Epilogue
Shane's POV

Siniksik ko ang huling gamit sa bag at dinala ito sa sasakyan. I placed it in the backseat then checked several things before I go.

"Bukas pa ang flight mo," sabi ni Dad na kasabay ko sa paglabas ng bahay. "Bakit ang aga mong magbyahe?"

"I'm going to visit someone."

Matapos magpaalam, nagsimula akong magbyahe. Kasabay ng paglayo ko sa siyudad ang pagbalik ng araw kung saan una ko siyang nakilala.

--

"Shane, this is Gabriel."

Nasa hospital lobby kami noon, katatapos lang ng shift ni Mama at may bagong doctor na papalit sa kanya. The doctor has a daughter my age, who looked so much like a bratty kid with pigtails and a smug look on her face.

"Shane?" tanong niya na nakataas ang kilay. "Your name is for girls," pangaasar niya.

Gab was condescending, even as a kid. She was staring bluntly with  those silly stickers on her face.

"Sayo panlalake," bulong ko. I was a quiet kid, a little shy kahit mahirap paniwalaan.

She crossed her arms. "So?"

Napailing lang ang mga magulang namin, nakangiti. "For sure, magiging close sila."

It was a statement both Gab and I never agreed on, and yet it became true.

Gab was a kid with her own world and played with her own rules. While other girls her age play with dolls, she played with telescopes and treasure maps her dad gave her. And I would be there tagging along in her adventure.

"Let's go! Let's go!"

Gab would sing, raising her tiny hand in the air with a makeshift flag, before marching to a nearby empty lot or fields near our village for our treasure hunt.

And I would be beside her, smiling, astounded. I couldn't believe a cool girl with moon and stars stickers on her face would choose to be my friend.

Dumating ang grade school kung saan namatay si Mama sa aksidente. Hindi ako lumalabas ng kwarto, ayaw kong kumain at hindi pumasok sa school ng dalawang buwan.

Everyone around me were physically there but felt like they're gone. My family barely had meals together and the rooms in the house were worlds apart.

And then there's Gab who barge around with her bright hair, hopping, smiling, going through people's spaces and things without a care in the world. Gab who slapped the hell out of me, made me cry and pour my heart out. If all were grays in my life, she was the remaining bright  color.

Dumating ang high school, may mga bagay na nagbago. We weren't the skinny and pigtail kids anymore who built fortresses in the yards and  hunt around in the fields.

Dad made me enroll in a basketball camp for two summers. I got taller, my body got leaner, and somehow people hang around me more and laugh at my bad jokes. Gab never laugh at my bad jokes. She retorted with sarcasm.

Gabriel's dad left them before we started high school. She became the resident intimidating girl. Kahit mga lalakeng kakilala ko takot sa kanya. She walked around in combat boots with a smug smile on her dark red lips and her ever changing hair color.

But I know it was her way of coping. Kahit hindi niya pinahalata sa ibang tao lalo na sa Mama niya, nahirapan siyang mag-adjust noong umalis ang Papa niya.

We were a tandem. Sunshine Shane and bad bitch Gabriel.

But she was never bad. I introduced her to my set of friends and once they knew her, they started to like her. The only negative side to this ay kapag may pumoporma sa kanya.

"Ligawan ko kaya si Gabriela?"

Minsang sabi ng kalaro namin sa school basketball team. Hindi ko napigilan ang inis ko at binato ang bola sa mukha niya. Napaatras siya at natumba sa pagiwas.

"Sorry nadulas," sabi ko lang. Kung ano ano kasing sinasabi.

Unti-unting nakahalata ang mga kaibigan namin. Lahat, maliban kay Gabriel. Kapag may nabalitaan akong pumoporma sa kanya, ako ang unang kumukompronta.

Gab was too good for just anyone... even for myself.

Pagdating ng huling taon sa high school, napansin ko ang pagbabago kay Gab.

"Saan mo nanaman nakuha 'yan?" tanong ko noong madalas siyang may pasa sa braso.

But she would often shrugged it off. "Nakipagsuntukan ako, bakit?"

Dumami ang nakapansin sa school. Mas madalas din siyang mapagod 'di tulad ng dati. Then there's this constant and almost never ending bleeding tuwing nagkakasugat siya kahit gaano kaliit. Isang gabi, matapos niyang hindi pumasok ng ilang linggo dahil sa lagnat, bigla niya akong tinawagan.

"Shane, I have leukemia."

--

"Kuya, aalis ka na ba talaga bukas?" pukaw ng kausap ko sa ear piece habang nagd-drive.

"Oo, deresto na ako bukas sa airport," sabi ko kay Iñigo.

I was passing by familiar places, places Gab and I once visited.

"Magpapaalam ka ba sa kanya?"

Deretso ang tingin ko sa daan nang sumagot, "Gusto ko siyang makasama bago umalis."

--

Hindi ako umalis sa tabi ni Gab sa mga sumunod na buwan matapos niyang ma-diagnose. I would stay outside her hospital room most days, visiting her before and after school. I would stay until her mom had to asked me to go home and rest.

Nakita ko kung paano siya unti unting nanghina. From the smiling, hopping, colorful-haired Gab, to the one who was lying on the hospital bed, pale and barely had hair on her head.

Dumating ang senior prom where Gab and I promised at the start of the school year we would be each other's date. But she couldn't make it so I missed my own prom to set one in Gab's backyard. And Gab was there, breathtaking as ever in a dark blue dress, and we spent the night dancing silly under the fairy lights I had set up.

Nag-graduate kami ng high school nang wala siya, nag-enroll sa kanya kanyang kurso nang hindi siya kasabay. Her treatment lasted for two years at hindi ako lumayo. Sa hallway ng hospital ako gumagawa ng assignments, sa cafeteria gumagawa ng projects.

"Shane, I'm now on remission."

Umiiyak siya noong ibalita 'yon sa'kin, nasa pangatlong taon na ako ng engineering noon.

Gab finally enrolled in film school while on remission. Naging normal ulit ang mga araw naming magkasama. She would visit me in my building after class or during her free time, we would drive around the city for her projects, or she would stay up late to help me in my design presentation.

"'Wag ka munang pumupunta sa Engineering. Hintayin mo na lang ako sa building niyo," minsang sabi ko habang nasa kwarto ko siya.

"Bakit? May nililigawan ka doon, 'no?" biro niya habang nakahiga sa kama at nagt-type sa laptop.

But it was the other way around. Hindi ko gustong pumupunta siya doon dahil karamihan sa mga estudyante sa building ay lalake and Gab specifically stand out because of her personality. Kilala siya ng mga kaklase ko at hindi ko gusto kapag tinitignan o nababangit siya nang walang dahilan.

"Bakit kasi hindi mo pa ligawan?" tanong ng kaklase ko minsan.

But there was just too much to lose.

--

"Aba, nandito ang suki natin isang beses sa isang taon."

Nakipagbiruan ako sa nags-serve ng drinks sa hostel nang huminto ako sa La Union para kumain.

"Mukhang napa-aga ka ata sa schedule mo," sabi niya habang inaabutan ako ng malamig na inumin.

"Pinupuntahan mo pa rin ba siya doon?" tanong niya, nabawasan ang ngiti.

Kada taon, sa parehong araw, I would drive for nearly nine hours just to be in that place.

I took the cold drink in one gulp. "Hinihintay niya ako."

--

"Shane, may irereto ako sa'yo."

Nasa coffee shop kami noon, nagc-celebrate dahil sa mataas na grades ni Gab sa project.

"Irereto?" Kunot-noo na tanong ko.

"Kagroup ko siya sa film project. Mabait siya, maganda..." she listed out her good points. "Alam mo kasi ikaw, laging palpak ang mga nagiging girlfriend mo."

"Gusto mo akong magka-girlfriend ngayon?" Umaasa ako na mali ako ng rinig.

"It's bad to be always by my side, Shane. Paano na lang 'pag nagka-boyfriend na ako?"

Gusto kong matawa. Damn Gab. You should have just struck a knife in my throat and that would be better.

Matapos ang halos araw-araw na pangungulit niya, I decided to go through with it. Tulad ng sinabi ni Gab, mabait si Cheska, maalalahanin. I initially thought it would be a quick fling but there was a time I was serious with her.

Pero kahit anong pilit ko, o sino ang kasama ko, bumabalik ang isip ko kay Gab.

Cheska and I broke up. Kasabay nito naging busy ako. Nag-graduate, nagreview, nakapasa sa board, nagsimula sa internship.

Hanggang sa isang gabi tumawag si Gab sa'kin. There was no emotion in her voice when she said.

"Shane, babalik ako sa hospital. I had a relapsed."

--

Bumalik ako sa daan matapos huminto sa La Union.

On the passenger seat was a camera and a worn-out notebook with faded handwriting. Her handwriting.

Binigay ito ng Mama niya sa'kin isang buwan matapos ang araw na  'yon.

"This is as good as yours, Shane. I hope this will help you heal."

It took me a year bago ko nakagawang basahin ang mga nakasulat dito. Some of the writings were messy, with blotches of ink on the paper as if she was crying while writing on it.

On the first page was her initials at the bottom right corner. GSG.

Then followed by entries, from the day we planned the road trip in the cafeteria, to the last location.

Naalala ko ang araw na nakalabas siyang muli sa ospital matapos ang relapsed.

She was busy welcoming herself back home while I was busy watching her. She was almost dancing on her feet, happy, giddy to finally be back. Nasa harap siya ng nakakasilaw na bintana habang hinahawakan ang mga dahon ng halaman. But her smile was the brightest.

Habang nakikipagbiruan kasama si Mamala at si Iñigo, bigla niya akong tinanong.

"Single daw ako habang buhay?"

Pinunasan ko ang icing sa labi niya. "Nandito naman ako." I saw confusion in her eyes kaya dinugtungan ko ng biro. "Para ampunin ko kung sakaling wala ng gustong magalaga sayo kapag matanda ka na."

In my mind I was cursing myself. I should have just told her.

Naging makulit siya sa pagpapahanap sa'kin ng boyfriend matapos makalabas ng ospital. Ingat na ingat akong 'wag siyang masaktan, pero parang wala siyang pakialam at nagpapahanap ng kung sino na lang.

She was so sly. Ang sarap iuntog sa pader para lang matauhan. Nandito naman ako. Pwede ko siyang samahan kahit saan. Naghahanap siya ng taong pwede siyang mahulog, habang lunod na ako sa kanya.

I set her up on several dates but every time it would end up messy. Isang hapon bigla siyang tumawag sa'kin, nanginginig ang boses habang nasa tabi ng daan.

I was so fucking mad. Iniwan ko ang trabaho ko sa site para puntahan siya. And there she was, sitting on the side of the road, pale and tear-stained.

I was cursing myself, for letting it happened and for being mad at her because I couldn't hide it any longer. I was so scared something might have happened to her.

Magkausap kami noong gabing 'yon sa video call habang kinukwento niya ang nangyari, hanggang sa nakatulog siya habang kausap ko. Pinagmasdan ko ang mukha niya na nakasiksik sa kumot, nakapikit ang mga mata.

Before ending the call I whispered to her. "Can you fall for me instead?"

Matapos ang Halloween biglang nagbago ang lahat. Na-assign ako sa project sa Pangasinan. Naging busy ako hanggang sa bigla na lang  akong nawalan ng kumonikasyon kay Gab.

Hindi siya sumasagot sa mga text o tawag ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Bago 'yon maayos pa kami.

Wala akong nagawa kundi paulit-ulit siyang tawagan o itext. It went on for several days at halos mabaliw ako. We've had our fights, lots of them. Pero hindi niya pa ginawa sa'kin 'to. Lagi niyang sinasabi sa'kin kung ano ang problema, kung may nangyari ba, kung may mali.

Habang nasa site, sumagot si Iñigo sa isa sa mga text ko.

"Kuya, nasa hospital ulit si Gab."

I dropped everything. I drove the four hour drive from the tip of Pangasinan to Quezon City like it was nothing. Hapon na noong makarating ako sa hospital, tumatakbo, hinihingal. Pagdating ko sa kwarto niya, nakahiga siya, natutulog.

Halos bumagsak ako sa sahig sa pagod at buntong hininga. Sa wakas kaharap ko na siya. She was my priority. She's always been. Kaya kong iwan ang lahat at unahin siya. But Gab took it the wrong way.

"That's not what asking you to do, Shane... Just go and live your life and I'd be here just fine."

Hindi ko mapigilang mainis, magalit.

Ano'ng gusto mong gawin ko, Gab? You're asking me to live my life but you've been my life for so long. What do you want me to do? Bakit kailangan mo akong ipagtulakan palayo sayo?

"Babalik ako bukas," sabi ko dahil mukhang wala ng patutunguhan ang usapan namin. Both of us were tired, scared, confused.

"I hope you don't."

Tinitigan ko siya habang nakahiga at nakatalikod sa'kin. Sa bawat salitang binitawan niya para itong kutsilyo na tumarap sa dibdib ko. Damn Gab, you really know how to hurt me.

Patuloy ako sa pagbisita sa kanya nang hindi niya alam. I would drive to Quezon City almost every evening to see her, at babalik sa Pangasinan bago mag-umaga.

Nandoon ako noong itakbo siya sa ICU, sa hallway, walang tulog, naghihintay.

"Shane, magpahinga ka muna," sabi ng Mama niya isang gabi. "Tatawagan ka namin 'pag nagising siya."

Pero hindi ko gustong umalis sa tabi niya. Natakot ako na kapag iniwan ko siya, wala na akong babalikan.

When Gab finally woke up, things were different. Kinausap ako ng Mama niya habang pinagmamasdan siya mula sa hallway.

"Shane, Gabriel won't live long."

"Tita... kaya niya 'yan. Si Gabriel 'yan."

But her Mom was shaking her head, crying. "Shane, she's in her final stage of cancer."

--

Matapos ang ilang oras na byahe mula La Union, narating ko sa isang pamilyar na daan. It was a long bridge with mountains on the side and rocky shore below.

Binuksan ko ang bintana at nilanghap ang preskong hangin mula sa dagat. Maganda ang panahon ngayon. Kulay asul ang langit. Like the color of her hair.

"Shane, take a picture of me here!"

I could almost hear her voice calling me.

Sumulyap ako sa litrato na nakaipit sa dashboard. Ang nakangiti niyang mukha habang nakaupo kaming dalawa sa gitna ng daan, arms on each other's shoulder.

Pagdating ko sa lumang simbahan, may nangyayaring kasal. Lumabas ako sa sasakyan just in time to witness the bride and groom walking down the steps of the church, face blushing, habang umuulan ng puting bulaklak sa daraanan nila.

"I've always wished to be married here."

Siniksik ko ang palad sa bulsa ng pantalon at sumandal sa sasakyan.

You said if ever I met someone and marry her you wished it would be here. I'm twenty seven now, Gab. Taon-taon pa rin akong bumabalik dito na ikaw lang ang nasa isip.

Bumalik ako sa sasakyan at nagdrive papunta sa dagat.

Naalala ko ang araw bago ang road trip namin ni Gab.

"Anytime, Shane," her mom said to me. "She could leave anytime. Are you okay with it?"

"I want her to be happy."

I put up a smile when Gab run to me in the hallway. I caught her in my arms and hugged her tight.

"Let's go! Let's run. The road is waiting!"

Hinila niya ako palabas ng hospital, nakangiti, nagniningning ang mga mata, just like the little girl with the moon and stars stickers on her  face.

Muli kong natanaw ang mga nagtataasang windmills na nakaharap sa walang katapusang dagat. Pinarada ko ang sasakyan sa buhanginan at lumabas.

Umupo ako sa likod ng truck. Nandito na ulit ako Gab. Hinintay mo ba ako?

Naalala ko ang huling pagkakataon na kasama ko siya sa lugar na ito.

"Wake me up for the sunrise."

But she never got to see that sunrise.

When she woke up, we're already in the hospital back in the city. She was already in ICU for a week. We were all there waiting for her. Mamala, Iñigo, her Mom.

Gab was the happiest in those three days. I thought things got better.

Pero noong pangatlong araw, nang magpaalam ako para umuwi at magbihis, Gab held my hand.

"Are you heading home?" she asked in a weak voice.

"Babalik ako."

"Shane?" She smiled at me, her eyes still the brightest even if her body tells different. "Wake up every sunrise for me."

Habang nasa sasakyan noong hapong 'yon, limang minuto matapos umalis sa hospital, tumawag sa'kin ang Mama niya.

"Shane, wala na si Gab."

Tinigil ko ang sasakyan sa tabi ng daan. I rested my head on the steering wheel at tahimik na umiyak. Nothing had prepared me for the pain of losing her.

Almost.

It almost got better. She almost stayed. We almost made it.

--

"Shane! The water is so cold!"

Gab's face was grinning at the camera, running towards the ocean, her laugh drowned by the sound of waves and wind.

"Shane, they're so beautiful. Look!" turo niya sa mga hot-air balloons sa langit habang bagong gising ang mukha.

There's hundred more pictures of her, while eating at cafes, while dancing under the night sky in a vintage dress. Videos of her singing loudly in the car while I was driving, her laugh while zooming along supermarket aisle in a shopping cart.

"Pwede na ba akong maging model?"

I paused the video of her holding a silly cereal box. I touched her smiling face on the screen.

You're the most beautiful angel, Gab. If only I could give the world to touch you again.

Binaba ko ang camera at humarap sa dagat. I held my can of beer and made cheers to the setting sun.

Iñigo got into med school, Gab. Kuya Tristan, he's engaged. Dad's in his last term, and your Mom and Mamala put up a foundation in your name.

How about you, Gab? Are you in a better place now?

Tuluyang lumubog ang araw. Lumalamig na ang ihip ng hangin at lumalakas ang alon sa dagat. Tumingala ako sa buwan na natatakpan ng mga ulap.

Are you watching me now? Are you squinting your eyes through your telescope?

To the moon and back, remember?

Magdamag akong nanatili sa dalampasigan. Dahil hindi ko alam kung muli pa akong makakabalik sa lugar na ito. Inside my car, in the compartment, is a one-way plane ticket to Toronto for tomorrow.

It took me years to finally get back on my feet. Halos buong buhay ko, nasa tabi ko siya at hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimula nang nawala siya. All that's keeping me sane was my promise to her.

I'll wake up every sunrise for you.

I took a long swig of the beer, tears blurring my eyes.

Gab, the girl who fell in love with being alive, I'm here to say goodbye.

I'm going to live my best life now, so when the time comes and we would see each other again, you would  greet me with a smile and run into my arms again and say you're proud of me.

Magkikita ulit tayo, Gab. Hintayin mo ako sa susunod na habang buhay.

The End

***

Author's Note:

Hi there! This is the end of the road for Gab and Shane's story. Thank you guys so much for reading, loving, and giving this story a chance.

It was a quick bliss, a bittersweet adventure. Writing SP was the most fun I had in the last few months. Shane and Gab will always be my favorite tandem.

Thank you for the love, readers. Lagi akong nagugulat sa pinapakita niyong pagmamahal sa mga kwentong gawa ko. I hope this story inspires you to live a little braver.

If you will miss them, like I would surely do, let's come back here some time and relive their adventure. You can also tag me your thoughts and tweets about the story @breatheapril or use #SomethingPhenomenal

May you live freely and fall in love with being alive.

Your author,
April