sooooo sorry that this took so long, I got swamped with work and theatre, but I hope you enjoyed this! You always come up with the best ideas! I love this song now, and I give all thanks to you!)