A day after Aksel leaves for wherever-it-was with his friends, I find myself back at Helsinki Airport. I haven't visited the airport since we returned from Hamburg, and being here alone makes me realise – this is the first time I've been at the airport without Aksel.

I'm standing outside the arrival gates when I find myself wondering if this was how Aksel had felt back when he had been waiting for me to land for the first time. Had he been excited? Had he been anxious yet hopeful for the future? Or had he had an inexplicable bad feeling crawling up his gut, a foreshadowing of everything that would come to be?

I clamp a hand over my mouth, cutting off the escape route of an errant sob is in danger of sneaking out.

I don't know how long I stand there, futilely blinking away the crowding tears. I only know that I'm so busy with seeming okay that I don't even notice Gabi and Tessa until I'm enveloped in a giant group hug.

"What's wrong?" Tessa demands, pulling away to look me full in the face. "Why are you crying, Emi?"

Gabi shushes her, but I duck my head, certain that everyone has heard Tessa's exclamation. Curious heads swivel round and, even if they didn't understand the language, they can see my body language plainly under the fluorescent lights.

"I'm not," I say weakly, even as I brush the tears away with the back of my hand.

"Let's find someplace to sit down," Gabi, ever the practical one, says. "Then we can talk."

"It's okay," I say, trying to reach for their bags so I can fulfill my duties as hostess. "Come on, we can get to the apartment–"

Tessa plants her hands on her hips. "Stop, Emi. We're not going anywhere until you're okay."

I bite my lip. Gabi takes this chance to steer me forward, one hand on my shoulder, one hand dragging her carry-on luggage behind her. I catch her casting Tessa a look.

"Look," Gabi tells me softly, "We need something to eat, anyway. The food on the plane wasn't that good."

I swipe at my eyes. "Okay, but at least let me help you with your bags." I turn and reach again for the suitcase, but Tessa slaps my hand away.

"Just walk, Emi. Take us to a nice shop with muffins or something."

We end up somewhere inside the airport that doesn't sell muffins, but has a good variety of bread and coffee that appeal to both Gabi and Tessa. They both order a coffee and no bread at all, which prompts me to ask, tongue-in-cheek, "I thought you were hungry?"

Tessa widens her eyes and shrugs. Gabi lifts her mug and takes a slow sip of her coffee. Then she sticks out her tongue and puts down the mug. "That was hot," she mutters.

Glaring at the both of them, I pick up my croissant and bite into it.

Across the table, I see Tessa and Gabi exchange glances.

"If you have something to say, just say it," I mumble around my mouthful of flaky pastry.

"Ew, Emi," Tessa flicks a crumb off her hand, where it has landed. "Say it, don't spray it."

"Technically," I counter, "That's not what it's supposed to refer to."

"Same difference."

Gabi, as Gabi does, ignores our digression and goes straight to the point. "Emi," she begins, fixing me with a serious look. "Is there something wrong between you and Aksel?"

"I'm not sure," I say. "I think we broke up." I try to keep my voice steady, but it wobbles a little bit on the last two words. I have to stop chewing for a moment, because it feels as if my last swallow of the croissant has solidified in my throat.

After that last conversation, Aksel and I had both been walking on eggshells around each other. What we talked about never came up again, but that might also have been because we didn't speak to each other anymore.

On the day he left, he hadn't even woken me up. I had sat up in bed just in time to see him leave the room. He must have heard a rustle, because he had stopped in the doorway and looked back at me.

I had opened my mouth to say something – anything, but it seemed like we had been at a stalemate. Nothing had come out. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

"I left you something on the table," he said. That had been the last thing he had said to me before he left.

I'd taken my time getting out of bed. But eventually, I had gone out to the living room and seen his parting gift to me.

It was a one-way ticket from Helsinki to Hamburg, for the Saturday that Gabi and Tessa were scheduled to return home from their visit. His meaning couldn't have been clearer. He wanted me to go with them.

He had been right. At this point, there really is nothing holding me back from leaving.

Halfway through recounting the story for Gabi and Tessa, I need to stop and hide behind my mug of tea, because it's getting too much. I watch a tear plop into the mud brown liquid, before I feel Gabi's fingers prying my fingers open.

She takes the mug from me, setting it down somewhere closer to herself than to me. Then she leans forward and grabs my hand.

I watch her through teary eyes, expecting her to spout words of wisdom. But all she does is hold my hand.

I screw up my face and let the tears fall.

I don't know how long we all sit there in silence – relative silence for Gabi and Tessa, while I'm choking on the sobs that manage to escape my lips – but I eventually pull out of Gabi's grasp and wipe at my eyes. Tessa hands me a napkin wordlessly.

While I'm blowing my nose, Gabi says, "You need some rest, Emi."

I snatch the napkin from my nose. "But you're visiting. I want to show you around–"

Tessa interrupts. "We can do that tomorrow, all right?" She stretches in her seat, lifting her arms high over her head. "I'm tired from the flight. We should go back to your apartment and rest."

Your apartment. I wonder if that's still true. Now that I know Aksel wants me to leave, I've been feeling more and more out of place in the apartment. It is, after all, his apartment.

Aware that my friends have good intentions at heart – and especially since I'm not in the mood for sight-seeing, anyway – I acquiesce. I'm not going to be much fun with my eyes all swollen and fatigue weighing down on me.

As I unlock the front door and wave them in with a forced flourish, I can see them looking around, taking stock of everything in the apartment.

"It looks quite empty," Tessa says. Gabi elbows her. Tessa tries to explain her comment, "It's just not like you, is all. Our Emi likes to live in brightly coloured spaces. I remember how blinding your room in Hamburg was."

I shrug. "That's the way Aksel had it when I got here. I haven't made any changes to it." That last sentence comes out in a little lilt of surprise. I hadn't realised. I haven't been treating this apartment like what it's supposed to be – home.

I wonder if Aksel noticed. The topic of my decorating the apartment has never come up.

It seems like such a small thing, but in hindsight seems to tell so much. Aksel's apartment was never home to me. It was always his. Maybe that's partly how I felt – neatly slotted into his life in Helsinki. Instead of forging one of my own.

"Are you having some sort of epiphany?" Tessa demands. Before I can reply, she follows up with, "Can it wait until you've shown us the guest room?"

"Tessa!" Gabi rolls her eyes.

I laugh. "Yeah. Fine. But we don't have a guest room. You can sleep in my room with me."

Tessa claps her hands together. "Sleepover!" Then she crinkles her nose, "Wait, have you changed the sheets? I don't want to sleep where you guys have..."

"Tessa!"

I smile through the pang that has hit me. Aksel and I haven't in a long time. "Don't worry, the sheets are fresh. I just changed them this morning."

"Awesome. Now lead the way."

I take them to the bedroom Aksel and I share, gesturing to the empty space by the desk for them to place their luggage. I spread my arm in a wide arc, "Tervetuloa. Welcome to Helsinki. Make yourselves at home."

***

That night, Gabi and Tessa fuss over me, making sure I'm hidden away in the master bedroom while they work their magic in the kitchen.

"Just sit back and relax," Tessa says. "We're going to cook you a nice meal."

"You don't have to do that," I say. There's something to be said about cooking together – it bonds people. "I don't mind if we all cook together."

"No," Tessa gives a decisive shake of her head. "You should rest. We'll give you the full Tessa and Gabi treatment. Just wait for it, it will be a feast."

Her words settle onto the bottom of my stomach, stewing in sour acid. I know she doesn't mean it that way, but she has just reminded me that I am no longer a fixed part of their group. Instead of Emi, Tessa, and Gabi, they are Tessa and Gabi now.

I try to laugh. "A feast, huh? Sure. I'm looking forward to it."

"We're off to raid your fridge now," Tessa declares. "I hope you have the ingredients we need."

"I shopped enough for a small village," I reassure her. "I knew you were coming."

She rolls her eyes and me and flounces off with a laugh. Gabi follows at a more subdued pace, but not before casting one last glance at me.

"You okay?" she asks.

I crack a smile. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Just shout if you need anything. We'll be in the kitchen." And she meanders off, presumably to catch up to Tessa before she burns the kitchen down.

The silence that falls after they've both left the room is unnerving.

If I strain my ears, I can hear noises from the kitchen – the clang of a pot here, the rush of water there as they turn on the tap. Left to my own devices for the first time that day, I find myself staring at my phone.

Now that Aksel isn't in the apartment anymore, I'm finding that I'm not used to life without him. Even in the past few weeks, when we haven't been speaking all that much, the noises of his presence have been reassuring. Simply knowing he was there, somewhere in the peripheral of my life, made me feel relieved.

But now, it's as if he doesn't exist anymore.

In the past, he would have texted me already, despite being with his friends. Even during the days when we had been countries apart, I had never gone a day without a series of messages from him. He would even take pictures of the scenery or food to share the experience with me.

Yet, now that we are in the same country... So much has changed.

I find my fingers and tap out a text before I can change my mind or overthink myself out of it.

Can we talk?

I wasn't sure he would reply, but he does. Even so, his response is short; terse. I can almost imagine the closed-off tone that it comes in.

About?

Me leaving.

My fingers hover after I pressed the 'send' button. Maybe I should elaborate. Maybe I should tell him that I don't want to leave, that we have to talk properly when he gets back. But I hesitate for so long that the screen goes dark.

Then my phone beeps with a new notification.

It's the longest text that Aksel has sent in a while. My heart leaps for a moment, before stuttering and dropping back down as I read what it says.

It's ok if you can't pack everything into your suitcase. I'll ship your things to you.

I grip my phone tightly, feeling the hot tears crowd my eyes. Doesn't he know by now? I don't care about my fucking things. There is only one thing here that I care about losing, and he cannot be shipped.

Not bothering with a reply, I toss the phone onto the bedspread and bury my face in my hands.

Two hours later, true to their word, my friends usher me out into the dining area and present me with a home-cooked feast.

The tears, long-dried since, might have left my eyes a little red-rimmed. But if either of them notice, they don't say anything.

"Ta-da!" Tessa waves her arm in a dramatic flourish, gesturing to the spread on the dining table. "What do you think?"

"It's... really impressive." I am agog at the sheer number of dishes they have prepared. It's as if they were recreating a magazine spread for an article entitled "Emi's Favourite Dishes". I didn't even know I had that many ingredients in the fridge.

Tessa is standing with her hands on her hips. "And? Don't you have more to say? We spent a whole lot of time and effort on this, you know."

I laugh at her disgruntled tone. "I'm shocked speechless. It looks amazing. I can't believe you guys did all of this."

"With everything that's happened, we wanted to cheer you up," Gabi says. "It's all of your favourite food."

"There's even Kaiserschmarrn!" Previous disgruntlement forgotten, Tessa is practically hopping on the spot now. "I know you've missed it."

"Where did you get that?" I ask, disbelievingly. I'm pretty sure I don't have the ingredients to make the fluffy sweet pancake dessert.

"It's from one of those instant packages," Tessa says. "We bought it in Germany and brought it over."

Tears are pricking my eyes as I survey the food on the table. "I love it," I say. "Thank you. I love you. This is the best thing ever."

"Nah," says Tessa. "The best thing is that we are all together again."

"Oh, wow," I fake surprise, even though her words have warmed my heart. "Is Tessa actually being sweet?" But I can't pull off a convincing act of incredulity, because my smile and my tears give me away.

"We love you, Emi," Gabi says, smiling back softly.

"Group hug!" Tessa calls out as a warning, before springing forward. She barrels right into Gabi, who gives a yelp as she's taken off guard, and I watch the both of them fall towards me. I reach out to catch them, but it's all over in a moment as we all end up in a pile on the floor.

"Ouch," Tessa grunts, but doesn't move from her position.

Enveloped by my friends from both sides, I let loose a giggle through my tears. "I'm so glad you guys are here."

***

Over the next couple of days, I show Gabi and Tessa around Helsinki. We go to all the typical, tourist must-sees – the Sibelius monument, the Esplanade, the Market Square, the Helsinki Cathedral... Basically, all of the places that Aksel had taken me to when I had just arrived in Helsinki.

It's been just a few months, but feels like a lifetime ago. I find myself repeating a lot of what Aksel told me – as much as I can remember, anyway – to introduce the places to Gabi and Tessa.

And sometimes, when the memories and nostalgia get too much, I have to pause for a long moment to collect myself. At those times, Gabi holds my hand and Tessa distracts the both of us by exclaiming over something that's caught her interest.

We eat at the restaurant that Aksel took me to, where I also had Schnitzel on my own. Tessa laughs when she sees it on the menu.

"Schnitzel!" She says, jabbing her finger at the words. The moment we were shown a table, Tessa asked for the English menu, something I never would have thought to do. Aksel hadn't, either, when he had brought me here. I suppose I hadn't needed one, anyway, since he had been with me. But it would have been nice to know there was such an option.

"I have to have the Schnitzel," Tessa declares. "I want to know what Finnish Schnitzel tastes like."

Gabi chortles.

"I recommend you try a Finnish dish," I tell Tessa. "I've tried their Schnitzel, and it's nothing special. It's just a normal Schnitzel. There's nothing Finnish about it."

Tessa pouts. "Fine. What's good here, then?"

"I love the elk here," I say, but Tessa wrinkles her nose. She's not that adventurous when it comes to meat. Other than chicken and fish, she rarely eats any meat.

"Did you have the Schnitzel here because you were missing food back home?" Gabi asks, a little too astutely.

I duck my head, but the chagrined smile on my face must have given it away.

"Aw," says Tessa. "I don't know why, but that's kind of cute, Emi."

"Okay, okay," I wave her away. "It was just... Well, sometimes you just miss the stuff you're familiar with, you know? Especially when you're somewhere so different."

They both nod. "Nothing wrong with that," Gabi says.

"Yeah." I clear my throat. "Okay, I'm having the elk. Have you both decided?"

After placing our orders – Gabi volunteers to do it, so that she can practise her English – we lapse back into German again. At the back of my mind, I realise we are exactly like the German tourists I had overheard the time I had come here alone for the Schnitzel.

I wonder if there's anyone slumped in their seat somewhere inside the restaurant, listening to our chatter and feeling homesick.

"You know," I say, before I can think the better of divulging it, "I was here once, alone, and I heard some German tourists come in. Listening to them made me feel homesick."

"You should have talked to them!" Tessa exclaims. "I would have."

"I wouldn't," Gabi interjects, before I can defend my own passiveness. "It would've been weird if they had been talking among themselves already."

I sit up straight. "Exactly! It would've been weird if I had just talked to them. What would I say? 'Hi, you're German, I am too'?"

Even Tessa has to laugh at that. "Oh my God, not like that. I mean, you could've found something else to talk about. Maybe ask them how they like Finland, what they're here for... There's always plenty to talk about."

I grimace, shaking my head. "I'm not that sociable. I think that's my problem here."

"Actually," Gabi says, "I've noticed that people here tend to be more reserved. Maybe that makes it a little harder to make friends."

"In a way, though, doesn't that mean you fit in well with the people here? You're reserved, they're reserved..." This from Tessa, who is stroking her chin as if on the verge of an epiphany.

"And that's why I have no friends here," I say drolly.

Gabi reaches over to pat my hand. "Making friends takes time."

"Yeah, but..." I look down at the table. "I've been here a couple months."

"Didn't you just make some friends the other day?" Tessa asks. "You said you were at a festival with some people from your class."

"I wouldn't call them friends," I begin, but Tessa cuts me off.

"Come on! You've hung out together. Those are your friends now."

"I think we have very different definitions of 'friend'," I say, but I have to laugh. It feels nice, talking to them like this. Airing the issues that have plagued me for so long, but in a casual way. Maybe the problem with talking about my issues with Aksel is that it always got a little too serious. Maybe sometimes all I needed was to vent, to let it all out without him thinking that he had to fix my problems for me.

I see Tessa open her mouth to rebut me, but the waiter comes at this moment with our food. We murmur our thanks as he sets the dishes down, then leaves again with a reminder to, "Enjoy."

The elk is as good as I remembered it to be. As I place another forkful of tender meat on my tongue, I remember the question that Aksel asked me, back when he had brought me here for the first time.

And I find myself asking my friends, "So, what are your favourite places that you've seen in Helsinki so far?"

Tessa laughs around her salmon soup – Lohikeitto, I still remember. It's one of the few Finnish words and dishes that I remember offhand. "I don't know why, but you sound like a local when you ask that."

"It's a perfectly legit question to ask," I defend myself. But there is a surprising surge of pleasure that has settled over me at her throwaway remark.

"I was just reminded of it. I ordered the elk, too, the first time I was here. And back then, Aksel..." My tongue stumbles over his name and I have to stop for a moment. I clear my throat and push on, deliberately making my voice bright, "Well, Aksel asked me what I thought of Helsinki and I told him some of my favourite places. That's why I was wondering about your favourites."

Gabi purses her lips, thinking. "I think I liked the bookstore the most. The big, white one. What was it called again?"

I cast my mind back to any bookstores that we might have passed by. "Do you mean the Academic Bookstore? The one near Stockmann?"

"Yes, Stockmann," Gabi confirms. Then she laughs. "I remember it because it sounds more German."

"So do I," I divulge. "I don't remember the Finnish name of the Academic Bookstore at all."

We all laugh at that. Finally – people who don't get offended when I admit to my failings in the Finnish language. But then I feel a nagging guilt pull at my heart even as I think this, because it's not like Aksel hasn't been patient enough with me.

"For me..." Tessa taps her fork at her bottom lip as she ponders, "I think my favourite was the opera house. The archway standing in front of it really just... draws you in."

Gabi and I both nod, remembering the tall stone arch that towers over the pathway leading up to the Finnish National Opera.

"I love how sleek the building looks, too," I offer.

"What was your answer back then?" Tessa wants to know. "Your favourite place in Helsinki?"

I have to think about it for a moment. What had I said? The Esplanade, the museum... I hadn't been able to choose. All of the places Aksel had brought me to had impressed me.

I had loved Helsinki when I'd first gotten here.

"You look like you just realised something important," Tessa says half-jokingly. Both she and Gabi are looking at me questioningly.

I give a little shake of my head. "Nothing," I say, piercing a piece of meat to distract myself. "I was just thinking. I loved all the places in Helsinki when I first arrived."

"Well," says Tessa, laughing. "What changed?"

What a question. But she has a point. What had changed? And when had the excitement of being in Helsinki crumbled to give way to frustration and disdain?

"Did you notice, Emi," Gabi says now, "That you have a lot of memories in Helsinki. Everywhere we go, you have a story about the place or the food or the people."

Her sudden observation, hot on the heels of my own realisation, surprises me.

"Yes, I suppose," I say slowly. "I have been here for a few months. It's normal to have made memories."

Gabi shrugs, the casual action sliding off her shoulders. "Maybe that means that Helsinki is becoming more like home for you."

That makes me shake my head again, vigorously this time. "No. I still get homesick for Hamburg. A lot," I tack on, in case she hasn't gotten my point.

"Yes, of course." Gabi gives an impatient wave with her free hand, the one that's not holding onto cutlery. "Hamburg is still your real home. But Helsinki is slowly becoming a special place for you, don't you think? You've changed since you've come here. It's like you've picked up some of their habits."

"Like what?" I am befuddled. I have never felt like I've belonged in Finland, nor have I ever identified with the locals. We're as different as can be.

"I don't know." Gabi is frowning. "It's nothing I can pinpoint for sure, but there's just something different about the way you behave now."

"Maybe I've become more reserved now." I laugh to show that I'm joking.

But Gabi takes me seriously. "Maybe. You are a little quieter here."

"I agree," Tessa speaks up. "I think you're a little different in Helsinki, compared to when we saw you back in Hamburg."

"Maybe I'm happier in Hamburg," I say, tongue in cheek. "Maybe that's the difference."

Tessa lets loose a loud snort of laughter. "Are you kidding? You were always complaining about Hamburg! How it's cold and dreary and people would ask you where you were from and why you speak such good German..."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, huh?" Gabi observes.

"Well, it's colder here," I counter, but it's a weak argument. I'm at a loss for words. My friends have a point. I've never felt like I belonged in Hamburg, in Germany, but the moment I was thrown into the unfamiliarity of a Finnish environment, Hamburg became a romanticised, idealised version of home.

And Helsinki, all of a sudden, had morphed into the equivalent of a cesspool filled with lava in my mind.

How fair had I been to Helsinki? To Aksel?

"Maybe it's the homesickness speaking," I admit. "I really liked Helsinki when I first arrived. But now, I only see all the bad parts of my life here."

"That's only natural, in a place so different from what you're used to," Tessa says. "I don't know if I could ever move to another city, much less a whole new country. I'm too used to life in Hamburg."

"You know, I wouldn't be so homesick if you guys were with me all the time. You two shouldn't leave Helsinki." But I smile to show that I'm joking. Mostly. "Stay here with me."

"Emi," Gabi turns to me with her serious face on, and I guess what she's going to say even before she does. "If you really don't like living here, you can always come back to Hamburg with us."

What she means is that now that Aksel has all but booted me out of his life – his country – there's no shame in leaving.

I hum a non-committal response. She's right. I could go back home if I wanted. Wasn't that all I had been dreaming of, ever since the culture shock had set in?

Maybe the chapter of my life in Finland has come to an end.

I look up to see my friends watching me, waiting.

***

As they say, three time's the charm. Here for the third time, I'm starting to get used to the Helsinki Airport.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" This is a question I've been asking myself as well, now verbalised by Gabi.

"I'm not sure," I admit. I'm not sure if anything anymore. "But I have to try. Aksel... He means everything to me. After everything we've been through, I want to try one last time."

I can see from the worried expressions on my friends' faces that they're not entirely happy with my decision, even if they do understand it.

"Emi," Gabi says, gripping my hands tightly, "If things turn out badly, just call me. Call us, anytime. We'll be there for you."

Tessa nods in agreement. She is being characteristically silent, letting Gabi take the lead.

"I know." I blink the hot tears of gratitude away. "I know. Thank you. You're the best."

"Who knows," Tessa adds now. "Everything might be fine. Maybe he just needed some time away to think."

But even I can tell, from the frown on her face, that she isn't sure of the reassurances she is piling on me. It does something to me, knowing that both my best friends believe that my relationship may be beyond saving.

"When does he get back?" Gabi wants to know.

"Next weekend."

It fills me with dread, knowing that the day of reckoning is looming. I want him to return so that we can talk properly, but...

What if, as Gabi says, it turns out badly? What will I do then?

"That's a long trip," Tessa comments.

I shrug. "It's their tradition. They do it every year. Two weeks in a summer cottage."

"And you didn't go with him," Gabi says. "I guess that pissed him off."

"I don't think he felt anything about it," I say honestly. "He didn't seem to care."

"He probably did."

I shrug again, because I don't think Gabi is right. Aksel hadn't reacted that much when I had declined to go with him – it was almost like he had been expecting it. If I had agreed to go, it might have disappointed him.

"I've seen the way he is with you, Emi," Gabi says softly. "Those feelings don't go away just like that. Talk it through. As long as there's still love between you, there's a chance things will work out."

I smile wanly, remembering some of the last words Aksel had said to me before he left. "Yes, but... I don't know if love is enough anymore. That's what he said."

My friends are staring at me with looks on their faces that suggest someone has just stepped on the tail of their beloved pet – repeatedly.

"Are you sure you want to stay?" Gabi asks. I don't need to read her mind to know that there is a second, unspoken part to her question.

After he has said something like that?

I shrug. "I have to try," I say, "one last time. I'll keep wondering what if, if I don't."

"Yeah, I get it." Tessa is shrugging as well. "You have to try to fix it. But if it doesn't work out, you can always hop on a plane back home."

My heart too full for words, I step forward and give her a bear hug. She wraps her arms around me tightly, squeezing me in support. "Take care, Emi," she says by my ear. "We're just a call away."

When we break apart, I wipe the beginning of tears away. I laugh, "I know. Thanks, you guys."

Gabi leans in for her hug and two quick air kisses, just as the public announcement comes on to declare the gate open.

"All right, you have to go," I tell them. "Have a safe flight and Text me when you land."

"Definitely," Gabi promises.

I wave until they're past the doors and lost in the crowd going through customs. Then I turn to walk away, feeling as if I've lost something. Their presence had made everything feel better and brighter for a week.

Out of habit, I fumble for my phone as I walk towards the metro station, half-heartedly checking for any messages. There are a few, but my eyes zoom in on the one right at the very top. It was sent just three minutes ago.

Aksel.

Stay safe.

My feet slow to a stop as I stare at the screen for a long moment. He remembered. Of course, he had been the one to buy me the ticket in the first place. But his message means that he still cares, at least a little, right?

I tap back a message.

I want to talk to you.

He must have been watching the message space, because the tiny grey words read appear almost immediately after I press 'send'.

The speech bubble signifying his imminent response appears. It slides onto my screen with a whoosh.

About?

I blink, feeling a thin trail of wetness make its way down my cheeks. How cold he is, how impersonal. It's as if I can't reach him anymore.

About us.

When he doesn't reply after a few minutes, I steel myself and hit the receiver-shaped symbol in the corner of the screen. The screen changes and I see the phone ring once, twice – and then it's cut off.

He has rejected my call.

All around me, people bustle around. Some of them are catching flights; some of them seeing loved ones off. And I'm standing in the middle of the airport, staring blindly at my phone as my heart breaks, not for the first time that week.

A new message pops up from Aksel.

I don't have anything to say. I just wanted to wish you a safe flight.

The tears are blinding me now, but I slap out the words, my fingers moving over the screen on pure muscle memory.

I'm not leaving. I want us to talk properly. I want to figure this out. Please, can we just talk?

The five measly words he sends back hit me the hardest.

What about what I want?

I reread the words over and over. I have to swallow and take a deep breath before replying.

With trembling fingers, I type out: Do you really want me to leave?

I watch as the 'typing' bubble appears, disappears, then appears again. It stays there for the longest time before disappearing yet again. I turn off the screen so that I won't have to stare at it.

Finally, my phone chimes.

I fumble to see his reply, tilting the phone screen up to look at the message preview. It's short enough for the message to appear in its entirety on the notification screen.

Yes.