Yssa woke up ten minutes before her alarm clock would sound. It was raining hard at 6:50 in the morning and the angry tap of rainwater outside her room's glass window roused her from sleep. She almost leapt out of bed as she remembered what happened yesterday. She had been in this city for almost a year now and this was the first time she felt excited waking up.

She could not tell if it was actual excitement, though. It was a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. It was quite unexplainable at the moment, more likely because it was something she had never felt before.

***

The boarding house along Olongapo City's First Street was small and old. Her room was in the second floor. Tiny and studio-type, with a jalousie window to the left above the bed, kitchen sink on the other side, and an unnatural combination of a bathroom and toilet in one corner. However, it was perfect for a single and independent elementary school teacher to settle.

She was twenty one and this was the first time Yssa lived alone.

Despite the customarily damp apartment complex and some protruding electric wires from the building's walls, her room was nice and clean. Everything was in order, from the clothes inside a plastic portable cabinet to the table napkins on the three-by-three dining table for two. Crisp school teacher uniform hanged at a dresser's handle and a pair of shoes polished spotless below it.

Classes began early this year for some reason. The school year usually began in the middle of June, but this time it opened earlier as mandated by the government.

By 8:00 am she will be giving the first short quiz of the semester to her third level pupils at Brightkids Montessori, a five-minute jeepney commute away.

Mornings were routine for Yssa. But there was something about this morning that made her heart skip a beat a little. No, it was not her fear of the pounding downpour outside or the knowledge that her boyfriend, Glenn, will be stopping by later for lunch. It was something deeper... something unexpected... something she had been waiting to happen for a long time.

She thought about him as she slipped out of her pajamas and stepped into the shower: Seth Santiago. Seth was an up and coming romance novelist who happened to be the uncle of her best student, Elisha. She had heard about him from some young female parents and co-teachers, although she had not read any of his works yet. Elisha's mom, Jeanne, who was Seth's elder sister, was a bit unwell so he fetched the little girl from school yesterday.

Yssa met him for the first time and was intrigued right from the start as she always had a thing for writers. Though his overall aura made an impression, she was not that convinced he was indeed the published novelist they were all talking about. She expected someone who was bossy and arrogant, more articulate and aggressive when it came to voicing out his opinions and demands, or someone who seemed to always say something insightful and quotable. No less than a person of wisecracking smartness.

Instead, she met someone with a humble smile and warm eyes. She could see he was meekly confident, a little gentle and unsure, with the eyes of a little boy. His eyes – yes, his eyes – she can't forget those eyes. Really can't get them out of her head.

"Who are you?" She remembered asking him in a rather unfriendly way after he told her he was the one picking up Elisha.

"I'm her uncle, Seth." His voice was almost inaudible while a gentle smile matched some unblinking eye contact that seemed to want to communicate credibility.

"So, where's your fetcher's pass?" Yssa was laughing inside her fake hostility, trying hard to stay in character.

"I'm waiting for you to give me one." His voice almost cracking.

She couldn't hold it any longer as he showed easy surrender. She smiled back, laughed a little, and the way he handled himself made her like him even more. Talk about "like at first sight".

Yssa knew this fondness was wrong because she already had Glenn. She immediately rationalized everything and by school day dismissal, she had already convinced herself it was only a sort of crush, a temporary infatuation that would go away after Elisha's mom gets well and all the dropping-and-fetching goes back to normal.

It sure was not normal for Yssa to get fascinated like this with someone, though. She had this unspoken picture of the ideal man and at least eighty percent of his qualities must be met in order for her to look to any man's way.

The ideal man is responsible and intelligent. He is funny and witty, well-behaved, not arrogant, respectable, and of course, good-looking. Okay, he can be not too gorgeous, but handsome enough in his own right. He has a car; and although it is not a BMW, the important thing is he has one. He is caring, thoughtful, gentle, and kind. And, most of all, he has clean shoes and toenails. It was the first thing, the very first thing, she notices in a man.

Oblivious of the cracking thunder outside, she found herself wondering about this Seth while lathering and rinsing her hair. He seemed smart and well-mannered. He was not that gorgeous, yes, but quite attractive with, as some of her co-teachers would say, an "animalistic" sex appeal. He was witty, she can tell by the way he spoke and guided their conversation. He was friendly, but the type who obviously and awkwardly sets boundaries enough to still be mysterious. And, oh, he had squeaky clean white shoes, which dons the same color as his 1998 Honda Civic Type R car.

In a sudden realization, Yssa wondered if he has a wife or a girlfriend. There were no mention of those things even from Jeanne and Elisha. What am I thinking? I don't even know him. She whispered, smiling at herself as she smeared soap all over her body.

***

After the bath, Yssa prepared a quick breakfast by toasting a couple of bread slices and pouring hot water in her instant cup noodles mix. A cup of instant coffee completed the meal on the table. This was always her problem about being alone. The desire or motivation to prepare herself real food was not there. She already had gotten used to living with quick fixes and instant cooking. She ate with a towel still wrapped around her head and then brushed her teeth and got dressed afterwards. There was no time to savor food anymore.

While she reached for an umbrella and checked for closed switches and plugged appliances, her mind began to wander toward those eyes again. Those warm, mysterious eyes of easy surrender, meek but confident, somewhat like Clark Kent who knew he was Superman but chose not to be consumed by his own super powers. She thought about wanting to see him again, wanting to see those eyes again, wanting to know where all of these might or might not lead into, as she locked the door and made sure everything was safe.

***

On the jeepney ride to the school, Yssa struggled to analyze her predicament. For some women this kind of dilemma is simple. Just dump the present boyfriend and go after the man you wanted. Easy. But she thought she was not raised that way and was definitely not that kind of a lady.

Besides, she can't do that to Glenn, who had always been kind and gentle ever since they had been together more than seven years ago. Despite being two years older, Glenn never forced her into doing anything she did not want. Their relationship started when they were still in high school, she was a sophomore while he was a senior. He was still tall and lanky now despite the passing years and strikingly handsome as usual being a mestizo. He currently sports a mustache and goatee with long black hair, typical of a professional singer and musician. His deceased father was an American soldier stationed in Subic when the U.S. Naval base was still there while his Filipina mother used to be a cook in a small cafeteria just outside the gate of the base. Because of his current success as a rock band's lead vocalist, he had managed to purchase a new house for his mother more than a year ago and she now lived with a couple of stay-in helpers in the more luxurious part of the city.

Glenn was the epitome of a music lover: a guy who could tell the title and artist of any song he hears, can sing and play beautiful music even unrehearsed, and could woo a woman with his voice enough for her to right then and there fall down on her knees smitten. He did not finish college to pursue his passion for music professionally and was fortunate enough to become the lead singer of one of the best contemporary rock bands in the Philippines, The Tooth, for a little more than three years now. He had been touring around the country for the past six months and later this afternoon he will stop by the school to have lunch with Yssa since the band is passing by Olongapo this week.

Her co-teachers knew about the impending visit since yesterday and were all ecstatic about the thought of seeing a celebrity inside the campus. They always tell her how lucky she was to have such a handsome and popular boyfriend.

In contrast, Yssa was not excited at all. She thought that if they only knew how she really felt about their relationship, then they would not be so envious of her.

Being in a relationship with a professional musician felt like not having one at all. In the last two years, she could count with her fingers the number of times they had been together. Glenn's priorities were the band, his music, their tours and concerts, and mingling and socializing with fans and friends.

Then again, in those rare times they were together, Glenn had managed to make every moment special. Not only because he had the means but because he knew he had to. One time, he had arranged to close a whole upscale restaurant for a private date with Yssa. In another instance, he surprised her with a spontaneous five-day vacation in Boracay. He had to make the moments extraordinary as if he was making up for all the lost times when he was simply not there.

Yssa was fine with being alone most of the time. She could live with that. The main reason why they were still together after all these years was she had come to accept Glenn for who he is, supporting him in all his passions and endeavors, and then eventually adapting to being the girlfriend of a popular person. People always asked her about him, were always more interested in him than her, and asked for free tickets to his concerts. For the last two years she had learned how to handle those kinds of situations well.

However, the bottomline was his absence did not make their relationship, as well as her feelings for him, grow. She knew that forcedly accepting Glenn's lifestyle was not making their relationship develop as much as she hoped to. She was proud and happy and grateful of Glenn, but did she still love him now? Yes, she did love him, but she was no longer completely sure about it at the moment.

In one word, she was "confused" and another confirmation of this confusion was her budding feelings for Seth. Just a few moments of chitchat were all it took for "the writer" to capture her attention. There had been others who tried courting her even though they already knew she had a famous boyfriend. There had been others who tried and all of them had failed. Number one, because of her loyalty to Glenn, and number two, maybe because they simply did not have what it was she was looking for.

With Seth, it seemed like a different story. She was curious about this writer, and again may be a little bit infatuated. And she thought there was no sense in denying it.

***

Looking at the streets from the jeepney, she thought she was fortunate enough not to encounter the usual heavy early morning traffic despite the pounding rain. She turned her head to the left and noticed an old woman, maybe sixty or so, sitting next to her. Her eyes were wide, seeing through the maze of chaos in this stormy weekday morning, noticeably enjoying the music coming from the jeepney's stereo. She was wearing a flowery dress she hadn't bothered to iron out with a Bible and a family picture on her lap. Yssa noticed it could be the old woman's family in the photograph, her husband, children, and grandchildren. As she watched her, she suddenly missed her family in Davao, an hour and a half airplane ride from Manila after a three-hour bus commute from Olongapo and a little more than a thousand miles away from where she is right now. What if she had not gone to Luzon to pursue her teaching career? What if she had just stayed in Davao with her parents and brothers? These were recurring questions that had long been ringing in her head since she arrived here almost a year ago.

She sat straight up and mimicked the woman, hoping to feel whatever it was she was feeling. But when she did it, all she could think of was her dad. God knew she had wanted to spend more time with him.

After graduating cum laude at the University of Southeastern Philippines with a Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education a year ago, she was given an opportunity to work in Olongapo City, the site of the former Subic Naval Base. She accepted the offer as she found what she wanted both in terms of compensation and career growth. Teaching little children was her passion and she had always liked being around them. Her father initially objected her acceptance of the job but she reasoned out. "Dad, if I'm going to be successful in my field I have to go to where the best opportunities are. If I stay here and play it safe, I won't know what would have happened. This is an opportunity given to me. It was you who taught me that, Dad. It was you who taught me to take risks, remember?" she said as she packed her bags. "I know, darling, I just want to make sure this is what you really wanted," her father asked with a wrinkled forehead. "I'm sure, Dad. Don't worry too much."

She thought she would not cry at the airport. She had been wanting to live away from her overprotective parents for so long and it was another underlying reason why she accepted this work opportunity. She thought her father would not cry too, but both of them were in tears as he helped her carry her luggage to the airport check-in counter. She kissed him on the cheek and gave him an assuring hug that said everything will turn out for the best. "You're my precious little girl," her father whispered, "to be away from you would be very difficult. Do you know that?" She only nodded, fighting back more tears, which she was not able to do. She did not look back as she entered the jet bridge for she did not want to allow herself to change her mind.

But what is success anyway? If it meant being happy with career and work, then she is successful. Although she had been pleased with the way her career had been going (less than a year at Brightkids Montessori and she was already a senior elementary teacher), she still felt there was something missing in her life. She was living blandly, as Gordon Ramsay would say it. She was settling in the neutral, average side of things. An average person living an average life. With my family here, life would be a little more complicated, she smiled to herself.

It was the last day she spent with her family and she suddenly wondered how they are now. Is dad still serving in the local countryside church? How about my brothers? Are they still in the worship team? Her family were active and pioneering members of an independent, local Christian church in Davao City. Her father was an associate pastor, her mom was the head of the children's ministry, while her two brothers play the guitar and drums for the music ministry. She used to be one of the church's Sunday school teachers and she had to relinquish her position to be able to pursue her dream in the academe.

She knew she got her talent for teaching from her mother. As small children, her mom taught her and her brothers the life and ways of becoming a good Christian. She grew up with a strong love, faith, and fear in God, one that you could not easily get if you had not been born in a family like hers. While her father was more of a preacher, boldly saying the things you must do and must not do in order to "deserve" eternal life, his mother was more of an action person. She showed them "how" more than telling them "what".

Because of her family background, she only had one boyfriend so far, and he was Glenn. Glenn Ordonio was also from Davao City and they studied in the same grade school and high school together. He went to the same church her family had attended and was actually its former song leader and worship leader until he became a professional singer. Glenn was the first one to move to Manila. More than three years ago, he accepted a freelance gig with a popular band from Quezon City. Eventually, after a few more gigs that turned into TV shows and live appearances, the band made him their lead singer and it was the start of his professional career. When she moved to Olongapo, he was so happy to finally have the opportunity to visit her more often.

Yssa's lone relationship was definitely not because she was unattractive. She was, and she had been used to stares from silly boys all the time. Her hair was midnight black, cut just above her shoulders, and shining straight that naturally curled blithely at the ends. Her eyes were brown that reflected specks of hazel when touched by sunlight. She stands at 5-foot-3, tall for a Filipina, and her body is fit and her skin is olive brown, a perfect Filipina complexion and beauty. And her dimple, the feature she was most often complimented on, highlighted her lovely face which sat on her right cheek. Glenn had always expressed fondness for that dimple.

She first met him more than a decade ago, when they were still in grade school. Her friends were also friends to his friends, so they got acquainted that way. He was shy then, not much with words, but not much with actions either. At the age of twelve, he only loved to play the guitar and nothing else seemed to matter. Yssa was caught by his kindness, he was so gentle she thought she would never meet anyone as gentle as he was.

Remembering that, she did not know if she could ever love someone again in the way she had loved Glenn. Every time she watched him play his guitar and sing, she felt the sweet longing to always be with him. She would stay awake at night thinking about him as she laid in bed, and when she walked around the campus she would smile so often thinking of him, which made everyone she bumped into smile back every time.

However, Glenn had changed over the years. He was a classic example on how money and fame affects someone. They slowly grew up and apart. It suddenly became hard to remember the things that had initially drawn them to one another. Right now, Yssa felt Glenn was a different person altogether, although she could not pinpoint the exact moment when it all began to change. They gradually became indifferent with each other, and with Glenn not doing anything to keep their fire burning, it appeared like their relationship was heading into a slow, painful death. The lunch later will be the first time they were going to see each other this year.

What was not fair with the whole situation was she always missed him, and it seemed like she was the only one feeling that way. She missed the physical intimacy that came from loving and trusting and holding someone else. She had her set of admirers – natural for an attractive woman – but she remained faithful to Glenn. Finding someone to sleep with was never a problem, but it simply was not her style. She had not been raised that way. She had always believed sex was too important, too special, to be shared with just anyone. In fact, up to this day she was still a virgin. Many of her friends thought it was impossible. Twenty one years old and seven years in a relationship with a hot celebrity boyfriend and not once did they do it? Then who is her boyfriend doing it with all along? She did not care. With her strong biblical faith, she did not want to have sex before marriage only for the sake of a few minutes of pleasure.

***

Her thoughts drifted back to Seth as the rain began to trickle down into a stop. He did not seem to quite like her, although he looked at her in a certain kind of way she could never explain. She must admit he managed to catch her interest. But where would this all lead? Will she see him again? What about Glenn? What if he finds out she was "falling" for someone else? What would he do? Was her meeting with Seth fate or coincidence? Or, maybe, she thought, was it simply a reminder of the passion and romance she had been missing all throughout her young life? She looked at the road without a thought as she pondered on that last question. Okay, she decided, maybe it was just that.

So now, with the early June weather as bad as hell and with strangers inside a yellow jeepney, Yssabelle Gonzales thought about this mysterious writer once again, not knowing it was he who would change her life forever.

(Note: Photo of Honda Civic above taken from garagedreams.net)