I question myself,
After all the Audacities
And whirlwind,
Engaging and yearnings,
If I am still what I wrote
About in that poem last year.

We could do a check.
But I am scared I might
Turn out as pathetic
As my excuse
When you asked me who I love.

Little did you know I had to
Kill the bubbling up of confession,
By biting down hard on the
Hopes and infatuation.

The nights and the moon
Know better of my state.
About how I crawled over
My capsized boat and survived till the morning,
When the motivations came to rescue.

The winds and clouds know enough
About the urges and wishes
I sent along with them.
Wishing how you don't wake up,
From a story and relation that now sits as a nightmare.
Or don't wake up at all.
About your coffee turning cold
Only because you delayed for you were caught up with drowning.

I stand amidst a hollow where my voice escapes but fails to return.
Like gestures I convey,
Missing not one but two eyes
And have my stories
In the dumpster beside boredom.

This one time a person told me
To hold it in while I was on show.
Otherwise I am an eye blink away
From turning suspicions to confirmation.

The colours of my rainbow flag
Are slowly getting revealed,
And it is the final year now.
And I have done a pretty decent job
In holding onto the yellows, orange and greens
While my reds are out since a long time,
Blues were always on display.

I fear it will only be time till
I am flashing and waving
A multicolor in June ,
By a stage in some crowd,
With people who fear no one
Who are content with the world throwing stones at their back,
Spitting non binary objections,
Homosexual curses,
And transgender offenses.

I still need time.
To decide if I leave;
Will my world take me in open arms,
Or throw me away disregarded while I
Lay cold on the floor.
Will my words hold any weight anymore,
Or will they turn bleak just like me.

It is the last year now,
And I hope to burn this place to ashes,
And watch it go down.
Run away from obligations,
And do atrocities
According to the straight formalities.
Like maybe put on an outfit,
Disobeying the patriatchal do's and don't.
Subliminally teasing the male ego.
Paint the walls my favorite color.
And put on a lisptic shade
That would shout 'I don't care'.
Some bangles that my mother hid away.
A saree she didn't let me touch.
And a ton of freedom,
And licence to go about unafraid.

But till then perhaps let me hold it in,
Contain my freedom,
Cage my rainbow,
Hold the scream,
Absord the curses,
For this is the final year now.

Dedicated to all the lovely rainbows out there. Enjoy this month and don't be afraid of the society, if you are hated for who you are you just need to change the people. You are nowhere wrong. The right people are gonna love you no matter what. I am sorry this sounds so cheesy but lemme just finish. If you just can't have the change right now hold it in, maybe wait till you can with full fledge and throw at them a middle finger for me!!!
Love you rainbow, keep shining!!