I wish to be famous again

I have no idea when I started to change, what the turn of events was, but that's one thing I'm trying to figure out during this little storytelling here. What I know is that at this very moment I'm a shy mouse trying to show everyone what's inside her nutshell, but only slowly succeeds.

To give you all more details, I'm 17 years old, virgin, I have two little brothers, adorable parents, sometimes a furious mom. I love to dance, to sing, to draw, to learn languages, to travel, to clean (no comment), to cook, to bake, to play computer games, to read and to write. I hate the colour yellow, elevators, lies, war, and fake people.

Almost everyone who knows me quite well, knows these facts about me.

But there's one thing they do not know and sometimes I just feel the need to scream it out into this world.

One day I want to stand in front of a crowd of people, that look up to me, chant my songs and are inspired by my lyrics and melodies. I want to be able to move them, maybe let them shed some tears and then again make them happy and overcome pain. Music has so much power and I want to be able to spread some of that power. My biggest dream is to be famous for my singing skills and my personality, to find love, to raise kids, to show them how to put as much love as possible into the world and to live a happy, peaceful and content life.

I've never told this anyone. Whenever someone asks me: "What do you wanna do in your future?", my go-to answer is always: "I'm going to go abroad for a year as an Au-Pair, then I'd like to study Musical and if that doesn't work out, I want to become a kindergarten teacher"

It's partly true, I am going abroad, to Canada to be exact, to work there as an Au-Pair, but studying Musical is just my second option. One reason why I chose Canada, Toronto as my destination in the first place is, because it offers more chances to become famous. I'm planning to go to castings, maybe even enter a contest.

However, there is someone I've told. God. Every night, before I go to sleep, I pray to God. God helps me with everything, it doesn't matter what I tell, what I did or what I wish for, God always listens to me and stays by my side. Without God I wouldn't be that strong and I am strong, despite all the shyness covering me and all these strengths of shame and embarrassment that are holding me back as soon as I try to jump over my shadow.

As strange as this may sound for everyone who doesn't believe in God, but I am always looking forward to our talks. God never talks back, but listens and lets me feel his power and love, and most of the times that's enough for me.

I would lie if I'd say, I have never been disappointed by God. Later you'll even read one example. But I have always found a reason of why it may have been good something happened.

One night I asked if God could let me experience love. Love that's happening between a girl and a boy, because I am heterosexual. I really wanted to know what that feeling's like, being deeply in love with someone, being really close to a special person, kissing him and loving him.

And what can I say, God took my words. Literally.