Day 164 in the hospital

I was lounging at the cafeteria, sitting on one of those cold steel chairs with matching steel tables, smooth and sanitized every half an hour. I held my head back, slouching even more while texting Shane.

ICED COFFEE! GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU FORGET.

I smiled and throw my phone down on the table. I sure do a lot of threatening for someone who can barely breathe properly without the assistance of medicines.

After somewhat ten minutes, Shane walked in the cafeteria looking around. He's wearing black long sleeve sweater where the brown McDonald's paper bag was held against his chest, jeans and white sneakers.

On his other hand was a take away carton from Starbucks. My face beamed almost immediately. "Shane!" I waved my hand frantically with a beaming smile.

He gave me a gaze that tells me he's pissed, but not totally pissed. He's mad but he can't be mad at me. And yes, he's a guy with such a weird name.

"Here's your grab food delivery," he muttered as he approached me, his voice oozing with sarcasm.

"You're such a baby."

I gleefully ransack the food he placed on the table. He sat, rested his elbow on the cold steel table and placed his cheeks against his open palms while watching me.

"Happy?"

"Definitely," I said, mouth full with half chewed fries. Tinusok niya ang green straw sa plastic cup at inabot sa'kin. Ah, caramel macchiato, it's been so long.

With so much food in front of me I was humming and swaying on my seat happily.

"You look stupid."

I burst out laughing with Shane watching me. "You're stupid," I countered.

He smiled.

"So how's the world outside?" I asked, halfway from finishing the entire thing alone, double burgers, fries, pies and all. It's been months since I had fast food and the greasy taste was skyrocket from the land of bland hospital food I was living in.

"Magulo padin," walang interest na sagot niya.

He leaned against the bench, placed his hands on the back of his neck and held his head back. But before he could even completely relax, he had to stand right away to pat my back because I just choke on half chewed burger.

"Dahan dahan naman! Hindi tatakbo mga 'yan!"

Sa sobrang bigat ng palo niya, pakiramdam ko hindi niya ako tinutulungan at bumabawi lang siya sa'kin. I swatted his hand away. "Okay na ako."

"Patay gutom."

I grabbed my coffee and took a long sip. Tuluyang tumayo si Shane. Akala ko iiwan niya ako, 'yon pala bumili siya ng bottled water sa vending machine sa gilid.

Binuksan niya ito at pinatong sa harapan ko. I faced him with an apologetic grin before he sat back with a huge breath. "Thanks, Shane. You're the best."

When I was done eating, I dusted the grease and salt off my hands, careful not to touch the needle and lobes on the back of my bruised palms.

"Spill it."

Shane put the trash back inside the paper bag before he faced me. "What?"

"Bakit ka nandito? It's not like you'd volunteer to visit me on your precious free time."

Shane hates hospitals. Indefinitely, no questions ask. He's one of the best people in my life but he's such a dweeb when it comes to needles and hospitals.

Dragging him in here is like extreme sports which he would avoid at all cost. Or maybe he's just lazy. I know how lazy he could get. He could even stay for five days without washing his air. Gross.

"Break na kami ni Cheska."

I blinked my growing lashes. "The fuck?"

I leaned closer on the surface of the table like a child. "What do you mean break up? Pang ilang break up niyo na ba this year? Tatlo? We still have three months left before the year ends."

"Dalawa," he had the audacity to clarify.

Huminga siya nang malalim, half sound and half air. And for the first time, I noticed the growing sprinkle of stubble on his chin and the concentration of dark skin under his eyes, like he indeed haven't taken care of himself these past few days.

I started to worry and yes, I felt a pang of guilt. I was the middle man between the two, the common friend that recommended them to each other years back. They've been in an on and off relationship in their entire two years of being together, but Cheska is Shane's longest commitment.

"Yon ba ang dahilan kung bakit nag-deactivate siya lately?"

Kumunot ang noo niya.

"Hindi ko nakikita ang mga post and stories niya lately."

"Baka blocked ka sa kanya."

"Wala akong kinalaman sa katarantaduhan mo, ah."

"Ako agad ang tarantado?"

I leaned closer on the table and with my lips closed, I gave him a sordid smile. "May babae ka, no?"

The expression on his face melted down as he gave me a deadpan look. "Ikaw lang ang babaeng pinagtitiisan ko."

"Naman pala so what's the reason?" It's not like I belong in the equation of their breakup.

Napakamot ang isang daliri niya sa kilay. "Cheska asked for it."

The sigh that follows seems like he just surrender the hope of them getting back together. He's like a lost puppy, confused, and a bit lost on track.

"And this time, I let her."

"Oh no no no."

Tumayo ako at niyakap siya. "I'm so very sorry, Shane."

Shane seems like a complete jerk on the outside, but he's such a softy. In the past few years he'd been really mature with Cheska at madalas siya ang nagsasalba ng relasyon nila tuwing magbe-break sila.

"Here, you can have my coffee."

I took one last sip before sliding the nearly empty cup towards him. Pinigilan niya ang sarili niya na ngumiti, but the corner of his lips couldn't hold it in. He ended up with a short chuckle.

"Nakakatouch," tukoy niya sa patak ng kapeng natira.

"Tinira ko talaga 'yan para sa'yo," ngiti ko.

Then we became silent. But it's not the uncomfortable kind of silence. We watched people in the cafeteria, patients, families and staff of the hospital. White uniforms, wheelchairs, and clothes of different patterns and colors mingling in synchronize movement.

"You'll get over it and find another one." I offered.

He always do. I mean he's not bad looking. He's actually the kind of person you'd gaze longer in crowded spaces, or the person you had to steal second glance in a busy street. It's like sunlight seems to follow people with pretty face like him around making them shining, thus stealing your attention.

Which reminded me of high school. Shane was the popular guy you'd love to hate but couldn't because you'd be the one looking like a complete jerk.

Guys swarm around him and laugh at his bad jokes. Girls from other classes purposely visits our classroom just to glance at him from the hallway.

He's seriously friendly and people often rely on him. He always had this genuine grin on his face as though smiling didn't cost him social exhaustion.

You must be wondering where I was in the classroom setting. You see, back when I was still healthy and hospital wasn't my home, I was the sarcastic, dark red lip, rolling eyes, saying what-the-fuck every few minute type of person.

I would strut in the classroom with my Doc Martens instead of the prescribed black shoes with at least three inches heels. I colored my hair every few months. Electric pink, cotton candy blue, ombre green, slap-in-your-face red. Name it, I've had it.

All the teachers reaction whenever I step inside the room of my conservative private school with my newly dyed hair was always plaque worthy. Ah, good old times.

Imagine. Good old Shane with his friendly grin and good old Gabriel, I hate my name by the way, with a bitchy smile on my witch colored lips. A weird tandem.

Seriously, if not for our mother being friends I never would have think of him as someone who I can get close to, specially with his annoyingly shining presence.

Good thing I kinda know how dorky and skinny he was before he got popular so whatever poison or glamour he spread around in high school hadn't rub on me.

"What do you say we go on a road trip?" I offered, gaining a suspicious look from him.

We used to have long drives a lot anyway in his brother's old Ford pick up, specially when Shane finally got his driver's licence after failing it several times.

The trips were always constant complaining kung paano nauubos ang allowance niya sa gas, but at least we get to places. It's the precious experience, right?

"Trip? Saan, sa lobby?"

His thumb pointed back at the lobby kung saan siya dumaan kanina. Inabot ko ang ulo niya para sapakin. He had became clever and sarcastic for the last few years, but still annoying.

"I mean not now! I need clips when I come back to film school. Oh oh! Let's have it on the week of my twenty second birthday."

"You're old," said the one who had his birthday first.

Tinaas niya agad ang kamay niya nang makitang nagniningning ang mga mata ko. Dahil alam niyang kakantahin ko 'yon nang walang pagaalinlangan and he hates it.

"I don't know about youuu but I'm feeling twenty twooo. Everything will be alright if you keep me next to youuu."

Naitakip niya ang mga kamay sa mukha. He slouched lower on the screechy bench and groaned, especially when I hit the long notes with my bad voice at nagtinginan ang mga taong malapit sa table namin.

"God. You're a weirdo."

"You love me," I gave him a toothy grin.

"Oo naman."

Kinailangan ko ng bumalik sa kwarto ko bandang hapon.

Shane was tossing his car keys on his palms when he told me. "Let's do it."

"What?"

One of my daytime nurses, Nurse Kenth, was already waiting for me at the foot of the elevator with a wheelchair and an 'I can't believe you escape from my watch' type of gaze.

"On your birthday week, let's have a road trip wherever you wanna go."

He watched me go back to my nurse. I wave one of my arms while the other was being connected back to the IV and the bag of blood dangling from the wheelchair pole.

He stayed, standing near our table while watching the very thing that often gross him out. He just took my offer seriously. He must be really heart broken.

***