"Why are you crying?" a familiar voice asked Yssa. She looked up from her desk inside the faculty room, still holding the book Seth Santiago wrote. She had just finished reading it during the 9 o'clock morning break. Dazed, she wiped off her tears and smiled when she saw him.

Yssa felt embarrassed when Brandon Lee Castillo approached. He was her co-teacher, gay, and the same age as hers. He was a local and had been with the school only a few months before Yssa. 

Brandon was the one who welcomed her when she first arrived at Brightkids and had also been her closest friend in Olongapo. He had been making her feel at home, which had somehow eased Yssa's pain of being away from her family. The two had become so close as friends to the point that Yssa even told him that he could have been her boyfriend if not for his sexual orientation.

"Are you okay? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?" Brandon reached out his hand.

Yssa shook her head. "No, nothing like that. I'm just reading this book and... I don't know, after I read it I couldn't help it."

"Book? What book? Are you sure you're okay, Yssy?" His hand flailed uncontrollably like it always did when he felt worried.

"I'm fine, really."

"You made me worry for a second there, girl. I thought someone hurt you or attacked you, or something." He began to calm down as soon as he realized nothing bad had really happened to her.

Yssa showed him the book and smiled at his concern. "My student, Elisha, loaned me this book. You remember, the cute little third-grader with a nice smile and braided hair..." Brandon was back to his old witty self, nodding sarcastically as she tried to describe Elisha. "It was her uncle's," she said.

Brandon's left eyebrow shot up when he heard that the whole crying thing involved some little girl's uncle. He immediately felt something was going on.

"Really?" He smiled mockingly as she handed him the book. He scanned the pages indifferently and pretended not to care. "Owned this or wrote this?" His eyes were fixed on the book.

"Wrote it," she answered with a little grin on her face that showed her dimple. 

"Hmmm, a writer..." Brandon nodded his head, "Seth Santiago, huh?"

"You know what?" Brandon could not stop himself from asking any longer. "I think something's going on and you ought to tell me what it is?" His smile was wide as he looked at her straight in the eyes.

Yssa giggled as Brandon shook both of her hands. 

"C'mon, tell me. Tell me!" His eyes focused on hers with his jaw clenched.

"Oh, Brandon. I knew you'd ask." She smiled.

***

Yssa and Brandon went to the school's cafeteria early for the lunch break. The two talked about Seth and what had happened two days ago. After only a few minutes, Brandon got up and asked if she wanted another cup of coffee. She said no so he went to the counter to get another one for himself.

Brandon was a handsome fella, strikingly so, with short, curly hair. If only he was straight, Yssa used to tease him, they could have been together by now. But she always stressed that he was the best person she had in her life right now. 

He was knowledgeable in music and arts and liked to sing and write as well. Yssa knew he would be interested instantly in Seth's book and story. 

People always heard his CDs of Eric Clapton and Babyface playing from the school's faculty room and out to the corridors. The school principal had regularly talked to him about the potential disturbance the loud music made for the students and his co-teachers. But he still continued to play them. 

Brandon lived in a world of optimism and humor. He seemed to always be in a good mood and always cracked the most hilarious one-liners no one would ever expect. In short, everyone who knew him adored him.

They sat inside the cafeteria while Yssa explained the situation from the beginning – the first meeting with Seth and her impressions on him, how she got the book she was holding, and finally moving on to her dilemma on whether or not to attend Elisha's birthday party on Sunday. She told Brandon every little detail and left nothing out. She also told him about her lunch date with Glenn yesterday. 

Brandon took the book from Yssa's hand when she had finished and skimmed through it again. His left eyebrow once more raised. A few moments had passed before he began to speak.

"I just wonder..." He glanced at the pages and spoke as slowly as possible for emphasis.

Yssa reached for her cup of coffee with a questioning look on her face. "What? What is it?"

He gestured his hand to the left before looking at her. "Well, I'm just wondering... what if... I think it would not be a bad idea to go to your student's birthday party." His eyes were blinking fast and his lips were all puckered up. Brandon was a master at convincing people.

"What are you talking about?" She almost dropped the cup on the floor. Some people looked at them amidst the busy cafeteria. She lowered her voice to almost a whisper as she continued. "Hello? What about Glenn? We're supposed to go to church on Sunday, huh!"

Brandon leaned back against his chair before he spoke. "You can just tell him you have something to do, and we both know he'll understand. I mean... it's Glenn, he believes everything you say." He paused for a while and allowed Yssa time to absorb what he had just said. 

He then leaned forward as he made sure she listened. "This is your chance to get to know the writer, Yssy."

"Excuse me, 'the writer'?"

"Well," he put down the book on the table. "You can't fool me, pretty lady. I know you're interested in him. Strongly interested, if I may add."

Yssa shrugged and Brandon went on. 

"You didn't keep this book because you just wanted to read it. You accepted this because you're interested in this Seth-writer and you wanted to know more about him, am I right?"

Brandon laughed, raising his hands, as Yssa was not able to answer his last question. His expression showed satisfaction as if he had just solved an extremely complicated mathematical problem. "Ah, you know I know you, Yssy. You can't lie to me."

Yssa remained silent. She still had second thoughts about going to Elisha's birthday party. She sighed, as she could not think of anything to say. She knew Brandon was right and she was just afraid to admit it. She did not want to be tagged as a cheater or two-timer, especially by her best friend. 

Yssa absently looked on the floor and raised her eyebrows. A habit since childhood, it was what she did whenever she was carefully pondering about something.

After a long silence, Brandon spoke again. He continued to convince her to go as he gave her a small, sideways glance. "I think there's no harm in going there on Sunday. And I absolutely believe that Glenn would understand. I honestly even think that he does not really care whether the two of you will go to church or not. Of course, he doesn't have to know about Seth, you don't have to tell him about your student's uncle." 

He sipped his coffee before speaking again. His lips puckered up against the coffee cup's lid and moved rapidly. "Besides, you would only want to meet the writer again. After that, then that's it, it's back to normal. You move on, he moves on, and I move on. We all move on. If I had to bet, I'd say it's probably not going to lead to anything, so it's not a big deal, really," Brandon said raising his shoulders. 

Yssa gave him a tentative, worried look.

"I was afraid you'd say that." She finally said.

***

Afternoon classes were about to commence so Yssa and Brandon went back to the faculty room to prepare themselves. Yssa began working on some papers as her afternoon classes will still start after an hour at 2:00 pm. She sat demurely on her seat as Brandon said goodbye and went to his 1:00 pm English class for the fourth graders.

After about half an hour, the phone in the faculty room rang. Yssa picked it up as no one else was there.

"Hello. May I speak to Ms. Gonzales?" the voice on the other line sounded like she knew her instantly but still tried to sound formal. "This is Jeanne Santiago, her student's mother."

"Hi, mommy Jeanne, this is Yssa. How are you?" She answered brightly.

"I'm okay, teacher Ys." 

Yssa could sense Jeanne's smile by the tone of her voice. The two had grown close in the previous school year after they worked together on a couple of parent-teacher projects. Jeanne began calling her teacher Ys (pronounced as Eeehz) in the middle of their first project while she ended up calling her mommy Jeanne, like Elisha. Yssa was the only teacher in school that Jeanne was actually friends with. They both liked baking and cooking so they would exchange recipes occasionally. But, of course, it was not enough reason for Yssa to practice favoritism in her class. At least not obviously.

Elisha was at the top of the class because, needless to say, she was the best in the class. Elisha was also the most talkative but she was always honest and humble, two of Elisha's traits that she liked most about the little girl. Elisha is a born leader, she thought. She was always concerned about the welfare of her classmates and treated them as if they were her siblings.

"I just want to remind you of Elisha's birthday party on Sunday. She really wants you to come," Jeanne said.

"It's nice of you to call and confirm if I could come, mommy. You and I know I wouldn't want to disappoint Elisha." She spoke calmly as she did not want Jeanne to suspect that she had been having second thoughts about coming.

She had made up in her mind several excuses to tell Jeanne why she would not be able to come. She had actually planned to text her one day before the event. But with Jeanne herself inviting her, even over the telephone, she just could not say no to her.

She knew Glenn would be upset when she cancels their Sunday date. It's all going to be okay. Brandon said it was only going to be an innocent birthday party, she tried to console herself. She knew she had to decide right then and there and she was aware that her decision could lead to serious consequences if she was not careful. Oh, Brandon, I hate you. Her mind was clouded as Jeanne waited for her answer.

"Hello, Ys, are you still there?"

"Am... I-I'm sorry..." She was tongue-tied and Jeanne wondered what was going on. Yssa took a deep breath. "Okay, mommy Jeanne. Tell Elisha she can expect me to come on Sunday."

"See you then," Jeanne said, her voice revealing a trace of excitement. "Please tell Elisha that I'll be picking her up later. Thank you so much, Ys. Bye."

Yssa hung up the phone after she acknowledged her goodbye. For a moment she was frozen in her seat, her eyes fixed on the desk filled with examination papers. Her stare then rolled over the blue book on the other side of the table. She looked at it thoughtfully. Again, taking a deep breath, she lifted the cover and saw his name again.

Seth Santiago. Who are you to make me feel this way?

A quick glance at her watch suggested that she should be going back to what she was doing. She knew going to the party should not really matter much to her, but all at once it did. She ran her hand through her hair and looked around the room. It was still empty with twenty minutes left before two o'clock in the afternoon. She opened a bottle of mineral water she had bought from the cafeteria and took a sip, as she tried to figure out what had just happened. She was not exactly sure what to think of it yet, and her only wish was no one would walk up to her desk in the next couple of minutes until she had a better grasp of things.

Several minutes later, Brandon came snarling inside the faculty room. He walked straight to her table. "So, are you going or not?" He batted right out from the doorway.

Yssa gave him a split-second thoughtful look before looking down again on her papers. Brandon stood at the front of her desk waiting for her reply, with a smile on his face.

"Yes," she said.

"You'll do it?"

"Yes. Elisha's mom called and I couldn't say no. But like you said, it's going to be something innocent."

"Now that's the spirit," Brandon cried with girlish enthusiasm then clapped his hands playfully. "I knew you would. See you later, girl. I'm going to be late for my next class." Brandon high-tailed away as if he had achieved something monumental.

She was left alone again, with only two minutes remaining before her afternoon classes began. As she stared at her fountain pen, she suddenly felt ridiculous. Even if Brandon was right, that it was all going to be a harmless party, if she goes, Glenn would surely get mad at her. Why, then, did she say yes?

She was confused, but she knew the reason, of course. The book was written by a man who truly loved his woman. And now, he was all by himself. She had always thought about his ideal man – the faithful, charming, handsome, intelligent, romantic, artistic, and athletic kind of man, who also has clean shoes and toenails. She also knew, in the real world, his ideal man simply did not exist.

True, Glenn was not perfect. But he was a good man. A man who for seven years did not leave her for another, even with all his money, influence, and superstardom. Her confusion had now dragged Glenn into her thoughts.

However, she was sure her heart was telling her to know more about this other man, Seth Santiago. He seemed to be someone who believed in forever. Someone who loved with all of his life on the line, someone who loved even when all hope was gone. It was evident that Kristina was missing, but he still loved her enough to make novels for her after all these years. By that, he had shown he could remain truly in love and fully committed to another person even after she was long gone. Deep inside, she felt she wanted a love like that.

Here and now, she knew someone like that existed. And he was all alone. Realizing that made her stomach tighten with the excitement of possibly meeting Seth again.

Who are you to make me feel this way?

It kept ringing in her head.

Who are you?

She didn't know exactly. But here came the opportunity to know him more. She suddenly remembered her father, about him teaching her to take risks in life. And this one was definitely risky.

There was a side of her who knew this fascination with Seth would lead to nothing at all. She thought it would eventually become one of those funny stories she would retell Glenn and their children time and time again when they had become old and gray. Most probably, she would go on with her life – teaching at the elementary school, writing examination papers, and spending time with Glenn on Sundays. Sometime in the future, she may even start a family with him who will visit her parents in Davao every so often.

And she was almost right. Her life would have proceeded exactly as she imagined it. But something happened four days later that made her deny Glenn, or at least realize what she felt for him was not enough.

Seth had fallen in love again.